Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

As for the photo topic all mine are selfies although I do sometimes send photos taken by others on WhatsApp showing full length before a meet. As I don't want anyone getting over excited then disappointed in reality.

I think everyone should be legally obliged to include a full length shot in their photos. Mine prove that despite being a lazy arse I'm still quite slim. Also a group shot to confirm that you are the height you claim to be, at least as it appears relative to others. I'm tired of turning up to dates and being surprised at a previously undisclosed beer belly or height discrepancy. That's also why I want to meet up quickly. Because irons lie, or omit information that they know will matter. I know things aren't necessarily going right with Mr Elf (good luck Naimee87) but I really like that he said I know I'm short but give me a chance.

Man I'm fussy. My profile states 'no Tories'. I had someone ask me if we could chat despite him voting Tory at the last election. He was quite handsome but I had to say no, absolutely not. It's a deal breaker for me. No wonder I'm spending the weekend on my own! 😊

@WeWantTheFinestWines I also make it clear that I have childbirth scars, everywhere, and I do drop it in a couple of times eg 'difficult birth' so that they understand underneath the clothes there's also something else to discover ... that they might not like 😱

[quote BelladiMamma]@WeWantTheFinestWines I also make it clear that I have childbirth scars, everywhere, and I do drop it in a couple of times eg 'difficult birth' so that they understand underneath the clothes there's also something else to discover ... that they might not like 😱[/quote]
That's what I'm talking about! We've all been round the block a few times, we've got physical and mental scars. Why not just lay our cards on the table from the outset? Love your honesty Belladi. Sorry you had such a difficult time in childbirth 💐

Have just used the 🤨 emoji as supplied by @VanGoghsDog for an old iron, Mr Cypriot who sent me a sarky message about me being lazy and staying in bed whilst he was on a nice outing. Yeah humour I get but not so much when I'm concussed and nursing a bruised pelvis. Very useful little emoji that. Thank you for the help as ever OLD threaders!!

Thanks @WeWantTheFinestWines it's drawing that fine line between honesty, vulnerability and putting your best foot forward and not getting dragged into a conversation you don't want to have.

@BelladiMamma

Have just used the 🤨 emoji as supplied by *@VanGoghsDog* for an old iron, Mr Cypriot who sent me a sarky message about me being lazy and staying in bed whilst he was on a nice outing. Yeah humour I get but not so much when I'm concussed and nursing a bruised pelvis. Very useful little emoji that. Thank you for the help as ever OLD threaders!!

Sounds like the sort of "joke" decorator does. I tell him I ate a cake, he calls me a pig. I object, he says "I'm just winding you up". He's literally done it just now, about something else, I said "OK, so I'm wound up, what now?" He said sorry and sent a sad face. 🙄

I had to go to the town where Mr TG lives earlier and I just burst into tears in the car as I arrived there! I’m a lot more upset by his actions (or lack of actions in this case) than I’ve been admitting to myself and I feel very pathetic about crying!
I was going to send a message to him today but I know any engagement with him is going to upset me. I’m heading on holiday with my kids tomorrow and I don’t need to be upset and in a bad mood and ruin it for them. So I’m going to pack all the emotion back up again until Friday!
Just posting this here because I have no one to talk to about it and I know some of you will get it - or talk some sense into me

@MayEye Can't believe there has been nothing from Mr TG.
Its fine to cry, you're grieving.
Good idea to wait until Friday when you're back, you deserve to enjoy your holiday and not be dragged down by Mr TG.

Thanks @SortingItOut. I can’t believe it myself. Not one single message. I know he has stuff going on but I would have had zero expectations of seeing him while he sorts things. I just would have liked him to check in once or twice and let me know he’s ok. Oh well.

Hi all - wonder if I could get some advice from you all? I've deleted all my profiles as I was going through a pretty barren spell in terms of matches, and I've decided not to hop back on until I've got some new/better photos lined up.

My question is, as a guy, what kind of photos are good and which do I want to avoid? I normally smile in photos but I worry my teeth smile is a bit too cheesy! Just to add, I've never actually had a selfie on a profile before, and I would never have a dead fish/drugged tiger/drunk in the pub with mates pic!

@Dan88Bourne I'm not at all bothered about whether there are teeth on show or not. As long as the photos and the smiles seem genuine - not overly posed, not pouting (yes there are a few pouting men pics I've seen recently), not pigeon-chested posery. Personally I'm not keen on seeing group shots, shots with children etc although elsewhere on thus thread there are comments with good cases made for both of those options. There are a lot of pics of people with plates of food, glasses of wine or pints of beer - not a great deal wrong with that but to stand out, you could be doing something else - maybe something that hints at a hobby?

@MayEye so sorry. I can completely relate to the whole thing eating you up just now. I hope you can stick to your guns till you get in holiday, and hopefully good times will return again.

I like a nice smile - agree with the no pouting😅
I’m not fussed if there are loads of different shots - your list of what you are not doing is good! I read the profile too to get a feel for someone so put some relevant information there.

