Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

That's exactly it @BelladiMamma

I think like most women one starts to see the full scale of harassment as one gets older,

And yes I think an unsolicited message would perfectly justify a stern letter with the "attached information"

Complaining to the senders employer, family, grandmother... make them own their actions - why should women they haven't even met have to take this crap and laugh it off or feel we "asked for it"?

Don't forget it might not be that person, they might have stolen their identity. Also, redistributing that stuff is illegal.

No employer would care though, I can't think of any employer that would do anything with that information. We're always getting disgruntled ex lovers contacting HR, we just ignore it.

I agree its a grey social area but definitely feel there is justification for pushback of some sort - sure there won't be an "automatic sacking" but just putting the humiliation back on them is fine.

Like most abuse, sending unsolicited clips is about gaining psychological power by isolating the victim and trying to leave them "ashamed and feeling dirty" - being open about the situation empowers more people.

I don't have time now but if someone wanted to complain about me sending a photo of their penis they'd sent me to their Aunty Vicki, I'm at the stage of life where I'd quite happily sit there and we could ALL talk it over with the nice coppers and explain our actions.

We all benefit from pushing society forward and speaking out.

I've just set up a date zero for Saturday with a new iron - I'm going to call him Mr Archer.

I'm pretty excited about this one I'll be honest. Only been talking a couple days but we are vibing HARD, and not in a sexual way. Some very mild flirting but nothing more, which is a good thing at this stage. So much in common and he has an insanely cool job and several hobbies that I can't wait to chat to him about!

But also trying not to get my hopes up too high. Been disappointed too many times before 😖

Oh god that reminds me of the one who video called me over Christmas just so he could have a wank. I was horrified and ended the call immediately, reported him etc but doubt anything came of it. I was quite apologetic at first but within in minutes I was like wtf just happened

Poor you @Dancerinthemoonlight. I completely agree with the lovelies above it’s a complete form of sexual assault.. like a filthy bush dwelling smelly flasher in the old days. Did you manage to report him on the app? I wish there was a report button on whatsapp so if these scumbags send shit like that, the police issue them with a caution or an asbo or something then three of those they get arrested.. haha it would never happen, but man I wish it could.

Thank you for your kind thoughtful comments @Onesmallstep67 and @SpringlikeBunk I just felt pretty resentful about the comment (he just said I reminded him of this dowdy looking woman in a TV advert.. don’t want to say which on here) after I’d literally spent my whole afternoon and evening and money with him. The day before he’d been messaging me saying he spotted me out and that I looked ‘amazing’. I was more dressed up that day as was out with a friend. I wore nice jeans and a sweater to meet him and I thought I looked nice but that obviously wasn’t fancy enough. (Not going to wear a ballgown and tiara to go and meet someone I’ve never met on a sunday afternoon in a shabby pub)..
A strong lesson learned for me for sure. Keep the time short! Bail after max 2 hours. I will absolutely be doing that next time

@Shayelle2009 nothing wrong with jeans and a jumper bet he wasn't dressed up to the nines! I have to say I feel I should make more of an effort for lunch with Mr Cricket tomorrow as he always looks nice, but the weather is so crap I do just want to wear jeans and a jumper (if it brightens up I might put a dress or shorts on).

No, he was older than me, worn, had the look of an alchoholic, fat little beer belly, stained jumper… I’m not going to bitch anymore, but I could list many other things 😉 and that is not good karma.. I have to reign it in haha.
Think I’ll stick with what normally interests me next time which is a few years younger, and a lot fresher generally 💗

How are you today @Isitreallyme777… are you meeting MrCricket tomorrow … that will be nice wont it 💛

Feels good to let off some steam on here 💗 all this dating shit starts makes me a little bitter.. and I don’t like that..

This is so not dating related - but nor is my life at the moment, what with the hundreds of potential irons queuing up to ignore my profile - but an excellent example of how easy it is to not care about being single when you've got something else to focus on.

I'm going to Wembley tonight! I couldn't be more excited. We've always been a big football family and the DC are going to remember this for the rest of their lives. The ex is coming as well, that's kind of how we're able to manage our split for the sake of the DC.

But I'm so excited I'm boring everyone, so I really wanted to bore you lot as well ⚽️ 😊

I'll be supporting the other side, btw, ahem...

@Shayelle2009 I'm okay thank you, the initial shock is wearing off. I keep expecting to see her face and I miss her little habits like running into my room when I open my door or running to the hallway window when I pull the blind up. Even at the end she was running around like a lunatic.

