Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I think it’s the longest period of time I’ve been continuously on the apps in my life (tinder gold - though I couldn’t even stand to get to the end of the month!) and overall it’s been mental - I think time off to reset to normal humans is needed for sure.

Hi @Shayelle2009, no upcoming dates for me plus ive never seen Love Island (yet heard great things about it). I thought it was meant to be a tacky staged reality show? I'm still in regular touch with Mr Computer but his work stresses seem through the roof so our chats seem more serious rather than flirty and i do wonder a bit whether its genuine or whether im just being bumped off for better offers. However he seems genuine despite having a mad job and sends me screenshots of his call logs to prove it. Yesterday was working on/off from 4am to 9pm.

Talking to a couple of potential irons but the pace is too slow for me and a couple of messages a day isn't enough I would say.

I dumped sourdough bread and my stomach seems grateful 😁.

My experience has been more of being ignored on the apps rather than aggressive or overly sexual overtures. And that's late 30s to late 40s range. The few times a response has led to a date it's all been very respectful. But that hasn't happened often!

I could do with some advice about that old chestnut of messaging. I'm a frequent message and a lot of my social life is conducted or at least organised through messages. I also have a fair amount of time in which to do this as I have my dc half the time. Mr Blue Eyes however is not a messager. I'll send a message at say 8pm and he doesn't reply until the next day. Definitely no good morning or night messages, which doesn't bother me too much. But for me the connection in between seeing each other is mostly maintained through messages/phone calls and we do neither really. So I genuinely almost forget about us until we meet again. Which also isn't a bad thing because it's stops me overinvesting. But it would be nice to feel I could contact the person I'm seeing with a bit more assurance of a response. When he does reply it's lovely and he says things like he misses me. I know I've got to work out if this will work for me...but I think I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face if this is the reason I stop things?!

@Misty9 have you discussed it with him? Me and MrHair don't get to see each other often as both have kid commitments but we check in with odd message here and there through day and always do a quick facetime before bed and that helps stay more connected for us.

I have told him that the connection between seeing each other is important to me, and he has apologised for not being a big user of his phone...but nothing changed. We can only have weekends together once a month or less so its evenings a couple of times a week. So there's a lot of time we don't see each other. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for really.

I completely agree with @springlikebunk men in their 20s and 30s are sex crazed at the moment. It's so much worse this year than last year even though we were still in lockdown last summer

@Misty9 yeah, that wouldn't be enough for me. I can understand not being able to physically meet up more often (life happens) but I would need more communication than that. I want the person I'm seeing to want to talk to me and make the effort!

Well, I had a date with Mr Archer yesterday and he was lovely, we got on well, conversation flowed really nicely. But I don't fancy him 😭😭

He did look like his pics but it just wasn't the same in real life, I didn't feel that 'spark'.

I'm wondering if I should give him another chance and maybe the attraction will grow? He is really interesting and I feel like I 'should' like him on paper but there was just something missing. With Mr Tall there was instant attraction and chemistry, I wanted to jump his bones (and did 😊) but with Mr Archer I don't.

I do remind myself that one of my previous long term relationships started as a friendship and I wasn't attracted to him at all at first. I found him more attractive as I got to know him. But really, I don't want to have to 'work on' being attracted to someone. I want it to just happen naturally! Then again most of the people I've had that instant chemistry with have turned out to be arseholes or players so maybe I shouldn't discount him because of that? I don't know, I'm really confused 😫

I'm disappointed with myself. I really wanted to like him 😞

Checking in! Couple of irons - Mr.PT who is super fit, is quite keen and seems nice but his fitness is a bit off putting for a couch potato like me.
Mr. Localish also nice but he’s only my height. I’m trying not to be heightist but I fear it’s a systemic prejudice. We have a date lined up soon and I’m terrified! I blew out Mr.perfectforme (exactly the same hobbies and career) because when we chatted it became clear that he’s absolutely crackers, has a mad ex who turns up threatening with a knife and used the word “violent” enough for me to think he’s probably “violent.” Bullet dodged...

