Sex on 1st Date

[Essexgirl2021]

Had a 1st date yesterday with a lovely guy.He gave me flowers at the start of the date things were going well .I havent had sex for [amount of time edited out] and slept with him now i regret it and have ruined any chances of a second date .

@AnaViaSalamanca does that mean you judged them for having sex with you ... or
You just thought they were shit so you judged them for that
Not the same thing at all
I'm past it now but am delighted to see more equality in both sexes becoming the norm .. slowly but surely
Go for it ...

Going back to the Ops predicament, rather than the gender arguments on sexual activity, OP, please don't self sabotage.

He asked you to text when you got in, u didn't. If I asked someone to do that and they didn't, I'd figure they didn't enjoy themselves, or weren't interested etc.if you want to see him again, stop pushing him away

@Sandra15 -But that’s you, there is nothing wrong with casual sex, as long as you use precautions and you’re both willing participants. Of the guys I have had casual sex with or (ONS) I only saw one of the guys again.

@Essexgirl2021

Had a 1st date yesterday with a lovely guy.He gave me flowers at the start of the date things were going well .I havent had sex for [amount of time edited out] and slept with him now i regret it and have ruined any chances of a second date .

It doesn't mean anything that you've slept with him as long as you wanted too. Just text him and say 'hey I had a great time with you the other day, fancy arranging something again?' If he doesn't then just sack him off, don't sweat it

@baileys6904 Yes i get your point i texted him earlier today he did reply for a few messages then nothing .So i take it he is not interested which is fair enough .At least i text him and i know there is no misunderstandings

@Findwen

"Men get lauded for their promiscuity and women are lauded for their abstinence."

I really don't think this is true. If you think I am wrong, tell me the names of the men you have praised for their promiscuity.

I don't want to derail the thread too much but generally on a societal wide view I think what I said holds true. I don't think it's a good thing society holds this view and thankfully I do think it is changing, albeit slowly.

I would be a bit turned off to be with a man who was sexually inexperienced as would my friends when this topic has been brought up. The word virgin is sometimes used as an insult towards men but generally speaking not vice a versa.

I think a lot of men feel similarly of women who are highly promiscuous and some use it to insult women. Whereas men who are promiscuous are looked upon as a stud, someone who must have a lot going for them or be particularly good looking / charming to woo that many women.

I'm of course speaking on generalities.

I agree wholeheartedly with what a PP said, caring what other people think of you is a sure fire way to leave an unhappy life.

*in not on
*live not leave

@Sunnyday321

Had sex with mine on first date we've been together 22 years.

Yup - same here as well - 20th wedding anniversary this year (together for 25 years!)

I slept with my DH on our first date and we've been together ever since, nearly 16 years for us now so it can work.

If you like him and he likes you just enjoy dating him,if it doesn't work out then you've had a nice evening and some good sex and your free to look for someone who'll be a better match for you so win win as far as I see it.

I had sex with my ex husband on the first date we had a (at least I thought!) happy six years until be decided to have sex with another woman on his first date with her

I slept with my now lovely dh on our sixth date but it was kind of nice that we waited a little longer, it was all the more special and the build up was lots of fun.

I wouldn’t worry, it doesn’t sound like he’s lost interest.

OP,
The worst thing you could do now for yourself is start beating yourself up.

Own it.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Used protection.
You are single.
Why not?
If he doesn't contact you again, fxxk him.
Don't waste another minute feeling bad.

IF...you regret it, so be it and learn from it.

BUT, absolutely don't waste a scrap of energy feeling bad of it.
Life is too bloody short.
You really don't want to be around a judgy, double standards twat.

👍

@essexgirl2021 well you never know, he might be getting the advice like you have lol.
BTW, for what it's worth, don't let anyone else's opinion get in the way of what you want or think. If you don't do something you want because of someone else's words, only you lose out, not them. It's your life to make the most you can out of.

@baileys6904 Ha maybe he is 🤣🤣 Just disapointed would of liked a second date but if he is judgeing me its just double standards so hes not for me anyway

I honestly think having sex on the first date is an excellent way to weed out time wasters.

Maybe he just didn’t enjoy the sex that much

@coronaway

It feels you are misrepresenting this somewhat you by conflating number of partners with sexual experience. Would you really consider a man who had sex with a teenage girlfriend between 18-22 and then regular sex with the woman that became his wife between ages 23-53 inexperienced as he has had just two partners ?

I understand and agree with your feelings on a promiscuous man - but I still believe men are not lauded for it. Perhaps you could give an example of a promiscuous man your friends or society as a whole gives great credit to ? If you are right, then surely there must be a bunch of male celebrities that fit the bill.

@JustAnotherOldMan

Maybe he just didn’t enjoy the sex that much

Well that’s rude isn’t it. Maybe he’s just a dick. Who knows.

@LoopTheLoops

The thing is people will say “oh I slept with someone first night and now we are married” but I reckon that’s rare, I would say there are far more men that ghost after or make it clear they just want to keep you on for sex, so definitely don’t chase!

Yes, this. Im sure they must exist but I've literally never heard of anyone who married someone who they slept with on the very first date, but know SO many throughout my life who dumped the woman after first date sex or continued stringing her along for easy sex a while longer as the guy just sees her as an easy female body to have sex with until he finds a woman he sees a future with and respects more.

Sex is the most intimate and vulnerable thing you can do with someone. If you can involve your body and most intimate self so easily with a virtual stranger off the street then of course it gives the guy a clear message about how you view yourself and your body (and likewise a message about him). If you're so carefree and happy about it, you can't expect a guy not to follow your own lead and treat you in a similarly carefree way.

Sleeping with a guy on the first date generally ends in tears and stress for the woman. Hormonally having sex makes women more emotionally invested in men.

I dont see why sex on a first date would put someone off, unless there was no sexual chemistry at all.

If you have a great date and fancy each other, then why not?

I really dont see why in this day and age having sex on a first day for a woman is still made to be an issue......

As pps said he also had sex on the first day and your still keen, so why wouldnt he be

Uyyuuuuuuukìuj

In my case I didn’t judge then for having sex. No. For what it’s worth, I don’t think many men actually judge the woman who has sex on the first date. I think it’s more like these men end up losing interest, sex being bad, or not having a huge interest in the first place. Those that judge womrn for the first date case would be a hypothetical minority at best. Do you have examples of these men?

Sex is the most intimate and vulnerable thing you can do with someone. If you can involve your body and most intimate self so easily with a virtual stranger off the street then of course it gives the guy a clear message about how you view yourself and your body

I feel sad for you @SarahDarah. So slut shaming and judgmental.

Yes my own ex told someone I was just a “slag” that “dropped my knickers on the first night” so yes men certainly do judge but I agree they are in the minority and I think it’s mostly men who just wanted sex so after they got it they weren’t bothered about seeing the person again.