Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@WeWantTheFinestWines

This is so not dating related - but nor is my life at the moment, what with the hundreds of potential irons queuing up to ignore my profile - but an excellent example of how easy it is to not care about being single when you've got something else to focus on.

I'm going to Wembley tonight! I couldn't be more excited. We've always been a big football family and the DC are going to remember this for the rest of their lives. The ex is coming as well, that's kind of how we're able to manage our split for the sake of the DC.

But I'm so excited I'm boring everyone, so I really wanted to bore you lot as well ⚽️ 😊

I'll be supporting the other side, btw, ahem...

Lucky lucky 🍀 you!! Enjoy 😊

@SpringlikeBunk

I agree its a grey social area but definitely feel there is justification for pushback of some sort - sure there won't be an "automatic sacking" but just putting the humiliation back on them is fine.

Like most abuse, sending unsolicited clips is about gaining psychological power by isolating the victim and trying to leave them "ashamed and feeling dirty" - being open about the situation empowers more people.

I don't have time now but if someone wanted to complain about me sending a photo of their penis they'd sent me to their Aunty Vicki, I'm at the stage of life where I'd quite happily sit there and we could ALL talk it over with the nice coppers and explain our actions.

We all benefit from pushing society forward and speaking out.

Think I might try this. Shall I see if I have got any saved of the guy in the situationship I was in and forward them to one of the many charities he sits on the board of?

@Naimee87

Thanks everyone for your comments. Yes we have got on so well and this really caught me by surprise as i just completely mis-read the situation. I don't even know why i didn't offer a lift as it would have been nice so i don't think he is totally in the wrong. But his reaction was really out of character for him so its made me suspicious for sure. He's coming over this evening so we'll chat tonight. He then goes away to see family/friends which will give me some time to re-assess how i'm actually feeling about him. As we DTD it will also be interesting to see how often he is in touch when compared with how we are at the moment which is really often but not forced in anyway just little updates about our days. No anxious/nervous waiting/checking which i like, feels relaxed. I'm want to let this slide given how we've been so far... but don't want to be a pushover.

It's not about being a pushover, it's about things that are clearly out of order to say to someone, making a thing personal and a but of drama, and over reacting to a situation. Red flag 🚩

On another completely different note, does anyone know of a decent travel company for singles? There's a lot of places I've got on my bucket list and don't fancy doing all the prep work myself. Restrictions permitting etc etc

@BelladiMamma

Can’t remember the names offhand but yy to booking an organised swanky singles holiday - everyone I know who has done one absolutely raves about them! And the websites look great.

Just a great way to travel and get to go where you want and have nice independent mature people to have dinner with if you want but not be forced to “do everything together”?

And thanks for the reminder - I’m financially planning so that’s something I’d be interested in when I’m more advanced with career.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Can’t remember the names offhand but yy to booking an organised swanky singles holiday - everyone I know who has done one absolutely raves about them! And the websites look great.

Just a great way to travel and get to go where you want and have nice independent mature people to have dinner with if you want but not be forced to “do everything together”?

And thanks for the reminder - I’m financially planning so that’s something I’d be interested in when I’m more advanced with career.[/quote]
Yes - time to Google! A friend of mine has just dropped out of a trip she and I were going to do, because of childcare. Going to have a serious think about whether or not to go alone ...

www.gosingles.co.uk/himalayan-kingdoms-nepal-bhutan

I'll put Bhutan in the basket (maybe affordable in a few years)

I'm still wanting to be somewhat in love and have the sex with a luvverly man and do everything together etc

But in terms of experiencing life, I think I'm better off plotting solo for now and the irons are a bonus.

Just caught up on all posts - loads going on as usual!
@Naimee87 you did nothing wrong in that scenario so don’t let yourself be made to feel otherwise. He sounded petty about it so put that info into his ‘file’ and see how things go.
@Dancerinthemoonlight lucky escape from the creep and I agree that it’s the feeling dirty and shame that prevents women from shaming these disgusting individuals! My one dick pic experience shocked me so I just quickly deleted and blocked without thinking!
@BelladiMamma I’m booking a solo trip for next month to see how it goes before taking the jump into doing a longer trip abroad- a singles trip actually sounds like a great idea - off to google what’s available here.
Update from me and mr TG is he is still no contact at all. I was actually quite upset about it all weekend while I was away with family, but couldn’t talk to anyone and as a result was in a bad mood. It was also my first family event since my split with ex where all the partners and kids where there and I felt so lonely and out of place
I’ve spent loads of time thinking and I really feel Mr TG will not be in a position to offer what I want, which is a proper relationship with dates, trips away, meeting each other’s friends- eventually casually meeting each other’s kids.
He asked for 2 weeks so I will give him that and have an open and honest conversation about this if/when he comes back. He may have come to the same realisation with the break anyway. We have never missed a day being in touch since we first matched so it’s weird not to have even a goodnight message.
@SortingItOut thanks for the recommendation for the Mr Unavailable book. I downloaded a preview and already have read loads that relate to me so have bought it now and am working my way through it.

