Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

That does sound good Pebble, definitely worth having someone at work who’s aware of everything and on your side.

That's great that you've got support at work too, Pebble. Keeping everything crossed for you

That’s wonderful news!!!

I always wonder how female barristers can bring themselves to represent such monsters- it feels like such a betrayal of their sex. I know she has a job to do but still...

Angelo
Barristers aren’t allowed to pick and choose clients. They are supposed to just take the next case offered to them- the so called cab rank rule.

Do you think you’re fixating on the barrister because it takes some of the focus away from your (very genuine) fear of the judge’s verdict? Nobody would blame you. I hope that the further Marac support is added to your case notes, btw.

So pleased your workplace is going to support you as well, you’re an incredibly strong lady but any support is good - hope you hear soon

Angelo - yes I get that everyone needs good representation no matter who they are/what they’ve done, to ensure we have a fair system. But it doesn’t sit well all the poisonous twisting of the truth and counter claims against clearly abused women. It’s that that makes me wonder how they can sleep at night (maybe they can’t!)

Hope you’re doing ok today OP

Glad you have such good support at work OP xxxx

Hey everyone. Bit of a knock back today.. Marac wouldn't accept the referral as there's not been any new incidents since February which was when the last Marac was referred.. Something has to happen in order to be referred which I think is terrible.. But I guess nothing I can do. Really don't feel hopeful about the future. I can't see any possible way he can have unsupervised contact without him finding out where we live.

Can anyone help you appeal? Really keeping everything else crossed for you. Stay strong. xx

The fact nothing has happened since February is a testament to you keeping your daughter safe and his access to her being severely curtailed.
try to look at it that way

MARAC referrals don’t make of break contact issues with CAO always anyway even when high risk. Think about all your evidence and try to believe in yourself. I know it must be an agonising wait.

Thinking of you and your little girl Pebble x

It's a small knock back

Don't lose hope

Sounds like there is a lot against this vile man

I know.. I just would've hoped the Marac could've helped with the fact the non molestation order is going to expire soon. Desperately hope it gets extended.

If the findings are upheld I suspect the NMO will be extended. When was it issued and is it for a year?

Know it’s horrible.
💐

Thanks for the support everyone. Feeling a bit down today and like Im the one who has to fight everyone to get them to believe me.. When it was my life, and my existence and my daughters life and new existence. I feel like I'll never be the person I was before I met him and that I'm this broken person who is just been put together with pieces missing. I feel so utterly insulted that he's claimed to be a victim of domestic abuse perpetrated by me and there is a small percentage of chance he may get away with it. Just not feeling hopeful.

We believe you Pebble.

Judges have seen this many times. You have a recording of his behaviour, you have external agencies supporting your version of events. He has wrecked your confidence and your belief in your own judgement because that’s what abuse does. Yet you have still stood up against him - you will always be a better and stronger person than him.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude is so right in that this is what abuse does to you. You become a shadow of the carefree, confident person you were. Your love for your child and your fighting spirit is amazing though even in the face of that.
We are all rooting for you.
Sending you a hug tonight and I hope you manage to get some sleep.
Never ever doubt or lose sight of how far you have come for you and your daughter. You are so much stronger than you are able to see and believe right now.

Your ex is a wretch who will never really love or be loved. He is just a shell and a weak cowardly bully.

Thanks everyone. Means a lot xx

I just wish the judge realised that waiting adds to the stress too

Keep going. You've mentioned so much independent evidence and incident reports against this piece of human detritus - plus the fact that you were referred to MARAC and they supported you, even though they've discharged you - speaks many, many loud volumes.

I can only imagine how the waiting and thinking is tormenting you Pebble. But you're doing so, so well.

Are you planning anything nice to do at the weekend with your DD? Something that involves ice-cream? This is another weekend that she's safe with you, away from him. YOU DID THAT. You got yourselves away and into a safe place.

Stay strong, and we are all with you. It will be alright. xx

Sending best wishes and echoing all the lovely comments here too

Don't underestimate all the good things you have done and the many ways you have protected your innocent child

I opened the Times the other day and on one page there was TWO stories about innocent young women murdered by the ex/Dh
I can't deal with seeing this in the news all the time

It's getting out of control

My criminal case is in a few weeks so I now how hard all the waiting and worrying is

Abusers always blame...they'll never take any responsibility. Judges are very used to it, and a good judge will see straight through it!