Weekend only relationship

[Fustyoldface]

Just posting to ask if I’m overthinking really. Year and a half with partner still only see each other on the weekends, only really talk on the weekends aside from the odd surface type text during the week. I find it hard to stay connected, he says he is happy. I have said it feels a bit like we are repeating the same conversations etc and could we see each other more or talk about the future but he either changes the subject or says he’s fine with it. Am I being dramatic?

Just leave.

A relationship is not a one-person show. Don't settle with the little crumbs he throws at you. You deserve much more.

He appears hurt when you back off? So what? He doesn't give a fuck about you. Return him the favour and just walk away. If it can make you feel better, hear this; I left a man I cared for very much a few weeks after he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. So if you think you are being bad, remember that. I didn't owe anything and nor do you.

He is continuing to give you crumbs.

You look like you might have had enough, so he puts on a sad face and you seem like you're folding.

Don't.

You asked him a reasonable question about the future and he talks about knowing in a few years.

Ffs.

Gosh darnit op, stop falling for his pathetic sad face antics. It's just someone might take his toy away. It's a toy he doesn't really like that much and doesn't play with that much, but it's his and he doesn't want anyone else to have it.

You deserve the whole cake, op, not just the crumbs of a relationship.

Still feel awful about this and can’t bring myself to end it even though he’s pretty much saying he doesn’t know what he feels about me isn’t he

I know you feel awful but he is really taking the piss. He’ll know in a few years? He’s almost begging you to dump him. Nobody should be able to get away with crap like that. He is just too lazy and too cowardly to dump you.

He is not telling you he doesn’t know what he thinks of you. Quite the opposite. What he said is cruel and hurtful. It’s hard but everything he says and does/doesn’t do stinks of moral laziness at the very least. Nice people do not act like this. Get rid. He doesn’t care for your feelings at all. Bin him off. Really. You are worth so much more than this.

I have tried to end it and gets more upset than me. Why won’t he agree to breaking up.

And yes I know I don’t need his permission but I always feel awful and think I’ve overreacted

End it OP! Don't get in to an argument about it, you can't convince him to want a deeper relationship, he can't convince you that casually dating forever is what you want. Just say it isn't working for you. If he gets upset tell him you will let him know "in a few years" if you change your mind.

I had an ex that was a bit similar to your guys and had me convinced that couples don't usually spend time together, if I wanted to I was a crazy controlling nag. In highsight I realise couples do usually want to spend time together. If they both don't that's fine obviously, each to their own, but it isn't rare or controlling to see each other a few times a week.

He doesn't have to agree to a break up, its your decision. He sounds bloody awful and you deserve better. Just tell him to fuck off, a few years indeed.

He’s upset when you mention breaking up because for whatever reason this arrangement is suiting him, you ending it is throwing a spanner in the works.
He takes ages to answer your texts, he doesn’t call you, he gets annoyed at you trying to discuss the future, has even told you he will know in a few years. Like WTF does that actually mean. It means that he is no way feeling anything towards you other than you are convenient. If he cared he’d let you know, he wouldn’t leave you in any doubt that you and him were in a commuted relationship in case you were to move on and he’d lose you also he’d want to see more of you as he’d miss you when you weren’t together. It really is that simple. Could also be there is someone else in the picture.
Why won’t he end it? He may not want you but he doesn’t want you moving on without him either, it’s an ego thing
This relationship obviously doesn’t have legs. Gather up all your self respect and finish it, before he does, that will make you feel a whole lot worse.

• committed

He is not going to change… he has told you and showed you that. He does not meet your needs.

You are not happy and you can not change this man. Don’t waste your life being squashed down.

Just phase him out of your life.

There is nothing wrong with a relationship where you mainly meet at weekends - if thats what you both want! If you want more out of the relationship than he is willing to give then you need to think seriously if there is any future in it for you.

I was in the opposite type relationship some years past. I had just come out of a marriage and wanted no commitments for the foreseeable. I was quite happy with a weekend casual relationship. It was my BF who encouraged me to meet his family, children by former marriage and I resisted strongly. I didnt want to become involved with them. After a year it was clear we wanted different things out of the relationship and we agreed to part amicably.

@Fustyoldface

I have tried to end it and gets more upset than me. Why won’t he agree to breaking up.

Because he wants his cake and eat it. He knows you well enough to know if he makes a fuss when you want to break up, you'll back off and he gets just what he wants which is a weekend only relationship that suits him.

Just end it by text and block him. He's manipulating you.

It's all about what he wants. He wants to pick you up and put you down when he feels like it, and keep you a string, while giving very little.

You're unhappy. Stop putting his wah wah sad face when you try to break it off over your ongoing unhappiness stuck in a relationship that is going nowhere.

You need to end it in one conversation and then cut all communication. No big explanations are required, ' this isn't working for me' covers it. He has told you who he is and what he wants, it's your decision now whether you want to stick around for someone who is not committed to you. Don't be fooled by offers to change. If he's getting upset, that's on him, how upset has he made you with his nonsense about taking a few more years to decide if he will commit!

It doesn't matter whether he agrees to break up or not. If you are k no it getting what you need from this relationship you need to instigate the breakup and move on. Life is too short to be waiting in limbo for years. I rather suspect moving in or getting married will never happen. He is just trying to appease you. He is too set in his ways to make any big changes. You are young enough to find a partner who values spending time with you.

He gets extremely upset that you try to end it.
When someone ends a relationship its because they are unhappy in the relationship.
Most people would think what do I need to do to make this work.
Some people who can only see and feel things from their own perspective will get upset because the decision affects them. They are not worried about the other person.
This in itself is a good reason to not be in the relationship any more.

He is absolutely not upset. His words may say one thing (text I assume since he doesn't talk to you) but his actions are what count.
He's really not into you.
Find some self respect and dump him then block

Just text him and tell him it's over.
And that he's a total wanker and an utter loser.
Then block him.
He's not the boss of you. Be an adult.
He is a colossal arsehole though.

He doesn't want to give up his weekend hole.
Can't you see that?

Thanks everyone. I’d like to say it’s harsh to hear but it’s what I know anyway.