Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Onesmallstep67 so sorry to hear that!! Enjoy 😉 the ruminating. I'm really bad like that too!! Got so obsessed with MrBeard that decided I had to pick up a couple of new conversations so I didn't put all my hopes in one situationship!!

Luckily I don't want to attract the kind of man who wants to leer at a woman's cleavage.

Men seem to think I am reserved, and I'm OK with that - no need to put it all out there to people you've never even met.

Thanks for everyone's input. I have posted my profile in the past and got some helpful feedback. I think the content of my pics are ok, but the quality of the shot isn't always the best. I see some women's profiles where pics look like professional standard, but I realise it's probably that they've got the latest iPhone. I'm not naturally photogenic so I have to work quite hard to get a decent picture!

To give my opinion on women's pictures as asked, I have found that there are quite a lot of bikini pics on Bumble. To be honest, it's the sort of pic that would make me swipe left because it seems a bit posery. Quite a few profiles on Bumble seem a bit too polished, or just photos with no bio which makes me wonder if they are actual people.

I also don't like when someone has all pics that are selfies or all pics doing the same thing, e.g., every pic at the gym or every one is riding a horse. I'm not too bothered about a shot of you deadlifting. I also like to see women smiling and just generally looking approachable. Travel pics can be good as they can start conversation, but again, not every pic has to be you in a different country. Bottom line is probably not all that different to what women like in men's pictures: genuine smiles, and look like you'd actually be open to having a conversation

It seems that bunny ear filters are receding, which is good news!

@Dan88Bourne

Thanks for everyone's input. I have posted my profile in the past and got some helpful feedback. I think the content of my pics are ok, but the quality of the shot isn't always the best. I see some women's profiles where pics look like professional standard, but I realise it's probably that they've got the latest iPhone. I'm not naturally photogenic so I have to work quite hard to get a decent picture!

To give my opinion on women's pictures as asked, I have found that there are quite a lot of bikini pics on Bumble. To be honest, it's the sort of pic that would make me swipe left because it seems a bit posery. Quite a few profiles on Bumble seem a bit too polished, or just photos with no bio which makes me wonder if they are actual people.

I also don't like when someone has all pics that are selfies or all pics doing the same thing, e.g., every pic at the gym or every one is riding a horse. I'm not too bothered about a shot of you deadlifting. I also like to see women smiling and just generally looking approachable. Travel pics can be good as they can start conversation, but again, not every pic has to be you in a different country. Bottom line is probably not all that different to what women like in men's pictures: genuine smiles, and look like you'd actually be open to having a conversation

Totally get that about being open and approachable. The selfie thing is a bummer really because we are single so most photos of us solo are taken solo!!

I had an iron say it was a red flag when I sent him a photo of me on my horse (he'd requested it) but I'd blanked out my face as I was tomato red. I'm a bit shallow like that.

The problem is with not being photogenic is that you don't want overly flattering photos of yourself on the app in case people are disappointed. I also read that it's good to have a no make up one.

Hello to all the wonderful people on this thread I’m an official lurker but I wanted to ask some advice. My problem with OLD is that I get bored so easily! 9 times out of 10 I let conversations fizzle out all the time so struggle to get physical dates. I don’t know how to keep momentum with chatting. Even if they seem like a nice chap I forget to reply and then after a couple of days I think oh well it’s too late to reply now. Any ideas on how to keep that motivation to talk? TIA

@Hanbam, when I was OLD I would get pretty involved over a short period of time and then get fed up and overwhelmed by it quickly. I think you do have to give people that you are interested in the right signals and keep a momentum up with the chats. If you are taking days to reply matches are likely to be also messaging others so not maybe waiting around for your delayed response. If you do match with someone you particularly want to know more about then I’m afraid it will require some commitment and dedicated time.

Just to add my 10p about pictures, definitely ditch all the bunny ears and filters, personally I like profile pic, with a clear face, but not too close ( maybe from a couple feet away), personally I’m not a big fan of people heavily made up.
Then a couple of general pics, if you’re hobby is skiing, them one on the slopes, if you like dog walking, then one with your dog etc.

Recent I saw a pic of a lady feeding lama’s and I thought that was perfect, casually dressed (boots, jeans, outdoors coat etc), natural look, the sort of person I would be Interested immediately in,

Interesting convo re the photos, before I signed up to old first time round I made an effort to either take a selfie or get someone to take my pic in a few different scenarios. Not always easy but it's good to see how people spend their time as much as how they look.
@Hanbam I went through phases of that and the benefit of hindsight taught me that the ones that fizzled just weren't meant to be. I simply wouldn't forget to message back for days at a time because I was as keen to keep getting to know them as they were me. Maybe you just haven't matched with the right one yet?
Some of mine that fizzled from my side I definitely could've carried on and dated if I'd wanted to, but for whatever reason I wasn't that excited by them.
Things still going scarily well with Mr D. He's 'just right'- not too keen but clearly shows that he likes me/us/this. I saw him on Friday and nearly accidentally dropped the L word. Things just felt so comfortable and so right but it wasn't that long ago I swore off men 😂 only 6ish weeks in but certainly falling that way. Booked a few nights away in a couple of weeks and very excited for it.

