Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

That’s desperate behaviour and shows you he’s on the back foot

Hope you and your daughter have had a nice weekend so far despite the rain.

I was thinking about your worries re being seen to be seen as much as a part of the problem as he is. You need to remember that YOU left and took steps to escape. You haven’t stopped fighting. He was quite happy being allowed to inflict this hideousness on you as he was the abuser. His life was as he wanted it. That illustrates the skewed balance of power that features in a suite relationship especially tho we where children are involved.

Sending positive thoughts x

First class idiot
And a dangerous one

My ex did the same
First thing the barrister said is that they all do that !!!
Awful

Who are they fooling ?

Come to think of it, he submitted quite a bit of false evidence to mislead the court. I'm sure that will be taken into consideration too.

What a dickhead.

Hope you’re having a lovely weekend @Pebbledashery - there are all kinds of reasons to relax a bit from the sounds of things

@Pebbledashery

Come to think of it, he submitted quite a bit of false evidence to mislead the court. I'm sure that will be taken into consideration too.

Do they think people are stupid??!! Mad man

Mine Has said he was abused by me
But yet he signed up to a dv prevention programme which he was kicked off after 5 weeks

Hmmmm
Think these judges are secretly laughing at these tossers

Why would he not just leave you and DD alone after all he has done ?!! 😡😡

I do worry if there are no findings that he was abusive and violent towards me that he won't be ordered to do a domestic violence perpetrator programme.. My barrister worried me a bit and said the men that to successfully complete the dvpp go onto have shared care of their children.. But saying that, I work full time, he works weekends too, I moved as far as possible as I could as well so there's quite a distance between us now.. And he can't ever know where we live. I told the court if he finds out where we are, I'd take DD and go into a refuge. No way am I living my life knowing he knows where we are.

@queenie6655 did you have a fact finding also?

No fact finding

I fled to a new country

Long story

But what I pray is that my ex the loser gets jail in the next few weeks
If he doesn't I'm appealing
Not letting these men get away with this any longer
The carnage they leave behind them

And then the LIES 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

How did your ex get referred to a dvpp without a fact finding? Was that the recommendation of cafcass? X

No he did it to stop me telling police that he had attempted to murder me and the baby

He threatened to kill the rest of my family if I told them what he did so I was under his rule for quite some time

He couldn't even try to fake his way through the course
Few weeks in and he was escorted out

Fml 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm just praying we get a good cafcass officer. The one at the safeguarding stage was just amazing she really was. Saw straight through my exes bullshit.

Possible you would get the same officer

Remember also that if findings are found by the judge this will have to form the basis of any further reports and must be considered in terms of future context and risk to the child

Sorry should also say any further reports and Orders

My barrister said that too.. That his findings are there till the final hearing. I just don't know where it leaves me with the non molestation order as it expires soon.. If we don't have a hearing prior to that where its extended I'm not sure they'll accept an application for a new one. I keep picturing getting a message or email from him.. It makes my blood run cold.

Hoping you hear soon OP

Sending good wishes your way 🙌❤️

Hope you hear something very soon Pebble
Sending positive vibes x

How soon does your NMO expire?
I am assuming it’s been incorporated into the family proceedings?

Your solicitor can apply for an extension, before it expires, not sure how that’s works given its combined with other matters but there will be a way.

If the NMO is upheld I’m assuming your counsel will be applying inter parte for an extension during or before the Final Hearing? As you will know this final hearing they could apply for an extension immediately.the judges findings would be the evidence required

Hopefully things will all get sorted soon.

I can't believe you still havent heard, this is akin to torture !

NMO expires in a few weeks. It's terrifying me to be honest.

I'm also really terrified the court will force me to disclose where we live. Everything we've built up will be just completely shattered. I can't stress how much he cannot know where we live. Would the court put me in a position of danger like that..

No. Surely they wouldn’t be able to force that information out of you - you’ve had to move for a reason and have all the legal backup to say why it’s had to happen?

Yes. In the report from children's services, they made a full recommendation for us to flee and live in a confidential location with our address never to be disclosed under any circumstances.

Then surely that must be adhered to? God I hope you get some news soon

Hey xx
Just to confirm it's standard that both parents pay half the costs of the contact centre.
It's not about who's fault it is, rather the fact the child can see thier parent in a safe place.

Personally I think you have to play these things out. As long as the child is safe take her to contact. If he doesn't turn up, that's just more evidence for you. You have to be seen to be doing the right thing regardless of what he does.
I've also had a fact finding hearing and can honestly say I think the barristers try to unnerv you. It's just standard as their trying to win their case. Of course his barrister will want to make it sound as if it was toxic rather than abusive.
Were you given a cafcass guardian or just a cafcass worker /officer? The cafcass guardian was really switched on in my case and represented the children and their wishes fantastically.
I think it's pretty standard for victims of domestic abuse not to share thier address.
I hope you get the results soon.

@Justmeandme19
It’s not standard for cases involving domestic abuse that contact centre costs are shared.
Particularly when recommendations from CAFCASS or the LA are that due to safeguarding risks contact must be supervised.