Sex on 1st Date

[Essexgirl2021]

Had a 1st date yesterday with a lovely guy.He gave me flowers at the start of the date things were going well .I havent had sex for [amount of time edited out] and slept with him now i regret it and have ruined any chances of a second date .

@SilverRoe No i text him on friday and he replied for a few messages then went silent .

Leave it for now, if he texts, he texts.

The thing is people will say “oh I slept with someone first night and now we are married” but I reckon that’s rare
I'm not so sure.
Me and Dh are now30 years + and had sex on first date. Quite a few if my friends are the same.
Unless it is only the guys that dated in the late 80s and early 90s are keepers!

Are people always so desperate on MN, he’s not asked to meet up with her again so please don’t chase him op; you are absolutely right not to ask him to meet up again so ignore those saying you should. And yeh people will say well he probably thinks the same but ime if a man likes you he would be asking to see you again and wouldn’t be waiting for you to ask!

@PumpkinKlNG Ye i agree if he was interested he would have kept in contact .I wont be contacted him again i have deleted his number .

First date with DH I deliberately didn't shave my legs as that way I knew there was no way I'd sleep with him. We ended up DTD about 3 weeks later. Been married now for many years 😊

I don't think there's anything wrong with sex on a 1st date but the man may get the impression that your either just out for 'fun' or that you're 'easy.' It's double standards and not my opinion by any means btw.

@LassyClassy

First date with DH I deliberately didn't shave my legs as that way I knew there was no way I'd sleep with him. We ended up DTD about 3 weeks later. Been married now for many years 😊

I don't think there's anything wrong with sex on a 1st date but the man may get the impression that your either just out for 'fun' or that you're 'easy.' It's double standards and not my opinion by any means btw.

I wore Bridget Jones knickers for this reason but it didn’t work We still laugh about it!

The thing is people will say “oh I slept with someone first night and now we are married” but I reckon that’s rare

Yes, exactly, that's the thing with mumsnet. It's like that thread not too long ago about someone not wanting to date someone who isn't a uni graduate. The numbers of women on that thread claiming to just so happen to have partners who were millionaire tradesmen was hilarious At the end of the day, anyone can write anything on this forum or claim anything in order to make a point - we have no way of knowing if it's actually true.

@PumpkinKlNG It's not being desperate to take control of a situation to get a definitive answer.
You want to know if someone is interested, then ask them. Like you would if hadn't had a response to any other real world situation. Desperate is begging or continuing after a firm no. No one has suggested that.
There is not another soul on MN that is privy to the conversations had between OP & partner. No one can judge from vague descriptions. OP is afraid to ask, fair enough but you can't place the blame entirely on the other party because you don't actually know how much encouragement he got.
Incidentally if OP had the relationship with a woman, would you then claim that a woman would ask?

I don't think first date sex leading to relationships is rare really - well demonstrably from this post it isn't.

You either still like and fancy each other after the fact or you don't - and so much of that is completely out of both your hands. You can be amazing in bed with one person and clunky as shit with another.

So the fact that I and many others are now married to our first date shags doesn't mean we're lying or making it up for what? kudos? It just means that for us, it all worked out. For others it didn't. C'est la vie.

Nobody should judge anyone for having sex whenever you want it be it five minutes into your first date or two months later or after marriage even if that's what you feel is right for you.

I guess if you have sex on the first date you're more likely to encounter those who are only looking for sex whereas if you wait you'll naturally filter those people out.

Kiki275

He’s given her an answer! He hasn’t asked to see her again, no response is a response. Stop encouraging the op to look for breadcrumbs. If she asked him again he probably would go along with it for another shag but the fact he hasn’t asked to see her again speaks VOLUMES.

coronaway

Exactly! And I don’t get people saying “sex on the first date is a good way to weed out which ones are going to hang around” I mean really! All you are going is giving these guys easy sex when they don’t even have to make any effort.

@PumpkinKlNG neither has she asked him which speaks equal VOLUMES. It's hypocritical to say otherwise. I'm not encouraging her to chase breadcrumbs, I'm encouraging her to do the one thing which will make everything perfectly clear and put an end to all the second guessing.
It's 2021, women are actually allowed to make the next move. Men are allowed to not be confident themselves.

Well the op has rightly decided not to chase him

Some men prefer the woman to text first though, him not texting first doest necessarily mean he's not interested

I wonder if he preferred the woman texting first BEFORE he slept with her 😑

@PumpkinKlNG Or he's rightfully decided not to chase her. Either way it's a potentially wasted opportunity because neither has the guts to ask a simple question. Hopefully for OP a more upfront character will be along soon who'll make every last move.

coronaway I am just fantastic in bed then? So DH was just looking for sex on our date but I hooked him with my incredible moves to the point he wanted to commit to me for life?

Or possibly we were two adults who made the decision after a night in each other's company that we were both hot as f* and fancied the arse of each other so what we waiting for as well as thinking, I could see myself seeing this person again.

You may not like this answer but i feel this is really dangerous to sleep with someone on the first date.

You don't know them. And people especially women have been murdered on the first date.

@Gilda152

coronaway I am just fantastic in bed then? So DH was just looking for sex on our date but I hooked him with my incredible moves to the point he wanted to commit to me for life?

Or possibly we were two adults who made the decision after a night in each other's company that we were both hot as f* and fancied the arse of each other so what we waiting for as well as thinking, I could see myself seeing this person again.

You misunderstood my point. I just mean if you sleep with a man on the first date you'll include all the men who are looking for sex only as well as those looking for something serious. If you wait you'll more likely to avoid the first group. I'm not saying if you sleep with a man on the first date then that automatically means they just want sex.

I have a bad habit of sleeping with women the first night, but I am no way a player. Just sometimes it feels right. As others have said he has no business judging you for what he himself did. Best of luck.

@coronaway that's fair

And people especially women have been murdered on the first date

Something of a leap, there!
I think I would be unlikely to sleep with a man on a first date who I didn’t know before partly because then tou get into the guessing game the OP is in now about whether to see them again . I think if they were a colleague/friend/friend of a friend you eould have the context.

@SarahDarah - People who have sex on a first date are much maligned and often called names, even by other women.

So, why would we say that we’ve had happy sex on a first date if it was not the case?