Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

We're here now. She needed reassurance to go in but was OK. Just can't wait to get out of here. The owner of the contact centre has just listened to me sit and sob for an hour.

What time is he due ? If he turns up?
Remember if he doesn't it's yet another nail in his coffin x

Yeah he turned up. Took great pleasure in making the contact session all about fathers day. Got DD to write a card to him that he'd bought. He makes me sick.

My god

Poor child

Vile human

Funny how the abusers make Father's Day all about them 🤬🤬🤬

@Pebbledashery

Yeah he turned up. Took great pleasure in making the contact session all about fathers day. Got DD to write a card to him that he'd bought. He makes me sick.

I hope that was noted by the contact centre staff That’s shocking projection and manipulation

How long is she forced to be in contact with him? Your poor DD

My ex had my DD write me and HIS mum a mother's day card, something he's never done for me before or since being supervised, and the supervisors lapped it up. I think it depends on who you get supervising...

I hope you hear soon @Pebbledashery

She has 2 hours every fortnight. He's disgusting.. I was talking to the owner of the contact centre and they know his type.. They can't take sides and have to look beyond that but they know.
She said the only reason DD has good contact with him is because of me. She said to make sure he never ever gets my address either.
I'm scared the judge will believe the toxic narrative.. He exhibited pictures of scratches on his neck and said it was a provoked attack.. I was being strangled on the floor and reaching out in wherever way I could to get him to stop. I'm scared the judge will believe him. He's given inconsistent accounts of incidents to the police and children's services and cafcass.. When I read all of the reports and accounts I gave.. It's the same account every time and not one detail deviates.
I'm so worried and can't focus on anything. Just keep on going because of DD.

Oh lovely, I’m sure they won’t - the judge seems to be very level headed about it from what you’ve said, and the liars are the ones who’s stories change about, he’s floundering.

Hopefully you hear really soon and you can set your mind at rest and start to live the rest of your lives without him xxx

He's just so evil :(

@Pebbledashery

I've never known of any resident parent to pay half the cost of contact. If I lost my job I'd be in breach of the order. How backwards is that.

There is a story in the Daily Mail about a victim of rape who was going back to court to challenge them over having to pay half the contact centre costs basically subsidising her rapist ex.

I read about that. It's appalling.
I'm hoping the family court has a better understanding of domestic abuse now. But I don't feel hopeful.

Can I ask a question if anyone knows. If the judge ignores all of the independent agency evidence, I.e police reports, children's services etc where it clearly says I was the victim of domestic abuse perpetrated by him.. Does that mean I can appeal.

Maybe ask in Legal? Lots of knowledgeable folk in there?

Just wondering if anyone had been through similar.

@IAmDaveTheSerialShagger

I literally just saw that very same article, and was speechless that this was happening.

I had no heard of such policy until OP, shared her horribly controlling experience of the System that should be protecting her and her child.

It's almost like they add further insult to injury for being abused. I feel like the family court want me to feel like I deserved to be abused.

Well done for getting through today.

I really, really hope your worst fears are unfounded and the judge doesn't fuck it up this time.

How is DD doing after contact? Hope you’ve both managed to do something nice today to take the bad taste away

We've had a lovely day her and I, lots of laughter. Felt like crying earlier. Just want to protect her. And if I lose her to him in the emotional manipulation sense then that's it.
If this judge believes me. I think I would just sob and sob and sob uncontrollably.
I messed up a bit giving my oral evidence as I was really really upset.. But I know the evidence in the bundle absolutely cannot be disputed. He also allowed two new pieces of evidence to be adduced despite the other sides objection. It was a letter from the idva and from the police

Keep going

You need to stop and commend yourself more

And don't forget the toil this is taking on both of you

Gosh I hope it is indirect access !!!!

Awful man to do this
They don't care

The contact supervisor made me cry quite a lot today. She said the way DD is is 100% down to me and I need to give myself more credit and not let him emotionally consume me. I told her he is utterly evil and that I couldn't go through the ins and outs of proceedings but I couldn't ever see contact progressing outside of the contact centre. I know findings will be made against him, I already know there will be. But I don't want to be labelled as bad as him or a contributer to the toxicity of the relationship. The relationship was abusive.

You are not equal to him

I sent my ex many messages after he attacked my family and did a host of other terrible things
I called him a few names stupidly via text

Now he uses this against me in court to show how abusive I am
I hope a judge has the sense to say hang on this is how the abused react after they've been abused for so long

How many pics does he have of any 'injuries'
No doubt you were defending yourself

Pretty sure my ex had scratches on his hand the day he tried to kill me
Funnily enough I was trying to remove his hands off my neck when he got scratched

He had 3 pictures, one of scratches on his neck and a small cut on his forehead and a scratch on the back of his neck. I had photos of clumps of my hair pulled out, bruises all over my arms and a huge cut that's now a permanent scar on my shoulder.
I know it's his barristers job, but she was so vile to me and made me feel so awful. She basically said I effectively stood back and let him abuse DD and I did nothing which means I shared the same views as him..how disgusting.