Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@RobertClementHughes Well I confess to having a Strava profile. I guess I feel uncomfortable about being lumped in with the others you mention, the poseurs, the zero effort, the obvious players and so on.

Even as a compatibility issue it may not be such a big deal - if you’re someone that likes your alone time then you might get on really well with someone that spends the odd day on the golf course. I was going to say I feel open minded about meeting people that aren’t that active:outdoorsy but now I realise even that has connotations.

(Weird glitch there with the inappropriate grin)

"outdoorsy" is tricky.

I go for long walks, but I hate camping. Happy to have a weekend away where we hike in the hills, but must have a meal and bed to come back to - I draw the line at trangias!

I'm not outdoorsy in that I don't need to be outside all the time, nor as soon as the sun is out. In fact, I'm not keen on the sun.

Someone who did like those things wouldn't bother me, as long as I wasn't being forced to camp up Ben Nevis just because he wanted to. And I don't mind open minded, I'm not vanilla myself.

All my photos are selfies (no-one else to take them for me) though none are in bed. On Tinder, it seems there's little real point putting much in the words, no-one reads it.

Spending the odd day on the golf course, for someone else, is fine in theory, but my experience is that people who play golf get obsessed by it. My ex was ruled by it, it's rigid because of the booking system, you play with others so have to arrange that/put your name on a group booking etc. He had set days he played but would book up other days. But once he'd decided, golf overruled everything.

It was a factor in us splitting up because during Covid, once the golf courses reopened last year, he booked every day and I couldn't get any time with him and felt totally deprioritised. He also wouldn't stay at my house the night before golf in case the traffic was bad and he got stuck and was late (golf was at nine, he lived fifty minutes away and he used to get up at five thirty, I got up at a similar time to commute to work so it's not like we were going to be lazing in bed and oversleep).

I wish I hadn’t picked golf as an example now @VanGoghsDog !

I was at a friends last weekend and their flatmate is a demon crotcheter. On the face of it a madly time consuming activity, but digging deeper she does it to gift something unique to her friends. I wouldn’t like to frame her just as a single minded wool obsessive and if I was dating her I wouldn’t want her to lose that generosity in favour of spending time with me.

I guess I’m saying to give people a chance if they’re doing something i life that you wouldn’t ordinarily get involved in. That’s what open minded would mean to me if I stuck it on my profile.

This is such a good point, and one of the positives of online dating for me @HairyArsedMan
I guess I’m saying to give people a chance if they’re doing something in life that you wouldn’t ordinarily get involved in
Meeting people with a broad range of interests, hobbies, views and experiences. Of course, not all will be compatible with me but I like to look at life through a different lens to my own, and like with your example, the way people choose to spend their free time can often be a good indicator of their character!

Mr. Specs is interested in travelling apparently... I'm not sure if he'll be able to do it with me though. Not that I'm placing much emphasis on him, as we are just having a lovely flirt at the moment.

It's nice having a guy to flirt with, not sure what I'll do if he asks me out on a date in the future, I've come across quite confident with him so far, but I know I'll get nervous with him in person!

For me, the outdoorsy types are difficult for me to relate to a little. Any sports and walking activities are hard for me because of my CP. I just spend all my time reading or trying to study 😅❤️

It’s as though a significant proportion of men seem to think that they must be perceived as being outdoorsy, sporty and a traveller. Big big no from me. I’d be interested in someone with a really comfy sofa in their own library, who doesn’t mind an amble to the village shop for cake, and knows how to lay the fire. Someone with cotton sheets. That’s not a lot to ask is it?

@Shuffleuplove

It’s as though a significant proportion of men seem to think that they must be perceived as being outdoorsy, sporty and a traveller. Big big no from me. I’d be interested in someone with a really comfy sofa in their own library, who doesn’t mind an amble to the village shop for cake, and knows how to lay the fire. Someone with cotton sheets. That’s not a lot to ask is it?

@Shuffleuplove that's the sort of person I would like! ❤️

Oh crap. Someone that I spoke to on Bumble in the early days of my account (and who blocked me) has liked me on Tinder! What's the point of that? If he blocked me on Bumble, why like me on another site? I'm hardly going to be any different! ❤️

WLTM
Vanilla but with some moments of kink when we're both feeling it
GSOH
Well read or at least actively reads long things that are informative and fact checked
Looks after themselves but hunky and chunky preferred if male; if female prefer my size or bigger (5'5 and 10 stone); trans is trans beautiful but prefer female -> male switch not other way round
Loves hill walking and animals
Good around the house and happy to do stuff together occasionally eg gardening or diy but doesn't have to be every weekend
Happy to keep their own place
Twinkle in eye but not conventionally good looking
Self deprecating
Has travelled or lived abroad for a period
Thinks I'm a sex bomb
Not overly projecting, gifting, attentive or needy; happy in their own skin and in their own lives; into sex but not obsessed
Solvent; equal or better still slightly wealthier

I have no problem with sporty, outdoorsy types as that is what I'm like and probably why I go for that type. When I list what I do to people they're like "wow you're sporty". I do gym, boxing, spin, HIIT, yoga, tennis, I also like football and rugby.

People have different hobbies and interests and that is what makes life interesting. I actually enjoy hearing Mr Cricket talk about cricket as it is such a passion of his and I'm learning about something that I didn't have a clue about before.

