Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@VanGoghsDog

I'm almost embarrassed to mention the other stuff. I've tried talking to people about it occasionally and they're just like - mmm you're successful and sorted, what's the problem.

I didn't "mention" anything, she just identified it.

But I'm a big fan of the saying - when the pupil is ready, the teacher appears.

Re the latter - yes, I get this all the time. And they're right. There is no "problem", why does it matter? It doesn't. It's up to you. I didn't seek diagnosis and it was something of a surprise.

Funnily enough I embraced it and thought that it showed I could see more than 'normal people'.

I had no idea it was wrong, so I didn't think it meant anything. Even when things were explained I often didn't get it.

You should leave your dad's stuff where he likes it! I had a bf who tried to clear up my house and he found it infuriating that I deliberated over every item where he was like "six bags, you don't need six bags, which four shall I get rid of". I didn't ask him to do this, I got really stressed, but because he was "helping" me I felt churlish turning him down.

He kept going on about how great I would feel to give things to charity and have more space. But I didn't feel great about that. That was him. He felt great about that. Basically giving away another person's things made him feel good. With no consideration of how I felt.

I do leave his stuff but I know I don't want to. I can picture his desk now!

Well it's all horses for courses. My younger cousins' diagnoses over the years just seemed normal and helpful and I eventually I was like, ok, this is basically what we are like in this family. But sometimes I think, should I label myself, especially when meeting new people. Is it helpful to them? To me? I absolutely don't want to use it as an excuse for poor behaviour though

But sometimes I think, should I label myself, especially when meeting new people. Is it helpful to them? To me?

I've really not told very many people, I agree it's not helpful.

And no, it doesn't excuse bad behaviour, but if we can explain to ourselves why we behave the way we do we are probably better placed to understand and find a way to address it or avoid situations where we behave like that.

Ah, there we are, 2.55pm, decorator "how's your day?"

I was wondering when he was going to appear. I might send him a weather report!

@VanGoghsDog

Ah, there we are, 2.55pm, decorator "how's your day?"

I was wondering when he was going to appear. I might send him a weather report!

I hope you did?!

@FireandBrimstone

Not so far, I have not opened the message, so he doesn't have blue ticks yet. Mind you, if he gets blue ticks and no reply that sends a stronger message I guess!

@VanGoghsDog, send him back ‘ Sorry bit “tied up”at the moment. 😈 ‘ and a random gif of a guy in a gimp mask. Then again he may see that as an invitation to chat in a different way completely.
No reflection upon you but my best guess is he’s not having much luck elsewhere and he’s either bored, lonely or hoping eventually you’ll change your mind about him.

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, send him back ‘ Sorry bit “tied up”at the moment. 😈 ‘ and a random gif of a guy in a gimp mask. Then again he may see that as an invitation to chat in a different way completely.
No reflection upon you but my best guess is he’s not having much luck elsewhere and he’s either bored, lonely or hoping eventually you’ll change your mind about him.[/quote]
I'd do this as well! 😊❤️

So I kind of have a fairly good idea what is up with Mr Cricket, he lost his match on Saturday and I just so happened to have asked about it. I think in future I won't bother or if I do I'll check the club website beforehand. That and post holiday catch up stuff might explain the slightly grumpy short messages today (Saturday his messages were fine).

Oh dear.

I think maybe I’m not ready for this. One of my irons seems really nice and keen but whenever he suggests meeting up I can feel myself think NOOOO

@Shuffleuplove

Oh dear.

I think maybe I’m not ready for this. One of my irons seems really nice and keen but whenever he suggests meeting up I can feel myself think NOOOO

@Shuffleuplove I know that feeling ❤️

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, send him back ‘ Sorry bit “tied up”at the moment. 😈 ‘ and a random gif of a guy in a gimp mask. Then again he may see that as an invitation to chat in a different way completely.
No reflection upon you but my best guess is he’s not having much luck elsewhere and he’s either bored, lonely or hoping eventually you’ll change your mind about him.[/quote]
I don't think he's trying "elsewhere" to be honest, he told me he's "not really bothered".

I kind of suggested a FWB situation (along the - shag him but have to gag him theme) but he's not interested. I doubt a gimp mask would mean anything to him.

MrWG though, that would get him very interested!