@troobleflooble I personally don’t think that you can write off a marginal attraction with out a snog.

@troobleflooble that's a shame about Mr Archer :( tbh I've learnt that for me, the attraction needs to be there from the start. I've hoped it would grow before and things were okay for a bit but then it became an issue.

Yeah, I'm coming to the conclusion that it's not enough for me either - he's been online this morning but no message. I'm pretty sure he's not messing me around and I'm fairly certain of his interest. But to keep me interested he needs to step it up! I'll talk to him later this evening - I'm getting better at feeling okay about expressing my needs at least!

@Shuffleuplove yeah I was thinking that too. I kept flip flopping back and forth as to whether or not I'd want to kiss him if he tried. He didn't try though, we just had a hug at the end of the date. I'm wondering how I would have felt if I did kiss him?

Hi,
Can I please join this chat? I've been lurking for 6/7 months but I'd like to join in now.

Joined Facebook dating 5 wks ago after being single for over a decade....a guy, I'll call him MrBird, reeled me in with lots of messages, lots of Hey Beautiful blah blah...at first I wasn't that interested but after a couple of wks I changed my mind....after 3 wks of intense messaging, pics and phone calls we arranged to meet up where he lived, about an hour away....as soon as arrangements were set he ghosted me!!!! What was the point in that!!!!

Matched with another guy from there and within 3 messages he was all sex talk and wanted audio clips and pics!!!

So last night I downloaded Tinder and Hinge..... I'm getting a lot of likes on Hinge but from 20 odd year olds....I'm 48! my kids are in their 20's so just no!!

Had someone msg me from Tinder this morning, a few msgs back and forth, seems ok so far, I'll call him MrNotTooFar....
I just want someone who doesn't play games, doesn't want personal pictures or audio clips, doesn't send dick pics....is it too much to ask!!

Maybe go for paid upmarket sites?

I’m maybe drawn to EliteSingles next time I’m looking for dates?

There’s a long list of personality based questions and a subscription fee.

Thought it was for older age range but actually they say they have quite a few younger people?

I don’t know if it’s my life stage or I’m just fed up but I’m like at tinder now.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Yes it’s like any “ok guy” in this range seems to be getting all mental and power trippy

I guess if they think they can convince a “reasonable proportion” of matches to agree to hosting a hookup first meet with a couple days texting, then unless they’re very naturally relationship orientated they don’t feel the need to do anything different?

Kind of dating market dynamics. Maybe it’s the mindset of the apps though?

Guys with a “bit about them” can get corrupted by power and get very picky and demanding and looks orientated - it’s not even like there’s any polite enthusiasm about meeting, more “sext me to convince me”?

I had one “unicorn” match who was a polite single guy in his thirties, ok job,,similar age range to me, I wouldn’t say VERY good looking if anything a bit geeky...and he arranged dinner then flaked the day before. So I guess he was like hot property

It’s annoying as I’m not anti-sex etc, I just think any interaction needs to have consent and although physical attraction is important I don’t think discussing “preferences” is something I want to do with several matches a week until we’ve established a real life connection!

@SpringlikeBunk I'm taking a break from most of the apps for a fee weeks. The only app I'm still on is hinge and if the chats I currently have on there fizzle out then I will take a break from it aswell.
I hoping that it will all calm down in a few weeks/months once they get it out of their system from being in lockdown for so long. I might have a look and see what other sites/apps are out there.

