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Original poster

Sex on 1st Date

164 replies

Essexgirl2021 · 24/06/2021 18:49

Had a 1st date yesterday with a lovely guy.He gave me flowers at the start of the date things were going well .I havent had sex for [amount of time edited out] and slept with him now i regret it and have ruined any chances of a second date .

OP posts:
TeddingtonTrashbag · 25/06/2021 03:46

Had sex with DH before our first date Grin(we were on a business trip) and we have been married 25 years (divorcing now, but not because of thatGrin

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/06/2021 06:25

I slept with my DH on the first date - 7 years on and 2 kids later it’s still going well Grin

Qwertyyui · 25/06/2021 08:54

Technically second date here as we had breakfast in a public place and he had work straight after. He came around the next night and I thought when he left I wouldn't see him again (wasn't bothered I just enjoyed the sex and he was incredibly attractive and out my league) we have been married almost 18 months now.

I honestly think sex is just something we enjoy. Don't attach emotions to it or expectations. That is an outdated misogynistic ideal put on us. Go with the flow and use protection and remember you get one shot at life so let your vagina enjoy it too!

lostandtired1 · 25/06/2021 09:40

Another sex on first date here!

Together 13 years, married for 4. Two kids. Smile

Sandra15 · 25/06/2021 10:02

@CorianderBee

I know loads of people who slept together on the first date and have LTR now. It's not the 1970s
It's not about the 1970s or even the 1950s. I was born in 1984 and I wouldn't do it. It's about your own personal values rather than the times changing. I would hate to go out and bump into potentially ten guys I'd shagged on a first and only date (otherwise known as a one night stand).
todaysdilemma · 25/06/2021 10:23

I always have sex on the first or second date, as I have zero interest in wasting time on someone where there's no sexual compatibility. A small Willy, ED, terrible kisser, selfish oral - no amount of personality makes up for this. All those occasions led to relationships and one marriage. If they hadn't I'd still have had a fun night, or at least known we weren't a good fit sexually. Every one of those men said it was refreshing to be with a woman as confident and relaxed about sex as I was. And it baffled me as most of my friends are the same, and they're all married to their first-date shag men.

BUT to do this, you do need to understand that sex does not mean commitment. And if you sleep with them, you're doing it because the chemistry is off the charts and you both want to enjoy that intense sex you get when you both want each other. And if they don't call you, then you just appreciate the fun you had and move on. Sex is supposed to be fun! Not weighed down by these expectations of dating and commitment.

Sometimes I think women like to assume it's the having sex too soon that put a guy off. Because it's easier on the ego than accepting he just didn't like your personality or something else - it's important to realise most men have already decided whether they'll ask you out again or not, BEFORE the topic of sex comes up.

Naunet · 25/06/2021 12:04

If he judges you for making the same choice as he did, then he’s a misogynist not worthy of your time. Think of it as your way of testing him!

Shurl · 25/06/2021 12:10

@LoopTheLoops

Yeh men don’t really worry if the woman will still like them after or still want to see them etc.
Of course they do! What a ridiculous thing to say!

The good ones are anxious about whether it was too soon, whether they put you off, is it too soon to text yet and so on.

The ones who don't "care" often blank you before you can do it to them: they're more insecure. If they were secure they would ride out the uncertainty or have been upfront about their expectations in advance.

PhantomDating5533 · 25/06/2021 12:11

I would say that sex on the first date depends on what you want to gain from life.

Some people are reading books and some are chatting or even drinking. Just try to engage the guy in the conversation. Maybe you will find his interests.

I can even recommend you a book www.amazon.com/dp/B094NMRWPJ?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 to read and to present to your man. Who knows, maybe this will help both of you to build good relationship with each other.

Wish you good luck!

LoopTheLoops · 25/06/2021 12:27

Well men don’t exactly get judged for sleeping with women on the first date like women do, do you really believe they do?! Shurl Hmm

moreofthisagain · 25/06/2021 12:30

@Craftycorvid

Have I nodded off and woken up in the last century? Sex isn’t something to offer or withhold as a strategy. If it felt right to have sex at that stage, it felt right. If he buggers off afterwards, as pp have said, you’ve not wasted more of your precious time on him.
This!
Sandra15 · 25/06/2021 12:42

@Naunet

If he judges you for making the same choice as he did, then he’s a misogynist not worthy of your time. Think of it as your way of testing him!
This is a really good point. Sex without commitment isn't for me, but it is so twofaced of blokes to shag on the first date then dismiss a woman for doing that with him. Er, excuse me, you did it too mate!
coronaway · 25/06/2021 12:48

