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Original poster

Sex on 1st Date

164 replies

Essexgirl2021 · 24/06/2021 18:49

Had a 1st date yesterday with a lovely guy.He gave me flowers at the start of the date things were going well .I havent had sex for [amount of time edited out] and slept with him now i regret it and have ruined any chances of a second date .

OP posts:
TomorrowsPrincess · 25/06/2021 17:21

Stop being so precious!
He replied to your text!
What do you want? Flowers delivered to your door? You BOTH put out.
Ask HIM if he wants a second date!
Why don't YOU text HIM and give him attention!
He isn't a mind reader, if you don't tell him you'd like to see him again he make take YOUR radio silence as a negative.

Kiki275 · 25/06/2021 17:23

@Essexgirl2021 I'd straight up ask him if he fancies another date next week or sometime. Either way, you'll know.
He could be having a similar conversation somewhere, not knowing how to play the situation x

Sleepyquest · 25/06/2021 17:24

I did this and been together 7 years

TomorrowsPrincess · 25/06/2021 17:24

@SarahDarah
I slept with my Fiancé on the first date..... been with him 8 years and just booked our wedding.
I know plenty of people who have wifed off the girl they slept with on a first date. It really is more common than you think, and imo, no big deal.

baileys6904 · 25/06/2021 17:37

@essexgirl2021.i think men judge less on first date shagging then alot of the women on mumsnet to be honest.
And as others have said, ask him!!

Stereomum · 25/06/2021 17:41

I slept with a guy on the first date, been together for 19 years and married for 15.

coronaway · 25/06/2021 18:18

[quote Findwen]@coronaway

It feels you are misrepresenting this somewhat you by conflating number of partners with sexual experience. Would you really consider a man who had sex with a teenage girlfriend between 18-22 and then regular sex with the woman that became his wife between ages 23-53 inexperienced as he has had just two partners ?

I understand and agree with your feelings on a promiscuous man - but I still believe men are not lauded for it. Perhaps you could give an example of a promiscuous man your friends or society as a whole gives great credit to ? If you are right, then surely there must be a bunch of male celebrities that fit the bill.[/quote]
Yes possibly although different people enjoy different things when it comes to sex so a greater number of partners may indicate a greater ability to please a woman sexually. I think it's more the fact that they must have something going for them (at least we think that) for them to have multiple partners.

They may not be lauded for it outwardly (although I think they are amongst men) but ultimately they posses something about them which is intriguing to women. Almost subconsciously I find myself wondering what they have that makes themselves so attractive to other women which in turn is an attractive quality in itself.

I'm not sure what you're saying re the male celebrities bit? Someone like Leonardo DiCaprio is praised whereas I would struggle to find the equivalent woman celebrity who garners the same praise.

Shurl · 25/06/2021 18:21

@justanotherneighinparadise why is that rude? Perhaps he didn't enjoy it? It's just as valid as if she didn't enjoy it. Sometimes you get on fine, but the secual chemistry isn't there. It doesn't mean that either is "bad" at sex. In fact, there is no such thing as bad at sex, just mismatched partners.

NiceGerbil · 25/06/2021 19:04

The ONS sex I've had has always been pretty rubbish. They don't really need to try as they're not going to see you again, they're interested in their own experience generally.

The best sex IME is with men you've been with for long enough to get to know what each other likes.

mamaoffourdc · 25/06/2021 19:06

I slept with my husband on our first date, 16 years and 4 kids later we are still happy x

Saltandvinegar86 · 25/06/2021 19:26

Obviously there should be no judgement or double standard. Having said that, I usually wait three or four dates (about a month) because it filters out most of the men who in well in to their 30s or even 40s are still acting like ‘Fuck Bois’. Having said that, I was with my ex for four years and we lived together having slept together before the first date (work colleague). After we broke up, he very kindly advised me not to drop my knickers so soon(!) and then the next man would respect me more. He was 48 at the time (I was 31, but I guess in his head that wasn’t an issue).

