Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thank you for the good luck messages @Spring and @Naimee ❤️ will be back on here to update after the call 😘

Hello peeps,

Had a lovely birthday weekend seeing family and friends. Date 3 with Mr Computer and ended up back at his. No sex but had fun. Im still not feeling he's the man of my dreams but is a decent bloke so im taking things slowly with him but not writing him off.

@Naimee87 moving in a month or so so although I’m not wanting to quit dating just yet! Move relates to dream career progress so that’s the priority. Trying to clear out before I move so am not just carrying shit from city to city.

MrPM is a “one-date wonder” - we matched before lockdown eased, met for a very nice dinner and a kiss and were kind of thinking about meeting again but it was seeming too hard logistically?

(Felt I was doing all the organising and my city got locked down again to make matters worse).

Has about five challenging jobs as well currently been called back to work and at sea.

So he’s a cool guy and there’s no point detaching out of annoyance, we weren’t on a promise of marriage or anything (and open to meeting FTF again) but obviously not going exclusive! I’m not a big chatter

so I’m just getting occasional check in messages from him which is fine.

MrDinner has sent me details of a music bar which looks good.

Need to check/confirm first Fab social tomorrow and also think if I want to see MrC this week as it could be emotionally a bit odd. But I do want to catch up.

Happy belated birthday @Eesha

Agree with that judgement @Eesha - tbh I’ve not really felt fizzling chemistry/man of my dreams for a while!

But it’s still nice having some progressive dates and connecting with someone attractive.

Hi everyone,

Just had my interview for my college course and... I got in!

It was a bit hit and miss at one point, since I don't have a proper HR job, but I think I managed to convince the tutor I could do it. 😊

I'm so happy ❤️

Happy birthday @Eesha x 🎂🎈🎁 🥂

Congratulations @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards well done 🥳🥳🌟🌟

Well done lovely @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

@Shayelle2009

Congratulations *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* well done 🥳🥳🌟🌟

Thanks @Shayelle! ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

Well done lovely *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

Thank you very much @Spring! ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Well done!!

[quote VanGoghsDog]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Well done!![/quote]
Thank you @VanGogh! ❤️

@Eesha happy birthday! So many in June 🤩 Good Luck with the date! Maybe he‘ll surprise you the more you meet?
@SpringlikeBunk annoying especially if your date did go well that life gets in the way. I was chatting with a friend about how much of a priority we are as sometimes it feels like i‘ve been quite low on their lists yet their super high on mine. I‘m hoping next time round i‘ll find someone who definitely has me as a high priority…are you moving any closer to him? Maybe chasing the fizzy chemistry is where we‘re going wrong 😑 but i tried with the ‚oh so wonderful on paper, every box ticked, neighbour‘ but missed the chemistry (i’ve erased the bedroom shenanigans with him entirely from my memory 🤢) so seems i need a spark, enticing attraction…there are other threads on settling for someone who is reliable/dependable/supportive caring but no spark or attraction. Some women would settle for this but i guess i just couldn‘t.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards congratulations! yaaay! 🤩

[quote Naimee87]@Eesha happy birthday! So many in June 🤩 Good Luck with the date! Maybe he‘ll surprise you the more you meet?
@SpringlikeBunk annoying especially if your date did go well that life gets in the way. I was chatting with a friend about how much of a priority we are as sometimes it feels like i‘ve been quite low on their lists yet their super high on mine. I‘m hoping next time round i‘ll find someone who definitely has me as a high priority…are you moving any closer to him? Maybe chasing the fizzy chemistry is where we‘re going wrong 😑 but i tried with the ‚oh so wonderful on paper, every box ticked, neighbour‘ but missed the chemistry (i’ve erased the bedroom shenanigans with him entirely from my memory 🤢) so seems i need a spark, enticing attraction…there are other threads on settling for someone who is reliable/dependable/supportive caring but no spark or attraction. Some women would settle for this but i guess i just couldn‘t.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards congratulations! yaaay! 🤩[/quote]
@Naimee87 😁☺️

@Naimee87

I’m genuinely “never sure” about someone making me high priority - I know I myself honestly wouldn’t sacrifice any of my life goals for dating so I’m not expecting it back?

As I’m not after marriage and children I don’t really feel like I’m after public social commitment or blended lives.

But equally someone special or longer term would be nice and a bit more than a fling .

Maybe it’s more finding someone who has their own life but is compatible in terms of location and practical goals.

MrPM is reasonably close when I move so hopefully he’ll still be on my radar then.

