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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Weekend only relationship

145 replies

Fustyoldface · 01/07/2021 20:59

Just posting to ask if I’m overthinking really. Year and a half with partner still only see each other on the weekends, only really talk on the weekends aside from the odd surface type text during the week. I find it hard to stay connected, he says he is happy. I have said it feels a bit like we are repeating the same conversations etc and could we see each other more or talk about the future but he either changes the subject or says he’s fine with it. Am I being dramatic?

OP posts:
Lampan · 01/07/2021 21:03

What is the reason for only seeing each other at weekends?
Sounds like you’re not compatible, if it’s enough for him but not enough for you then it seems like you want different things.

QueenBee52 · 01/07/2021 21:06

Course he's happy.. living his own life and sex in tap of a weekend ... why wouldn't he be happy 🌸

Original poster
Fustyoldface · 01/07/2021 21:09

He likes most evenings to himself

OP posts:
Original poster
Fustyoldface · 01/07/2021 21:11

Hard to walk away when I love him but feeling resentment creeping in and killing it for me.

OP posts:
MimiDaisy11 · 01/07/2021 21:14

Time to walk away if you want more and he doesn’t. You can’t force him and there’s no point wasting time if it’s not suiting you.

Original poster
Fustyoldface · 01/07/2021 21:14

I also hate feeling guilty for wanting more. It’s making me feel really low.

OP posts:
OldChinaJug · 01/07/2021 21:15

If you see someone at the weekends, don't talk about the future and don't speak/see each other otherwise then they are not your partner. They're someone you have am ongoing casual thing with.

Original poster
Fustyoldface · 01/07/2021 21:16

I know I’ve said that and it causes arguments! @oldchinajug

OP posts:
MrsHastingslikethebattle · 01/07/2021 21:20

@OldChinaJug

If you see someone at the weekends, don't talk about the future and don't speak/see each other otherwise then they are not your partner. They're someone you have am ongoing casual thing with.
This.

Hes not your partner. You see him 2 days a week and dont really keep in touch.
Have you met each others families? If not, red flag.

Seems like hes not ready/interested in any commitment with you.

QueenBee52 · 01/07/2021 21:29

@Fustyoldface

Hard to walk away when I love him but feeling resentment creeping in and killing it for me.

does he claim to love you? is he sat alone pining away during the week days for you whilst your sat at your place alone?

Find your self respect and walk away, from being someone easy option, and find someone who shares your needs OP, you deserve that. 🌸

SpeakingFranglais · 01/07/2021 21:35

I’d start dating during the week and find myself a replacement then dump him.

Blueskytoday06 · 01/07/2021 21:37

There's your answer ...if talking about the future 'causes arguments' it's not going anywhere. You're wasting your time if you want more. Granted relationships take time to establish and you've given at good go at 18 months. If you're happy to continue the way things are then there's no problem BUT if you want more you'll have to think about whether it's with him.

AnaViaSalamanca · 01/07/2021 21:38

This is not necessarily a bad thing. I have a very demanding job and most evenings are spent barely having dinner and working out and unwinding. Does he work long hours?

But what I say doesn’t matter. Everyone is different and if you need to see your partner more often then this guy is probably not the right one for you

Diamondsforever · 01/07/2021 21:41

He doesn't want more and you do, you are not compatible.

seensome · 01/07/2021 21:55

No you're not being dramatic, although it's not unusual to see a partner twice a week at the beginning if there's distance and work but when he's reluctant to talk about a future together and he changes the subject or says it's fine how it is then it's because he doesn't want to, makes it all a bit pointless for you. Not much contact in the week isn't ideal either must feel like you're a part time gf
Time to look for another.

sunnyzweibrucken · 02/07/2021 02:06

I dated someone I saw on weekends, and occasionally an extra day during the week. I was okay with it because we talked every day so that helped maintain an emotional connection. Plus we were both super busy during the week so it didn’t really make sense to spend week days together because it would mainly be eat , watch a little tv then going to sleep.

But you are not happy with this arrangement and he sounds like he is so you will have to accept it or end things.

Estasala · 02/07/2021 02:53

Have you been on holiday together?

Have you talked about moving in together?

If he won't talk about the future I'm afraid it might be because he doesn't want anything more.

After a year you've had time enough to date and get to know each other, see if you're compatible. I would cut your losses and start again with someone else. Not sure how old you are but if you want kids then it's important not to waste time on a man that isnt committed.

cariadlet · 02/07/2021 03:44

Nothing wrong with just seeing each other at weekends. Nothing wrong with wanting to have more contact and to talk about the future. But if you want different things then the relationship is unlikely to work out so you might as well cut your losses and walk away now.

Frownette · 02/07/2021 04:06

With ex he worked away during the week, I loved it. It was the excitement of scampering around my bedroom packing my weekend bag, putting on our song and waiting for him to pick me up and take me back to his. Then food and bed, perhaps not in that order Grin

Does he live nearby? If it's not suiting you, finish it

strawberrydonuts · 02/07/2021 04:12

@Fustyoldface

I know I’ve said that and it causes arguments! *@oldchinajug*
Why does it cause arguments? Does he think it is a serious relationship?

If he wants evenings to himself and only wants to see/ communicate with you at the weekend, then you are in a Box. He is segretating you from the rest of his life. That's not a serious relationship, it's casual.

Fine if that's what you both want, but in order to have that conversation you have to agree what the relationship is, then decide if you're both OK with that.

Him trying to convince you that this is anything other than casual is manipulative and unfair.

Firstbornunicorn · 02/07/2021 05:11

Are we quite sure this dude doesn’t have a wife and you’re the weekend chick?

joystir59 · 02/07/2021 05:25

Not a growing relationship imo.

Sittinginthesand · 02/07/2021 05:43

He isn’t your partner, it sounds more like you haven’t moved based the dating stage. Someone you are ‘seeing’. A partner is someone you live with and have entwined lives.

category12 · 02/07/2021 05:47

So what if he's happy the way things are, you're not.

Just end it. You're not getting your needs met. You're bored and lonely and not feeling loved.

And he's got zero interest in making you happy. What's the point of wasting more time on a unsatisfactory relationship?

PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 12:39

@Fustyoldface

Just posting to ask if I’m overthinking really. Year and a half with partner still only see each other on the weekends, only really talk on the weekends aside from the odd surface type text during the week. I find it hard to stay connected, he says he is happy. I have said it feels a bit like we are repeating the same conversations etc and could we see each other more or talk about the future but he either changes the subject or says he’s fine with it. Am I being dramatic?
Sounds ideal to me.

If it's not what you want, you need to leave rather than force him to change.