Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Mr Spontaneous got in contact today and I asked about what he said about work Vs LinkedIn. He is pissed off I 'went snooping' and 'his word is everything, who would lie about something so petty'
I just responded with well you would be surprised. Been there and got the t shirt. I'm not going to appologise for asking a simple question or for looking.

I'm in the stages of scheduling a date 0 with a new potential on Saturday who is quite local to me.

Might have spent a Randy couple hours at new irons place last night. We’ll see on meeting again. He’s hot but quite intense so need to process a bit.

First Fab date with very polite guy on Wednesday and MrDinner messaged last night to confirm booking dinner for Friday so that’s to look forward to.

Talking of paying on dates...I think I've been very unlucky in the past with meeting really stingy irons! MrWales and I went for a 6 hour walk on a really hot day in a touristy place with loads of places to stop for a drink, he said he didn't need a drink, but if I wanted a drink I should go and just get one myself?! So I ended up going and buying a bottle of water in a shop in the end.

MrPosh didn't immediately offer to pay for our first coffees, but did in the end after some dithering, I paid next time and the time after that which was drinks and brunch. Then on another date, I only had a small, cheap drink and he looked at me to pay again, so I just said - I think it's your turn. I really don't mind going halves or taking turns, but I find tightness really unattractive.

I think my expectation is - I want them to offer to pay first time and I say, "well I'll get the next one then" (which I always do IF there is a next time of course!)

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Mr Spontaneous got in contact today and I asked about what he said about work Vs LinkedIn. He is pissed off I 'went snooping' and 'his word is everything, who would lie about something so petty' I just responded with well you would be surprised. Been there and got the t shirt. I'm not going to appologise for asking a simple question or for looking.

I'm in the stages of scheduling a date 0 with a new potential on Saturday who is quite local to me.

@Dancerinthemoonlight he sounds really weird, like he's just having a go at you for no reason. You don't deserve that ❤️

Good luck with your potential 🙂😘

I’ve had mainly the guy insisting on paying and a couple of “stand by whilst I get my own drink” types.

Though early dates aren’t that pricey I guess. Assume it evens out over first few weeks/months.

I think also sometimes payment is for convenience - if I’m asking someone at short notice to do something convenient for me I prefer to pay.

Try not to overthink it and accept everyone is different but think it is still the social convention the guy pays first (would be shredded on AIBU for saying this!)

I’m convinced the nutcase I went out with a couple of weeks ago deliberately was a “leaving his wallet at home card doesn’t work no change for parking ” guy .

So it was a turn-off obviously, but keeping the format quite small - one drink - meant the impact was not too bad.

@SpringlikeBunk

Might have spent a Randy couple hours at new irons place last night. We’ll see on meeting again. He’s hot but quite intense so need to process a bit.

First Fab date with very polite guy on Wednesday and MrDinner messaged last night to confirm booking dinner for Friday so that’s to look forward to.

@SpringlikeBunk 👍🏻❤️😘

@Dirtyduck

Talking of paying on dates...I think I've been very unlucky in the past with meeting really stingy irons! MrWales and I went for a 6 hour walk on a really hot day in a touristy place with loads of places to stop for a drink, he said he didn't need a drink, but if I wanted a drink I should go and just get one myself?! So I ended up going and buying a bottle of water in a shop in the end. MrPosh didn't immediately offer to pay for our first coffees, but did in the end after some dithering, I paid next time and the time after that which was drinks and brunch. Then on another date, I only had a small, cheap drink and he looked at me to pay again, so I just said - I think it's your turn. I really don't mind going halves or taking turns, but I find tightness really unattractive. I think my expectation is - I want them to offer to pay first time and I say, "well I'll get the next one then" (which I always do IF there is a next time of course!)

Omg that is terrible, having to tell him it's his turn! Stinginess is such an ugly trait....

Just checking in. Thanks @Dancerinthemoonlight for the new thread.

I like to pay my own way but its nice if a date offers even if I still insist on paying half. I think I mentioned before that I had one date chase me down on social media for my half of drinks (which he physically refused to take at time) when I turned down staying at his for a second date and another that took off the tip I had put down with my half of bill against his half on the card machine 🤣 stingyness is indeed off putting 😁

Things still going well with MrHair. Just coming up to 3 months now and he's started referring to me as his girlfriend 😁 im still taking things slow though as this is still my first relationship after 4 years single and 20+ years before that being with ex dh so still feeling alien to me

I haven't paid once with Mr Cricket, every time the bill comes out he reaches for his card and pays and every time I say I'll pay next time he says no you won't. I don't want him to think I don't pay my way as I always offer. I'm just not used to a man paying for me, my ex used to throw it back in my face that he always paid when we were out. God knows how I'll be on Thursday for lunch I'll probably choose the cheapest thing just to not feel guilty.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Mr Spontaneous got in contact today and I asked about what he said about work Vs LinkedIn. He is pissed off I 'went snooping' and 'his word is everything, who would lie about something so petty' I just responded with well you would be surprised. Been there and got the t shirt. I'm not going to appologise for asking a simple question or for looking.

