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Relationships

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Original poster

Sex on 1st Date

164 replies

Essexgirl2021 · 24/06/2021 18:49

Had a 1st date yesterday with a lovely guy.He gave me flowers at the start of the date things were going well .I havent had sex for [amount of time edited out] and slept with him now i regret it and have ruined any chances of a second date .

OP posts:

Sandra15 · 29/06/2021 10:06

@Gilda152

I don't think first date sex leading to relationships is rare really - well demonstrably from this post it isn't.

You either still like and fancy each other after the fact or you don't - and so much of that is completely out of both your hands. You can be amazing in bed with one person and clunky as shit with another.

So the fact that I and many others are now married to our first date shags doesn't mean we're lying or making it up for what? kudos? It just means that for us, it all worked out. For others it didn't. C'est la vie.

Nobody should judge anyone for having sex whenever you want it be it five minutes into your first date or two months later or after marriage even if that's what you feel is right for you.

Sex on a first date might be amazing or it might be hesitant - the latter because, maybe, one party has fancied the other for ages and is nervous. But if you have been dating someone for a while, got to know them and really liked them, and sex is a bit nervy the first time, you are invested enough to know this and work around it in the future. If it's a first date right off the bat, you might think move on, next please, and it go nowhere.

lardylegs123 · 29/06/2021 10:08

My closest friend sleeps with her dates very early on. There hasn't been any longevity with a single one.
Generally speaking, it's not a good idea (if you're bothered about seeing them again, that is).

AlmostSummer21 · 29/06/2021 12:12

@PumpkinKlNG

coronaway

Exactly! And I don’t get people saying “sex on the first date is a good way to weed out which ones are going to hang around” I mean really! All you are going is giving these guys easy sex when they don’t even have to make any effort.

Your language says it all.

You don't 'give' someone else sex. You have sex with someone.

Sex is sex, if you want to have sex with someone then go ahead, be safe & enjoy it

If it turns into a relationship & that's what you want, great - if it doesn't, you've had sex that was hopefully enjoyable. It win:win if you enjoy the experience.

It's not 'easy' and it's not a 'mistake' if it does t turn into a relationship as long as you want the sex either way

PumpkinKlNG · 29/06/2021 12:15

Sex with a stranger can never be safe! It’s literally a very risky thing to do, to be alone naked with a stranger that is more powerful than you and could do anything to you. And it is a mistake when you become disappointed/upset that it didn’t lead to anything more.

Divineswirls · 29/06/2021 12:19

Nothing wrong with sex on a first date so long as you enjoyed it and wanted it.
Don't feel bad about it we all do it even though we might not always say it.

Gilda152 · 29/06/2021 12:45

@PumpkinKlNG have you had a particularly bad first date sex experience that has tainted your view? If yes, do you take any comfort from knowing that your experience is not universal? If not why do you feel so strongly about it?

PumpkinKlNG · 29/06/2021 12:54

No I haven’t dated in 10 years! It might not be universal but it’s certainly not uncommon. I don’t feel “strongly” about it at all, people have responded to my comment and I’m allowed to reply.

Gilda152 · 29/06/2021 13:28

@PumpkinKlNG oh of course, I was just curious.

Femme99 · 29/06/2021 13:37

I slept with a guy on the first date, he was clearly just after sex but that was ok, he sent a few messages after but gradually it stopped, I think he might have been in a relationship.
Another guy I was seeing didn’t seem interested in sex for a fair few dates, we kissed but that was it, when I finally initiated it at his, it was a complete disaster. No sexual chemistry at all and it was really awkward, if I had slept with him sooner, I would have known it wouldn’t have worked.
So there’s no real way of knowing when is the right time, personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it and it’s akin to casual sex, which many people do.

peanutttttt · 01/07/2021 11:04

I think you are just overthinking it? Because you feel as if you did something wrong by having sec with him on the first date. You guys are both adults. Everyone has had a time where they've had sex on the first date lol it's nothing to feel guilty about. Just see how it goes, it's probably just all in your head.

peanutttttt · 01/07/2021 11:05

And don't we test drive cars before we buy them? Soooo

peanutttttt · 01/07/2021 11:06

@todaysdilemma

I always have sex on the first or second date, as I have zero interest in wasting time on someone where there's no sexual compatibility. A small Willy, ED, terrible kisser, selfish oral - no amount of personality makes up for this. All those occasions led to relationships and one marriage. If they hadn't I'd still have had a fun night, or at least known we weren't a good fit sexually. Every one of those men said it was refreshing to be with a woman as confident and relaxed about sex as I was. And it baffled me as most of my friends are the same, and they're all married to their first-date shag men.

BUT to do this, you do need to understand that sex does not mean commitment. And if you sleep with them, you're doing it because the chemistry is off the charts and you both want to enjoy that intense sex you get when you both want each other. And if they don't call you, then you just appreciate the fun you had and move on. Sex is supposed to be fun! Not weighed down by these expectations of dating and commitment.

Sometimes I think women like to assume it's the having sex too soon that put a guy off. Because it's easier on the ego than accepting he just didn't like your personality or something else - it's important to realise most men have already decided whether they'll ask you out again or not, BEFORE the topic of sex comes up.

I AGREE 1000000%

peanutttttt · 01/07/2021 11:15

@AnaViaSalamanca

Sex is the most intimate and vulnerable thing you can do with someone. If you can involve your body and most intimate self so easily with a virtual stranger off the street then of course it gives the guy a clear message about how you view yourself and your body

I feel sad for you @SarahDarah. So slut shaming and judgmental.

Sex isn't the most intimate and vulnerable thing, letting someone see you at your most lowest and weakest point is. I'm not saying sex isn't intimate because it is, but it's also just sex sometimes. @SarahDarah just bc you want to wait to have sex and end up with someone who wasn't even worth waiting for in the bed.

EezyOozy · 01/07/2021 11:17

I slept with my husband on the first date ! We have two little girls now and together for 7/8 yrs. if they're into you, it won't put them off.

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