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Original poster

Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

998 replies

Dancerinthemoonlight · 04/07/2021 00:06

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Dee03 · 12/07/2021 20:44

@VanGoghsDog
My work plus the people at the Covid test centre....if his pcr test comes back negative then we can go back to work...I've had both my jabs, so have all my work colleagues plus residents

VanGoghsDog · 12/07/2021 20:46

[quote Dee03]@VanGoghsDog
My work plus the people at the Covid test centre....if his pcr test comes back negative then we can go back to work...I've had both my jabs, so have all my work colleagues plus residents [/quote]
Ah, right - it's just if the app tells you, you do not have to.

Fingers crossed for a negative result!

Dee03 · 12/07/2021 21:00

@VanGoghsDog
Thanks 😊

Shuffleuplove · 12/07/2021 21:19

Checking in! I had some difficult news which I had shared with Mr. Finance, via WhatsApp. We have never spoken on the phone. And as soon as he got my message he called and said how sorry he was and was really charming and kind and polite. I thought that took some guts actually. Star

Dirtyduck · 12/07/2021 21:32

Ohh I'm a sucker for a sexy accent too! MrPosh had lived in another country for many years and spoke their language fluently and I loved hearing him switch from English to that language, he pronounced everything so perfectly! MrMud has a soft welsh accent that's been diluted by living in England for a while, but I love the way he says Cwtch etc. Grin

BelladiMamma · 12/07/2021 22:01

@Shuffleuplove

Checking in! I had some difficult news which I had shared with Mr. Finance, via WhatsApp. We have never spoken on the phone. And as soon as he got my message he called and said how sorry he was and was really charming and kind and polite. I thought that took some guts actually. Star
Hope you're ok Thanks
BelladiMamma · 12/07/2021 22:02

@Dirtyduck

Ohh I'm a sucker for a sexy accent too! MrPosh had lived in another country for many years and spoke their language fluently and I loved hearing him switch from English to that language, he pronounced everything so perfectly! MrMud has a soft welsh accent that's been diluted by living in England for a while, but I love the way he says Cwtch etc. Grin
😀 me too although Essex might not be everyone's cup of tea 🫖 I am a fan
troobleflooble · 12/07/2021 22:47

Sorry to hear you've had bad news @Shuffleuplove. Hope everything is ok.

It's good that Mr Finance was nice about it though, it's a good sign that he cares 😊

Original poster
Dancerinthemoonlight · 13/07/2021 00:20

It was a nice evening. He looks better in person than pictures. It wasn't fireworks and instant attraction but it wasn't an instant no. Really nice kiss at the end of the evening although I did have to move his hands a few times as they were going further than I was comfortable with

OP posts:
SpringlikeBunk · 13/07/2021 01:42

So enjoying my apps break already!

Still some light contacts, but can confirm diving into the SoT is definitely not a plan for the future Grin

Not sure if it’s an age thing or introversion or lack of resilience but just can’t cope with concentrated twat.

Maybe elitesingles if I try again Hmm

Dee03 · 13/07/2021 01:55

Been texting Mr NotTooFar tonight...he has no social media and he says he not generally a texter but tonight is the most he's ever texted in his life which made me smile....after we'd said goodnight he said he'd hope we would meet soon as he'd like to take me out on a date if I was ok with that.....I think he's a bit shy...I said I would like that and would let him know the results of my sons pcr test as soon as I knew them......

So basically I need to not overthink this...as usually this is where it all goes to shit.....but here I am at nearly 2am online as I can't sleep

Heartbeats0708 · 13/07/2021 08:03

Glad to hear it went well @Dancerinthemoonlight do you think you'll see him again?
@SpringlikeBunk what happened with Mr C in the end, did I miss the update?
@Dee03 that's lovely, though I do hope you got some sleep in the end!

Original poster
Dancerinthemoonlight · 13/07/2021 08:16

@heartbeats0708 I don't know if I will or not. I'm not going to chase him for another date. He has gone off grid several times so it wouldn't surprise me if he did it again.
I'm annoyed that I had to move his hands several times. I'm of the opinion of if I move them once then they shouldn't go back again and again.

OP posts:
Naimee87 · 13/07/2021 08:38

@Dee03 i been there with trying no to over-think then lying there awake over-thinking, but sounds all positive!
@Dancerinthemoonlight i've been lucky not to have someone be too pushy but it is a bit of a turn off... think someone else asked if you'll be seeing him again.
@BelladiMamma yea they still haven't spoken, not sure how to help but not sure there is anyway to recover as the text she's sent him is pretty final. Annoyingly i left one of my favourites jackets at his place... not sure i'll be seein it again.
@Dirtyduck MrElf is not from where i'm from and has a really nice deep voice/accent. His english is pretty perfect and he switches between languages like its nothing! I'm a bit scared that i don't understand anything he says when he speaks his mother-tongue though, could be odd when i'm around his friends maybe.
@SpringlikeBunk is EliteSingles more a sexy app than the others?

troobleflooble · 13/07/2021 10:33

Sorry this will be long! Ok so....