I'll call the iron I got randy with MrWindsor

As he's a bit like the male equivalent of Babs Windsor - sort of Man Plus stereotyped man in a manly job who is manly in bed. Not sure what to make of him tbh.

He's kind of fishing for contact but I think he's possibly working away again soon

So I'm not going to get "cock-happy" and change my schedule and get attached and have a holiday romance then kiss goodbye.

@SpringlikeBunk

I'll call the iron I got randy with MrWindsor

As he's a bit like the male equivalent of Babs Windsor - sort of Man Plus stereotyped man in a manly job who is manly in bed. Not sure what to make of him tbh.

He's kind of fishing for contact but I think he's possibly working away again soon

So I'm not going to get "cock-happy" and change my schedule and get attached and have a holiday romance then kiss goodbye.

I love everything about this post @SpringlikeBunk 😂

@SpringlikeBunk

www.gosingles.co.uk/himalayan-kingdoms-nepal-bhutan

I'll put Bhutan in the basket (maybe affordable in a few years)

I'm still wanting to be somewhat in love and have the sex with a luvverly man and do everything together etc

But in terms of experiencing life, I think I'm better off plotting solo for now and the irons are a bonus.

Nepal / Kathmandu is on mine 😊

@SpringlikeBunk

I'll call the iron I got randy with MrWindsor

As he's a bit like the male equivalent of Babs Windsor - sort of Man Plus stereotyped man in a manly job who is manly in bed. Not sure what to make of him tbh.

He's kind of fishing for contact but I think he's possibly working away again soon

So I'm not going to get "cock-happy" and change my schedule and get attached and have a holiday romance then kiss goodbye.

God I feel like this is what I did with Mr Bear. The sex was good, he's a nice guy, it was all on offer, the nights away etc etc. I just couldn't deal with him 'being in love' with me after such a short time.

I'm back chatting with Mr Beard and Mr Italy and I am really really going to try to make it clear when I'm uncomfortable with things moving too fast. Every time in the last 18 months since I've been single, it's always been the man pushing for more. I'm not sure where the 'desperate divorcee' stereotype ever came from, because it's mainly the blokes who seem desperate. They want wives, girlfriends, sex, mental load taken off their shoulders ... somewhere to live ... the list goes on.

Independent, sane, sorted, adults. Surely it's not too much to ask for??

@MayEye

Just caught up on all posts - loads going on as usual! *@Naimee87* you did nothing wrong in that scenario so don’t let yourself be made to feel otherwise. He sounded petty about it so put that info into his ‘file’ and see how things go. *@Dancerinthemoonlight* lucky escape from the creep and I agree that it’s the feeling dirty and shame that prevents women from shaming these disgusting individuals! My one dick pic experience shocked me so I just quickly deleted and blocked without thinking! *@BelladiMamma* I’m booking a solo trip for next month to see how it goes before taking the jump into doing a longer trip abroad- a singles trip actually sounds like a great idea - off to google what’s available here. Update from me and mr TG is he is still no contact at all. I was actually quite upset about it all weekend while I was away with family, but couldn’t talk to anyone and as a result was in a bad mood. It was also my first family event since my split with ex where all the partners and kids where there and I felt so lonely and out of place I’ve spent loads of time thinking and I really feel Mr TG will not be in a position to offer what I want, which is a proper relationship with dates, trips away, meeting each other’s friends- eventually casually meeting each other’s kids. He asked for 2 weeks so I will give him that and have an open and honest conversation about this if/when he comes back. He may have come to the same realisation with the break anyway. We have never missed a day being in touch since we first matched so it’s weird not to have even a goodnight message. *@SortingItOut* thanks for the recommendation for the Mr Unavailable book. I downloaded a preview and already have read loads that relate to me so have bought it now and am working my way through it.

The total lack of contact would be a clue for me too. Try not to 'chase' contact and see how it pans out.

