Partner irritated by all children... will he like his?

[CharlieL21]

I've been with my partner 11 years and we're 33/34 so need to think about having children soon.

I feel like he's never going to reach a place where he thinks he wants them - he's always said he does, but it's always "in a few years". His sister has a 2 year old and a 6 month old and he gets massively irritated as soon as they arrive. I agree with him, it's not the kids themselves but he hates that the whole adult conversation stops and everything is only about them thing. They're the first grandchildren so everyone's a bit obsessed and act like they're the the prettiest, cleverest etc kids ever born.

That's fair enough but recently after a few beers he told his parents he doesn't want to come for Christmas this year until the evening once his niece and nephew are gone/asleep. When the 2 year old walks up to him with a pretend cup of tea etc he panics and just pretends she's not there as doesn't know how to interact with her.

I've always assumed that it'll be different with your own. I don't particularly like other people's kids either but I've worked with children and got attached then. My mum is insisting if he can't bond with his niece/nephew then it's a sign he'd never bond with his own and just get fed up and leave us.

Anyone else been in this scenario and can share what the outcome was with their own children? I don't have a great relationship/upbringing with my family and they put down everyone so I'm hoping they're just wrong, but I'm scared I'm looking at our future with rose tinted glasses

He sounds like a dick

Hmm that would be a red flag for me, like yes you might get children but what would he be like them? I want a playful kind partner who is actively interested in my kids - I think niece and nephew are a good test - obviously he doesn’t have to be amazing child whisperer with them but really strange that he doesn’t even want to spend Xmas day with them…

I am not a fan of other people's kids.

I enjoy being with my own and and happy to be with best friends kids, but wouldn't go on holiday with them, as an example. I will babysit and take them places.

You partner actively dislikes children. It's not that he isn't fussed. He wants to avoid them, he refuses to interact.

I don't believe the 'I don't know what to do when the 2 year old passes me a fake cup of tea'. When someone passes him something something normally does he just ignore them? All you do is say thank you.

He is trying to put her off coming anywhere near him. I wouldn't treat anyone kids like that, even if I am not keen on them. He won't even entertain the idea of seeing them at Christmas, why? Because it ruins his Christmas?

You have kids with him, in a few years you will playing about how he left you or how since having kids he is miserable and really resents you and the child and is making you both miserable.

He doesn't want kids. Problem is, he is saying 'a few years' to keep you thinking you will have kids at some point. Then you will be approaching 40 and realise its probably never going happen. Then will be thinking 'well if I leave I might still not find someone to have kids with. Or should I leave and take the risk of finding someone to have kids with.

Put it this way. My partner really dislikes cats. Really dislikes them. So I am not about to get him a cat.

You’re backing a loser, I think he would walk.

Having DCs involves a serious amount of hard work, commitment and selflessness. It is often utterly relentless when they’re small and that’s day and night. Not to mention the sheer ongoing expense, which does not ever cease.

I would die for my DC but never under estimate the reality of the above.

Op there’s no point in taking too much heed of female’s POV on this who have done complete 180s. Men don’t carry babies and usually tend to leave DCs quite easily when the going gets tough compared to the majority of women.