Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

Cleverpolly
It was in my case, also I'm sure the other parents were also having to pay, who were using the centre.
Actually I think the payment was for the first 10 sessions. We both sent a cheque but I think just he was expected to pay after the 10 sessions.
I remember as my family were fuming that I had to put my hand in my pocket when it was his fault.

Hi everyone. Hope you're ok. Just had a call from my Solicitor.. the Judgement will be with us by Monday, the Judge has advised Counsel of that.
I feel sick, totally sick to my stomach.
Everything is resting on that and whether I can extend the NMO.
Feel SICK.

This is good news, you know when it's coming. I really can't see this going in his favour after all the police evidence and all the other agencies recommendations.

My mind is racing. The way in which his Counsel twisted everything, it was almost like I had no evidence whatsoever that abuse took place.

@Pebbledashery

bless you.. your nerves must being ringing terribly...

can you get into a good book or Netflix boxset to distract you for these next long awaited days..

a big jigsaw.. painting.. something anything to distract 🌸

That’s what they are meant to do though and the judge will have enough knowledge of things to look at every single thing that has been said and all the evidence there to make his decision.

That is their job. It was all they had, they had no evidence of you being unfit, so they HAD to try to twist it. They had no choice.

They put all their eggs in that basket, because they had no other baskets!

I would say please try not to worry, but if you are anything like me, that's impossible. I think the best thing to do is try to distract yourself from thinking about it as much as you can. xx

No i know, I guess agency evidence is independent isn't it as they speak to both of us. They tried disputing the midwife referral to social services where it clearly said I had disclosed domestic abuse and was afraid. They tried to say that it was one sided as the midwife didn't speak to him!! i mean they'll say anything.

I just feel anxious as I was so unnerved and upset giving evidence that I was inconsistent in some places with my written statement. My Barrister made the point that my credibility had to be taken into consideration as I gave the same version of events to Police as I did to Children's services and not one detail changed. My ex however introduced new versions of events when giving evidence and in his statement that he didn't give to the Police and Children's services.

@Justmeandme19

Cleverpolly It was in my case, also I'm sure the other parents were also having to pay, who were using the centre. Actually I think the payment was for the first 10 sessions. We both sent a cheque but I think just he was expected to pay after the 10 sessions. I remember as my family were fuming that I had to put my hand in my pocket when it was his fault.

When was this? Did you leave him due to abuse ?

Thats frankly outrageous

Hopefully the end is getting in sight now Pebble.
By Monday means you might get it before the weekend
Keep hanging on in there. You are doing so well x

This is great news. I know your nerves are frayed and you'll be jumpy until you know. But it's one more weekend to get through.
You can do that.

All the hugs.

I just don't know what I will do if the outcome is that there are no findings, or findings against me. I don't think I can deal with how that is going to make me feel.

@Pebbledashery

I just don't know what I will do if the outcome is that there are no findings, or findings against me. I don't think I can deal with how that is going to make me feel.

is there anything you can do? regards appeal etc

Take comfort that you have done all you can. Giving evidence is hard, I gave evidence for about an hour and a half, I was far from perfect. My barrister said, all you need to be is honest, he was right. I didn't get everything correct and suspect u tripped my self up a lot but I did my best and I told the truth.
Remember the verdict won't just be based on you giving evidence, there's lots more to it.
What ever the outcome you have done all you can, take some comfort from that.
Plan your weekend and keep busy so as not to over think. Xx

Clever
It was the end of last year. Domestic abuse towards me and the children. There are times when one parent doesn't pay, when you have employ private companies to do the supervising and on a 1:1 bases. These fees are very high. But the majority of supervised contact are in contact centres with multipul none resident parents. These are often run by NACC the cost is minimul but has to be paid.

Clever
Sorry its called NACCC. Often there used when parents are going through the court process so even though abuse and safeguarding issues are a consern its kind of just hear say so far. The centres have to be seen as neutral, so I'm guessing that's another reason why both parents have to pay.

I don't really have issues with paying for half of contact if findings are made against him. Will keep busy this weekend and just absolutely hope that the judge gives significant weight to all of the evidence in the bundle.

@justmeandme19 what was the outcome of your fact finding in the end?

I hope the judge is subconsciously open to all the positive thoughts coming from us all, Pebble he'll sentence the shit to hang if so

@Justmeandme19

Clever It was the end of last year. Domestic abuse towards me and the children. There are times when one parent doesn't pay, when you have employ private companies to do the supervising and on a 1:1 bases. These fees are very high. But the majority of supervised contact are in contact centres with multipul none resident parents. These are often run by NACC the cost is minimul but has to be paid.

Why weren’t LA contact facilities used ? Where they not involved ?

I just keep thinking, the judge can't ignore independent agency evidence.. Repeat times a thousand.

@Pebbledashery

I just keep thinking, the judge can't ignore independent agency evidence.. Repeat times a thousand.

Exactly. Repeat repeat repeat

Just don't want to be reprimanded for the shouting. It's something I admitted from day 1, worked with children's services and DDs health visitor on managing her behaviour etc.. That was a version of myself I didn't want to be.

The fact finding confirmed all my aligations. Indirect contact was granted. Eg letter box contact only.