Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

@Pebbledashery

The contact supervisor made me cry quite a lot today. She said the way DD is is 100% down to me and I need to give myself more credit and not let him emotionally consume me. I told her he is utterly evil and that I couldn't go through the ins and outs of proceedings but I couldn't ever see contact progressing outside of the contact centre. I know findings will be made against him, I already know there will be. But I don't want to be labelled as bad as him or a contributer to the toxicity of the relationship. The relationship was abusive.

She has no right to pass verbal judgement on you at Contact.

Sounds way outside her remit ...

Im genuinely baffled by this system and am shocked by it.

I just keep thinking this judge isn't going to put a foot wrong because he's been challenged by cafcass.. If that doesn't show who was the abuser in this relationship then I don't know what will.

Morning everyone. Hope you're all OK. Feeling horribly anxious this morning.. Really hoping we hear this week.

Huge virtual hug coming your way. Hopefully you hear soon

I imagine you didn’t get much sleep last night
Hope that you get the news you sent your daughter both so deserve today

*News that

I just don't know how long it will take :(

How will you hear, OP? Will your barrister call you? Or do you get an email/letter?

I think the Judge will email the Barristers then will forward to my Solicitor, I bet my Solicitor will dread telling me if it's bad news :(

Go easy on yourself
This is hugely traumatic

Hoping it all goes ok

It's just the waiting that is absolutely killing me :( and to think what I could be portrayed at in his judgement. It's awful.

It must be bloody horrendous, you will be 2nd guessing and reliving it all. Hope you get answers soon.

I'm really struggling with how his Barrister made me out to be - because that was my life, that was lived experience. I wasn't living, I was existing. I remember one of our neighbours giving a statement about an assault they reported and they said "I don't think she knows who she is anymore" and that's how I felt. I know his Barrister is paid to do a job and it's not her I had an issue with, it's the manner in which they spoke to me, said I was continually lying, that what I was saying didn't make sense and truly painted the picture that he was the victim of domestic abuse.
It felt like such an insult to absolutely everything DD and I went through, running for our lives, starting again completely, living in fear, her night terrors, sleeping on the floor with her when she was screaming in the night, all of it. Every night when I go up to bed, I have nightmares of him bursting into my house and taking DD and murdering me. It's just awful :(

You need to remind yourself that this is her job, but probably not her opinion. I bet she thinks he’s a jerk.

Barristers will go all out to represent their client, it's her job to rubbish you. It sucks but it's how it is.

Please try not to dwell on that - the Judge will more likely be more interested in how you and your ex were in court, rather than a barristers portrayal of you.

Hope you get the judgement through soon 💐

Yes , it's her job.
He's probably told her his 'side' in his mind he is right and you are wrong.

It is also a sign that there was no real hard evidence on his side to contradict your version. None of the official documents back him up so the only option is to attack your credibility on the witness stand.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude is right. My daughter was ripped apart during her time in family court. Her barrister warned her it would be the case, mostly because all evidence was pointing at her ex so they needed to make her look unstable. And boy did that barrister go to town on her. She was accused of being a drug taker, prostitute, violent herself, mentally ill the lot!. She held it together but did weep a couple of times. Don't take it to heart xx

I really hope you d on but have to wait too much longer. It's clearly not going to stop being replayed in your mind until you hear.

Every day is another day away from him.

*Really hope you don't have to wait much longer.

Sorry for nonsense autocorrect

Like the others said, you’ve got evidence in spades, he’s got nothing other than an admission of him abusing your daughter ( which will only back you up more!) so they’ve got to try and discredit you. What they can’t do though is discredit the enormous pile of evidence you’ve got and provided. And that your side has never wavered where his has changed way more often than not.

It's the lasting trauma after it ends that can hurt more than the broken bones

Awful
Man

He is going to get all that he just deserves

I truly believe it
Plus cafcass have not been on his side
They see him for what he is
Vile scum

To all the others who have been through this
I also know how hellish it all can be 😢😢😢

The judge will be used to barristers doing this. That's why the evidence in the file is so important. I hope you hear back soon

How are things op?

I'm ok. Had a bit of positive news. I work in the NHS and I'm relatively new to my job. I spoke to the safeguarding team today, they have a domestic abuse specialist nurse, she was utterly horrified by what I told her and wanted to urgently refer me back to MARAC. Hopefully some further robust safety measures will come as a result. She said we're still extremely high risk and I'll be in a vulnerable position once the non molestation order expires. This must be the 6th or 7th Marac referral we've had.
Feeling OK, anxious still but just all I can do is hope the judge sees through him completely.