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Original poster

How to react when a date stands you up?

144 replies

Walantin · 02/07/2021 18:23

Hi all, I am a little out of my depth here so I'd love some advice.

I went out with a guy for the first time on Wednesday. He is a friend of friends.

The date went really well, good conversation and chemistry. Before the end of it he had already asked me if I wanted to do something on Friday as the weather seemed to be good and he wanted to see me again. There was a little kiss at the end and he then messaged to say how much he enjoyed our evening together and that he looked forward to seeing me again.

This morning he texts asking how I am and sending me some pics of where he was. I then asked if he wanted to watch the football game tonight, in which case we could perhaps meet later in the evening instead of early on as we had already agreed?

And then.. crickets.

My last message was at 11:40 am, he has read it and never replied. I am a little shocked as I have never been stood up Confused

What is the etiquette? Is this behavior as bad as I think it is? WTF?

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 02/07/2021 19:59

Good for you to have other plans, never meet up with someone who sees you as a last minute date.

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 19:59

@SpindleWhorl

But there's a game on now. Italy v Belgium. It'll finish around 10pm. If it goes to extra time and penalties, maybe 10.40pm.

The Switzerland v Spain game has finished yes, but now there's another one.

Are you sure this isn't crossed wires?

He was watching Switzerland-Spain as we are in Switzerland.
OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 02/07/2021 20:00

Aaah - THE game. Got you.

MaMelon · 02/07/2021 20:00

Good for you @Walantin - and have a lovely night Smile

Blackbird2020 · 02/07/2021 20:03

Oh, he thinks he has you RIGHT where he wants you, gagging for him...

These poor misguided boys....

Enjoy your evening OP! Onwards, upwards and in the opposite direction of twats Grin

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 20:04

... and now he is double texting (haven't opened his text) and asking me where I am and what I am up to. The fucking audacity!!! Shock

OP posts:
GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 02/07/2021 20:06

Wow, I honestly think you're all over reacting. Why on earth don't you just ask him what he's been up to instead of all the drama and flouncing?

smugsparkle · 02/07/2021 20:07

@seensome

He didn't set a time and place with you, just ghosted, it is rubbish as you were expecting to see him at some point, I expect he's made plans with his mates being a Friday night and he'll message at some point over the weekend as an afterthought, just ignore him when he does.
yes, i think he forgot about the football when he was asking you about going out tonight, bet he gets in touch tomorrow.
HaggisBurger · 02/07/2021 20:07

ALL of this boils my piss. Even the last text “if you want to” like he’s doing you some fucking massive favour. “Or see you soon”. So entitled, presumptuous and wankerish. Hard swerve OP.

weeme02 · 02/07/2021 20:08

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

Wow, I honestly think you're all over reacting. Why on earth don't you just ask him what he's been up to instead of all the drama and flouncing?
Agreed. I'd just ask straight out what he's been up to today
TheFoundations · 02/07/2021 20:10

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

Wow, I honestly think you're all over reacting. Why on earth don't you just ask him what he's been up to instead of all the drama and flouncing?
He's pissed OP off after one date by having communication standards that don't suit her. It's not drama or flouncing to recognise that this relationship won't work.
HaggisBurger · 02/07/2021 20:12

No it’s not people being dramatic. This behaviour is essentially a man saying “your time is less important than mine”. So much so that I expect you to be hanging around waiting for me to confirm something that you very reasonably asked me before noon today. And I read - but didn’t have the basic good manners to take 1 minute to respond to. Fuck that shit. Women who buy the whole “relax, it’s no drama” shite have low self worth and enable this crap.

Blackbird2020 · 02/07/2021 20:12

This is after 1 date. Who cares what he’s been up to all day. She barely knows him. The point is that her gut instinct is telling her he’s not the type of person she wants to have another date with because of the way this person communicates with her.

Good enough in my book to drop it now, OP.

HaggisBurger · 02/07/2021 20:16

A good question is around arrangements etc is - do I do this with my friends? Would I be happy if my friends were flakey like this with me? Normally the answer is no .. I don’t have rude friends

Justmuddlingalong · 02/07/2021 20:17

You've made other plans, so enjoy your evening. Ignore his messages, until at least Monday.

Blackbird2020 · 02/07/2021 20:18

And why should the onus be on the OP to ask what he’s been up to? Surely he has the manners to say ‘Sorry, been in a conference / lost my dog / fell asleep so I didn’t get back to you’.

That sets up a very unhealthy dynamic... basically one person running after the other, trying to find out what’s going on, because the other person can’t be bothered to reply.

Wantabub · 02/07/2021 20:20

He's drunk and wants a booty call...

Don't reply OP!

CandyLeBonBon · 02/07/2021 20:28

Wait! He was working on his laptop in a park? Do people do that?

earminted · 02/07/2021 20:28

Cheeky git. Know you worth OP.

HollowTalk · 02/07/2021 20:32

How could he see his screen clearly if he's out in a park?

MaMelon · 02/07/2021 20:35

He's drunk and wants a booty call...

YY to this.

cantgetmyheadroundit · 02/07/2021 20:36

@OnlyMsLonely

Don't reply. Let him stew tonight. Message in the morning and say "sorry I didn't hear from you so made other plans"
Yep, this. How dare he assume you'd be waiting around all day for him? Hmm Boundaries, honestly x
ILoveAnOwl · 02/07/2021 20:37

My date stood me up once. I got a garbled bull shit message from someone saying he was his sister. Shook the dust from my feet and moved on.

Then found out he was in hospital with meningitis and the message was actually from the ward sister. He was close to death but was evidently begging them to get a message to me.

I forgave him for standing me up 😂

cantgetmyheadroundit · 02/07/2021 20:37

Oooh I didn't RTFT. You didn't need me telling you 💪💪

parkerpop · 02/07/2021 20:41

Great attitude @Walantin

Will be interesting to see what he does next! Keep us updated