Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher I agree with spring I think in some cases it may just be a sort of code for not being into the "lounging around doing nothing"/"avid pub goer" type. Worth making some connections and taking it from there. Also, making it clear that you do have hobbies & interests would be a good idea! So many in my age bracket are either gaming/pub, anything different stands out.

Well that lasted a long time - NOT

Me and Mr Lorry are no more, apparently he’s “not ready” UGH, I’ve had a big cry and drunk 2 glasses of wine. I really liked him 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Ohh noooo @Iamclearlyamug I'm sorry to read that, you two seemed so happy! He went to an awful lot of effort to woo you to then turn round and say he's not ready. Be kind to yourself

Thanks @Heartbeats0708 yeah I thought so too 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ He’s got a lot of baggage and stuff going on with his ex, but I’m so hurt and feel very strung along 😓😓

@Iamclearlyamug so sorry to read this. Hope you’re ok. These things can be so hard to process.

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher for info I’m consistently swiping left if I see a man who seems to be hyper-focused on active sports / outdoorsiness. I feel they will have extremely high expectations of the fitness of their matches and just don’t need that pressure. Other aspects of compatibility are more important.

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher I’m the same as Fire, if they seem too active I swipe left as I’m afraid they will think I’m lazy - I am a bit to be fair I like walking, yoga but I’m not looking for someone to do sports with - just someone to do dating stuff with. I also swipe left on anyone that mentions wild camping shudder

@Iamclearlyamug I’m sorry about that. Him not being ready is no reflection on you - it’s all on him. If he really isn’t ready he shouldn’t be dating at all. I say this as someone loosely entangled with someone who is clearly not ready either

tossacoin I have exactly the same problem but from the other side. I like being outside and going for walks but I'm not 'an outdoorsy type'. I can't find anyone who's not that but who's also half decent. It's as if all you get are hyper active, super fit, outdoorsy blokes who don't like sitting still or obese, blurry, beer holding potatoes. I just want someone who looks after themself but is also interested in music, arts, literature, films, current affairs. I don't think they exist. I'm also in the South West, but in the 50s bracket.

Happy birthday @banghead 🎂🍾🥂🥳😘😘

@Iamclearlyamug I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. I can emphasise with you totally. My ex did the same thing to me.

Please don't beat yourself up. This is his fault. If he wasn't ready to date, then he shouldn't have been on a dating site.

Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

@Iamclearlyamug just want to also say it's completely natural to feel strung along. It's horrible, I know. But it'll pass, and you'll find someone really wonderful ❤️

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher I'm in your age bracket and I'm a let's go outside sometimes but let's do lots of fun stuff kind of woman. I'm in Scotland though.

@MayEye Can't believe Mr TG hasn't been in contact at all, not even one message, good idea to send a message on Sunday to end things so you have closure.

@Iamclearlyamug I'm sorry to hear about Mr Lorry. Have a read about lovebombing, I know when you met him a few on here were concerned about him lovebombing you and it not being sustainable.

Yes its nice having someone interested in you and treating you well but too over the top is a red flag.

@SortingItOut I think maybe you’re right 😥😥 I don’t know, at the time I just felt so special. To be fair a breakup isn’t any easier or more difficult no matter how “nicely” they do it - and as far as getting dumped goes, he did do it very nicely and said he’s probably making the biggest mistake ever. But I won’t go back if he pops up again in future

Hello folks, are men allowed on this thread?

Welcome @JustAnotherOldMan

We have a few blokes on here. All trying to find our way through the OLD minefield

@SortingItOut I’m gutted to be honest, how easily I could be put in a box and forgotten about by him.

The outdoorsy question has made me wonder what other people's filtering process is like? I'll swipe left on anyone who:

1. Has only pictures with no narrative
2. Pictures are only of exercise activities
3. Pictures are only selfies
4. Anyone who says "not looking for a penpal"- messaging for a few weeks is necessary. I'm not going to spend precious time on dates where I have no idea whether we have anything in common! And there's no rush ffs, don't be so impatient
5. Gym pics taken in seriousness
6. Look at me lazing/brooding in bed pics
7. Also wary of men who say they are active and looking for similar, like pps. I do active stuff too but that's life admin for me, like brushing my teeth, not a hobby.
8. Really poor spelling or grammar (can forgive the odd typo but at the same time, it's an advert basically so you'd think they wanted to check it's correct! I bet there's a typo in this post now )

Sure there are more, what does everyone else do?!

Not sure on your point 7 @RobertClementHughes - I’m one of those that put outdoorsy and it means getting out of the house in my spare time or when I’m parenting. So it’s active lifestyle on top of all the stuff of life admin. So today, the laundry is on, the bathroom is cleaned, I’m going to do some gardening after I finish this cup of tea and head out for a hike at an FC site with my son this afternoon.

I reject anyone that mentions lots of drinking. Anyone who lists their political affiliation as right/cons, anyone who shows pictures of their prize possessions eg check out my big sports car, that sort of “peacocking” is horrid. Not keen on references to “lady”.

And anyone who says they want someone “open minded” because I’m reliably informed that’s bum sex or similar.

@HairyArsedMan I think it's where their wording suggests that as soon as work is done they've got strava booted up and can't wait to get doing something- I wish I could be more biased towards exercising for relaxation but it's just not who I am, so it would be a difficult time working out what we should do for fun

@shuffleuplove

One of my irons has sent me a meaaage that he’s going out for a run. I think I’m meant to be impressed by that. I’d rather he sent me a photo of a massive fry up.

My swipe lefts are
-Pictures with their kids
-Group photos with no indication of who they are
-Any mention of casual
-any aggressive or passive aggressive statements such as ‘no drama’ etc
-if they’re too good looking!
-bed photos