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Original poster

How to react when a date stands you up?

144 replies

Walantin · 02/07/2021 18:23

Hi all, I am a little out of my depth here so I'd love some advice.

I went out with a guy for the first time on Wednesday. He is a friend of friends.

The date went really well, good conversation and chemistry. Before the end of it he had already asked me if I wanted to do something on Friday as the weather seemed to be good and he wanted to see me again. There was a little kiss at the end and he then messaged to say how much he enjoyed our evening together and that he looked forward to seeing me again.

This morning he texts asking how I am and sending me some pics of where he was. I then asked if he wanted to watch the football game tonight, in which case we could perhaps meet later in the evening instead of early on as we had already agreed?

And then.. crickets.

My last message was at 11:40 am, he has read it and never replied. I am a little shocked as I have never been stood up Confused

What is the etiquette? Is this behavior as bad as I think it is? WTF?

OP posts:
Rozziie · 02/07/2021 23:10

@parkerpop but if he'd wanted to do that, he wouldn't have asked her out?! This 'trying to be nice' stuff is really confusing...he's an adult...if he had wanted to watch the game with his mates, he'd have asked her out on a different night, surely? I'm autistic and I absolutely hate last minute changes of plan like this, or trying to second guess what I 'might' want to do. I find it really rude.

HandsSpaceArse · 02/07/2021 23:14

@ILoveAnOwl

My date stood me up once. I got a garbled bull shit message from someone saying he was his sister. Shook the dust from my feet and moved on.

Then found out he was in hospital with meningitis and the message was actually from the ward sister. He was close to death but was evidently begging them to get a message to me.

I forgave him for standing me up 😂

Did you stay together?
CandyLeBonBon · 02/07/2021 23:18

@Rozziie a 11am suggestion is not last minute. Sending a text saying 'let's meet after the match' 10 minutes before it ends, is last minute.

He had a choice!

Starseeking · 02/07/2021 23:20

He was rude OP, and showing you who he is. Believe him. I'd move on to the next if I were you.

Sailingthroughtheweek · 02/07/2021 23:26

I love the way you’ve managed this OP Grin

stressfuljune · 02/07/2021 23:30

I'd say massively over thinking. Huge % of England residents have crashed all plans to watch England games to this week. It's a unique event in a pandemic year. All sounds a big desperate to me

stressfuljune · 02/07/2021 23:34

To everyone I know an England game night would not be a date night. It's a mates night. As op is in Switzerland I'd assume the same. It's an exciting event in a dull year. Anything demanding to me is needy

parkerpop · 02/07/2021 23:38

@stressfuljune

To everyone I know an England game night would not be a date night. It's a mates night. As op is in Switzerland I'd assume the same. It's an exciting event in a dull year. Anything demanding to me is needy
Exactly but he suggested the date tonight!!

Op then realised it would clash with the football and was understanding that he'd likely want to watch it with friends.

All he had to do was reply and arrange an alternative date.

Deciding to watch the football with mates is fine. The not replying to her to let her know that he'd changed his mind about meeting her as planned is down right rude & disrespectful

CandyLeBonBon · 02/07/2021 23:38

@stressfuljune

To everyone I know an England game night would not be a date night. It's a mates night. As op is in Switzerland I'd assume the same. It's an exciting event in a dull year. Anything demanding to me is needy
Who's demanded anything?
ILoveAnOwl · 03/07/2021 06:41

@HandsSpaceArse for about a year, but twas not to be for the long term.

Lampzade · 03/07/2021 06:42

Ignore it
Don’t do anything

peanutttttt · 03/07/2021 06:44

I've literally dealt with this before and it's so rude. I never heard from the guy after. I would just scrap it.

AliceLivesHere · 03/07/2021 06:58

@Lockheart

Blimey, you had your first date less than 48 hours ago, he doesn't text you for what, 6 or 7 hours during a work day, and you're already calling him a wanker and deciding he's a complete twat?

If you don't want to see him again then don't, but I think it's you with the problem here and not him, I'm afraid. Too much drama for a potential relationship where you only met 2 days ago.

This is also not being stood up - that's when you actually go to a bar / restaurant / place for an agreed date and they don't show up. It doesn't mean you just haven't agreed plans.

I agree with this
Febo24 · 03/07/2021 07:57

I've swung between to two opinions on this one but to me it's coming over as a mix of mis-communication, culture clash and high expectations on someone after a first date. I do agree that calling him a wanker is a bit much.

Give him another chance, if the same happens then you will know its him and that's fine.

It's a shame that relationships seem to live or die based on time it takes to text and how someone responds (or not) without knowing much about how that person's day has panned out, or their own attitude towards texting.

I agree it's good to have your boundaries though, if it's not for you then fine.

Sakurami · 03/07/2021 11:39

I'm not English and very used to accommodating cultural differences.

This was rude.

They had arranged to meet on Friday and he didn't reply to the op until the evening was well under way. In what planet is that not rude and disrespectful??

She even messaged to basically say that she didn't mind if they met at a time accommodating the football. He could have even offered a different day or taken her up on meeting after the game. There was no acknowledgement or reply and meant the op spent all day wondering what the plans were.

CandyLeBonBon · 03/07/2021 12:55

I agree @Sakurami - so many people typing themselves in knots to excuse a basic lack of manners.

WimpoleHat · 03/07/2021 13:35

It's a shame that relationships seem to live or die based on time it takes to text and how someone responds (or not) without knowing much about how that person's day has panned out, or their own attitude towards texting.

I agree with a lot of this….but, in this case, the OP had already made semi firm arrangements with this man. By text. So he was really rude to read and not reply to her text until such a long time later.

Sakurami · 03/07/2021 13:45

Exactly! It's nothing to do with texting! Pre mobile phones would have been the same if you had made arrangements with anyone , regardless of whether they were a potential love interest.

I mean I'd be pissed off if I'd agreed with a friend to go out tonight and I'd messaged her and she hadn't replied. Why? Because I wouldn't have been able to plan other stuff or just my evening.

Miyiam · 03/07/2021 14:20

If it was a game night he could have easily got distracted/be giving his attention to friends/family. You will appreciate that trait if you end up together - would you rather be with a man glued to his phone? He responded and said sorry. If you couldn't meet later due to his short notice just text back to say as much rather than create a hurricane in a teacup

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