Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma surprisingly not! 🙂 I think Mr Writer has unmatched with me by the looks of it, but I'm still talking to Mr. Blackbeard and have started some chats with a few of my other matches. ❤️

@troobleflooble they always do that just as you're moving on 🙄

@troobleflooble Is he opening up so you let your barriers down and as soon as you've had sex he will retreat claiming he never wanted a relationship?

If you want to have sex with him then do but before you do read back on your posts over the last month to remember how he made you feel knowing you're only good enough for sex and not a relationship, then if you're fine to feel like that again go and get the sex.

Yeah that's good advice @SortingItOut
Obviously you'd only have his word and some men will say whatever it takes to get you into bed, but on the other hand this could be a good opportunity to call the shots in terms of what you want/need?

@troobleflooble Maybe also read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl....if he's opening up you're at risk of becoming a Florence (Nightingale) and try to save him from his past....

Women are not fixers for men, we cannot save them or make them better people

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma surprisingly not! 🙂 I think Mr Writer has unmatched with me by the looks of it, but I'm still talking to Mr. Blackbeard and have started some chats with a few of my other matches. ❤️[/quote]
Wow I really would have thought most people were glued to the football! ☺️😭

Mr. Blackbeard has just asked me 'how I feel' about not working.

Why are some people so bloody nosey? It's not relevant to the discussion, and I shouldn't have to tell people on a dating site how I feel about anything!

I'm studying, please leave it at that

[quote SortingItOut]@troobleflooble Maybe also read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl....if he's opening up you're at risk of becoming a Florence (Nightingale) and try to save him from his past....

Women are not fixers for men, we cannot save them or make them better people[/quote]
I've now ordered these books. I'm feeling ok about where I am and what I'm looking for; but there's nothing wrong with more understanding / consciousness. I am not embarrassed or ashamed anymore of my choices. I do know I have some real fantasy / daydream issues that have led to me being involved in bad relationships in the past. Hoping that with some self knowledge I can remember when things are fantasy and real.

Have unmatched him. I think he was trying to analyse me.

The last straw was him asking me 'if I don't tell anybody anything, How do I hope to make friends and build relationships with people?

He's neither my friend or my boyfriend, so I don't need to tell him how I feel about anything! (I told him this)

I mean, I've only been chatting to him for a couple of days!

into the SOT he goes ❤️

@Misty9 I agree with @troobleflooble i would also need a little more contact to feel we were in a relationship. Perhaps you need to let him know how much messages/FT calls mean to you as its reassurance you 'feel' the same for each other and think about each other often when you're not together. I'm an over texter and made it really clear to MrElf that i will type whatever i want whenever i want and he said he's fine with that and so far he does the same. But we're in really really early stages so i'm expecting this to dwindle on his end given my past experiences. I know though that my sister hardly EVER responds to messages and her and her bf know if they need/want each other then they call. My other friend has whatsapp deactivated during the day so catches up in the evenings with everyone...
@troobleflooble i would say give him another go to confirm the no-spark!! i was in the same situation with MrS who i had the instant jump-your bones chemistry with and the 'oh so good on paper' MrNeighbour. Sadly after a fair few dates with MrNeighbour i had to let him down because as well as we got on and 'should have worked' there just wasn't the spark. I't super frustrating when that happens though. Seems the combination of good on paper and want to jump your bones is a rare combination.

But I think I might have another new iron. I'll call him Mr Smile. He seems lovely, and so easy to chat to ❤️

The match with the guy who looked like my ex is a no go. For someone who said in his profile that he loves interesting conversation, he was pretty rubbish at it. It was just me asking questions with him giving brief answers with no questions back.

@Dirtyduck

The match with the guy who looked like my ex is a no go. For someone who said in his profile that he loves interesting conversation, he was pretty rubbish at it. It was just me asking questions with him giving brief answers with no questions back.

@Dirtyduck I do hate when that happens ❤️

Glad to hear you're having a nice chat with Mr smile @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards hope it continues.
I did read this and am inclined to agree to an extent The last straw was him asking me 'if I don't tell anybody anything, How do I hope to make friends and build relationships with people?.
Of course context is everything and I don't know what kind of questions he was expecting answers to, but I find you do have to give a little of yourself in order to establish interest, find common ground and essentially get to know somebody.

@Heartbeats0708

Glad to hear you're having a nice chat with Mr smile *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* hope it continues. I did read this and am inclined to agree to an extent The last straw was him asking me 'if I don't tell anybody anything, How do I hope to make friends and build relationships with people?. Of course context is everything and I don't know what kind of questions he was expecting answers to, but I find you do have to give a little of yourself in order to establish interest, find common ground and essentially get to know somebody.

@Heartbeats I do get your point, but I think I felt a little uncomfortable being asked this by a man who I've not met, and who I only matched with two days prior.

I don't know what kind of answers he expected either. He tried to say he was asking so 'we 'could get to know more about each other,' but it just felt like probing to me.

I don't trust a lot of people, and I think it does take a long time for me to open up.

I do have friends, but I've known all of them a while, so feel comfortable talking to them on that basis.

Regarding his comments about my relationships, I opened up to my ex, and of course, he ended up abusing that trust.

