Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@bangheadhere40

I agree with pps - think he likes the attention/ego-boost/game? Be direct if you do contact him and ask what's happening.

There's nothing wrong with having a virtual buddy in the modern world (I LOVE all you threadies!)

but you've made it clear you want FTF meets and he's deliberately strung you out for the attention.

Let me guess, he's "pretended" he's just relaxed/casual about the whole thing?

He knows full well what he's doing, he knows exactly what you've been wanting - it just suits him to have you "available" as someone reliable for chat and attention and control.

Yeah he did string me along and seemed like I was there for an ego boost / attention.

I mean I may have it wrong...I could message thanks and thar could be it.

I just don't want to end up I the same virtual limbo I was in before.

It's only a card, he could just be being nice.

@bangheadhere40

Your feelings matter too here - I've experienced the whole "virtual/second rate friend" thing where someone just messages me endlessly and I get attached.

but if I suggest a brief coffee some time it's a no-go area? Then I hear they've been making time for anything BUT socialising with me.

Looking back, I do think it's a bit of a control/ego-boost thing - leading me on to think there is something more and enjoying me "chasing/begging to see them".

Exactly....he had time to chat to me all day but had no time to meet in person. It just really annoyed me and made me feel not good enough- something to do when he's bored etc.

You know online when someone says they want someone “open minded”, does that mean stuff like bum sex? It doesn’t does it?

Thank you @Naimee87 . Truck lessons sound like it could be a lot of fun.

@Scabber don't let it get to you, you don't fancy everyone you meet in real life and it has nothing to do with you. Although I'm saying this as someone who has given up OLD.

I don't have the thick skin required for OLD either but what I've learnt is it is them not you. Someone will come along who likes you for you.

@Shuffleuplove Being open minded usually means up for things which are not vanilla - 'normal' sex and oral etc

I think he will likely want people into BDSM and kinks but you won't know until you ask.

Open minded definitely means in a sexual way on dating sites.

Ok. Thanks for clarifying.

Yes I've just had someone match with me who says they're 'adventurous'. Realised that is probably nothing to do with extreme sports and more to do with sex so I also deleted. It's a minefield ...

Oh god. I want someone who is portly and vanilla.

If I do message saying thanks blah blah and he comes back he's all good and coupled up with someone new that will ruin my birthday / weekend/ life 😭

I want to be mature not the mess I normally am ( he has a strange effect on me)...

I'm just going to say thank you for the card, hope you are well.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.

Hiya everyone wow this thread moves so fast I need to catch up!

So I went out on a date Tuesday, we got on really well and I stayed out way later than planned. And he kissed me which was fine but I prefer not to kiss on the first date.

While we were out I was telling him a story about someone I know which was a very odd sexual story. Which then lead him to tell me some stuff about his sex life fine and he said some stuff like he's dominate and all this which isn't really something I'm into!

But since we met up nearly everything I say by text he turns it into sexual comments. Which I've mentioned to him and his reply is you told me this sex story when we were out! But nearly every other message now he relates anything I say to sex!

So in the last message I told him I'm bored of that now. And he said are you bored of my humor I was like yep. And he said oh well that's me!

We are aged to meet up Saturday but tbh if this is his humor I'm not so keen on it and we got on really well but I'm also not keen on his sexual interests so just wondering if I should just stop speaking to him now, or see him Saturday and se ehow it goes?

@Shuffleuplove i want someone portly and vanilla 😂 you have an excellent way with words!!
@bangheadhere40 sorry that this has thrown you off a bit, it would me too. I'm worried that any response from him is going to spoil your birthday to be honest- I'd be inclined to leave your thank you message until the weekend. As obvs you'll be far too busy enjoying yourself on the day..?!
@jugglingjobs I'd probably sack it off, you don't seem to be feeling it. To be fair I'd take it as a green light to talk about sex if you said the story, but it's no excuse not to tone it down after you've said you're not impressed with it.