@Iamclearlyamug so sorry to hear this. So unfair and disappointing. Hope you and your little daughter (i think) have something fun to get up to this weekend. Take your mind off of it. You deserve obviously a way better speci-man!
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards i’m liking the sound of MrSpecs, get out there on a date if he asks.

Oh nice to hear from the ‘other side’ get
some male views on OLD. I agree with the outdoorsy description being vague. I like a bit of both, like walks, hikes, runs, swimming but not a ‘camper’ or a ‘lets survive in the wilderness for a week.’ Also hate the heat so summer isn’t my favorite season to be out and about. Hate gym photo’s and semi-naked shower/mirror selfies, but like group photo’s or ones with kids in. I agree with @Heartbeats0708 as i like the hobbies comment this can help to establish good chats/conversations if you like each others hobbies. Agree with @SpringlikeBunk getting to the meet stage can drag out an become a marathon so best to give those who you are drawn to a chance and meet as soon as possible! Long drawn out text relationships can often give a false sense of a deep connection that IRL isn’t there.
Hope you are all enjoying nice weekends. MrElf is back later so i get a chance to talk face to face about the stupid text blow up! 🤨😂.
@bangheadhere40 how you feeling with the whole ‘out of the blue’ card shenanigans today! Hope you really did enjoy you birthday!

@Shuffleuplove

It’s as though a significant proportion of men seem to think that they must be perceived as being outdoorsy, sporty and a traveller. Big big no from me. I’d be interested in someone with a really comfy sofa in their own library, who doesn’t mind an amble to the village shop for cake, and knows how to lay the fire. Someone with cotton sheets. That’s not a lot to ask is it?

That sounds awful to me, I love to travel and be outdoors

I think the varying likes on here show there’s someone for everyone! Just need to find them somehow 😆

@JustAnotherOldMan I'm the same, I found the lockdowns so hard as I'm so used to being out and about doing stuff. I'm so much happier out walking than sat on a sofa.

Naimee I'm good thanks for asking and had a nice meal out last night.

He's not been in touch since I thanked him and asked how he was doing yesterday so the card obviously had no real significance for him!

@MayEye indeed- if everyone liked the same things, the world would be a pretty dull place!
Lockdowns were tricky and lovely in equal measure for me. I'm a true homebird and love having a day in the garden, but do have a sociable side so I missed bars/restaurants and social contact a lot!

@Isitreallyme777
Yes, getting out and about is really important to me as well, the winter lockdown was really tough for me, I’m a full time WFH, and single so spent lots of time totally alone, mentally tough

@JustAnotherOldMan yep same here, been wfh since March 2020 and it's been hard. I have a lodger so not on my own but at times it's been a major struggle as she never went out and moped around for months which brought me down and I couldn't escape to my usual places. I used to go for long runs in the forest and woods to get out during the winter lockdown.

@Isitreallyme777
Same here, was sent home March 2020 and still here now, I normally like to get out on my push bike or motorcycle, but last winter was really tough, company I work for is talking about us not going back until September now

Can I ask what do you do after a date zero if no further date has been pencilled in? We got on well, left it both saying we’d like to meet again (initiated by him). Also talking about a trip I’m taking near to his area and how he’d love to act as tour guide. We were only in contact on the app hadn’t exchanged numbers but he said he would send me his number when he got back home, but hasn’t done so.
We’ve exchanged messages since then but I initiated the chat both days and nothing in over a day from him as I decided not to initiate chats yesterday - he’s been online.
So not likely to be interested . I’m thinking he’s changed his mind, better chats going etc the usual reasons not to pursue things.

Would you send a closing off message or bother?

After my recent experience I’m very wary of chasing and also don’t want to be considered a back up option.
Or am I just overthinking a brief connection with a stranger

I think I'm wary of men who like being super active as that's one of the differences that doomed my last relationship. I just wasn't that interested in going for a bike ride and he just wasn't that interested in sitting in the garden with a glass of wine. We both tried but I know he wanted someone who was into exercise and keeping fit.

I'm also of the persuasion that the sooner you meet the better. I've had too many great chats that didn't work out IRL. I don't want to chat for ages and get my hopes up. A quick coffee or walk will tell me if they're a possibility at all. So far none of them have been, so I'm glad I didn't get over invested in the chatting.

@MayEye

Can I ask what do you do after a date zero if no further date has been pencilled in? We got on well, left it both saying we’d like to meet again (initiated by him). Also talking about a trip I’m taking near to his area and how he’d love to act as tour guide. We were only in contact on the app hadn’t exchanged numbers but he said he would send me his number when he got back home, but hasn’t done so. We’ve exchanged messages since then but I initiated the chat both days and nothing in over a day from him as I decided not to initiate chats yesterday - he’s been online. So not likely to be interested . I’m thinking he’s changed his mind, better chats going etc the usual reasons not to pursue things.

Would you send a closing off message or bother?

After my recent experience I’m very wary of chasing and also don’t want to be considered a back up option.
Or am I just overthinking a brief connection with a stranger

Sounds like he was being polite, maybe felt he had to say it in that moment. In my experience, if they're interested, you'll know.

I might send a message saying I enjoyed meeting you but I sense it's not going to go any further so I wish you well - then you've left it firmly in his court and he'll know it's up to him to contradict you or agree.

Thanks @WeWantTheFinestWines thats exactly the light wording I wanted and couldn’t think of!