Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote Naimee87]**@Dancerinthemoonlight* thanks for the new thread and good luck with your interview! Hope it goes well and they scoop you up for the job! I'd probably wait with MrSpontaneous if i were you. Someone mentioned on here could be spring* that often pulling away brings them back? Hard to do but because waiting and wondering is a crappy feeling i know been there way to many times. And you are right there are plenty of men who would jump at the chance to get in touch. Hope it pans out the way you want!

So much to catch up on!
@Isitreallyme777 i hope you're feeling a little better. We only recently got our pet (pug puppy) and i can't remember life without her now! Sending you a
@Heartbeats0708 so pleased your weekend was nice with MrD. We were in such similar head-spaces last week and I am so happy to say I had a similiar weekend with MrElf as you did. So easy to spend time with him and we got close (yay!) it was very enjoyable, and you never know what to expect so i'm very happy. I've had a few niggly thoughts though today (he left yesterday) with 'is it too good to be true'. He's given me no reason to doubt him, he wants to be exclusive which does make me happy although we're moving fast which i promised myself i wouldn't do this time round. Anyway i'm trying to relax into it and just enjoy myself. Seeing him again tuesday or wednesday this week. Good luck with your next dates!
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so pleased this one didn't try to invite you to his house or himself over to yours. May have missed a later post but did you go on the date already? Any good? good name too (although i'm picturing like a Jason Statham type or maybe The Rock...am i waaay off the mark here)
@Eesha buy a skipping rope and get some 90's trance/techno on the go!... this is my wake-up routine most morning and tons of skipping workouts on pinterest. (Maybeeee triple up on the sports-bras)
@HopefulDoubtful i'm sorry to hear this but can really relate. This happened with my long-distance man too. Everything was so bright/rosy in the beginning and whenever we did manage to see each i felt like i was on cloud 9 and we were headed in the same direction and wanted the same things. Daily msgs/video calls instigated by him as well. But contact really fizzled out after about 6 months and i never managed to get any clear reason as to why. I got the very same vague answers/messages you are getting which is really frustrating. I don't really know what advice to give as it is hard to tell how similar your situation really is to mine but i wish i'd walked away much sooner than i did. It slowly turned into a FWB/FB situation which was not what i wanted at all. But i was hooked and too available for him (sex was amaaaazing) Eventually but its taken a lot of time i was able to resist his texts ( he would randomly reappear after 2-3weeks of silence and of course i'd come running ) and really accept the fact that we were never going to be what was promised in the beginning by him. However that being said as it seems to be early stages and as you say you both do have busy lives is it worth having a conversation about how you see your futures together? Is the holiday you've planned still on the cards?
@BelladiMamma love the sound of MrNear. Good of the other one to be honest about the anxiety issue but agree would be a red flag for me.
@SpringlikeBunk i think you have to write a book, your posts are so good. I cannot believe how bold you are and it seems to come so naturally to you. I can understand the way you must feel about MrC where its the furture plans that just don't seem to fit yet everything else does. Buuuuttttt sounds like you still got a fair few plates spinning at the moment. No clue how you keep them spinning, i'm having trouble keeping feelings in check with just one on the go [/quote]
@Naimee87 no, we haven't been on a date yet. We've only just started talking. He doesn't look like the rock 🪨. He's very tall though 🙂

@Isitreallyme777 🤗❤️😘🤗❤️😘

@BelladiMamma hope you're feeling a bit better. Thinking of you 🤗❤️😘

@BelladiMamma aaaah oh perhaps i did, tried my best to keep up with everyone's current situations! Sorry about mixing up. Shame about MrBear, but certainly seems better to be free from him if he was over-bearing. Sound like my neighbour actually i got to a point where i was just so pleased to get home and couldn't wait for him to leave, even then i'd get a couple of messages fter about him making it home fine and he lives like round the corner. Good luck with the 'potentials' on the go!

@Naimee87

Thanks for sharing and I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you. The holiday is just something we've talked about, going away for a few nights when DC are with their dad in the August. I think I'm going to leave that for now and see how things progress until then, maybe we can book something last minute.