I caved 😞 I chatted to Mr Tall and he REALLY opened up. He's always been quite 'stand off-ish' and not very open emotionally but I put that down to him being only spilt from his ex for less than a year and wanting to prevent himself from getting hurt again. I also think (knowing what I know now) that he is the dismissive/avoidant type who pushes people away when they start to get close. Pretty much opposite to me!

He said a lot of stuff which I didn't know before, about our situation and his actions since we met, and it all kind of clicked into place. I suddenly understood 90% of why he said and did the things he did before that annoyed me. Doesn't make it ok but at least I can understand why he did it! I just wish he had been more open from the start because it would have been so much easier and saved so much hassle. It's weird because he's a very honest person but I guess people are complicated. He does have some major issues going back to childhood that explain a lot too. Not making excuses for him but I can empathise.

I ended up inviting him to go on a walk for my birthday. I could have gone on another date with Mr Archer instead but when I had the opportunity I just knew I really wanted to spend time with Mr Tall.

He brought me flowers and a birthday present, cooked me a bbq and we had a lovely walk. He talked about the time that we spent apart and what he got up to in that time and it's so strange because we were basically (unknowingly) doing the exact same things:

Tried to date other people. Didn't really work.
Super depressed
Hermit mode
No sex drive

Long story short, we ended up in bed. I don't know what it is about him but we're just so good there 😍

I'm not super naive and I know he might just have used me for sex, but tbf I totally used him too 😂 For now I'm just going to chalk it up to a wonderful day and enjoy it for what it was.

I do have a bit more hope though now that everything is out in the open. I feel like knowing all that now I'm a bit more able to read between the lines and pick up what he isn't saying. I guess we'll just have to see!

I do completely realise how ridiculous I sound lol 😆

Eesha · 13/07/2021 12:18

@troobleflooble it sounds like you have real chemistry, what was the issue the first time round?

troobleflooble · 13/07/2021 12:46

Essentially it was a combination of miscommunication and him changing his mind constantly about me. Plus him not being open about his thoughts/feelings. It wasn't all him either, I jumped to conclusions and made assumptions because I'm a clingy, anxious type who is terrified of being abandoned so every time he acted aloof I took it as confirmation that he didn't really give a shit and was just using me.

He said to me on our second date that it was scary how quick and intense our connection was, which it was for both of us but for different reasons.

I've actually never felt such an instant attraction to someone, especially when he's not my usual 'type' on paper. I don't want to be all dramatic about it but it's genuinely like magnets drawn to one another.

SpringlikeBunk · 13/07/2021 14:23

@Heartbeats0708

MrC is keen on us staying in touch but tbh I’m just a bit fed up generally and feeling ennui so was quite negative - I’ll hope to get him for a sober coffee at some point although I did go off on one a bit (when I start a message with “not having a go just giving some constructive feedback...” I know it’s time to retreat a bit ConfusedBlush). I don’t think there’ll be any physical intimacy there now as it just seems too complicated? It’s the whole “casual being harder to navigate than straight serious dating” thing.

@Naimee87 Not tried it yet but elitesingles is paid and allegedly a bit more thoughtful like the new guardian soulmates (not excessive but enough to stop people dropping in and out and giving it no thought).

That said I guess a lot of guys pay for tinder gold so it’s not free either - I think I’m just all tinder and bumbled out tbh? And hinge was meant to be a “nice” app but still shady guys there!

cravingthelook · 13/07/2021 14:24

@troobleflooble you sound like you are describing Mr HT

He's my nemesis

SpringlikeBunk · 13/07/2021 14:26

I was zooming with some friends and we’ve ALL had the “wanting to do too much too soon after lockdown” and are now totally burnt out.

So I’m just enjoying looking forward to shopping and planning walks and art galleries and stuff without adding managing dates to the mix.

BelladiMamma · 13/07/2021 14:52

I've asked MrBeard if he'll FaceTime tonight instead of later in the week. Ulterior motive is that I've now got some child free time and if I like him as much I think I do, I'd like to see if we can move our date to earlier. Otherwise our date night is right at the end of my child free time and I won't be free to see him again until mid august. And then after that not until September.

I don't want him to feel pressured but he doesn't have DC so I'm hoping he'll be ok with me trying to go for an earlier meet ...

Of course chemistry might be zilch and that way I can move on.

Notdeadbiped · 13/07/2021 16:44

Hello, I don’t intend to offend anyone, but will be open and honest with you all, and am sure that’s what’ll come back my way.
54 years of memories and lessons, still learning, and still sharing.

Notdeadbiped · 13/07/2021 16:45

Hi, not sure what I’ve done, ignore me, rookie mistakes, thought it was a profile page etc…

BelladiMamma · 13/07/2021 17:58

@SpringlikeBunk

I was zooming with some friends and we’ve ALL had the “wanting to do too much too soon after lockdown” and are now totally burnt out.

So I’m just enjoying looking forward to shopping and planning walks and art galleries and stuff without adding managing dates to the mix.

I hear you. We all need a reset and refresh
BelladiMamma · 13/07/2021 18:19

So MrBeard is unwell so all my evil plans have gone to pot. Looks like I will be waiting another 10 days to meet him.

So help me, I've just gone back onto Bumble