Shelddd · 25/06/2021 19:39

@Saltandvinegar86

Obviously there should be no judgement or double standard. Having said that, I usually wait three or four dates (about a month) because it filters out most of the men who in well in to their 30s or even 40s are still acting like ‘Fuck Bois’. Having said that, I was with my ex for four years and we lived together having slept together before the first date (work colleague). After we broke up, he very kindly advised me not to drop my knickers so soon(!) and then the next man would respect me more. He was 48 at the time (I was 31, but I guess in his head that wasn’t an issue).
I'm sure a 31 year old woman really needs a 48 year old man to tell her what she needs to do to get other 48 year old men to respect her lol, what a joke. I'm glad for you that is over.
toocold54 · 25/06/2021 19:50

Try not to over think things.
It may work out just fine or it may not have worked out at all but at least you got some sex out of it Grin.
I went on a few dates with a guy and we decided we just weren’t compatible and wanted different things. I’m so annoyed with myself that I didn’t have sex with him! It felt like a complete waste of time lol.

toocold54 · 25/06/2021 19:52

After we broke up, he very kindly advised me not to drop my knickers so soon(!) and then the next man would respect me more.

So he openly admits he didn’t respect you very much because you had sex with him too soon but still had a 4 year relationship with you Confused

Saltandvinegar86 · 25/06/2021 20:17

Yes! I’m now living with someone who I absolutely love and isn’t like that at all. We waited about three or four weeks but I’m not convinced there is any connection. People either are who they are regardless. Ps that wasn’t the worst thing about the relationship. On my 30th birthday, he told me he had never slept with a woman in her 30’s. He was 47!!

toocold54 · 25/06/2021 21:00

Saltandvinegar86 sounds like you had a lucky escape! I’m glad you’ve found someone nice now Smile

Lovelydiscusfish · 26/06/2021 02:32

Agree with what others have said, this doesn’t make any difference. Of the 5 LTRs I’ve had, as I recall I slept with two on the first date, two on the second (and that was only because it logistically we couldn’t do it on the first) and one before we had even had a date. (He was my friend - it happened kinda spontaneously!) They all remained with me for at least a year.

If I were you I would actively tell him you want to see him again. Then at least you’ll know where you stand.

After first shagging my current bloke (second date which lasted a whole weekend) I was the first to text and I immediately said it was great and I’d be up for doing it again. Because he asked me out the first two times, so it felt like my turn, and it don’t live in the 1950s.

Good luck, OP!

Sandra15 · 26/06/2021 20:55

Im sure they must exist but I've literally never heard of anyone who married someone who they slept with on the very first date

A woman I work with met her husband at the Tramlines festival in Sheffield, he went back to her house and never left. They got married two years later and she's just about to give birth to their second baby.

Not for me, but this does happen, but I expect more first date shags don't develop than do.

billy1966 · 26/06/2021 21:04

@Sandra15

Im sure they must exist but I've literally never heard of anyone who married someone who they slept with on the very first date

A woman I work with met her husband at the Tramlines festival in Sheffield, he went back to her house and never left. They got married two years later and she's just about to give birth to their second baby.

Not for me, but this does happen, but I expect more first date shags don't develop than do.

One of my closest friends did. We are friends 25 years. I love her to bits. She told me she just instantly "knew" he was the "one". She is a Pediatrician and the most sensible women EVER. They are such a devoted couple and love each other so much. Funnily enough their biggest bone of contention is their teens....boy do we bitch🤣
Isitreallyme77 · 26/06/2021 21:11

I slept with my ex on the first night, we were together for 14 years and married for 4(still are legally). We didn't split because I slept with him on the first night by the way. He was also a complete stranger who I met at a tube station on the way to a club.

StarlightLady · 27/06/2021 08:33

Sex on a first date is something 2 people do, not one. Sex should be about passion, it is not something a woman gives to a man, or to another woman for that matter.

First date sex, does, however, sort out those with double standards and time wasters, sooner rather than later. The issues don’t change after a period of time

My own sister met her now husband at a mutual friends wedding. She laid him within a couple of hours of meeting and they have been married years.

It must run in the family, l’ve had great sex without the date. And proud of it.

IloveJudgeJudy · 27/06/2021 09:26

It sounds to me like you're self-sabotaging. You've had a text conversation with him since. Someone has to be the last to text/ say something. You may have been cold in your answers? I'd just suggest a second meeting and see what happens.

Original poster
Essexgirl2021 · 27/06/2021 10:00

@IloveJudgeJudy I showed interest in text and wasnt cold in my answers and havent heard anything since .Im not going to keep texting if he was interested he would of made contact .

OP posts:
Kiki275 · 27/06/2021 10:04

It could be you're both waiting for the other to make the next move, both not knowing how to play it. Text messages are notoriously misinterpreted.
Be brave & ask him! He can say no, in which case you know where you stand or otherwise he can say yes, which could lead to a proper romance. As it is, you're making assumptions and could miss out x

SilverRoe · 27/06/2021 10:07

I’m confused, he did text you and made contact and you had a text conversation. why is that not showing interest?

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