@FireandBrimstone

Ach, now I’ve properly caught up. I thought I was reading the latest posts but I wasn’t . *@BelladiMamma* oh no, sounds painful. Hope you’re ok. I agree with the other comments, an independent woman with her own hobbies presents as a pretty appealing package I’d have thought. *@VanGoghsDog* oh your date sounded nice and easy. And the new chat definitely one to watch - looking forward to hearing how that develops. *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* good luck with that application! And I hope you get pics you’re happy with.

My pics are all selfies - I don’t have any recent ones from out and about or that friends have take (that’s because I haven’t really had any recent socials - still living quite a quiet lockdownesque life tbh) . I submitted them to photofeeler to get some feedback and all the ones I liked of myself got rated really poorly. The comments said ‘looks too much like a selfie’ - um yeah. So that was motivating… but I don’t have any others to use.

@FireandBrimstone thank you! I hope so too. ❤️

Oh @Heartbeats0708 this sounds great with Mr D! I think I have missed the earlier stuff on how you getting together but it's definitely on an exciting path.

@Hanbam's comments and the responses so far are making me think. Mr DJ and I had a really fun hour long messaging chat on Thursday. I've been trying to work out when is the 'right' time to pick it up again. He knows I'm off on holiday tomorrow so we don't have even a chance of meeting for a fortnight. I want to make sure we keep things going in the right direction in the meantime. Also feeling the pressure as I was Fire ON FIRE on Thursday, with banter on point even if I do say so myself, but of course nobody is always that way! If I leave it till tomorrow to pick it back up, is that too late?

(Sorry folks, I'm a terrible overthinker)

It's still going well with Mr. Specs. He's asked me to recommend some books to him. I'm always a bit nervous of doing that because not wanting to recommend shit books to other people but have sent him a few suggestions ❤️

I also read that it's good to have a no make up one.

I don't think I have any make up on in any of my photos. I rarely wear any. I might have a bit in one. But not very noticeable.

Re when to re pick up chat - not sure. This has been a terrible problem with MrWG, he'll suddenly be messaging all night, flirty etc. But other times I get two words and huge gaps, so obviously he can only chat when he's free but there's no notice of when that might be.

I now have two dates next week. Second with MrBee (Sat), date zero with new chatty guy (Thu).

In the right order so I can make a decision. New guy is more interesting, but I'm not sure "interesting" is the goal.
Decorator has days we are "friends", which is fine, that he's not expecting more, but a bit odd as I don't need a friend who texts me "morning, hot today" (etc) every day. Today I said "thanks Michael Fish".

@VanGoghsDog

I also read that it's good to have a no make up one.

I don't think I have any make up on in any of my photos. I rarely wear any. I might have a bit in one. But not very noticeable.

Re when to re pick up chat - not sure. This has been a terrible problem with MrWG, he'll suddenly be messaging all night, flirty etc. But other times I get two words and huge gaps, so obviously he can only chat when he's free but there's no notice of when that might be.

I now have two dates next week. Second with MrBee (Sat), date zero with new chatty guy (Thu).

In the right order so I can make a decision. New guy is more interesting, but I'm not sure "interesting" is the goal.
Decorator has days we are "friends", which is fine, that he's not expecting more, but a bit odd as I don't need a friend who texts me "morning, hot today" (etc) every day. Today I said "thanks Michael Fish".

I'm really enjoying your MrDecorator chat updates 😁

I'm not a big one for make up either but I had gone down the route of posting my naice photos and realised I should put something a bit more natural up too.

My mum takes all my photos and insists I wear make up! 🤣❤️

I need more natural photos too - but I only really think to take or have my photo taken when I am dressed up - I might get my daughter to take some on holiday - there’s a fine line between natural and sweaty mess - I’m not putting that up there 😂 I also don’t have a recent full length photo unless I do a mirror one - which I had before but now I feel cringey about those type of photos!

Im getting ready to launch myself onto the dating world again

Just caught up, this thread moves fast!

Interesting to hear that cleavage shots are popular, I'm quite blessed in that department, but my photos are quite demure with high necks and baggy tops, maybe I should start getting my baps out?!

Chat still going OK with MrMud, but I'm very sure he's talking to others. So I've decided that rather than put all my eggs in one basket, i'll start swiping again and see if I can get another chat going. MrMud himself said he would be unlikely to be able to meet up in person for several weeks, and quite frankly I'm sick of waiting around.

God, he's done it again! That's the third bloody time today. I have no idea why he wants to message me all day to annoy me.