@troobleflooble I would say don't write it off just yet. Computer Geek and I had that chemistry but he was a total twat who used me for his own ego boost. With Mr Cricket the more I get to know him the more I fancy him. When we first met I thought yeah he's nice I'd see him again but the instant chemistry wasn't there and we didn't even hug when we said goodbye(we were quite awkward), I couldn't put my finger on what it was because he ticked all the boxes, good looking, kind, respectful, no dodgy messages, had his shit together. As I say the more I see him and the more I get to know him the more the attraction builds up. Now we message every day, when we see each other we talk for hours, we are so much more comfortable in each others company(we hug and kiss on the cheek hello and goodbye), and he has been an amazing support this past week checking in on me. I'm very aware that it could go no where and we could end up firmly in the friend zone but if that happens at least I know I have a good friend and if it grows into something more then who knows.

Hi everyone,

Just checking in.

Have been working on college stuff all day, but have got a couple of Tinder chat in the offing. I shall call one Mr Writer and the other Mr. Blackbeard. Both seem okay so far.

I haven't been on the Apps much this weekend, I wanted to have more time for myself and my college work rather than looking at Tinder! Might go on for a bit this evening though.

Also, Mr Action has been back in touch, so hopefully all is good there.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday! ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hi everyone,

Just checking in.

Have been working on college stuff all day, but have got a couple of Tinder chat in the offing. I shall call one Mr Writer and the other Mr. Blackbeard. Both seem okay so far.

I haven't been on the Apps much this weekend, I wanted to have more time for myself and my college work rather than looking at Tinder! Might go on for a bit this evening though.

Also, Mr Action has been back in touch, so hopefully all is good there.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday! ❤️

It'll be a wasted evening because of the football imo x

@troobleflooble I'd be tempted to give it another go with Mr Archer if it's just the uncertainty about a spark. I know it's important but it can grow?!
Sorry to read all the tales of dickheads, I was looking intge sameage range as you both @Dancerinthemoonlight and @SpringlikeBunk and had a fair few that pushed their luck but I won't tolerate much. Not sure if they get that vibe.
I've had a lovely weekend with Mr D. No red flags as such, one or two niggles that I'm not sure are mine or his but I'm very much in the "enjoy the moment" mentality for now!

I do want to give it another try because everything else seems good! I feel horrible and shallow saying that I'm not attracted to him (yet) but I can't help how I feel 😞 I can't imagine having sex with him (yet) and that is a big part of a relationship for me.

Also, Mr Tall has been in touch again..

We've not spoken for a few weeks since I told him I can't be 'friends'/FWB with him because I have feelings for him and the situation with him was hurting me because he didn't want more.

I would say I don't know why he's contacting me again but he's disappeared off the dating sites which usually means he's fed up because he's not having any luck. That coupled with the contact means I'm pretty sure he's going to try his luck.

I must stay strong! But it's hard when I really like him and I know the sex is incredible. Plus it's my birthday soon and I'm horny 😭😭

@troobleflooble

I do want to give it another try because everything else seems good! I feel horrible and shallow saying that I'm not attracted to him (yet) but I can't help how I feel 😞 I can't imagine having sex with him (yet) and that is a big part of a relationship for me.

Also, Mr Tall has been in touch again..

We've not spoken for a few weeks since I told him I can't be 'friends'/FWB with him because I have feelings for him and the situation with him was hurting me because he didn't want more.

I would say I don't know why he's contacting me again but he's disappeared off the dating sites which usually means he's fed up because he's not having any luck. That coupled with the contact means I'm pretty sure he's going to try his luck.

I must stay strong! But it's hard when I really like him and I know the sex is incredible. Plus it's my birthday soon and I'm horny 😭😭

@troobleflooble

Oh God. Mr Tall is opening up, finally. This is bad, he's talking me round!

No no no no! It's a bad idea Trooble, you'll just get your heart broken again!!

@troobleflooble

Oh God. Mr Tall is opening up, finally. This is bad, he's talking me round!

No no no no! It's a bad idea Trooble, you'll just get your heart broken again!!

@troobleflooble stick to your guns ❤️ don't let him talk you round. 😘

@troobleflooble you are a strong person, remember that ❤️

Don't let him talk you into anything you're not sure about 😘