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Original poster

Partner irritated by all children... will he like his?

129 replies

CharlieL21 · 22/06/2021 23:44

I've been with my partner 11 years and we're 33/34 so need to think about having children soon.

I feel like he's never going to reach a place where he thinks he wants them - he's always said he does, but it's always "in a few years". His sister has a 2 year old and a 6 month old and he gets massively irritated as soon as they arrive. I agree with him, it's not the kids themselves but he hates that the whole adult conversation stops and everything is only about them thing. They're the first grandchildren so everyone's a bit obsessed and act like they're the the prettiest, cleverest etc kids ever born.

That's fair enough but recently after a few beers he told his parents he doesn't want to come for Christmas this year until the evening once his niece and nephew are gone/asleep. When the 2 year old walks up to him with a pretend cup of tea etc he panics and just pretends she's not there as doesn't know how to interact with her.

I've always assumed that it'll be different with your own. I don't particularly like other people's kids either but I've worked with children and got attached then. My mum is insisting if he can't bond with his niece/nephew then it's a sign he'd never bond with his own and just get fed up and leave us.

Anyone else been in this scenario and can share what the outcome was with their own children? I don't have a great relationship/upbringing with my family and they put down everyone so I'm hoping they're just wrong, but I'm scared I'm looking at our future with rose tinted glasses Confused

OP posts:
Lunificent · 22/06/2021 23:49

There will be issues if you have children with him. He doesn’t want them and he will get grumpy, no doubt.
I think for you, it’s a case of stay childless with him, or leave.

NakedAttraction · 22/06/2021 23:51

He sounds exactly like me before I had my own kids!

user1592512579 · 22/06/2021 23:52

I'm with your Mum on this one. Doesn't sound like he wants children either. He's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. If you want a future with him it's likely to be a child free one.

Dazedandconfused10 · 22/06/2021 23:54

He sounds like me, I don't want kids.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/06/2021 23:54

I would be running for the hills if I were you, and fast. It's so much about how he feels about other people's kids, it's your ages and how he keeps not really answering you about having children. He is blowing you off and evading the issue, and I think he very well may not want kids at all, ever.

After 11 years he should know, and you should be moving on if you want children. Don't allow him to future fake you right out from ever having a family.

SheepGoBaaaa · 22/06/2021 23:55

OP, seriously — you’re mid-30s, together 11 years, he continually puts having children on the long finger, is visibly genuinely irritated by his own niece and nephew to the point where he can’t bring himself to interact with them and is skipping Christmas till after they’re safely out of the way, and you’re posting desperately on an Internet forum about it?

Is this really what you want, to have to cajole a reluctant man into parenthood? Because he’ll never let you forget it was all your idea, as you tiptoe around him, trying not to let the baby’s grizzling annoy him.

Because the truth is that children, even the most beloved, are incredibly annoying.

Original poster
CharlieL21 · 23/06/2021 00:05

@SheepGoBaaaa

OP, seriously — you’re mid-30s, together 11 years, he continually puts having children on the long finger, is visibly genuinely irritated by his own niece and nephew to the point where he can’t bring himself to interact with them and is skipping Christmas till after they’re safely out of the way, and you’re posting desperately on an Internet forum about it?

Is this really what you want, to have to cajole a reluctant man into parenthood? Because he’ll never let you forget it was all your idea, as you tiptoe around him, trying not to let the baby’s grizzling annoy him.

Because the truth is that children, even the most beloved, are incredibly annoying.

I'm not "posting desperately on an Internet forum about it". I'm simply querying whether other people felt this way and found they felt differently about their own children. I'm 90% sure a lot of it is feeling anxious around them as he doesn't know what to do, it doesn't mean he wouldn't love his own. I'm also incredibly annoying, but he still wants to be with me Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieL21 · 23/06/2021 00:07

@Aquamarine1029

I would be running for the hills if I were you, and fast. It's so much about how he feels about other people's kids, it's your ages and how he keeps not really answering you about having children. He is blowing you off and evading the issue, and I think he very well may not want kids at all, ever.

After 11 years he should know, and you should be moving on if you want children. Don't allow him to future fake you right out from ever having a family.

Yes, I've thought that too. But it took him 8 months to choose a desk and 40 minutes to select a cactus so I think he may just have issues...
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/06/2021 00:09

But it took him 8 months to choose a desk and 40 minutes to select a cactus so I think he may just have issues...

