Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

I'm reassured to hear you say that you're not yet ready for counselling as opposed to (iirc) in an earlier post, that you don't need counselling

But a good counsellor might be able to help you cope with the anxiety of the "here & now" and won't necessarily make you "repeatedly live in and talk about [it]".

Please take this the right way but at the moment you are (understandably ) using MN as a form of counselling by articulating your fears in this and other threads and looking for reassurance. A skilled counsellor could give you a more guided form of coping techniques without having to "live through" it.

You deserve lots of for how well you've coped, so here are more virtual ones

I think living through it - as I myself am - is inevitable
Especially when it is about your child

Living through it is hell

My sister was convinced my awful abuser would be at the door of my office to throw acid over me

He used to get different people to ring the office looking for me

Hell !!!

I can totally relate to your feelings of despair at times

Plus the system is hellish
Shelled out 10,000s so far who knows how much more I will need to fight that bastard off

Sending you all the best wishes OP xxx

Thanks everyone, have tried to take a couple of days out from it all and not get so consumed by it so haven't posted as much. Feeling ok, it's just going to be a long and slow process now whilst we wait for the section 7.
Annoyingly, I have gone to work today to be told we need to self isolate as some colleagues have tested positive for delta variant and we have come into contact with them :( hugely annoying.. means we are going to miss contact this Sunday.

Hey there. I'm really pleased you have taken some time out. It's a pain you have to self isolate esp as I suspect going to work is a positive distraction. I'm pretty sure the rules are that only you have to self isolate, so you could possibly ask someone else to take your daughter to contact. Best of luck

@Pebbledashery

Thanks everyone, have tried to take a couple of days out from it all and not get so consumed by it so haven't posted as much. Feeling ok, it's just going to be a long and slow process now whilst we wait for the section 7. Annoyingly, I have gone to work today to be told we need to self isolate as some colleagues have tested positive for delta variant and we have come into contact with them :( hugely annoying.. means we are going to miss contact this Sunday.

Oh what a shame.

@Pebbledashery

Thanks everyone, have tried to take a couple of days out from it all and not get so consumed by it so haven't posted as much. Feeling ok, it's just going to be a long and slow process now whilst we wait for the section 7. Annoyingly, I have gone to work today to be told we need to self isolate as some colleagues have tested positive for delta variant and we have come into contact with them :( hugely annoying.. means we are going to miss contact this Sunday.

10 days, may cover the following Sunday if you start you 10 days today.

It's annoying as i've not in my new job long, but fortunately I work in the NHS!
The contact centre wanted me to send my notification of isolation to them which I have done.. no doubt he will kick up a fuss, but never mind.
I feel ok at the moment, not much is going to happen until the order is drafted and finalised and served onto children's services, it'll be several weeks till that happens and then the section 7 can commence.

He can kick up a fuss but you're just following the rules (and it's a pain in the bum, having just spent 7 days isolating!)

Did he kick off then pebble?
Hope you and your daughter are ok

Hey, hope you're all OK.. No he couldn't kick off because I have an isolation notice from the t&t app which was shown to him. I also have a letter from my work place as I work for NHS.
We've had a nice day in the garden and paddling pool today :) don't have to think about him for 2 weeks now.

That's great, Pebble, you deserve a break after all the stress he's put you through.

Hi everyone, hope you are ok. Did anyone watch the dispatches documentary last night on the family court? it was horrific.
I am scared that one day my DD will want to live with her father :( and there will be literally nothing I can do.

She won't. She really wont.

Chances are he'll have a new obsession in a few months.

I'd be very surprised if that was the case, Pebbles, going by how she is just now about him.

I saw a couple of minutes of it and just with that wasn't sure whether it would be a good thing for you to see

Yes I watched it. I was horrified. I also don't see how forcefully removing children is actually in their best interest!
But I think it's important to remember this happening is rare.
I suspect my children will want to see their father when their older. I can only protect them till the age of 18 (as per the court order). Only focus on the here and now, you don't know what will happen in the future.

I did watch it and alternating between being horrified and being so so fucking angry. Those poor mothers.

I don't think you need to worry about your DD wanting to live with her father - even now she doesn't trust him and none of the children they interviewed wanted to live with their fathers.

I don't know if it was a good thing for you to watch it in the circumstances you are in as you are already worried, but the sunlight cast by that programme can only do good surely. Apart from reading threads like yours I have no experience of the Family Court - my (adult) son was aghast! Absolutely hideous experiences for those families.

Hope all ok op

And to everyone dealing with hideous abusers xxxx

Hello x doing OK. Not much to report at the moment. As we're just waiting for the section 7 process to commence. She has to see him this weekend unfortunately.. But I guess I just have to grin and bear it for her sake. As the days pass, it's just absolutely bliss the fact he's not in our lives infecting us.. But it may not last forever :( hope you're all OK. X

Glad to hear you're doing ok, Pebbles. I hope DD doesn't get too distressed with the contact.

Thank you for the update. Thinking of you and your DD. I hope her contact won't be too horrible. Bless you. X

Glad things are calmer. Masterchef is back in a few days so you can vent at the screen

Hey everyone, hope you're all OK.
Got a hearing coming up and the judgement will be formally handed down. Nobody has heard from my ex, not his solicitor or barrister.. He turned up for contact though so unfortunately he's alive.
My daughters nursery have said her behaviour really changes at the start of the week, she really regresses and is really sad and just wants me :( the good thing is they document absolutely everything and have spoken to children's services and will be speaking to whoever writes the section 7.

Hopefully it'll finally occur to the powers that be that contact is detrimental to your DD and will put a stop to it. I can't imagine what it's like for you having to send her to see him

Hey least it's all moving forward. What have the contact supervises said about how contacts been going? They will be an interesting one.