We've only been talking/seeing each other for two months and only managed to meet a handful of times during that period. Already that giddy, excited feeling has mostly gone, because of the lack of contact/flirtyness in between meets. Maybe I am not cut out for long distance.

I've also only started to have time without my DC and it feels a bit depressing to spend that time sitting around on my own. I'd hoped to use that time for dating/spending time with a man. But because of our mismatched kids schedules that is just not happening. I think I will need to broach this subject again at some point, as currently it feels a bit like I'm wasting my time, if logistics/distance are always going to be an obstacle for us.

I am seriously considering dating other people in order to not waste time, but not sure if that is the correct dating etiquette? We've not had any chat about exclusivity, but we have DTD. If we saw each other more often I wouldn't be considering this. I should mention that I am mid/late thirties and would love to have another baby, hence not wasting time.

When would others on the thread normally stop dating multiple people? When you have sex? Or once you've had "the chat"?

@Naimee87 I'm not bothered if I don't hear from him due to the job situation not adding up on what he told me Vs LinkedIn. I have been in that situation before and ignored the niggling thought.

I might treat myself to lunch out on Saturday and then I have team drinks on 16th so I'm going to do me things and things with friend if I don't have any dates.

@HopefulDoubtful i agree with you that when you're with somone/seeing someone and have rare time to yourself then you want to spend it with them. It was similar for me as i wasn't able to be spontaneous and even though we saw each other a handful of times on weekends it was mainly during the week given how he worked. So there were often times when i didnt have my son that i'd then be on my own even though i was supposedly 'in a relationship.' He never really got motivated to make a habit of it coming in his 'free' time and his daughter is already grown up so not like he had any childcare juggling to do. Funny reading this back i look like such an idiot and should have ended things sooner. But you two are really very fresh into this so still time to get a discussion going. Totally understand about not wanting to waste time though so if you're still given vague answers then perhaps see who else is out there. If you haven't put a label on what you are i see you doing nothing wrong by seeing other people. If you hit if off with someone else then i'd probably be telling him. I'm mid 30's and on the fence about more children but its definitely something i don't want ruled out completely. But with an 11year old at home who is just starting to get quite independent meaning i've more time and my social circle is opening up again the thought of having a tiny baby sort of terrifies me

@Naimee87 I know exactly what you mean! My DC is 10 and I am not sure how much the thought of going back to prams and nappies appeals to me! But then again, I worry about regretting it future as only a year or two ago I was desperate to have a baby. The closing of the fertility window does make it stressful. I also think that when I'm single I am quite content with the idea of not having a baby, as I know the option isn't there anyway. But I suspect that if I really feel in love and started building a life with someone that I would get that urge to have a baby with them.

@HopefulDoubtful oh we're in quite similar situations then. I think you're right back when my sister was pregnant and seemingly in a lovely relationship all i wanted was a a bf and a little baby but i was completely single. I worked a lot (not easy at all) on being content with my life being the way it is, so just focusing me and my son and hard to say how but i'm in a much calmer head-space now. I realise i'm lucky to have my son! And funnily enough my sisters baby now toddler is a nightmare (haha) I hope you come to a decision soon about what you'd like to do and what feels right for you kid. Your happienss's come first!

Iron I was chatting to last night from Tinder is sending lots of chatty messages.

He's very attractive and just my type (for casual or whatever really) but I'm like and feeling a bit CBA.

I think this shows why I should maybe have screened out a couple before him - I think the less good guys sort of drain ones enthusiasm for the more interesting ones?