Anyway, now I have two new irons I'm not bothered by decorator and while I am desperate for a good shag, I can wait the four dates, assuming one of them works out!

@Isitreallyme777 sorry to hear Mr cricket is being off with you. I have to admit I find it really unattractive when irons are grumpy about sport- the results of the euros would've been a fantastic weeding opportunity for me if I'd needed it. Don't like to think of you walking on eggshells/pre-empting a bad mood by checking the results ❤️

[quote Heartbeats0708]@Isitreallyme777 sorry to hear Mr cricket is being off with you. I have to admit I find it really unattractive when irons are grumpy about sport- the results of the euros would've been a fantastic weeding opportunity for me if I'd needed it. Don't like to think of you walking on eggshells/pre-empting a bad mood by checking the results ❤️[/quote]
@Heartbeats0708 @Isitreallyme777 wise words. I immediately thought the same but couldn't put it into words

So I've got a few good irons at the moment, I'll give the ones likely to turn into a meet names:

MrBeard; was very keen but went for MrBear in the end because of distance. Date zero this Friday and FaceTime most days now.
MrItaly; met him back in March for a walking date zero. Really liked him & we're well matched in many ways. Didn't like his living arrangements; those are now resolved & he's back in the U.K. Likely to go to date 2 in August.
MrHorse; a new one from bumble who is local and is indeed familiar with horses, dogs and kids. Solvent and chilled. Not crushing but nice guy. Date zero once I'm better.
MrLawyer; nice guy once again have had a chat going with him since March but he's a long hours lawyer with minimal chat. When he found out I was in A&E dropped round some headphones and phone charger so that I could call my Mum. Definitely going to go to date zero with this one as what a lovely thing to do!

A few other chats but nothing concrete enough to get excited about. All from bumble

@VanGoghsDog, i assumed you met Mr Decorator in a dating context but presumably not. Looking forward to the update on your other dates.
@Isitreallyme777, said with kindness and your best interests at heart but please be careful with how invested you are being with Mr Cricket. You gave Mr Computer Geek way too much headspace and now it's seeming like you are maybe harbouring some hopes for something with Mr Cricket. In order to protect yourself I think you are going to have to find a way to establish if he has shifted at all from his stance of not wanting anything at the moment. Or accepting it purely as a friends scenario and if that was the case I definitely wouldn't be worrying about the cricket team score and his resulting mood.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards does that go away? Is that a sign to ignore and just see him?

@VanGoghsDog, i assumed you met Mr Decorator in a dating context but presumably not.

Met on Tinder, I did need a decorator, which I eventually let him quote for, then went on walking date (he's pretty dishy). Then he took me for a drink on my birthday, then the 'date' at his house where we watched a film and he gave me a glass of water, and waxed lyrical about Johnson and made disparaging commented about immigrants at which point I decided not to date him again, then he decorated, then I had the plumbing disaster (which he caused but that's a long story) and he dashed round to help so I took him for a drink to thank him during which he had a rant about benefits claimant, then he decorated post plumbing disaster, then he asked me out 'formally' and I said no.

I've just come away from my counselling, my counselor thinks he's verging on stalker status and that me responding to him gives him a bit of hope each time, so I'm reducing contact massively.

[quote Shuffleuplove]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards does that go away? Is that a sign to ignore and just see him?[/quote]
@Shuffleuplove yeah, it'll go away. 🙂 you should just see him. You've got nothing to lose after all ❤️

All quiet here. Away for a few day’s and very busy with work - might try for coffee with MrC when I get back. But we’ll see.

@Isitreallyme777

Agree with @Onesmallstep67 - please tread carefully with MrCricket.

It seems a little bit like you’re investing in him and worrying about what he says and does

and although a crush is nice and a helpful mate is nice, if he’s said directly he’s not romantically interested then that’s his stance so believe him ?

I mean I still find MrC hot and he’s genuinely a caring helpful guy but I’m not worrying too much about contact as we’re “not on” - if it happens it happens.

Yeh I wouldn’t have minded him getting over the distance and the no-children thing but he hasn’t so that’s that?

vanGogh I'm sorry but Mr Decorator sounds like a dick. Can you really not send him packing? Any other decorators about? You do seem to have your eyes open about the whole thing... the less contact, the better.