I'm in the stages of scheduling a date 0 with a new potential on Saturday who is quite local to me.

🙊... ok time to bin off I think ... easy enough to just say yeah life happens and I didn't update my LinkedIn; what does yours look like? And then ask you some questions about how your work is going? Kind of a strange and unnecessary reaction.

@SpringlikeBunk

Might have spent a Randy couple hours at new irons place last night. We’ll see on meeting again. He’s hot but quite intense so need to process a bit.

First Fab date with very polite guy on Wednesday and MrDinner messaged last night to confirm booking dinner for Friday so that’s to look forward to.

Hope Springs eternal for us all! 🥰😁😎

Lol @BelladiMamma seriously I’m actually tempted to bin them all off and just have a chaste summer so as not to get overwhelmed or end up double booked!

The trouble is the pacing/timing and everything happening simultaneously.

Still I think the key is to just take things at face value and one day at a time - my irons will all be multi-dating too.

@Isitreallyme777 same with me and Mr L - I’ve never once been allowed to pay when we’ve been out, he’s allowed me once to pay for a takeaway at home 🤦‍♂️😂 it still makes me worry a bit but if it means that much to him what can I do 🤷‍♀️

Congratulations on the Sausage fest!
@Shayelle2009 a good looking sausage that made me giggle!
@Dancerinthemoonlight guess he's a bit red-flaggy with the lie then getting all cagey when you catch him out. Happy to hear someone in the near vicinity is on the horizion, do update when date 0 is on the go.
@BelladiMamma it's horrible being on either end. Letting people down is almost as hard as being rejected. Especially if the man really didn't do anything wrong but simlpy was too full on and there wasn't any chemistry. I seem to think the 'nice' ones really don't have it easy at all. I don't want like a rude boy or gangsta but also don't want a wet lettuce of a man either...
@Heartbeats0708 yes lot's of emotions and feelings but he's been super cute and reassuring today. He told me he wants me to be open and tell him anything and everything on my mind to make sure we are on the same page. He's visiting his family/friends abroad from thursday (asked me to go with him, way too soon for this and have my son to consider too) for a week. I'm curious to see how much he keeps in contact with me. I'm really hoping he means what he says and he doesn't just ghost/fade away. Never has he given me any reason to doubt him its all in my head. Hope your dates go well with MrD. Are you both juggling childcare. Sorry so many threads perhaps i've confused some stories again.
@HopefulDoubtful this sounds really positive! I'm so pleased. I don't think mine ever went out of his way to really spend his free-time with me. I've no advice on the communication thing though as it's something i really am bad at as i need rather a lot of reassurance which can be a turn-off. Trying to work on this and take breaks from my phone especially when i'm working or i'll leave it at home when i'm with my son or walking the little dog. I've learnt there is something as being too available which is definitely what i was before. I was guilty of letting texts (or lack of them) rule my days. Doing much better now though thankfully.
@Dirtyduck any news on MrMud?
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards thanks i mentioned above he's travelling now for a little while and we DTD on the weekend so part of me is a anxious mess and part of me is trying to say be calm but with a lot of dissapointment in the past after getting this far i'm not sure how easy it'll be to stay calm while he is away. Oh the joys of being on this emotional rollercoaster.
@Iamclearlyamug yay. So pleased to hear this!

Afternoon all. Am self isolating awaiting swab result so have tome to mn (its tonsillitis but not allowed to take the risk with my job). @SpringlikeBunk I don't know how you juggle it all - I cracked under the pressure of two 1st dates in quick succession! Does everyone really multi date after the first 1 or 2 do you think?

I could do with objective thoughts on Mr blue eyes. It's been amazing in the bedroom and he's great for my self esteem, but we don't seem to do much else. I suggested he take me out tomorrow (obv not happening now anyway) and his suggestion was dinner and sex at his...again. He also knows I wasn't feeling well as we spent the day together yesterday, but I've heard nothing from him today to see how I am... He says all lovely positive things about how he feels etc, but I do want to do more than just shag and hang out at each others houses?! A fact which I've hinted at a few times but we have limited aligned child free time. I could just enjoy the sex and see what happens, and will likely take this approach, but just wondered what others would do?

@Iamclearlyamug it is nice I suppose. If it carries on and we carry on meeting(I have no clue what is going on, however I don't tend to message my friends every day🤷‍♀️ but can't call it anything right now) then I might have to think about how I can even it out a bit.

@Misty9 joking aside I’m honestly not wanting to overdo things!

Will try to come to some decisions but I’m only really on date zero/one/two so trying to narrow the field.

And of course some might fizzle/tail off - eg my NHS wonder boy is away for a month doing his thing with his (millions of ) friends now.

and I’m not assuming they’re committed to me now anyway!