@Dancerinthemoonlight you can't ignore the niggling thoughts or gut feelings can you, just isn't possible. Still baffles me why people lie on their profiles but perhaps i'm just to naive as with me what you see is what you get. LOve that you did a 'loo update' took me to now to realise what that meant
@Dirtyduck good to hear this news!
@MrsDevery i had mentioned height a while ago as MrElf who i'm seeing had told me to give him a chance before writing him off as i asked him how tall he was before we met. He is 5'8 and i'm 5'4 so he is slightly talled than me although and i've never ever dated anyone so short. Usually i just don't find short men attractive. But i'm really pleased i did give him a chance, so far he's great. I don't even really see the height thing anymore his face is that nice to look at i quite like it being level with mine (haha)
@Shayelle2009 shame about the date i agree it is nice to have them offer to pay for the meal for the first date, just makes you feel that little bit special. I hope you enjoy your app break, always good for the head. My friends just done a silent week, so no contact with anyone, no phone, tv, internet anything! Just meditation and country walks. Not something i would ever be able to do!
@WeWantTheFinestWines i agree with you i'm not prepared to settle just to be in a relationship. I mentioned before too so many friends have waltzed in an out of relationships, moved in together had babies, got married, even some have gotten divorced and i've still been on my own trying to just get a decent date never mind a relationship. Hoping MrElf is different but who know's these days, the beginning phase is always so nice!
@juggling jobs, try Badoo? its more like a tinder but really active and i don't think it costs a ton to get the 'extras.' I think they have it in England.

I get the feeling MrMud might be pulling back a bit? Not sure if I'm reading too much into things, but his messages are getting a little less frequent and not so chatty.
Weirdly MrIT has been back in touch, I thought that had fizzled, but he just asked how I am. Think i'll just tell him I think the distance between us is too far to continue chatting, although I am tempted to keep him on the backburner if things go tits up with MrMud, I don't think that's fair on MrIT (I had other non-distance related reservations about him anyway).

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma aaaah oh perhaps i did, tried my best to keep up with everyone's current situations! Sorry about mixing up. Shame about MrBear, but certainly seems better to be free from him if he was over-bearing. Sound like my neighbour actually i got to a point where i was just so pleased to get home and couldn't wait for him to leave, even then i'd get a couple of messages fter about him making it home fine and he lives like round the corner. Good luck with the 'potentials' on the go![/quote]
Thanks 😊 yes there's a lot going on with this thread.

I feel ungrateful but equally telling me he loved me so quickly and then all the presents and messages got to me. I felt like I was in a competition. Even though it was well meant it felt needy tbh.

@SpringlikeBunk

Iron I was chatting to last night from Tinder is sending lots of chatty messages.

He's very attractive and just my type (for casual or whatever really) but I'm like and feeling a bit CBA.

I think this shows why I should maybe have screened out a couple before him - I think the less good guys sort of drain ones enthusiasm for the more interesting ones?

Somebody once said to me that your energy and positivity isn't infinite, use it wisely and sparingly with people who count.

Could you plead a really busy couple of days, make it clear you want to stay in touch but you won't be on your phone much? Then just hit the pause button for a couple of days and see how you feel when you get back on the apps?

@Shayelle2009 sorry to hear about the date but in a way, at least you knew early rather than dragging it on. Im never sure about paying on a date because i guess it can get really pricey if someone is paying for loads of first dates, especially if he sensed you weren't interested. I tend to pay my way each time but i have friends who would be horrified if they had to pay!

Diet is only day 1 but i have given up my beloved sourdough and tried smaller portions! Feeling a lot less bloated and heavy. Bought some keffir after hearing people rave about it!

@Eesha Yeah definitely rather it was done now that a few months down the line or what have you. Feels so much worse then doesn’t it. Ooh I love bread as well that would be a tough one. Have you tried a calorie counting app I find them really useful?

@Isitreallyme777 bless you… you are doing so well and being so strong xx

@BelladiMamma at least you’ll get to see your lovely Dad.. be worth all the faff won’t it! Sorry that you and MrBear werent meant to be.

@SpringlikeBunk yeah the crap ones definitely drain the enthusiasm. I can’t look at another app for a while.

@Naimee87 glad this weekend went well with Mr Elf! I expect hormones have a part to play in this as you feel like you commit a bit more when you start sleeping together, but I've had a few similar "what's the catch?" thoughts too.
Mr D is also a fair bit quieter than me and I'm not sure that will change. He makes his feelings and thoughts clear maybe I just talk too much

@Naimee87 your friends silent week sounds fcking amazing!! Wish I could do that but include work in it obviously too! Which is doing my fricking head in … I just want to jack everything in and sod off somewhere remote…. No apps, no Teams, no emails, no messenger.. no phone calls.. not a sausage!! (Well maybe if it was a good looking sausage lol)

Checking into the new thread.