So, I looked after a friend's dog today, at short notice cos her plans changed. I already had plans but I worked round them. Decorator told me not to walk her because it's too hot. I ended my plans early to come back for her, she clearly really wanted to go out, so I did take her, only in the shade, for a very short walk, mainly on grass. Mentioned this and he starts sending me stuff about how it's too hot, a screenshot of the weather forecast (like I can't feel how hot it is??), sent me some web page saying not to walk dogs. It's none of his business.
So, that was earlier and I said "will you calm down, I'm an experienced dog owner, she's fine" and that's when he said he was "just winding me up".

Anyway, I went back about six to let her out again (I would have brought her to mine, but a) that would mean her walking on the pavement, and b) their cottage is far cooler than my house.
He was texting, told him I was back there. I let her out, she wandered round the garden a bit, then I sat in the garden with her for about half an hour. I told him the owners were due back at eight thirty.
So, later he texts to ask if they got back and I'd come home - he'd misunderstood, I didn't stay til they got back, so I said that. And he starts with the whole "oh, so you had better things to do, you left her on her own...." etc.

So I said "do you think you could stop having a go at me?".
And lo - he was "only messing".

FFS!
What is the point!

@Dirtyduck

Definitely chat with someone else. Why would he be on apps if he has no time to meet up with you?

@VanGoghsDog

God, he's done it again! That's the third bloody time today. I have no idea why he wants to message me all day to annoy me.

So, I looked after a friend's dog today, at short notice cos her plans changed. I already had plans but I worked round them. Decorator told me not to walk her because it's too hot. I ended my plans early to come back for her, she clearly really wanted to go out, so I did take her, only in the shade, for a very short walk, mainly on grass. Mentioned this and he starts sending me stuff about how it's too hot, a screenshot of the weather forecast (like I can't feel how hot it is??), sent me some web page saying not to walk dogs. It's none of his business.
So, that was earlier and I said "will you calm down, I'm an experienced dog owner, she's fine" and that's when he said he was "just winding me up".

Anyway, I went back about six to let her out again (I would have brought her to mine, but a) that would mean her walking on the pavement, and b) their cottage is far cooler than my house.
He was texting, told him I was back there. I let her out, she wandered round the garden a bit, then I sat in the garden with her for about half an hour. I told him the owners were due back at eight thirty.
So, later he texts to ask if they got back and I'd come home - he'd misunderstood, I didn't stay til they got back, so I said that. And he starts with the whole "oh, so you had better things to do, you left her on her own...." etc.

So I said "do you think you could stop having a go at me?".
And lo - he was "only messing".

FFS!
What is the point!

At this point it's verging on gaslighting / negging. What a total PITA. Sorry because he seemed like he might have some mileage.

[quote VanGoghsDog]@Dirtyduck

Definitely chat with someone else. Why would he be on apps if he has no time to meet up with you?[/quote]
Good point

At this point it's verging on gaslighting / negging. What a total PITA. Sorry because he seemed like he might have some mileage.

He just has no personality, doesn't know how to talk to people. Hence his rants about immigrants and people on benefits (read the room fella!).

And this all day, can't say anything without some dig at me (left the picnic early to come and walk the dog, as a favour to a friend, he called me a "part timer", for leaving the picnic - is that funny then? He says this stuff is a "joke", aren't jokes meant to be funny?). And when I bite back I get "it's just a joke", banter, innit!

He's an idiot, but to be fair, I called it early on!

[quote VanGoghsDog]@Dirtyduck

Definitely chat with someone else. Why would he be on apps if he has no time to meet up with you?[/quote]
To be fair to him, it's just a bit of bad luck: our childfree weekends are opposite to each other and I'm free tuesday and thursday evenings - the same weeknights he has his daughter! It really couldn't be any worse if we tried!

@VanGoghsDog

At this point it's verging on gaslighting / negging. What a total PITA. Sorry because he seemed like he might have some mileage.

He just has no personality, doesn't know how to talk to people. Hence his rants about immigrants and people on benefits (read the room fella!).

And this all day, can't say anything without some dig at me (left the picnic early to come and walk the dog, as a favour to a friend, he called me a "part timer", for leaving the picnic - is that funny then? He says this stuff is a "joke", aren't jokes meant to be funny?). And when I bite back I get "it's just a joke", banter, innit!

He's an idiot, but to be fair, I called it early on!

The whole 'banter' thing is a smokescreen a lot of the time. I know you're on top of this but what I hate about it is when other more vulnerable women get this sort of treatment they retreat as they're not savvy or they're people pleasers. Personally it just does my head in. It's rude!! And as you said read the room!! My text exchange with MrCypriot today just reminded me why I'd cooled things off with him. I was stupid to get back in touch with him as we have these miscommunication / not great joke interactions.

@VanGoghsDog - The "I'm just winding you up" "I'm only messing", "It's just a bit of banter" blokes wear very thin, very quickly with me!