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Original poster

How to react when a date stands you up?

144 replies

Walantin · 02/07/2021 18:23

Hi all, I am a little out of my depth here so I'd love some advice.

I went out with a guy for the first time on Wednesday. He is a friend of friends.

The date went really well, good conversation and chemistry. Before the end of it he had already asked me if I wanted to do something on Friday as the weather seemed to be good and he wanted to see me again. There was a little kiss at the end and he then messaged to say how much he enjoyed our evening together and that he looked forward to seeing me again.

This morning he texts asking how I am and sending me some pics of where he was. I then asked if he wanted to watch the football game tonight, in which case we could perhaps meet later in the evening instead of early on as we had already agreed?

And then.. crickets.

My last message was at 11:40 am, he has read it and never replied. I am a little shocked as I have never been stood up Confused

What is the etiquette? Is this behavior as bad as I think it is? WTF?

OP posts:
Glitterb · 02/07/2021 18:28

Yeah it’s incredibly rubbish behaviour considering he was the one who mentioned the date today.

It depends how bothered you are, you could text again and be annoyed, or just leave it. I would recommend leaving it.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 02/07/2021 18:29

Leave it. Next!!

FancySomeChips · 02/07/2021 18:30

Next!

WimpoleHat · 02/07/2021 18:31

Move on. Don’t waste any more energy on him….

TheAwfuITruth · 02/07/2021 18:31

Do nothing, sit back and await the 'dog died/ minor car crash/ phone mugged' excuse that will no doubt follow.

And then, do nothing.

SpaceRaiders · 02/07/2021 18:32

Don’t bother challenging it, unless he comes back a few days later with a bs excuse.

waterloobaby86 · 02/07/2021 18:32

Yep, do nothing. Sorry op it's shit behaviour but happens a lot

ruthieness · 02/07/2021 18:33

Be grateful he has revealed himself as a shit, so early on!!!

Silvergreen · 02/07/2021 18:34

Really awkward if he's a friend of a friend too. That makes it worse.

Umberellatheweatha · 02/07/2021 18:36

Maybe he thought you were implying a sex night.
...guess it would be a long shot to think that may have scared him off.

Or maybe he felt it was too needy for you to ask to hang with him tonight when he had told you already that he has plans.

I dont think its standing you up exactly, considering he never actually got back to you.

Just be sure that if he messages you later asking to meet, you say no 'as it's too last minute'. You dont want him to think you're at his beck and call.

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 18:39

@Umberellatheweatha

Maybe he thought you were implying a sex night. ...guess it would be a long shot to think that may have scared him off.

Or maybe he felt it was too needy for you to ask to hang with him tonight when he had told you already that he has plans.

I dont think its standing you up exactly, considering he never actually got back to you.

Just be sure that if he messages you later asking to meet, you say no 'as it's too last minute'. You dont want him to think you're at his beck and call.

But we had agreed on Wednesday to meet up on Friday. How is that not an agreed plan?
OP posts:
AnaViaSalamanca · 02/07/2021 18:41

But he didn’t stand you up? As I understand it you had agreed on plans. You asked to move it to later in the evening. He didn’t reply. I am not saying it’s a good thing, but to me it seems more wires crossed and a misunderstanding than anything else

MadMadMadamMim · 02/07/2021 18:42

I agree with others to do nothing.

The ball was in his court and he didn't bother reply. If I got a text tomorrow or later on with excuses, etc I'd simply text back Not to worry, we'll just call it a day. Bye.

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 18:43

@AnaViaSalamanca

But he didn’t stand you up? As I understand it you had agreed on plans. You asked to move it to later in the evening. He didn’t reply. I am not saying it’s a good thing, but to me it seems more wires crossed and a misunderstanding than anything else
We agreed on meeting up on Friday, without specifying a time. When today he messaged, assuming the plan to meet up was still on I asked if he preferred to meet later in the evening in case he wanted to watch the game. He never got back to me.
OP posts:
seensome · 02/07/2021 18:43

He didn't set a time and place with you, just ghosted, it is rubbish as you were expecting to see him at some point, I expect he's made plans with his mates being a Friday night and he'll message at some point over the weekend as an afterthought, just ignore him when he does.

Umberellatheweatha · 02/07/2021 18:44

Originally but then you asked him if he wanted to watch the footy that night. Maybe he just decided he did.

Did you have a fixed place and time to meet before you suggested changing it?

I'm not okaying his behaviour but if they were loose plans and you texted the day of asking if he wanted to change things...maybe he thought you were easy going about it all.

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 18:45

@Umberellatheweatha

Originally but then you asked him if he wanted to watch the footy that night. Maybe he just decided he did.

Did you have a fixed place and time to meet before you suggested changing it?

I'm not okaying his behaviour but if they were loose plans and you texted the day of asking if he wanted to change things...maybe he thought you were easy going about it all.

We had agreed on where to go but not a time.
OP posts:
RAOK · 02/07/2021 18:45

Do not message again. He’s blown it. I’m sorry you were treated this way.

wizzywig · 02/07/2021 18:47

Is probably prioritising football. Very unattractive

AnaViaSalamanca · 02/07/2021 18:50

I don’t know. To me it sounds more miscommunication than anything, but I am quite a chill person.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 02/07/2021 18:50

Definitely do not message again!

singlehun · 02/07/2021 18:53

I don't know what time football is on... but has he maybe gone to watch it, got pissed, and forgotten?

Very poor show, whatever the reason. This kind of thing has happened to me SO many times when I was younger I'd let it go and it was a sign of things to come every.single.time.

HumunaHey · 02/07/2021 18:56

Just don't bother contacting him.

He didn't stand you up though. That phrase comes from being left standing there when you're supposed to meet someone. You hadn't agreed a time so you couldn't have turned up and be left standing there. Not excusing him ignoring you though!

Maybe he didn't want to watch the football with you abd felt awkward. A bit silly of him to just not say he's already planned to watch with someone else though.

TheFoundations · 02/07/2021 19:02

If you don't know how to react, don't react. There are no rules.

Perhaps he dropped his phone down a grid by accident, but if that was the case there'd be no point texting/calling him anyway.

If he's worth reacting to, he'll give you something else to react to. You don't need to react to this.

StillCalmX · 02/07/2021 19:05

yeh, he's blown it.

Don't spend too much time analysing it. Just get turned off.

xx

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