I think it will take a long time for me to feel that comfortable with a man again, and when I do get to that point, I'd want to talk to them without feeling that I'm going to be analysed or judged ❤️

And I do hope it continues with Mr. Smile too 🙂❤️

@Heartbeats he wanted to know how I felt about not being able to work, I think. ❤️

I was meant to have a date tonight but he hasn't been in contact to confirm where and I'm not chasing him for it.
I was having a nice chat with a match on hinge last night, talking about plans and I said I am planning to go ice skating on Sunday, he is apparently planning on getting lucky. Not with me mate so back into the SOT he goes.
Got more than enough with work, job search and making my own plans to keep me busy at the moment

Wow I really would have thought most people were glued to the football!

No, the guy I'm chatting to on Bumble was painting his living room, no interest in football, only knows the result because I told him. I think I'd quite like to met this one, but I'm fairly busy so could be tricky to find time.

@VanGoghsDog, have you heard much from Mr WG ? any further shift in your mindset about Mr Decorator?

@Heartbeats0708 so nice to hear your weekend with MrD was good! I've had a fair few messages and video calls from MrElf while he's been away. Showing me his city and his friends which admittedly is a little awkward as i just sort of wave at them on facetime Can't wait till he's back. I do miss him so am really more invested than i should be at this stage. Trying to quash the 'it'll all end in tears' voice thats faint but there...
@troobleflooble with MrTall i hope he didn't suck you back in... but that is what MrS did all the time. I envy the girls who can do the FWB/FB stuff because i fail at it and catch feelings then think i can change their minds and have them fall for me too.
@Dancerinthemoonlight an app break is always really healthy. Social media in general is not for me though. I think because all the judgement that comes from online strangers has a huge ability to really knock your confidence. I've no idea why men tend to set up plans/take the lead even, only to cancel/ghost a day or two beforehand. @Dee03 i can relate to what you posted. Guess its just sooo easy to let someone down you don't know by disappearing rather than doing the decent thing and explaining reasons. Also it's like they have an open door back as they haven't 'really' ended things.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good for you for dodging the sketchy sounding man and i hope for success with MrSmiles, good name choice again. And MrAction has returned again... good news all-round it seems! I think @Isitreallyme777 you'll like this little story too. We were supposed to go to this Pug meet-up group on the weekend i was SO excited. Get halfway down the motorway and my phone dies, then my son locks us out of his phone so we've no way of getting to the meet-up place as we've no map (old car too) the place was over an hour from us in the countryside in a different town :( i was SO disappointed! I'm trying to find the next date so our little pug can get some friends and maybe enjoy a lil romance of her own :)

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, I think one of the most difficult things to get exactly right is the balance between how much you open up to matches and how much you keep to yourself. It can be easy to come across as closed or guarded if someone asks you questions that you consider too personal. I didn't read into his question too much negativity . Obviously we speak on here about what we are looking for but the people we match with are also trying to work out if you are the right fit for them. Hopefully the chat is flowing more easily and in the right tone with Mr Smile.

@BelladiMamma Before reading the book I knew I had issues from being in an emotionally abusive marriage but thought that was the fault of my ex husband, I only read the book as Mr K says he is emotionally guarded and I wanted to understand emotional unavailability more.

Having read the book I understand I'm emotionally unavailable and this stems from my childhood I also understand why I fell for my husband and tried to save him and I can see why I am with Mr K (because he will never ask for me to be emotionally available so he is safe)

Its always good to learn about ourselves and others.

Anymore book recommendations gratefully received

I agree i've actually had people vanish after telling them where i work (not a dodgy place at all but controversial to some it seems) and when people find out my son's with me pretty much all the time. But i bring my son up really early on, no point in hiding him or waiting, we 100% come as a package and a full on one at that as well. I'd draw the line at 'sexually driven chat' for sure. I'd also not give away to many personal details away and i always aim to meet the person as soon as its possible because otherwise you form this superficialy 'text-connection' which feels so deep but when you meet couldn't be more opposite. @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards did it feel like he was prying or probing a bit and that he saw you not working as being something negative. MrElf is in between jobs and was quick to tell me this. I never thought anything of it, certainly didn't turn me off him.

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, have you heard much from Mr WG ? any further shift in your mindset about Mr Decorator?[/quote]

1. nope, his photo of random vehicle was July 8th, to be fair to him I was so non plussed by it I didn't respond until yesterday, though I did ask what is it and he's not responded. He's been on WA a bit according to the tracker I downloaded, but literally a few minutes at a time maybe two or three times a day, four minutes earlier today.

2. not really. I mean, he's been really sweet and texts all the time, but last week I asked if he wanted to come over for a take away but he had his kids, Friday I reminded him that he had said if I was bored any time we should go for a drink, but he had his kids again (they're not little, but he makes plans like pizza and film night, etc). So, ball in his court. He reminded me that I had rejected him, I pointed out that I only said we were not a good match for a relationship, he said yes, that's fine, friends is good. So he didn't get the hint that I'd probably shag him (though I still do not think he's really like that).

FB hopefully meet up for a cuppa this week and decide if we still feel like a bit of no strings fun. God I need a proper shag though!