Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

Self defence

And the stress of living with an abuser so you raised your voice at your child under stress

Which sadly many parents do when. Tired stressed etc

Do not dwell too much on that

You have done amazing and must give yourself more credit !!!!

I know.. But a judge might see it different. Plus I wasn't consistent in my oral evidence as I was nervous and upset quite a lot. I know there's nothing I can do but can't help feeling so terrified.

Are you getting any help/counselling/therapy etc @Pebbledashery?

I know it's easy for us to say but you have got to stop having these intrusive thoughts. You will just go round and round winding yourself up into even more of a state. You cant second guess what will happen and are just driving yourself mad with the possibilities and it's not helping.

Have you done Freedom programme?

I know they said the end of the week for the ruling, just wanted to pop in to say I'm thinking of you and sending best wishes.

Fingers crossed you hear today @Pebbledashery

hi all, I don't think it'll be today, my Solicitor said by Monday so I imagine it will actually be Monday, so will have the weekend to get through.
So awful to think I could be painted like an abuser and have what was my life rewritten and twisted.

Please don’t unduly worry about the “worst-case” scenario.

I think you have done all you possibly could to protect your daughter (and yourself). Hopefully the judge will have seen through your ex’s lies and seen your evidence, so she is protected legally.

Fingers crossed for you.

He's still having supervised contact in the interim though, it's just inevitable he will get unsupervised :( then I can't protect her at all.

this is why cafcass said no contact prior to a fact finding as it places her in a difficult position if findings were to be made and he still continues to protest his innocence. It actually said in the letter that contact would not be in DD's best interests.

Going to unlurk to say that SIL's ex only had supervised contact with their dcs, for behaviour that was nowhere near as bad as your ex . He attempted numerous times to get it changed or to have his sister be responsible for the "supervision" and the Sheriff (we're in Scotland) threw it out every time, with increasingly disparaging comments .

As soon as the dcs hit teenagerdom and especially when one and later the other were old enough to be allowed to be told the background to the supervised contact they started refusing to see him as they saw him for what he was. And from 16, the Sheriff accepted that they had the right to choose.

Thank you, I know every case is unique though - I just have to hope having a violent history prior to me, and multiple agencies involved and identifying us as the victim is enough to make the judge realise this is a person who is dangerous and will NEVER change.
He didn't even say sorry or was ashamed of his behaviour when the recording was played of him abusing DD :( he just started crying as soon as I started crying and admitted it was him in the recording. That's not remorse.

I've got everything crossed for you @Pebbledashery I really have
I cannot imagine the stress you are under. You're amazing, you truly are.

🌸💕 sending support

just have to trust in the system but it's a shame the system is so awful.

Supervised contact is not always seen as a prelude to unsupervised contact, this is particularly when abuse of the child themselves has occurred.

Given also that there were formal admissions that interim supervised contact ought NOT to have been ordered and this been challenged by CAFCASS, I would also think this adds weight.

You have described here examples of him abusing supervised contact including the orchestrated Father’s Day card as well your child’s night terrors and fear of him.

If not today then on Monday you will know. We are all here rooting for you and your daughter.

The judge will have been privy to his previous history and most leopards don't change there spots. Just horrible the waiting and 2nd guessing.

@Pebbledashery

I know.. But a judge might see it different. Plus I wasn't consistent in my oral evidence as I was nervous and upset quite a lot. I know there's nothing I can do but can't help feeling so terrified.

I bet you did better than you imagine

Multiple agencies saying same thing

CAFCaSS

Your written reports in the bundle

All that matters

And the fact that erm you are in a secret address with a non mol??

They can try to say what they want these useless abusers

They are all THE SAME
Just pathetic

I guess all I need to keep thinking is the judge can't ignore evidence and his barrister is paid to make me look like a liar.

Yes, Pebble. Keep that in mind. You are smart, caring, a GOOD mother and person. You are not the bad one in this situation. Keep faith and stay strong. Especial hugs and love to you this weekend, which I know will be a very tough one. It'll be alright soon. All the best xxx

@Cleverpolly3

Supervised contact is not always seen as a prelude to unsupervised contact, this is particularly when abuse of the child themselves has occurred.

Given also that there were formal admissions that interim supervised contact ought NOT to have been ordered and this been challenged by CAFCASS, I would also think this adds weight.

You have described here examples of him abusing supervised contact including the orchestrated Father’s Day card as well your child’s night terrors and fear of him.

If not today then on Monday you will know. We are all here rooting for you and your daughter.

I think this is true. But I also remember the emergency hearing we had earlier in the year the judge was a Circuit Judge and head of the family courts in that jurisdiction.. He opened the hearing by saying it was extremely serious and significant domestic abuse, this judge was the fact finding judges superior, and the fact finding judge actually opened up the hearing saying he was bound to his superiors order. I keep thinking he also allowed us to adduce new evidence which I've been told is incredibly difficult to do and you just have a very good case to. There's not much else I can do now except hope.

We are all hoping for you and with you x

You are a tough woman! The evidence is on your side. I am sure it will go your way.

Just these couple of days to get through I guess. DD is being really tough to handle this morning, just want to cry.

Hey xx except the next few days will be hard, be kind to yourself.
Get out for a walk, do what ever you need to do to get through the day.

Hang on in there Pebble. Your daughter may well be picking up on your anxiety, so going out somewhere might help to distract you a little💐