Perhaps, but don't be fool enough to make his issues your problem. A baby isn't a cactus.

Shelddd · 23/06/2021 00:14

It is different when they're your own... It's actually much much different. It's way harder and they're way more irritating. Nieces and nephews are easy, you only really get the good times and very little or none of the bad. If he can't stand kids at their best how do you think he'll handle them when they're being little shits like all kids are from time to time lol.

Kids are really a deal breaker. It's clear he isn't interested. If it's important to you, you gotta move on.

Veryverycalmnow · 23/06/2021 00:15

Sounds like my DH before we had ours who he adores. It was a complete turnaround!

UhtredRagnarson · 23/06/2021 00:17

This man has no interest in having children. He is telling you he does to keep you with him. But now it’s crunch time for you (not him) and you need to make a decision. He will go along with having kids to keep you but honestly OP, the writing is on the wall- he doesn’t like kids, he doesn’t want them and if you have his child you will be the parent, he will tolerate (mostly, not always) the child in his life and home.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.

timeisnotaline · 23/06/2021 00:18

He’s not just irritated by children is he? He’s also extremely bloody rude to his mum and siblings. I would talk to him and point out that he is either lying about sounding open to children or setting himself up for everyone in his family to hate him because hes a self absorbed twat if after having some he expects his family not to treat him like the smallpox and refuse to be in his company even for Christmas. Is he that horrible to everyone or just his family?

RiverSkater · 23/06/2021 00:23

@NakedAttraction

He sounds exactly like me before I had my own kids!
Me too! Totally clueless with nieces and nephews, not in tune and totally irritated at work when somebody arrived with a new baby 😆

Totally love my own though !

He will too.

Summerfun54321 · 23/06/2021 00:26

He also sounds like me pre children. I still don’t enjoy playing with other people’s children still but I love my own and love playing with them. Also, have you not heard the saying that other people’s toddlers are the best form of contraception?! 😂 I don’t bring my 2 year old to events with child free friends in case he puts them off having children for life!

Original poster
CharlieL21 · 23/06/2021 00:53

@Summerfun54321

He also sounds like me pre children. I still don’t enjoy playing with other people’s children still but I love my own and love playing with them. Also, have you not heard the saying that other people’s toddlers are the best form of contraception?! 😂 I don’t bring my 2 year old to events with child free friends in case he puts them off having children for life!
That's what I'm hoping, I avoid other people's also but can pretend if I need to. All our friends are the same age and none are considering kids yet so we generally have a child free life with none of the success stories!
OP posts:
Stichintime · 23/06/2021 00:59

I thought people had children because they liked them? I'd expect him to want to spend time with his niece and nephew. He sounds too self centred to be a parent. I wouldn't risk having children with him.

Ostara212 · 23/06/2021 01:19

@Dazedandconfused10

He sounds like me, I don't want kids.
Yes

He's avoiding children even more than I do. He will not enjoy them just because they're his.

Abbey22l · 23/06/2021 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abbey22l · 23/06/2021 02:29

Commented on the wrong post 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

However from this post with being someone for 11 years have you ever spoke about having children? As he always said he didn’t want any

5475878237NC · 23/06/2021 02:29

Sounds like he isn't able to tell you he doesn't want kids with you...he could be one of those men who have kids in their 40s with their younger girlfriend.

Abbey22l · 23/06/2021 02:34

This is so true, why can’t he just tell her if he does or doesn’t. And to be fair from what she’s saying how he is with his niece and nephew I wouldn’t want any with him anyways 😂

GiantToadstool · 23/06/2021 02:41

Hmm could go either way. What does he say when you discuss it with him? Is he clearly not wanting them?

He could fall in love after having them... or not! My dad sounds like your partner - he has kids to keep my mum happy. He still resents us...

Coyoacan · 23/06/2021 03:25

Sorry, OP, but I would rather have children with one of those men who likes children.

McdonaldsMilkshake · 23/06/2021 03:28

@GiantToadstool

Hmm could go either way. What does he say when you discuss it with him? Is he clearly not wanting them?

He could fall in love after having them... or not! My dad sounds like your partner - he has kids to keep my mum happy. He still resents us...

I agree it could go either way, I like kids but don't want any and some people with kids don't like kids (except their own). The only way to know is to ask him something like I've been thinking about kids, do you want them? And let him answer then tell him exactly what you want eg start trying now, start in a year or whatever and see if you're on the same page. If he doesn't want them he needs to tell you now so you can decide what to do.