I've got a lovely little chat going with someone who couldn't be more different from me if they tried. He's an early riser, I'm a night owl. He does yoga at 6am before work. I would rather stick pins in my eyes. He's a vegan, I love meat and dairy. He doesn't drink, I'm partial to a glass of fine wine...

But he's absolutely adorable! He posts vegan recipes on YouTube and they're not very good but he's so enthusiastic and I love it! And: he has his kids 50/50, week on/week off, changeover day on a Monday, which is exactly my pattern, and our weeks match! Woo hoo! This is our kids week so I'm hoping for a date zero next week. He's Mr Teacher.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

vanGogh I'm sorry but Mr Decorator sounds like a dick. Can you really not send him packing? Any other decorators about? You do seem to have your eyes open about the whole thing... the less contact, the better.

I've got a lovely little chat going with someone who couldn't be more different from me if they tried. He's an early riser, I'm a night owl. He does yoga at 6am before work. I would rather stick pins in my eyes. He's a vegan, I love meat and dairy. He doesn't drink, I'm partial to a glass of fine wine...

But he's absolutely adorable! He posts vegan recipes on YouTube and they're not very good but he's so enthusiastic and I love it! And: he has his kids 50/50, week on/week off, changeover day on a Monday, which is exactly my pattern, and our weeks match! Woo hoo! This is our kids week so I'm hoping for a date zero next week. He's Mr Teacher.

Love the sound of him, @WeWantTheFinestWines. ❤️

Hi everyone,

Glad to hear about your matches, @BelladiMamma. I'm so pleased for you. 😘

@WeWantTheFinestWines- Mr Teacher sounds adorable. 👍🏻

It's going well with mr Specs so far. I maybe would like to date him at some point, and I think he's interested in me, but I'm trying not to think about it too much and I'm just enjoying the chat.

The other good news is that my pulpitis has cleared up and I can finally eat again 🙂 No more soup for me! Hoorah! ❤️

[quote Isitreallyme777]**@VanGoghsDog* no he didn't message either (other than about football on Monday) so it was obviously the right thing to do. As you and @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* say he is probably busy post holiday, I had a week off and playing catch up with work today and I didn't go anywhere so don't have the added stuff to do.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme777 ❤️❤️❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hi everyone,

Glad to hear about your matches, @BelladiMamma. I'm so pleased for you. 😘

@WeWantTheFinestWines- Mr Teacher sounds adorable. 👍🏻

It's going well with mr Specs so far. I maybe would like to date him at some point, and I think he's interested in me, but I'm trying not to think about it too much and I'm just enjoying the chat.

The other good news is that my pulpitis has cleared up and I can finally eat again 🙂 No more soup for me! Hoorah! ❤️

Sooo pleased you're feeling better again ♥️

@WeWantTheFinestWines

vanGogh I'm sorry but Mr Decorator sounds like a dick. Can you really not send him packing? Any other decorators about? You do seem to have your eyes open about the whole thing... the less contact, the better.

I've got a lovely little chat going with someone who couldn't be more different from me if they tried. He's an early riser, I'm a night owl. He does yoga at 6am before work. I would rather stick pins in my eyes. He's a vegan, I love meat and dairy. He doesn't drink, I'm partial to a glass of fine wine...

But he's absolutely adorable! He posts vegan recipes on YouTube and they're not very good but he's so enthusiastic and I love it! And: he has his kids 50/50, week on/week off, changeover day on a Monday, which is exactly my pattern, and our weeks match! Woo hoo! This is our kids week so I'm hoping for a date zero next week. He's Mr Teacher.

It's impossible to get trades here. Due to have bathroom done by end July, been trying to get a date in since April, plumber ghosting me and I've not got a quote or an actual start date. He hasn't even billed me for the Great Plumbing Disaster work, so I can't make the bloody insurance claim to at least get that out of the way! The reason I asked Decorator to do it was due to others not turning up, quoting and not then giving dates etc. So much so, that I have now recommended him to three other people who have also said they can't get decorators!

Anyway, I went to sort the leftover fabric from the sewing for the NHS project and there was literally tons of it, took hours, so he's taking some to use as dust sheets, he's got four big black bags of it. So that's good, good it can be reused.

MrTeacher sounds cute! I would date a vegan if they agree to do all the cooking and not go on at me when I eat bacon!