I’m a happy girl, been dating Mr Lorry for just over a month and on Saturday he asked me to be his girlfriend (oh god that sounds so teenager, we’re actually 32 and 34 🤦‍♂️😂😂) so we’re official 💕💕 it’s gonna be a bumpy road as he’s got some baggage and his ex still wants him back but 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I’m happy. So Mr Lorry becomes Mr L according to thread rules is that right?

@Iamclearlyamug congratulations! 😆

Thank you @Shayelle2009 I don't feel it right now but I'll get there. I miss her so much. I'm thinking of getting a kitten in the future (her sister is more likely to accept a kitten than an older cat), I've seen a really lovely one that I'm so tempted with but I still think it's a bit early to think about getting one and I need to let myself heal a bit more.

@Iamclearlyamug congratulations! That's fantastic news ❤️

And @Naimee87, that's brilliant news about Mr. Elf 🧝‍♂️

Nothing new from me. Mr. Action has gone quiet on me. Ah well... at least I can live though everyone's good experiences and support you all ❤️

@Shayelle2009 I've just read your post yesterday about paying half of the bill and I have to say that I feel the same! A similar thing happened with Mr Grey on our second date (first date we only got two coffees, which he paid for). We went for dinner in a very inexpensive place, the bill only came to £35 for us both. As soon as the waiter brought the bill he immediately handed his card over and said that we were splitting the bill. I was actually so taken aback by it that I handed over my card and insisted on paying the whole bill myself! It might sound ridiculous but the whole situation just felt embarrassing. It almost put me off seeing him again, as he just came across as so stingy. However, when we did meet again he took me out to dinner and paid for the whole meal. I hate going out for food on early dates for this exact reason, the awkwardness around the bill. I can't rationalise why I feel like the man should at least offer to pay for dinner in the early stages, clearly it is more equal to split. But it still just feels cringey...

An update on Mr Grey : Last night he messaged me asking about my day etc and also letting me know that he has managed to swap some days around with his DC next week so that he can come and visit me for a long weekend instead of just for a night! That was nice and showed that clearly he has been thinking of me and making an effort for us to be able to spend some more time together. So maybe I need to just chill out with overthinking the communication for now....

@Iamclearlyamug Congratulations, how exciting!

I like them to offer, but I also like them to accept without arguing when I say no, we'll go halves. I don't then count the pennies, and it gets a bit annoying if they say "but I had a drink and you didn't so you should pay less" etc. I can cope with paying just straight half even if they had the lobster!

But I really don't like it if they ask first whether I want to see them again before they appear to decide whether to pay! MrTall put his hand over the bill and said "before we decide how to pay, are we going to meet up again?" and it actually upset me a bit. Being put on the spot and also feeling like he'd pay if I said yes, like I'm Pay Per View!

[quote HopefulDoubtful]@Shayelle2009 I've just read your post yesterday about paying half of the bill and I have to say that I feel the same! A similar thing happened with Mr Grey on our second date (first date we only got two coffees, which he paid for). We went for dinner in a very inexpensive place, the bill only came to £35 for us both. As soon as the waiter brought the bill he immediately handed his card over and said that we were splitting the bill. I was actually so taken aback by it that I handed over my card and insisted on paying the whole bill myself! It might sound ridiculous but the whole situation just felt embarrassing. It almost put me off seeing him again, as he just came across as so stingy. However, when we did meet again he took me out to dinner and paid for the whole meal. I hate going out for food on early dates for this exact reason, the awkwardness around the bill. I can't rationalise why I feel like the man should at least offer to pay for dinner in the early stages, clearly it is more equal to split. But it still just feels cringey...

An update on Mr Grey : Last night he messaged me asking about my day etc and also letting me know that he has managed to swap some days around with his DC next week so that he can come and visit me for a long weekend instead of just for a night! That was nice and showed that clearly he has been thinking of me and making an effort for us to be able to spend some more time together. So maybe I need to just chill out with overthinking the communication for now....[/quote]
That's encouraging re Mr Grey. It's so hard to get these things right and working in the early days. I think that's why lots of people end up cohabitating who maybe don't really mean to because it's 'less hassle' to organise time together.