@jugglingjobs normally I'd advise having a second date to see how things go, but in this case I'd break things off. It sounds like his sexual comments are going to irritate you in the long run. I've had an iron like this in the past too, and it's really irritating ❤️

@Heartbeats0708 - I didn't mind him talking about his sex life (I would also see the conversation as a green light) but I'm just finding it annoying that anything I talk about he turns it into talking about sex. I'm not sure if he is immature or just crazy into sex.

We all enjoy sex and it's not a problem talking about it, but I can't have a normal conversation without him him making sex jokes. He's not really creepy with it but just anything I say he refers to sex again and i think that with as he told me about his sex things I just think it's all abit much.

We did have a really great time together and just got on so well. But also his past relationships all sounded very crazy and I'm not sure it all adds up.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yes it's just annoying isn't it, not sure why guys think we would like this.

I hate online dating

Arf at "portly and vanilla", just my type.

I'll fight for one of those.

@jugglingjobs

I kind of feel like that about MrWindsor I met the other week.

Cracking "banter" and chemistry but didn't really seem much more

he's hot but also my life isn't a Diet Coke Man ad or an episode of Sex and the City - maybe it's just me but I don't want to be communicating with someone making smutty statements all the time, it's just vulgar?

Same as anything that anyone "goes on about"? Whether it's money or the ex or "wisecracks".

I don't like people who bang on about politics, or I have religious ex-friends who keep saying "God" in every sentence or "what God wants" or "will of God" and it's just boring and one-dimensional?

@bangheadhere40 if you felt the need to go NC there must have been a good reason, I don't know all the ins and outs of your situation, but i had a guy I was seeing for about 5 years on and off and he drove me nuts and I would cut him off and he would always come back.

If he couldn't make time for you and caused you that much hurt I don't think it's a good idea, but I also know how easy it is to get pulled back in.

But good advice above about waiting until tomorrow to reply, if you haven't already messaged that's a great idea

@SpringlikeBunk so are you still talking with him? Out of interest how do you reply when he keeps talking about sex?

Yes it is vulgar and it's just not right, like honestly can your mind not entertain a normal conversation for 5 minutes

I need to log on more often, hard to catch up with all the news. You all talk such sense though - it's definitely helpful especially when I'm just encountering plonkers everywhere I swipe at the moment.

Apart from Mr DJ (so far) - more text chatting this evening. I am so relieved to have got past my awkward clanger from earlier in the week.

And oh yes I am plenty old enough to remember Blind Date. Looking forward to hearing how yours goes, @troobleflooble

@jugglingjobs

Didn't reply to his last message tbh - it just felt "too much"?

It felt like he wanted to "lead the conversation" a certain way and I'm just more mindful of my comfort levels and zones of consent now?

I also don't like the whole "I'm a sexual guy, take me or leave me" vibe.

I got the impression some of his previous relationships were chaotic and (like yours) crazy and I wonder if this was the issue?

Going all hyper-sexual, the women initially "playing along" as he's a good catch otherwise but not having formed a proper respectful connection or no decent communication beyond "banter".

I mean I'm not anti-sex, I'd love an intimate night with someone and we did stuff and it was hot - but sending constant "I'm so horny" messages is just too much.

[quote jugglingjobs]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yes it's just annoying isn't it, not sure why guys think we would like this.

I hate online dating[/quote]
@jugglingjobs I hear you 🙏🏻❤️

(and it's not just sex, like I said if someone just banged on about their boss/ex/dog/politics and turned everything to that, I'd be pretty bored and fucked off too).

I'm a sexual guy, take me or leave me that's a good point this is how this guy seems to be going on, yea I love sex too but it's not the only thing about me and considering we have only met once i'm just not comfortable with it.

He is also very very tall and I am small, he''s more than a foot taller than me

clip from SATC

Kind of outdated styling, but rings so true still