Thanks @FireandBrimstone - emotions back under control again for the moment. With this amazing weather I’m going to pretend I’m somewhere exotic on my holiday

@VanGoghsDog we can't be the only people that have mentioned it to them? Seems a bit of a major blind spot to get this far in life and not know that kind of thing. 🤨 people - just think before texting 💬

@MayEye drat so sorry that happened to you. What a rollercoaster it is sometimes! Have fun on your holiday ♥️

@Dan88Bourne I like profile pics and also descriptions of hobbies etc that reflect the person. So as relaxed and genuine as possible. Maybe let some friends look at it? Also log in one day and look at other bloke's profiles? I found looking at straight females my age was quite helpful! You don't want to copy what other people are doing but also it's good to get in the groove of it by looking at some others.

Good luck out there

[quote BelladiMamma]@VanGoghsDog we can't be the only people that have mentioned it to them? Seems a bit of a major blind spot to get this far in life and not know that kind of thing. 🤨 people - just think before texting 💬 [/quote]
Decorator just has zero conversation. He said today that I spend most of my life showering and getting dressed (obviously I don't). I said well, doesn't everyone? He said not eight hours a day, so I said my shower and getting dressed this afternoon took about twenty minutes. He said "and what about this morning", I said I didn't shower this morning as I was going out walking. And he said he can't believe I didn't shower and sent a vomit emoji. FFS, I can't win (not that I give a shit what he thinks). I suspect this is more "just joking with you" unfunny crap.

Dan At least one smiley photo is important, I think. If someone doesn't show their teeth at all, I assume they're hiding something dodgy in the teeth department (because that's happened to me in the past). I hate my own teeth and mostly don't show them but make sure to include one photo where they're on show.

Nothing blurry, a close up in good light and a full length photo are the minimum. A background or activity that says something about you is great. I blur out others in my group photo as they've not consented to be on a dating app with me. I don't want to see others' children or grandchildren for the same reason.

Photos where someone looks happy and confident do it for me. I'm sure someone on the thread would be happy to give you more specific feedback if you were happy to share your photos privately.

None of mine show my teeth but I have good teeth, I'm just not a natural smiler and I rarely do that head back, teeth on show type of laugh or smile.

I also have no full length photos because I don't have any way to take one. Other than the mirror selfie which looks daft now.

I don't have any group photos.

@VanGoghsDog you have the patience of a saint! Drives me nuts that kind of thing

Well, that was an eye opener. I just did as you suggested @BelladiMamma and had a suss of Bumble's other women around (and up to 10y younger than) my age. Sooo many women with a LOT of cleavage on show! Is that where I've gone wrong not that there's any flipping chance of me doing it.

For the men who are on this thread - would you reciprocate please and give us some thoughts on the kinds of pics that are righties or lefties?

Gosh I feel like so much has happened that I wanted to comment on but it's been a fraught week here, ending in us all testing positive and thus isolating. My older DD has missed out on a trip away with a group of friends and younger DD with a mystery face rash - possible covid complication- that was escalated to A & E. Thankfully all a bit calmer now and so far the girls are moderately unwell and I'm not too bad.
Sorry to hear about flaky irons and patchy behaviour. @MayEye, definitely go and enjoy your break and put Mr TG as much out of your mind as possible. @BelladiMamma, you've definitely had a bit of rubbish time of it, hopefully you're not feeling too many adverse affects of your fall.
Whilst isolating I won't be able to see Mr V. He's offered to drop stuff off and checked in with me but this situation has been another in which I realise there is something that doesn't quite fit with me and him. I'm a pretty resilient person but at times it's nice to feel that you have someone who is caring for/looking out for you. It's sometimes it's a difficult thing to strike a balance with because equally I am independent and don't want to be smothered. He has lots of great qualities but I am never 100% myself with him, just a version of myself. He doesn't indulge or bring out my more playful side and that can lead me to feeling a bit held back at times. To be fair to him we don't get a huge amount of time together and most of our RS has been conducted under the restrictions of Covid so there are milestones we haven't managed such as holidays or social events involving each other's family and friends. I have plenty of time in the next 9 days now to ruminate on this

@FireandBrimstone

Well, that was an eye opener. I just did as you suggested *@BelladiMamma* and had a suss of Bumble's other women around (and up to 10y younger than) my age. Sooo many women with a LOT of cleavage on show! Is that where I've gone wrong not that there's any flipping chance of me doing it.

For the men who are on this thread - would you reciprocate please and give us some thoughts on the kinds of pics that are righties or lefties?

Thing is, you've got to be yourself. I get called 'classy' and 'striking' which tbh I prefer to 'hot' and 'pretty' because I prefer to give out relationship vibes. Although frankly am thinking I'm going to take a leaf out of @cravingthelook 's book and have a few more plates spinning as I'm not ready for a full on relationship. But no way am I putting 'open minded' or 'casual' on my profile as you get the sleaze merchants.