The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

Great news, hope he has signed

Hello my loves

I've been here but not feeling able to post. I keep rereading all your messages, all the way back from the start.

Since I last posted I have gone from euphoria to the absolute pit of despair. I have gone round and round in circles, tied myself in knots and had an emergency couple of counselling sessions about whether to accept the proposal. There has been lots of tears and soul searching.

Fundamentally, it is not a good deal for me. But what it gives me is enough to walk away, say fuck you, and move on. It stops the power play and control and means I can tell him where to go.

I just don't think I'm strong enough for court. I can't put myself through it, nor the girls. I will end up hating him. And I have to co-parent with the fucker for the next ten years or so.

So, I'm taking it. I'm just done with it all.

It was a bit like being smacked in the face like a rogue wave after a calm sea for quite some time. I had to crawl away and lick my wounds for a bit. Yes, there was wine. BUT I didn't light a fag, which frankly is the only saving grace about last weekend.

He still hasn't signed, by the way.

I'm going to Wales next weekend with my girlfriends. There will be good food, good friends, a fireside to curl up by, hills to climb and a wine cellar to raid.

I will regroup and come back stronger than before. Just feeling a bit bruised and battered right now.

Oh Polly. Huge hug from me. FWIW and knowing what you've posted about him, which is probably not the half of it, I think you're being sensible. You've got 10 years of co-parenting with the twat to go so a compromise approach is probably best. And you are strong, independent and well capable of earning your own crust.

Enjoy Wales and relaxing with your friends. And don't feel obliged to post unless it benefits you.

Oh love, I am sorry to hear this.

Enjoy Wales, it's really lovely here and we and your friends will look after you.

Take care 💖

All that money hasn't bought him love or happiness have they?

Peace and calm is worth a lot.

He isn't a nice person and those gorgeous girls already see the real him.

It will give you the strength to say "I could, but I don't want to" so much more easily and mean it.

How long are you going to give him to sign it?

As in - you hate him anyway, he's still playing power games by not signing - why not get a better deal in court? Or at least threaten to.

Fundamentally, it is not a good deal for me. But what it gives me is enough to walk away, say fuck you, and move on. It stops the power play and control and means I can tell him where to go.

What does your solicitor say?

You know what, however much it galls me given everything you've written about Gellar, I'd say just take it and move on, I think that your sanity and peace of mind is worth more than the money in the long run. If you are able to live securely with your girls and not have him holding anything over you then there is no shame in saying you're stopping here. You need to live your life, in some respects by not fighting for longer/more, you aren't playing the game the way he wants, he can't keep painting you as the bad one so easily. Not that he will stop being an arse but this gives him less easy ammunition. Hope you have a good weekend with your friends.

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Hello my loves

I've been here but not feeling able to post. I keep rereading all your messages, all the way back from the start.

Since I last posted I have gone from euphoria to the absolute pit of despair. I have gone round and round in circles, tied myself in knots and had an emergency couple of counselling sessions about whether to accept the proposal. There has been lots of tears and soul searching.

Fundamentally, it is not a good deal for me. But what it gives me is enough to walk away, say fuck you, and move on. It stops the power play and control and means I can tell him where to go.

I just don't think I'm strong enough for court. I can't put myself through it, nor the girls. I will end up hating him. And I have to co-parent with the fucker for the next ten years or so.

So, I'm taking it. I'm just done with it all.

It was a bit like being smacked in the face like a rogue wave after a calm sea for quite some time. I had to crawl away and lick my wounds for a bit. Yes, there was wine. BUT I didn't light a fag, which frankly is the only saving grace about last weekend.

He still hasn't signed, by the way.

I'm going to Wales next weekend with my girlfriends. There will be good food, good friends, a fireside to curl up by, hills to climb and a wine cellar to raid.

I will regroup and come back stronger than before. Just feeling a bit bruised and battered right now.

I'm confused. I thought that as he had agreed to sign with the caveats you added, that it was what you wanted?

What does your Solicitor say about the deal? Frankly what ever deal you are going to get will be undervalued given the years and years you have had to put up with him and what cost you mentally, emotionally and socially. Does your Solicitor think that you can do better in court and realistically how much better?

You need to consider is that extra worth the strain or emotional strain of court.

I agree with talking to your solicitor or a specialist barrister. They may have enough knowledge of your local courts to advise you of what a battle you may be facing and the likelihood of success.