Hahaha @SpringlikeBunk ‘the male equivalent of Babs Windsor’.. that really made me lol 😆 you are so funny 😄😄

Needed a giggle as got pinged today to self isolate for 8 days 😩 mother mercy. Cant even go out to buy food 💔

yeh @BelladiMamma

Men being able to message all the time is the work of the devil - and it gets worse especially if someone is working away! "How was your day?" "what are you up to?.

And also it's like if you "mirror back" then they act bored anyway after a while.

I was chatting with someone on Bumble (wasn't initially my top five choices but pleasant surprise) and he messaged to say he was going away also but did I want to continue chatting?

So I politely said "just wait till you're on your way home or if something REALLY exciting happens"

I'd rather just have a FTF date in the diary and be alone the rest of the time!

(grumpy ASD woman here)

@WeWantTheFinestWines have an AMAZING time tonight! The atmosphere will be so electric!!

@Isitreallyme777 I can understand getting anxious but he sounds like a decent guy so try and trust everything will be ok and just enjoy your good self 😊💗

@troobleflooble thanks for understanding.. isn’t it doubley annoying when they get you feeling that way as you know generally you’re a happy soul, for some reason it’s taken me a fair few days to brighten up after that bad date. I think perhaps it was having so much alcohol last weekend it was too much for my system and soul which didn't help either.

@Naimee87 that’s pretty accusatory trying to make you out to be the bad guy what is he 5 years old? If he wanted a lift he could have asked for one not expected you to be psychic then punish you afterwards? Dickhead.

@SpringlikeBunk

yeh *@BelladiMamma*

Men being able to message all the time is the work of the devil - and it gets worse especially if someone is working away! "How was your day?" "what are you up to?.

And also it's like if you "mirror back" then they act bored anyway after a while.

I was chatting with someone on Bumble (wasn't initially my top five choices but pleasant surprise) and he messaged to say he was going away also but did I want to continue chatting?

So I politely said "just wait till you're on your way home or if something REALLY exciting happens"

I'd rather just have a FTF date in the diary and be alone the rest of the time!

(grumpy ASD woman here)

OH GOD YES that thing about messaging. And I'm totally going to rip off your contact / communication idea. Thank you 😊

@Shayelle2009 thank you😘, we did arrange where we're going earlier and I know I shouldn't (and probably don't need to) worry. I'm off to do boxing tonight (back in plenty of time for the football) so I'm hoping that might help me level out a bit as I've let the gym slide this past 7 days.

@SpringlikeBunk I love your sayings...

Cock Happy, perhaps that's it, Mr HT is the only man to have ever provided me with V Big O's as opposed to clitoral ones. He didn't have a special technique. It's just that we worked/fitted perfectly. I told him once I'd never get tired of his cock 😜

But he's a fucking useless twat that cannot communicate and hides from the world and any possible emotion he might experience.

Well, one of the previous irons has now got in touch again and left me a voice note. Omg. I may need to go and lie down for a while. What. A. Voice.

Hey everyone. I'm just after a bit of advice. If someone says "Tell me something about yourself" what kind of thing do you think they want to hear? One thing or a general overview?! What a horrible question..

@Naimee87 Mr D doesn't have DC so is free to work around mine fortunately!
Agree that the selfish thing is at least an amber flag. As we're in such similar situations I'm imagining if Mr D said something similar and I'd have to talk it out with him, it screams game playing to me which is an instant turn off.
Interesting chat re not moving things too fast and I've certainly noticed it's the irons I've dated that drive this speed. I have a free weekend coming and have arranged to spend Saturday Eve with Mr D. I know he's free on Friday Eve too and I love spending time with him, but I'm reluctant to spend all my free time with him and set a precedent for the future as I have done before. Any thoughts?

When does someone become an Iron? I’m getting Online messages but they’re all far away and I only get EOW off!

@OutingMyself it depends on how they seem I suppose. Could go for two truths and a lie? Can be interesting openers.
@Shuffleuplove for me when they become an actual possibility ie a date pencilled in or a seemingly good connection that I can see going somewhere. It's worth naming then if you might want to discuss them a bit I think.

@OutingMyself Agree its annoying!

I'd just say something like "that's quite intense!

Whenever I eat a Chinese meal I can never stay away from the fried rice special"

I don't mean say about the Chinese meal, but I wouldn't get led into giving intimate details of yourself?

Come up with something neutral and non-offensive and mainstream that they can respond to.

The weird psycho I met a couple weeks ago was (blatantly) trying to extract as many personal details as possible out of me.