I’d say with MrBlueEyes the whole “date in vs date out-out” theme is so common right now!

I’ve definitely learned to be more emotionally flexible - like I used to think if someone didn’t regularly suggest the “formal out date” it meant they weren’t into me and the dynamic was off.

But as I get older I know there’s guys who will “take me out” who aren’t that into me,

and conversely some guys just don’t like the whole dressing up/booking somewhere/formal thing but will be the first to help out if I need anything?

So I guess it’s down to feeling our your own needs, how important certain things are over others really? Is he attentive and gentlemanly when you’re together?

@Naimee87

Congratulations on the Sausage fest! *@Shayelle2009* a good looking sausage that made me giggle! *@Dancerinthemoonlight* guess he's a bit red-flaggy with the lie then getting all cagey when you catch him out. Happy to hear someone in the near vicinity is on the horizion, do update when date 0 is on the go. *@BelladiMamma* it's horrible being on either end. Letting people down is almost as hard as being rejected. Especially if the man really didn't do anything wrong but simlpy was too full on and there wasn't any chemistry. I seem to think the 'nice' ones really don't have it easy at all. I don't want like a rude boy or gangsta but also don't want a wet lettuce of a man either... *@Heartbeats0708* yes lot's of emotions and feelings but he's been super cute and reassuring today. He told me he wants me to be open and tell him anything and everything on my mind to make sure we are on the same page. He's visiting his family/friends abroad from thursday (asked me to go with him, way too soon for this and have my son to consider too) for a week. I'm curious to see how much he keeps in contact with me. I'm really hoping he means what he says and he doesn't just ghost/fade away. Never has he given me any reason to doubt him its all in my head. Hope your dates go well with MrD. Are you both juggling childcare. Sorry so many threads perhaps i've confused some stories again. *@HopefulDoubtful* this sounds really positive! I'm so pleased. I don't think mine ever went out of his way to really spend his free-time with me. I've no advice on the communication thing though as it's something i really am bad at as i need rather a lot of reassurance which can be a turn-off. Trying to work on this and take breaks from my phone especially when i'm working or i'll leave it at home when i'm with my son or walking the little dog. I've learnt there is something as being too available which is definitely what i was before. I was guilty of letting texts (or lack of them) rule my days. Doing much better now though thankfully. *@Dirtyduck* any news on MrMud? *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* thanks i mentioned above he's travelling now for a little while and we DTD on the weekend so part of me is a anxious mess and part of me is trying to say be calm but with a lot of dissapointment in the past after getting this far i'm not sure how easy it'll be to stay calm while he is away. Oh the joys of being on this emotional rollercoaster. *@Iamclearlyamug* yay. So pleased to hear this!

@Naimee87 I've never been in that situation, but I can imagine it must be hard ❤️ I would take some time out for yourself and try and keep your mind off it. 😘

@BelladiMamma he is definitely in the bin from that message.

I'm in the process of arranging 2 dates in the next 2 weeks both with localish men. Thanks to Boris's announcement yesterday the job market is beginning to pick up so hopefully things will change for the better really soon

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@BelladiMamma he is definitely in the bin from that message.

I'm in the process of arranging 2 dates in the next 2 weeks both with localish men. Thanks to Boris's announcement yesterday the job market is beginning to pick up so hopefully things will change for the better really soon[/quote]
Did he send that one too? 🤦🏻‍♀️

@BelladiMamma yes, the messages in the white are from him. Why on earth would I try and make him feel special after 1 date. It boggles my mind him going on the defensive and then sending the when you do realise I hope it's not too late.

I need to think of a good thanks but no thanks message.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@BelladiMamma yes, the messages in the white are from him. Why on earth would I try and make him feel special after 1 date. It boggles my mind him going on the defensive and then sending the when you do realise I hope it's not too late.

I need to think of a good thanks but no thanks message.[/quote]
I wouldn't bother after that. Just block and delete.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@BelladiMamma yes, the messages in the white are from him. Why on earth would I try and make him feel special after 1 date. It boggles my mind him going on the defensive and then sending the when you do realise I hope it's not too late.

I need to think of a good thanks but no thanks message.[/quote]
That whole 'I'm one of the good ones' / 'hope it's not too late' just screams bullying and emotional blackmail. I've had a couple of those. Time waster I'm afraid and unpleasant with it.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Computer Geek used to say stuff like that about being nice and one of the good ones. He treated me like absolute shit so not sure he was actually one of the good ones.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@BelladiMamma he is definitely in the bin from that message.

I'm in the process of arranging 2 dates in the next 2 weeks both with localish men. Thanks to Boris's announcement yesterday the job market is beginning to pick up so hopefully things will change for the better really soon[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight he sounds so arrogant and rude. You've only known him for two minutes!

I would cut off contact based on that message ❤️