Thing is, you can't just look at today or even the next 5 years. And you shouldn't make a decision because you have to coparent with him. You could give him everything and he's still going to be a total arse. No amount of money is going to make him forget that you had the temerity to leave him, Mr Wonderful.

You have to look far down the road. After child maintenance stops and you're 'on your own' income-wise and how 'set' you'd be for retirement with the settlement as it is. Think of what you want and need for your future.

It's just money.

You have and are worth so much more.

Your freedom and happiness is more important.

Don't look back

I walked away with a fraction of what I should have done. It was the best thing I ever did. I'm sooooo much happier than I was with him. It's only money, it can be event, happiness can't be bought. Not the type to be genuinely happy.

At this stage, Id say,
"Sign the fucking deal, or Im going for every single sheckle I am entitled to"

Yep, I'd take him to court. It's not for your benefit @StuckInPollyannaMode, it's for the Dollies.
And although I understand how tired you are of all this shit, if you don't take him to court the Dollies will see yet another example of Geller getting his own way. Yet another example of a man bullying a woman and winning.

If any woman has it in her to take a man to court it’s you, Polly. Don’t undersell yourself and don’t allows the waves to wash you under.

The only reason why I wouldn’t take him on in court was if I knew I would slaughter him on the professional field in the next year and take even more.

You can do it, Polly. You can.

How much difference is there between the offer and what you'd realistically get if it went to court? I guess depending on the amount you'll be able to make the right decision for you snd your girls. Remember that you're doing this for the girls mainly and make sure you don't agree to something you'll regret later. Plus the more you can agree now formally, the less you'll need to keep hoping or asking him to contribute from 'goodwill' (and expect you to be ever so grateful for 🙄 ). Stay as strong as you can.

If he hasn’t signed it, it’s got to be proof of coercive behaviour. Take him to court. Fuckwit.

💐☕️🍰

@Mix56

At this stage, Id say, "Sign the fucking deal, or Im going for every single sheckle I am entitled to"

This for sure!

I agree that's it's better for your mental health to just walk away. Yes, you might get more if you drag it out but there is no amount big enough for your head space and time.

Enjoy your trip to Wales

Polly I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time, having got this far.

I have no idea what I'd do in your shoes (though I suspect I'll be there although with less at stake in the not too distant future).

What does your solicitor think?

I suppose on one hand, he's going to be an arse whatever you do.
On the other hand, if you think taking it further is going to sabotage your well-being then there's merit in saying stuff it, let's sign.

I'm not as far down the journey as you in some sense, but I am part way thorugh court. If you have a barrister or solicitor acting for you then you don't need to do anything, as such - they will be representing you. So it might not be as strength-sapping as you think. I have had no option as my STBEX has stalled all the way along and is being a total arse.

Whether you sign or don't sign, it's the right decision for you. But I'd make sure that you have explored all options first so you can be at peace whatever you decide.

Sending you hugs, have a lovely time in Wales

What does your solicitor think, my lovely? Sometimes, the cost of getting what we want/deserve financially is just too much emotionally and mental health-wise,

But your ex needs to sign - his continued delaying tactics all seem part of his unpleasant controlling nature.

Get your solicitor's advice and take it, please .

I would like to echo, please get your solicitor's advice on this. My dickhead ex played all the games, tried wearing me down, fucked about much like Geller has. I was prepared to take a lower settlement just to have it done and be able to get out. My solicitor said no. So I let her draft the responses, discuss with his solicitor, chase when required, and update me. The main thing she warned me about was that if the agreement was fundamentally unfair, when the financial settlement went through the court, the judge might very well throw it out, and we'd have gotten nowhere.

So I basically handed her the reins, and all correspondence for the finances went through her. All messages, emails etc from ex were met with "I'll have to forward this to my solicitor, she'll let you know". Cost more than I wanted to spend on legal fees, but I got much more in settlement than I thought I would, so I still walked away better off.

Also, handing it over like that took a lot of stress off of me, and allowed me to not engage with him directly other than for the girls.

If your solicitor thinks it's close enough to fair, and they aren't worried, then awesome. Peace of mind is valuable too. But if they aren't ok, it could well be false economy, if the judge doesn't sign off, then you won't have saved any hassle, and you might be lining yourself up for resentment in future. Plus, if Geller keeps all the assets, you know they won't be used to help your girls.