Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Anymore book recommendations gratefully received

Anything by Alain do Botton. Also his YouTube videos.

I talked to Mr Blue Eyes last night and made it clear that I need communication between seeing each other in person. He was understanding but also honest about whether he thought he could change his behaviour. It's hard because I use my phone so much that I can't really relate. I'm trying not to think that if he cared enough he would manage to make the effort... So, if we're different in that way I'm not going to be ashamed of having needs and it will end. He wants to try first though. 🤷‍♀️

de, not do - was so busy correcting "Bottom" I missed that!

@Misty9 I'm glad you were able to speak to Mr Blue Eyes about your communication needs.

Its interesting that you think if he cared he would increase his texting but what if he is thinking 'if she cared about me she would not expect me to do something I'm not comfortable with/cannot do due to time/life etc'

Communication styles differ so much and for someone to not use their phone much seems alien but actually it is quite common.

I hope you 2 can meet in the middle somehow🤞

@VanGoghsDog Thanks, I'll check him out.

Mr Cricket was quite grumpy last night, all I got out of him when the football went to penalties was "bulls*" and even when i tried to look for some positive (we are a young team and still in the final) he was still a bit grumpy. I'm a football fan but even I'm not that grumpy over it. 🤷‍♀️🤣

@Naimee87 that's the sort of thing I would do. Hope you get to find another one though.

That's a bit crap @Isitreallyme777

For once Mr HT made me smile with his really positive attitude (he's a massive sports fan) and was more focused on saying how well those young lads did under such pressure.

@cravingthelook that's the way I look at it, they're a young team with a bright future ahead of them. The reaction to the 3 players who missed is vile.

I'm trying to stay off the apps for a bit longer whilst I wait to see what comes of meets with previous irons MrItaly, who's no longer living with his ex. Meet planned for late July; we've met before and I wasn't comfortable with his living arrangements so benched him as a friend. We've stayed in contact in the friend zone. Not very flirtatious contact but like him.

Also MrBeard aka the voice, who I've kept up a conversation with since early April. Now sending each other voice notes, video call planned for this week after work. First meet planned for next week. Makes me laugh, but no idea if any chemistry IRL. His voice makes me go weak at the knees. Very flirtatious so trying to remember that it may all come to nothing.

In the background I'm planning my return to the apps and have taken new photos etc. Tried one out on my fb profile and everyone's been very complimentary. Stealth marketing 😂

Really don't think I'm up for a deep and meaningful after MrBear. I don't like the responsibility of a relationship or someone else's feelings at this stage in my life. I'd always be respectful, I'm not a game player but I'm not sure that I'm in it for a LTR. Unless someone else's vision of a LTR is the same as mine, very much not in each other's pockets but sharing the good times. Not so sure that I want to share the bad times, the kids, hard won financial independence etc etc

I have had a nightmare day at work so I haven't had time to catch up on the thread.
Mr Travel (I think that's what I called him) confirmed around 1 and moved the location nearer to me. I was going to put in a few extra hours in with work tonight but a drink sounds a lot more enjoyable

Well Mr NotTooFar msgd earlier and asked if he could phone me.....bit the bullet and replied yes, even though I hate talking on the phone....chatted for an hour, easy to talk too....the only downside is I now have to isolate for ten days as my 19 year old tested positive for Covid yesterday

@SortingItOut funny you should say that as I think he does think that! I'm trying not to think that because, like you say, it's just difference. But I think he is a bit hurt that the connection we have when we're together isn't enough to sustain me... Time will tell.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I have had a nightmare day at work so I haven't had time to catch up on the thread. Mr Travel (I think that's what I called him) confirmed around 1 and moved the location nearer to me. I was going to put in a few extra hours in with work tonight but a drink sounds a lot more enjoyable

Have a lovely time ☺️

@Dee03

Well Mr NotTooFar msgd earlier and asked if he could phone me.....bit the bullet and replied yes, even though I hate talking on the phone....chatted for an hour, easy to talk too....the only downside is I now have to isolate for ten days as my 19 year old tested positive for Covid yesterday

Oh no 🙈 There's a lot of it about ...

@Dee03
Sorry hit send too soon. The younger ones and families are definitely getting it more. I know of 3 cases amongst my son's age group - same age as yours. Hoping that my son's vaccines will be finished soon and also will provide protection

@BelladiMamma i like your update! here's hoping there's a spark with MrBeard IRL. Just out of curiosity where is he from? I love accents too and always surprising when a dead sexy voice belongs to a real dweeb. I also like what you said about knowing what you want in a relationship because its played on my mind now for a while. I did think it was marriage and more kids and to be looked after so instead of enjoying my previous relationships i was so focused on what was going to happen in our future that it scared them off and things ended. Now that i'm over that i'm also quite happy to enjoy someone's company, i do want to be exclusive with them and want to be equally involved in each other lives but i don't want to follow a 'plan' i want to just see what happens. I'm not ruling anything out but i'm 34 so more kids may not be possible for a lot longer but no way am i making those so called 'milestones' my focus anymore. Good luck with the video call!
@Dancerinthemoonlight the universe is sending you a sign! Yay! Go enjoy yourself, a reward for a hard day! Hope it's fun! Loo update perhaps?
What would you girls think to a row that ended with my friend being left in the middle of town at just after middnight by her boyfriend. She does live in town but the opposite end to him. It was over nothing serious and they'd almost got to his place and he just said 'i'd rather you didn't sleep here' and he headed off and left her. With all the football shenaningans going on and where we live are way way more italians than brits. They've only been going out 3-4 months and are actually quite cute together? Saturday they were all loved up! I felt like the biggest goooseburry! But she is livid and he hasn't been in touch... eeeek

