The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

Enjoy your weekend away, time with good girlfriends will refresh you. And also, maybe conversations with them may help you to really clarify your decision and what is best for you

I think he is using the tactics he uses in his job, and that's all it is tactics to try and make you crumble.

If you can detach and hand it over to your solicitor then do so. Part of my thinks if you crumble on this it will be a green light to do the same tactic with you over contact, Christmas, Birthdays and forevermore.

He is someone that you need to have a protection of steel around you, never compromise, never back down because he sees it has weakness and an opportunity to exert control and get what he wants.

You have come very far but it's not over yet. He knows how to push your buttons. This bloke could go out and by a lovely bachelor pad and brand spanking new top of the range car yet wants to palm you and the dollies off with the minimum.

Any maintenance above CMS levels are not guaranteed, beyond going back to court every year when he tries to stop paying and you may not win.

Long and short term you will be doing the bulk of the parenting, once he retires any CMS level will massively drop - how long until he's 55?

Proceed accepting with great caution. He is playing chicken with you sat cosy in his flat living his best life as usual.

I have been following your story for some time now, @StuckInPollyannaMode, and have been consistently impressed by how strong you have been, and how well you have handled all the shit Geller has thrown at you.

I wonder whether the way you are feeling at the moment is a reaction to him agreeing the settlement, and the relief of that - you have been working so hard to push the deal through that now the thing you’ve pushed against has moved, you’ve just fallen over - if that makes sense.

I hope you feel better soon - you are an amazing person!

Lots of hugs Polly.

Agree re handing over to your solicitor, I defended myself and lost out massively. I was just so worn down I agreed to everything

Honestly, I would go so far as to state that as he has not signed off, I would get solicitor to state that all bets are off the table and court is now back on.

Hoping that the Welsh break is a strengthening and heartening one.
You've fought your corner a long time; this last bit must seem particularly tough.

I'd say accept that there isn't an easy way ahead. If you let him win too much (which seems easiest now) perhaps he won't respect you for giving way, and this will be reflected in the co-parenting issues that will arise in future.

(Is he the sort of man who would see flexibility on your part as something he should replicate... or something he can take advantage of?)

Perhaps be guided by your solicitor?

Have a fabulous time in Wales Polly

Bore da my lovelies!

Bloody hell, what a week. Covid scares, lost teeth, Geller being a utter shit. Work going crazy. Issues with my parents too - health wise, I mean. It’s all going on.

Yet here I am in Welsh Wales, tucked up in such a comfy bed, surrounded by friends. I am so very lucky. The last time I posted from this room I’d just asked for a divorce and spent most of the weekend crying. That won’t be the case this time!

I am speaking to SHL today. She isn’t delighted by the deal by any means, but understands my rationale. She is absolutely nailing it down for me in terms of the child maintenance- I got him to agree to paying it until they are 21. That was one of my caveats.

And yes. Yes, I am nailing him professionally over the next year. Anyone remember way back when I said I was waiting to sort out a really good work opportunity? I just signed a contract on behalf of my company with his main competitor. They know the situation, I was up front with them from the start. He won’t know what’s hit him, and he won’t know it’s me that’s behind it. There’s also a couple of other irons in the fire. I need him to sign the deal so he doesn’t go after any shares in what I’m building with my business partner. I’m also going for evaluation by my professional body. I suspect I’ll achieve the same level as him, for now, and can then go for chartership in 2 years. Which is more than he has.

There’s more ways to skin a cat than in the court room…not that it’s about revenge. Honest. I just want to live my best life and grab everything with both hands.

When my slight hangover has worn off I’m going for a run in the hills. I’ve just signed up for a half marathon next year - the London Landmarks one - who would have thought it?!

And in the interests of full disclosure, I have met someone. We are taking it slow but I am quietly very happy and have been permanently smiling for the last few weeks. My boundaries are in place and he is being very respectful of them. If he carries on being as lovely as he has been so far, my barriers might even start to inch down. I feel very calm and weirdly relaxed with him, not overanalysing everything and being all insecure.

We shall see.

I hope everyone else is doing ok?

Welcome to Wales Polly! 😊 glad to hear you are having a good time.

On the deal, you have to do what feels right for you and sounds like you have thought it all through and your reasons behind your decision. So pleased for you about the work contract, well done! And on the new man too 😊 glad that he is lovely, making you happy and you feel calm and relaxed with him. I hope it works out for you both. Enjoy!

GO POLLY!!!!

I really, really enjoyed reading that. The best revenge is success, after all.

(You're inspiring me to take up running again).

What an absolutely excellent update! In the light of your work developments it totally makes sense to finalise things with Geller - you're going to outpace him professionally and at that point he can thcweam and thcweam until he's thick but you will be 100% able to provide everything your DDs need and he will have no power over you.

Am loving your work.

And I really hope things work out with new man - you deserve it.

Sounds like your in a good place to go forward.

What happened to your mutual friends you stayed with, did you ever discuss what they said when they got back from their holiday ?

I always read your updates and have been silently willing you on! Have to post to say how pleased I am to read the latest, you are in such a good place. You have created this, it’s all down to you. Huge congratulations and well done!!!

You sound in a much better place despite the hangover, hurrah!

Have an amazing weekend and block Gellar you are too far away and in an absolute emergency I'm sure he'd call your parents or a friend to contact you if you hadn't responded.

Well aren’t you eclipsing the sun around which everyone is supposed to fucking orbit?!?! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 You are an absolute bloody superstar!!! Couldn’t be prouder of you!!!

What a great update, @StuckInPollyannaMode! It is wonderful to see how much your life is improving, and how happy you are - you deserve every single bit of it.

I agree with the others - you're amazing .

Keep banging the drum 🥁 x

Polly - that sounds a perfect plan (one that is 'as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning').

Should have guessed you were thinking of the long game.

I also think you’re amazing, Polly. Absolutely super. I forgot about all the irons you’ve got in the fire, but I see where you’re heading with this. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and all that.

Just take the deal and get rid. He will pay in other ways.

Aw Polly I feel quite tearfully proud tbh mind you that could be the shitty day and the glass of wine 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 the saying ‘the best revenge is a life well lived’ or however it goes definitely applies, get a deal that whilst possibly not the best is enough and doesn’t fuck you or the girls over and then once signed totally eclipse the twat career wise, you are a star

Hang on just re-read, I missed the mention of a new someone?!!

You have your cape on !!!!
Go girl !

Great update

You sound great Polly, so relaxed and happy! You're right to look at the bigger picture - best of luck for everything ahead.

I think you should buy another bottle of v expensive champagne for the day you gain your chartership. Keep it in sight as your motivation.... maybe even print a pic of Geller and stick it on the front of the bottle to give you even more reason to go over and above what he has achieved. I would love to be a fly on his beige box wall when he hears how you’ve gone from a cowed wee wifey to a SHBW (shit hot business woman) in the short time since your great escape!