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Original poster

How to react when a date stands you up?

144 replies

Walantin · 02/07/2021 18:23

Hi all, I am a little out of my depth here so I'd love some advice.

I went out with a guy for the first time on Wednesday. He is a friend of friends.

The date went really well, good conversation and chemistry. Before the end of it he had already asked me if I wanted to do something on Friday as the weather seemed to be good and he wanted to see me again. There was a little kiss at the end and he then messaged to say how much he enjoyed our evening together and that he looked forward to seeing me again.

This morning he texts asking how I am and sending me some pics of where he was. I then asked if he wanted to watch the football game tonight, in which case we could perhaps meet later in the evening instead of early on as we had already agreed?

And then.. crickets.

My last message was at 11:40 am, he has read it and never replied. I am a little shocked as I have never been stood up Confused

What is the etiquette? Is this behavior as bad as I think it is? WTF?

OP posts:
Tiramiwho · 02/07/2021 19:10

It will be interesting to see what he has to say for himself when he gets back to you - as he no doubt will at some point. At least you know he is capable of being completely ignorant and not worth any more head space. Huge red flag at this early stage Op Flowers

ChatterMonkey · 02/07/2021 19:10

Tbf its shitty behaviour but i dont think hes stood you up. A day, and a vague plan of where to go isnt concrete plans imo. Until its sorted and you both know when/where you are meeting, then its not a definite plan.

Its still rubbish that hes just ghosted you though.

MindTheBumps · 02/07/2021 19:29

It's so bizarre that he ghosted you after being so keen!

Just wait and see what happens but don't message him again.

seensome · 02/07/2021 19:33

Perhaps he dropped his phone down a grid by accident

yeah beware of the excuses of why he couldn't contact you, such as lost his phone, it ran out of charge, kidnapped by aliens.. but he thought he'd make the best of out it by getting pissed with his mates watching football. There is no reason why he couldn't of said earlier to let you know what's going on or thanks but no thanks.

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 19:33

He just messaged:

"Hey Walantin, I am so sorry. Yes let's meet after the game if you want, otherwise very soon 😘"

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 02/07/2021 19:34

Eh? When is the game?

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 19:35

@WaterBottle123

Eh? When is the game?
Game ending in 10 minutes.
OP posts:
TheSunShinesBrighter · 02/07/2021 19:35

Very strange.
He messaged you this morning, you mention your (pre-arranged) date tonight and he disappears?

As others have said, do nothing.
What time did he message earlier?

SURELY he hasn’t spent he day getting pissed up ready for ‘the game’ has he?
If so, block and forget he ever existed! 👎🏻

Where was he when he messaged you?

TheSunShinesBrighter · 02/07/2021 19:36

@Walantin

He just messaged:

"Hey Walantin, I am so sorry. Yes let's meet after the game if you want, otherwise very soon 😘"

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Christ. Xpost!

Did he nit look at his phone all day?

23andbroke · 02/07/2021 19:37

I easily go between responding to texts for that long as I’m usually at work/travelling home from work during 11:00-19:00

However if I’m meeting someone the same day, i usually try to respond immediately or enough so they know I’m definitely seeing them

I think ask him why he took so long to reply and then make a judgement call? It could be that he was innocently swamped and absent-mindedly thought you were definitely meeting and didn’t think he needed to re-confirm. Or it could be that he had better plans in the making with someone else that flopped, hence why he’s suddenly keen to meet you

seensome · 02/07/2021 19:38

So you should just get ready on call for him? I still think that's rubbish, teach him that he needs to plan to see you or this is likely how it'll always be.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 02/07/2021 19:38

I’d be tempted to meet him and find out what he’s been doing all day!

spotcheck · 02/07/2021 19:41

Jesus, what the hell!

Nah. I'd be tempted just to text back ' No thank you- enjoy your evening'

OnlyMsLonely · 02/07/2021 19:42

Don't reply. Let him stew tonight. Message in the morning and say "sorry I didn't hear from you so made other plans"

MaMelon · 02/07/2021 19:48

Don't reply. Let him stew tonight. Message in the morning and say "sorry I didn't hear from you so made other plans"

Do this. Then don’t open any subsequent messages he sends for a couple of days at least - if indeed you do decide you want to see him again.

He’s been watching the football today. Probably thought he’d snap his fingers and you’d go running.

HumunaHey · 02/07/2021 19:50

Where was he in the pics he sent this morning? Something to do with work? Could he have been busy and distracted. That's the only excuse I can think of.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 02/07/2021 19:51

The ONLY response is silence.

He is not worthy of the time it takes to text.

As someone previously posted; when they show you, believe them.

TheFoundations · 02/07/2021 19:53

@OnlyMsLonely

Don't reply. Let him stew tonight. Message in the morning and say "sorry I didn't hear from you so made other plans"
Games. Lies.

After one date. Really?

Just walk away OP, if you don't like his behaviour.

butterpuffed · 02/07/2021 19:54

I think perhaps it's just misunderstandings. You both made plans to meet tonight but then you ask today if he wants to watch the match and meet later .

It makes it sound as if you want to see the match and meet later.

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 19:54

@HumunaHey

Where was he in the pics he sent this morning? Something to do with work? Could he have been busy and distracted. That's the only excuse I can think of.
He was working from a park with his laptop.
OP posts:
MaMelon · 02/07/2021 19:54

Yep, really. ‘Sorry, made other plans, bye’ is hardly a game - and it’s not a lie, because her alternative plans were to post about the loser on MN!

Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 19:56

@MaMelon

Yep, really. ‘Sorry, made other plans, bye’ is hardly a game - and it’s not a lie, because her alternative plans were to post about the loser on MN!
I am actually going out now, so I have technically "made other plans".

What a wanker.

OP posts:
Original poster
Walantin · 02/07/2021 19:56

I meant what a wanker he is!

OP posts:
spotcheck · 02/07/2021 19:57

@OnlyMsLonely

Don't reply. Let him stew tonight. Message in the morning and say "sorry I didn't hear from you so made other plans"
Oh yes, this. I change my answer
SpindleWhorl · 02/07/2021 19:59

But there's a game on now. Italy v Belgium. It'll finish around 10pm. If it goes to extra time and penalties, maybe 10.40pm.

The Switzerland v Spain game has finished yes, but now there's another one.

Are you sure this isn't crossed wires?