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I have had a nightmare day at work so I haven't had time to catch up on the thread. Mr Travel (I think that's what I called him) confirmed around 1 and moved the location nearer to me. I was going to put in a few extra hours in with work tonight but a drink sounds a lot more enjoyable

@Dancerinthemoonlight enjoy! ❤️

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma i like your update! here's hoping there's a spark with MrBeard IRL. Just out of curiosity where is he from? I love accents too and always surprising when a dead sexy voice belongs to a real dweeb. I also like what you said about knowing what you want in a relationship because its played on my mind now for a while. I did think it was marriage and more kids and to be looked after so instead of enjoying my previous relationships i was so focused on what was going to happen in our future that it scared them off and things ended. Now that i'm over that i'm also quite happy to enjoy someone's company, i do want to be exclusive with them and want to be equally involved in each other lives but i don't want to follow a 'plan' i want to just see what happens. I'm not ruling anything out but i'm 34 so more kids may not be possible for a lot longer but no way am i making those so called 'milestones' my focus anymore. Good luck with the video call!
@Dancerinthemoonlight the universe is sending you a sign! Yay! Go enjoy yourself, a reward for a hard day! Hope it's fun! Loo update perhaps?
What would you girls think to a row that ended with my friend being left in the middle of town at just after middnight by her boyfriend. She does live in town but the opposite end to him. It was over nothing serious and they'd almost got to his place and he just said 'i'd rather you didn't sleep here' and he headed off and left her. With all the football shenaningans going on and where we live are way way more italians than brits. They've only been going out 3-4 months and are actually quite cute together? Saturday they were all loved up! I felt like the biggest goooseburry! But she is livid and he hasn't been in touch... eeeek[/quote]
He's from Essex but lives between NW for work, and London. I'm between London & Brighton. So it would be a London thing in the main. He says he's done a bit of dating but as he's out of a divorce he's not been in the right headspace to meet someone. Me neither but we agreed that some occasional weekends and sharing our hobbies of hill walking and live music would be great. He's just got the sexiest growliest voice ...

@Naimee87 not impressed with your friend's boyfriend. I'm guessing he'd been drinking? Nonetheless he should have offered to get her home safely or offered to sleep on the sofa if he wasn't very loved up. Bloody football and booze. Not a great combo

@Naimee87

I agree i've actually had people vanish after telling them where i work (not a dodgy place at all but controversial to some it seems) and when people find out my son's with me pretty much all the time. But i bring my son up really early on, no point in hiding him or waiting, we 100% come as a package and a full on one at that as well. I'd draw the line at 'sexually driven chat' for sure. I'd also not give away to many personal details away and i always aim to meet the person as soon as its possible because otherwise you form this superficialy 'text-connection' which feels so deep but when you meet couldn't be more opposite. *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* did it feel like he was prying or probing a bit and that he saw you not working as being something negative. MrElf is in between jobs and was quick to tell me this. I never thought anything of it, certainly didn't turn me off him.

@Naimee87 he asked if I was working now. On my profile I have written in the job section 'HR student at (professional body) and also the name of my college.

I said 'I haven't been able to work for a while.'

He said 'Is it because of COVID?' I said no, it was to do with my individual circumstances.

Then he said 'how do you feel about that?'

I only started chatting to him two days ago. I felt he was trying to probe into my emotions. I feel glad I didn't tell him about what the circumstances are. Then it would be 'how do you feel about being disabled?'

He obviously wasn't the person for me ❤️

[quote Onesmallstep67]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, I think one of the most difficult things to get exactly right is the balance between how much you open up to matches and how much you keep to yourself. It can be easy to come across as closed or guarded if someone asks you questions that you consider too personal. I didn't read into his question too much negativity . Obviously we speak on here about what we are looking for but the people we match with are also trying to work out if you are the right fit for them. Hopefully the chat is flowing more easily and in the right tone with Mr Smile. [/quote]
@Onesmallstep67 thank you. I hope so too.

I try and keep myself guarded because I don't know them properly, and I don't want to be judged by them.

I prefer to keep things light to start with and just chat about likes/interests etc.

I mean, I can chat on here quite freely because it's anonymous and I find that this is a safe, supportive space, but I do find it a lot harder to talk on the apps ❤️

@BelladiMamma
It's so frustrating...managed to avoid Covid this whole time even when we had it at work (care home) but now as a household we have to isolate....I've just had ten days off annual leave too

[quote Dee03]@BelladiMamma
It's so frustrating...managed to avoid Covid this whole time even when we had it at work (care home) but now as a household we have to isolate....I've just had ten days off annual leave too [/quote]
What's the situation now, will you get paid for those days?

I have to be at home a lot at the moment because one of my dogs has kennel cough so I need to keep them both home til Wednesday. Kind of maddening after all this lockdown.

@BelladiMamma
No we don't get paid unless we actually have Covid.....son 2 isolating won't get paid either...son with Covid is classed as self employed (labourer) so no pay there either

[quote Dee03]@BelladiMamma
No we don't get paid unless we actually have Covid.....son 2 isolating won't get paid either...son with Covid is classed as self employed (labourer) so no pay there either [/quote]
That's so sh1t. I'm so sorry about that

[quote Dee03]@BelladiMamma
It's so frustrating...managed to avoid Covid this whole time even when we had it at work (care home) but now as a household we have to isolate....I've just had ten days off annual leave too [/quote]
Who said you have to isolate?

I'm sure everyone knows by from mid Aug, if you're double vaccinated, you will no longer have to isolate.