Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

Another one thinking of you and sending good wishes today @Pebbledashery

Also thinking of you today.

We are with you all the way @Pebbledashery, thinking of you both today 💐

Morning everyone. Thanks so much for the lovely messages, reminds me of my thread when I left my horrible narcissist CEO behind. Kept really busy yesterday and was shattered by evening so slept well. Just feel a sad sinking feeling in my stomach. The lines between abusive and toxic relationship have just been blurred so terribly. He's played an absolute blinder at playing the victim. Scared the judge will think he's the victim. Just hoping all the agencies involved, multiple police call outs, cafcass letters and his previous violent history will make the judge realise. I know there has been reforms in how the family court deal with domestic abuse and just hope this judge is educated enough to realise I wasn't culpable.

You have done all you can. Just have to wait for the verdict.
Good luck x

I know, there is literally nothing else I can do now.

Good luck.

Thinking of you today, sending good wishes.

Thinking of you today! I hope it's sooner rather than end of the day. Xx

Thanks everyone. I'm in work today but just can't focus at all :(

@Pebbledashery do you have someone there who knows what’s going do they can support you, cover if you need a quick break or anything?

yes, the person I am EA to is wonderful, he is very understanding and said if I need to speak then just go in his office and he'll stop what he's doing. He's lovely, very lucky to be his EA.
Just hoping it isn't right at the end of the day.

Just received the judgement.. I will send an update in a minute.....

The Judge has made findings of verbal, emotional, physical abuse, as well as coercive control and child abuse against him.
I've got one finding of verbally abusing him in emails, as well as he's made no findings in the event that lead me to leave him - but I feel ok with this.
Just had a long call with my solicitor who has said the most important finding is the finding of child abuse, the Judge has said it's not appropriate to consider unsupervised contact at this stage and he's also extended the non-molestation order to run for another 6 months.
I think I feel ok - he's said that in some respects we were both as bad as each other but justified that I was under severe emotional strain and perhaps behaved out of character.
I think I feel ok.

Oh that sounds good!

The non mol and the no unsupervised contact, I mean.

That is good @Pebbledashery! He’s effectively saying that this is who he is, but although you acted that way on occasion, it is not who you are.

Wow Pebble. "not appropriate to consider unsupervised contact" and the NC extension. That must be a relief and some validation.

Bless you. I am sure it will all take a while to sink in, but it sounds like the judge (rightly) took a very dim view of your ex.

Big hugs to you. I hope you have a good day, now that the wait for the finding is over. xxx

I am so glad to hear you are ok with the outcome. It was inevitable that he would be found out in the end, with such a bank of evidence against him.

So what is the next step? I've no knowledge of any of this but is that it? Or is there more court stuff in the future?

The local authority in the area we fled from will be doing the section 7, so i think i feel ok about that too as they had quite a lot of involvement with us.

I’ve been following your story from the beginning pebble, can I just say you’re so brave. And having this judgement from the fact finding will always hold weight and all the things that have happened to you both will not just be taken as allegations but the truth which is brilliant.
My ex pulled out of the fact finding and accepted the non mol about a week before a 3 day trial. If I knew then how much things would have been impacted by it I would’ve pushed for it to happen anyway. You’ve been so brave and you’ve done everything right. I’m proud of you, from one survivor to another.

It’s all very positive. I’m glad.
Now just be careful of what you write in any emails to him. Nice, simple, clear wording that can’t be misconstrued as “verbal abuse” by anyone. IF you ever need to email him again that is.

Thank god, you must be so relieved.

I am so happy for you.

What happens now?

I am so pleased that his behaviour has been called out for what it is. He is an abuser and the court have officially said that.

Big sigh of relief, Pebbles, well done.

he's also extended the non-molestation order to run for another 6 months

Why such a short time, surely it would be better for the victim if it was for the lifetime of both parties?