Yes lunch tomorrow although I can't think of where to go and I'm scared of confirming it's still happening with him for some reason (it isn't a date so why am I worried!?). My anxiety is starting to resurface again. 😫😢

@WeWantTheFinestWines I'm jealous, have an amazing time.☺

@Shayelle2009 yep, know exactly how that feels! I start to get really jaded and pissed off at the world, jealous of every happy person I meet especially if they're talking about their happy relationships! I'm really not normally like that as a person so it frustrates me that it induces such a personality change 😞

@WeWantTheFinestWines congrats! Have a wonderful time 😁 I have also noticed that I care less when I have a 'project' or something to take up my attention 😊 It's just finding the motivation I struggle with!

@Heartbeats0708 (we're super similar can't believe it really) and @Onesmallstep67 i sort of wanted to do the same with MrS as i never really got any closure from him. After having seen him/slept with him three months ago then six weeks of silence, not even a 'how are you' just nothing. Then a random message for my birthday ... I managed not to cave so read the birthday message but never responded. He then decided to say 'a thank you for the thought would have been nice???' I definitely still think about him and wish he'd just give me some idea of what changed but guess it was just all he wanted was sex and i was easy.
@Dancerinthemoonlight so vile! why do they think they can get away with doing something like that it's so disgusting. I hope you are recovering well! And you and the other iron get your date fixed . I agree with spring that Porn is really having such a terrible impact on sex these days and what men think is acceptable and what wome actually want.
Good Luck @troobleflooble
@Shayelle2009 he sounds terrible like he didn't even make an effort yet felt he could comment on your appearance! Ugh! Definitely not worth your time. It's SO hit and miss with these date '0s' as sometimes you leave unsure of how you feel but at least you can definitely kick him to the curb. And totally agree with limited timing for the first couple of dates.

I think i need a little help here as i met MrElf yesterday for lunch and we spent like 2hrs together just walking/talking in the pouring rain. He'd come by bicycle and i told him he was mental to ride in this weather but he said 'its no big deal'. Anyway managed to find shelter at a cafe and we talked about summer holidays and if dates would match to perhaps plan something together. When i needed to go he walked me to my car and i told him to be careful on his bike and we kissed and i drove home. Then when i text him to make sure he got home safe as i was worried about him riding his bike, he text saying he was surprised by my behaviour because i hadn't offered him a lift? He thought i was being a bit selfish. We talked it through and i said it just didn't even enter my mind as he had come by bike and the rain didn't seem to phase him. I'd have driven him home in a heartbeat if i'd known he wanted a lift. Anyone else think it's a bit much for him to call me selfish? Just wondering how red-flaggy this is or if i'm blowing it out of proportion?

Anyone else think it's a bit much for him to call me selfish?

How could you offer him a lift with his bike? It would never cross my mind, especially as you had mentioned and he said it was not a big deal. He also could have just asked you, he's not a child!

Calling you any names is a bit of a red flag, yes. I would most certainly not appreciate that!

@Naimee87 Does he drive?
If he does why didn't he drive to meet you?
Calling you selfish is not on, he could have made a joke of it and said 'I thought you might offer me a lift' but not make a big deal of it.

I think he was testing you by seeing how much you cared about him.

Naimee massive red flag - one thing is saying "a lift would have been nice" in a lighthearted way and putting it down to poor communication (from him); calling you selfish is an entirely different thing and bang out of order. I really hope it's a one off from him as you've been getting on so well, but just keep your eyes open.

@wewantthefinestwines congratulations I hope you have an amazing time.

@naimee87 my date 0 has been sorted for Saturday he offered to come to my area which is about 12 or so miles away from him but I'm seeing a friend for a walk in his area so I have said his area is easier.

I have other chats on the go but no idea if they will turn into dates or not

Thanks everyone for your comments. Yes we have got on so well and this really caught me by surprise as i just completely mis-read the situation. I don't even know why i didn't offer a lift as it would have been nice so i don't think he is totally in the wrong. But his reaction was really out of character for him so its made me suspicious for sure. He's coming over this evening so we'll chat tonight. He then goes away to see family/friends which will give me some time to re-assess how i'm actually feeling about him. As we DTD it will also be interesting to see how often he is in touch when compared with how we are at the moment which is really often but not forced in anyway just little updates about our days. No anxious/nervous waiting/checking which i like, feels relaxed. I'm want to let this slide given how we've been so far... but don't want to be a pushover.