@LoopTheLoops

Well men don’t exactly get judged for sleeping with women on the first date like women do, do you really believe they do?! Shurl Hmm
Men get lauded for their promiscuity and women are lauded for their abstinence.
scoobydoo1971 · 25/06/2021 12:50

I was married to someone and we got down to the deed on the first date after a bit too much wine. I did the same with my current boyfriend as we live 100's of miles apart and were apart due to lockdown/ work commitments, and he hasn't run for the nunnery to find a vestal virgin to marry. If it feels right and protection is used, then why not? If man judges you for being 'easy' or other misogynist terms then he is definitely not a candidate for being a boyfriend anyway. Sexual chemistry is a huge part of a relationship, at least at the start, for most people. Best to get those boxes ticked off in the early stages of dating in my view.

PhantomDating5533 · 25/06/2021 12:50

@LoopTheLoops

Well men don’t exactly get judged for sleeping with women on the first date like women do, do you really believe they do?! Shurl Hmm
I believe that there are different men and different women :)

Today you can be judged even by men who can say" Did you have sex with her on your first date? I had a better opinion about you!"

This actually had happened to my a week ago, when I became a witness of a talk between two guys in the bus.

So not everything is fixed in our world. Fortunately or unfortunately :)

LoopTheLoops · 25/06/2021 12:54

I’ve literally never heard of a women refusing to see a man again because he slept with her on the first date- EVER. Heard of countless men not wanting to see a woman again because she slept with him on the first date though, because she’s “easy” insert any other insult about sleeping with him to quickly

Mardybum249 · 25/06/2021 13:04

I'm envious.
My dh was my first boyfriend, first person who took an interest in me on that front, first pretty much everything.
There was a slow friendship build and we didn't technically have a "first date", but being my first time I wasn't planning on rushing into it.

I love the idea of meeting someone and just being so turned on by them and them feeling the same that you have sex (safely of course). That sexual chemistry must feel euphoric.

I'm sure I'd be the person who would struggle to just see it as some fun should it not pan out, but that's a whole other story (and for what it's worth, I wish I'd had more fun when I was younger on the sex front)

workshy44 · 25/06/2021 13:06

I don't necessarily think it is judgement from guys but more the case of where do you go from here. There is no build up, excitement etc
I would text him and take the bull by the horns and ask him on another date, at least you will know quickly either way whether it has put him off or not

PhantomDating5533 · 25/06/2021 13:14

@LoopTheLoops

I’ve literally never heard of a women refusing to see a man again because he slept with her on the first date- EVER. Heard of countless men not wanting to see a woman again because she slept with him on the first date though, because she’s “easy” insert any other insult about sleeping with him to quickly
I had one girl in my life. After our sex, she told me: "You are interested only in my body, but not in my mind". Come on, we had only one date where she teased me.

So again, there is no fixed meaning :)

Shurl · 25/06/2021 13:43

@LoopTheLoops

Well men don’t exactly get judged for sleeping with women on the first date like women do, do you really believe they do?! Shurl Hmm
No, but that is not what your comment I replied to said.

Of course there is more judgement towards women. There is with everything women do. But if I worried about being judged, my life would be much shitter!

PhantomDating5533 · 25/06/2021 13:53

@Shurl

I agree with you. If we will worry about judgement from almost everyone -- we have a big chance to go to psychiatric clinic...

AnaViaSalamanca · 25/06/2021 15:07

@LoopTheLoops

I’ve literally never heard of a women refusing to see a man again because he slept with her on the first date- EVER. Heard of countless men not wanting to see a woman again because she slept with him on the first date though, because she’s “easy” insert any other insult about sleeping with him to quickly
Here I am. Happy to prove you wrong. And not just one man. One I knew before the date that I was just looking for sex and we weren’t compatible. A couple of others I just got turned off by their body/one time was enough/they were poor in bed etc etc
LoopTheLoops · 25/06/2021 15:09

Not because you judged them for it though, so think you are missing my point

Findwen · 25/06/2021 15:15

"Men get lauded for their promiscuity and women are lauded for their abstinence."

I really don't think this is true. If you think I am wrong, tell me the names of the men you have praised for their promiscuity.

Sunnidayz · 25/06/2021 15:24

I had sex with my now DH his second night here (he was too jetlagged the first night!)

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