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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Warning, gross. LTB, accept it or separate bed/rooms?

172 replies

Bertiebassethound · 05/07/2021 00:10

I’ve lived with Mr Bertie for around 4 months now. We’ve been together for 3 years, though.

The issue is that he regularly leaves shit stains on the sheets. He sleeps naked, and suffers with IBS, which I think causes the issue.

He works nights, so we’re rarely actually in bed at the same time. However, he will make the bed when the sheets are dirty without saying/ changing them, so then I come to bed and have to change the sheets before I can sleep. This can be two or three times a week.

I’ve asked him to wear pants to bed, or to check and change the sheets before he leaves for work, but he’s not doing either.

I’m fed up with dealing with this literal shit. What would you do?

OP posts:
EastWestWhosBest · 05/07/2021 07:38

If anyone should be in the spare room it’s him.

The bigger picture though is the lack of respect. Anyone else would be mortified and wear pants or night clothes. The fact he isn’t bothered shows he doesn’t care about you or what you think of him.

bullyingadvice2017 · 05/07/2021 07:46

I have ibs, at times bad. Never has this happened. If it did I would be grossed out and sort the sheets immediately.

He is a minger. Run op he will get worse.

MagicSummer · 05/07/2021 07:51

I too have IBS - luckily I have never had an 'accident' in bed; however, I wouldn't dream of going to bed without a pair of knickers on 'just in case'. This is quite disgusting behaviour - I suppose he thinks it's your 'job' to clear up and change the sheets!

strawberrydonuts · 05/07/2021 07:52

So hang on... You have told him that there is an issue with his actual shit staining the bed you are sleeping in, and he's not doing anything about it?

I'm kind of gobsmacked by how disrespectful that is to you, not to mention just eww. Why on earth are you with this guy?

Branleuse · 05/07/2021 07:56

rather you than me. Im not sure i could still fancy him

goingtotown · 05/07/2021 08:00

Revolting. Why is he not embarrassed?

Zerrin13 · 05/07/2021 08:02

Everyone here is pointing out the obvious here, that he is a vile filth hound. What about the OP?? What person could even tolerate this behaviour?? There is a complete lack of sanity here! I've read this before on here. Maybe the OP is still trying to figure out ways to stop him from sitting on tge sheets instead of stuffing the sheets up his arse and packing his bags and throwing his dirty are out of the door.

HumpHumpWhale · 05/07/2021 08:30

I don't understand this. Once, I might forgive. If he was contrite and hugely apologetic and sorted the sheets himself. Twice, he's a disgusting pig who doesn't give a fuck, and I'd be gone. Regularly? And he just leaves it and doesn't change the sheets? He must be doing it intentionally, he must be wanting to humiliate and disgust you. No normal person would do that and just leave it. Regularly! Jesus.

1forAll74 · 05/07/2021 08:36

He needs some baby huggy nappies,whatever they are called.. Its not nice to be a streaker on the sheets.

TableFlowerss · 05/07/2021 08:47

Give him an ultimatum- underpants or split up.

That is absolutely disgusting.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/07/2021 08:48

@DismantledKing

An adult who won’t wear pants but is happy to leave shit stains on the sheets? That’d be a deal breaker for me. It’s revolting. I have IBS, and I’ve never done this in my life.
This

I have IBS. Sometimes I "leak" a little. I have NEVER left stains on the bed.

That he not only does this, but ignores your very reasonable requests to wear pants or to change the sheets if he soils them, shows that he has no respect for you at all. He is literally and metaphorically "shitting" on you. It is both filthy and unhealthy.

LTB.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 05/07/2021 08:55

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Fluffycloudland77 · 05/07/2021 08:57

He’s doing it on purpose to either degrade you by literally wiping his bum for him or he gets a kick out of imagining your reaction.

Either way I’d leave because this is done intentionally.

You really can’t stay in a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/07/2021 08:59

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ginghamtablecloths · 05/07/2021 09:01

I'm fairly robust but the thought of this makes me cringe.

OkSpiritualknot · 05/07/2021 09:09

Buy some dark brown bedsheets if you're thinking of staying with him.

Seriously though, dump him before he dumps on you. This is intolerable and disgusting.

Inaseagull · 05/07/2021 09:10

Oh! trollop

Purplealienpuke · 05/07/2021 09:11

I too have IBS and sleep naked.
This has NEVER happened to me.....
Its gross and completely disrespectful.
After the first time he'd be leaving.....

There was a thread a while ago about a 'DH' with 'poo crumbs' leaving skid marks in the bed. That too was gross.

It strikes me that you get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated.
Nobody would be treating me like this..

lovelybitofsquirrell · 05/07/2021 09:15

eww, fuck that.

I would leave. NOW.

BobLemon · 05/07/2021 09:17

This thread is REALLY reminding me of a post a few months ago where the newly residing/part time residing DP kept putting eggs in the fridge HmmGrin

Whether it’s putting your eggs in the fridge or leaving skids, they would both give me a terminal case of The Ick.

I’m exaggerating actually. After my DP left skids, I went on to bloody marry him Sad now he’s ExDH. Current DP is respectful off eggs and sheets. Highly recommend you get yourself a new one too.

moreofthisagain · 05/07/2021 09:17

@daisychain01

How is it appropriate ever to create a thread about someone else's medical history and have strangers discussing it.

OP what is it you're actually looking for from this quite graphic thread that's going to help? Whatever people say, is that really going to make you take action or do you just like talking about it?

Firstly, because its impacting on her.

And secondly and most importantly, at heart this is not about the medical condition (you can tell this because if he leaked and cleaned up after himself this thread would never have been written).
This is relationship thread and what expecting her to clean up after him says about how he views her.

Tanfastic · 05/07/2021 09:20

Well you've spoken to him about it and he's refused to do anything about it. So you've got two choices. Stay and put up with it or leave.

I'd leave. Couldn't possibly put up with that. I have really heavy periods but always ensure on my heavy days I wear a tampon, pad and biggest pants and even been known to get up in the night to ensure I don't leak over the bedsheets. It's called being a decent human being.

EarthSight · 05/07/2021 09:22

@Fluffycloudland77

He’s doing it on purpose to either degrade you by literally wiping his bum for him or he gets a kick out of imagining your reaction.

Either way I’d leave because this is done intentionally.

You really can’t stay in a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you.

This. Most people would go to a GP or wear something to prevent this from happening. It's a bit suspicious. Maybe it's part of a fetish he hasn't told you about.
LuluJakey1 · 05/07/2021 09:23

@BobLemon

This thread is REALLY reminding me of a post a few months ago where the newly residing/part time residing DP kept putting eggs in the fridge HmmGrin

Whether it’s putting your eggs in the fridge or leaving skids, they would both give me a terminal case of The Ick.

I’m exaggerating actually. After my DP left skids, I went on to bloody marry him Sad now he’s ExDH. Current DP is respectful off eggs and sheets. Highly recommend you get yourself a new one too.

I put eggs in the fridge Blush
Maze76 · 05/07/2021 09:24

You have asked him to address the issue, and he hasn’t, in fact he’s ignored you, continues to soil the sheets and leaves you to clear it up. This shows total disregard and lack of respect for you and your relationship. He may have good qualities aside from this, but potentially you could be living the rest of your life sleeping in his shit. I’d have another conversation with him and take it from there.