Wow my punctuations is super sparse in my last post
@VanGoghsDog yes it was the whole bike thing which threw me as i didn't think he'd want it left behind nor would it fit in my car
@Dancerinthemoonlight happy to hear about the date 0 plans coming along nicely!

i just completely mis-read the situation.

I don't think you did, and even if you did there should not have been a "situation" to misread, he should have just asked. Don't blame yourself.

I think he's being disingenuous, he would not have accepted a lift and you both knew that anyway.

@Naimee87 If the bike wouldnt fit in your car what would he have done with it if he accepted your lift🤷‍♀️

I still think it was a test of how you feel about him, he wanted you to offer to show you cared and then he would have refused.

@Naimee87

Congratulations on the Sausage fest! *@Shayelle2009* a good looking sausage that made me giggle! *@Dancerinthemoonlight* guess he's a bit red-flaggy with the lie then getting all cagey when you catch him out. Happy to hear someone in the near vicinity is on the horizion, do update when date 0 is on the go. *@BelladiMamma* it's horrible being on either end. Letting people down is almost as hard as being rejected. Especially if the man really didn't do anything wrong but simlpy was too full on and there wasn't any chemistry. I seem to think the 'nice' ones really don't have it easy at all. I don't want like a rude boy or gangsta but also don't want a wet lettuce of a man either... *@Heartbeats0708* yes lot's of emotions and feelings but he's been super cute and reassuring today. He told me he wants me to be open and tell him anything and everything on my mind to make sure we are on the same page. He's visiting his family/friends abroad from thursday (asked me to go with him, way too soon for this and have my son to consider too) for a week. I'm curious to see how much he keeps in contact with me. I'm really hoping he means what he says and he doesn't just ghost/fade away. Never has he given me any reason to doubt him its all in my head. Hope your dates go well with MrD. Are you both juggling childcare. Sorry so many threads perhaps i've confused some stories again. *@HopefulDoubtful* this sounds really positive! I'm so pleased. I don't think mine ever went out of his way to really spend his free-time with me. I've no advice on the communication thing though as it's something i really am bad at as i need rather a lot of reassurance which can be a turn-off. Trying to work on this and take breaks from my phone especially when i'm working or i'll leave it at home when i'm with my son or walking the little dog. I've learnt there is something as being too available which is definitely what i was before. I was guilty of letting texts (or lack of them) rule my days. Doing much better now though thankfully. *@Dirtyduck* any news on MrMud? *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* thanks i mentioned above he's travelling now for a little while and we DTD on the weekend so part of me is a anxious mess and part of me is trying to say be calm but with a lot of dissapointment in the past after getting this far i'm not sure how easy it'll be to stay calm while he is away. Oh the joys of being on this emotional rollercoaster. *@Iamclearlyamug* yay. So pleased to hear this!

Just catching up...

@Naimee87 - Things are going ok with MrMud, my wobble about him seemingly pulling back was me overthinking things, he's been really chatty again since. We have another video date pencilled in for tomorrow.
This is my first iron with a child and it's weird being able to talk parenting stuff with him. I think he's still finding his feet with being a single parent and asking my advice on how I tackled certain issues which I've never had before.

I'm so envious of all the posters with FWB etc, I was thinking it's been 10 months since I last had a proper snog let alone anything else..I could really do with some passionate kissing sometime soon

@Dirtyduck pleased to hear! Hope stays that way.
@Onesmallstep67 what would your advice be for tonight when i see him. I really do care about him. We've been texting all day but not touched on yesterday. Definitely don't want to get into over txt. Should i just move on and stop dwelling?

@Naimee87

I agree it's a bit of an amber flag for me and you're right to note it - it just seems a bit paggro, like he wanted to "punish" you or make you feel bad...I walk and cycle, of course you account for the weather as an adult!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Love it, well done on getting the ticket!

I've booked a Fab social meet in for about the match time but he hasn't mentioned the match so I'll just turn up and hope I don't get stood up for the game or I'll be on here tonight.

Really fed up with the apps already tbh. Will come off in a few days regardless of where my merry men are at.

Fab social meet has cancelled (suggested next week but tbh seems too much like hard work - I could walk to the venue so wasn't doing lots of planning but seemed too last minute - If it was for the football he had a couple of days to know this?).

And I've dropped the apps for now so will just see how the contacts I have pan out (or fizzle out!). Wanted to make the most of my subscriptions and see out the month.

With my move looming I want a chilled out month and some downtime, and don't want to be chasing people around, or trying to arrange coffee with someone flaky!