Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

He wants to appeal ?
This man is beyond pathetic

Yep. He won't have the money to appeal.

Of course he will appeal if he can
It’s an opportunity in info it more uncertainty and worry on you

Tragic really
Try to ignore it and he appeals there would need to be grounds for it

I feel really anxious because the judge has ordered the old local authority to do the section 7 rather than cafcass. Our case closed a year ago with them.. The local authority we live in now has no involvement with us. I'm scared there will be a recommendation that our local authority do it and then that will reveal the county we live in and narrow down where we are.. I'm scared we will get an idiot social worker who will accidentally put location details in the report. I called the old local authority the other day and said if they receive the order and refuse and they are not to recommend that our local authority do the section 7 and they have to recommend cafcass. I spoke to a nice lady who sensed the fear in my voice. Just so scared.

Just feel like giving up today :(

I'm trying to take some relief from the cafcass safeguarding letter regarding the allegations of child abuse. The wording of the letter says it allegations are true then they place a vulnerable child at significant risk of harm and contact would not be in her best interests.. The judge made 3 findings of child abuse against him.. Despite the findings against me.. He recognised my shouting was borne out of frustration from heightened emotional turmoil, he didn't compare my shouting to DD as emotional abuse.. And I took responsibility for it and showed remorse, unlike him.. I just need whoever writes the section 7 to believe that DD will always be at risk of significant harm in his care.

He didn't manage to fool any services first time around. Only the judge. And the judge was better this time around.
Hold on to that.

I know, although ultimately he has had some horrific findings made against him, the judgement has basically alluded to the fact we were "both as bad as each other" which is what I can't stomach. He's even described us leaving as "Mother didn't find another place to live until July" When the case was, we fled in July and had nowhere to go and had to sleep on my friends sofa for 4 weeks before we found a suitable place.

Op I'm not sure where your anxiety about LA's picking and choosing whether they write s7 reports comes from? If a court orders a LA to do a report, they do the report. Sections 7 are done by cafcass if there isn't previous CSC involvement, not because a LA 'turned it down'.

@Itwontstopraining but is that still the case if my daughter doesn't live in that local authority area anymore? The judge has ordered the previous local authority in the area we fled from to do the section 7 because of all the involvement they had. The case is closed as we relocated.. The local authority we now live in have no involvement with us..the referral to them was a no further action letter as DD is safe in my care.
The last local authority involvement was a year ago.
Is it simply a case of if the judge has ordered them to do it then they have to do it??

If the judge has directed it in an order, to the LA it is essentially legally binding. If the LA felt there were grounds not to do so they'd have to write to the court and possibly request a hearing; I can't think of any grounds why though.

Where your daughter lives now is only relevant in respect of if you needed a new service. The previous LA hold information about your case, the risk of the ex and all the reasons that the judge has directed a s7. A judge can request that information and ask for a recommendation from that LA. There's plenty of areas of social work that LA's have to provide information 'cross border' or for old/closed cases, it's not unusual.

We haven't had any local authority involvement where we are now, Children's services immediately dropped us when we relocated. I think it would be a good thing if the old LA did the Section 7 as there were multiple child protection referrals to them.

Tbh I'm not sure it would make any difference as its all on record. What does your solicitor say?

Morning all, hope you are ok.
Spoken to my Solicitor regarding the judgement, she thinks it's best not to challenge it as ultimately it won't change the outcome. Non-molestation order proceedings are completed now and we are now going into Children's proceedings, she thinks the LA doing the Section 7 will be a good thing as they will have access to more information on the multiple referrals that were made and have sight of more information than the Court has been party to.
I'm just scared because his Solicitor will receive an unredacted report of the Section 7 where our location and DD's nursery will be reported on :(

Have you asked your Solicitor if your location details can be redacted?

Surely your solicitor is aware of your fears of your ex finding you, and would have a case for insisting that any mention of yours or your daughter's current whereabouts must be redacted because of possible danger to you or your daughter?

She said the other sides solicitors would always receive an unredacted copy of anything.. If he was to share that he'd be struck off I imagine. I hope.

I am so incredibly worried about my daughter, she just woke up with the most blood curdling screams and shaking and actually said she was scared of daddy... what can I do, I am at a loss, Children's services wont help us, I have just emailed the nspcc.. I'm desperately worried

In the most gentle and kindest way, honestly (and I have escaped from a horrific abusive, coercive first marriage, so I do share at least some of what you are going through)

I do fear that your justifiable anxieties and concerns are being magnified, and are spilling over and affecting your DD.

You have said in previous posts you don't want counselling. Why?

Please, seek counselling.

I don't ever talk about him to her or say a single word about him. She never sees me experiencing anxiety. If she talks about him or says his name I won't ever say anything or stop her, she's 3 years old. I will never denigrate him to her or in front of her.. Because she's been through enough.

I am not ready for counselling yet as I'm still living this nightmare and I'm not ready to repeatedly live in and talk about it to someone else.

Would you be able to get her referred for play therapy or something else age appropriate?

She will still pick up on your anxieties, despite your very best efforts to hide them from here.
Please, reconsider going to counselling

She's needs reasurrance. Give her a big hug and remind her she's safe. I know it's hard but try not to over think it. She could just have had a bad dream.

I've just spent the last 30 minutes cuddling her and reassuring her mummy is here and is always here whilst she was inconsolable.