I think when I was younger I’d have “pushed” a bit more but right now I’m trying to avoid overfunctioning and just give myself a nice post lockdown summer.

It would have been nice to plan romantic things with one person but as that isn’t practical I’d rather schedule my own social things in.

Hi everyone, I wanted to join as I have just gone back to online dating (which I never liked much) and I started speaking with a couple of guys, but I think I'm being abit weird.

I'm happy to exchange numbers and message on whatsapp but i find it annoying when they start sending voice notes.

Also as I am home with my dd in the evenings I also find it annoying when they start calling me (we hadn't agreed to chat on the phone just random calls) if my dd wasn't home I would chat but I find it awkward to speak to someone I don't know on the phone with my dd around and she will ask questions like who you chatting to etc.

Also when they ask to video call I'm just not into it. When can't we just message abit then meet up for a coffee or a drink?

I know I am being weird but the whole online dating is weird and I feel like the guys can be quite full on.

Are any of you like this? or am I the only one?

@jugglingjobs

I agree it can be disruptive - are you communicating what you want?

I'm a bit touchy about too many messages as I get overwhelmed - can you just work out what you want or prefer (this may change) and make sure your irons know your preference?

Eg, say you don't reply that often, or prefer not to exchange lots of chats in advance, or don't answer your phone.

If they're good guys they'll respect this - I do think a lot of guys maybe think women "expect" a lot of chat and flirting in advance?

If they insist on phoning you when you've said you "prefer not to until you have met" you know to cut them off.

Some people are pushy and will react negatively if you read a WhatsApp and don't reply immediately, you don't want to be meeting them!

@SpringlikeBunk@spring

thank you for the quick response. I'm actually not really communicating what I want, so guy number one asked for my number, I gave it, we sent a few messages on whatsapp, he then started sending voice notes and asked for one back 'so he can hear my voice' I sent one which was friendly but also said I'm not keen on voice notes so this is your one and only voice note ha ha nice friendly manner but I meant it

He then asked for another voice note I ignored it. then he asked to video call, I said no I find it cringy i would rather meet in person. He said fine and we arranged to meet this weekend.

He has now tried to call me twice, he called on saturday and I just ignored it then sunday messaged saying I was out, he said I'll call you later to arrange drinks and I said 'yes sure'

so no i am not saying exactly what I want as I think I am being abit weird and they might think I have something to hide (which I don't) I just can't be bothered to invest loads of time on someone I don't know and I might not even like them when i get there (this has happened before).

Now i'm not going on whatsapp as I'm avoiding this guy and another guy who has messaged me twice and I haven't replied (he also wanted to call me)

Amazing onwards well done 😊

@jugglingjobs

You shouldn't have to worry about putting someone off in advance, he sounds a bit pushy to me! Do you still want to meet him? if you don't want to chat or send notes just don't.

Maybe one scheduled voice call if he's planning on commuting down to meet you if you've agreed to it.

I look like my photos and tend to do well in person

but guys who are clearly "trying to check me out in advance of meeting" (requesting extra photos etc) creep me out and tend to be pushy and annoying.

I'm feeling like i'm not that keen now but also I feel like I should just give it a go as I don't really like anyone or get excited. but a part of me feels like blocking him

Yes I also look like my photos and I get annoyed when people start asking for photos, i'm just not into sending more photos (I have used all my best ones on my profile) and I don't want to send random selfies on demand. I also find those guys really annoying, I wonder if I am just not made for online dating

@jugglingjobs

It’s your choice ultimately- but you can block or detach from anyone if you’re not feeling it? Too pushy is a fine reason.

I wouldn’t say you’re anti-social or not chatty enough or cut out for online dating - I think some people make a “game” of trying to control others and will start with the little things (google “how to get women to send more photos).

So your instincts are spot on here. They’ll probably move on and try the same thing on the next woman

If someone is chatting to you from an app they’re nothing and nobody - it’s not your job to “prove you’re worth meeting” or sell yourself in advance!

@jugglingjobs you've already had good advice from Spring. Remember that OLD is actually about meeting people, not collecting a random selection of photos from strangers. Or allowing some stranger to add to their collection of photos of women they've never met. Anything that gives you the ick or a funny feeling in your tummy - bin off.

Good luck out there 💓

@jugglingjobs dont give them your number until you've met them and sussed out if they're any good or not. Phone problems solved!
If they get funny about you not dishing out your number before you’ve met that’s their issue and then you’ve already sussed they’re no good - it’s up to you who you give your personal details out to.