Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Letthefunandgamesstart

I want my first Fab meet to be like that which is why I detached from the first two contacts - felt they were pushing for some guarantee of intimacy/trying to build up “to a promise” before meeting in person? Same as a lot of contacts from other dating sites tbh.,

I’m definitely more cautious about my phone number there.

Good luck in your phone interview @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Great news @GaraMedouar just takes one good contact to make the process a lot more enjoyable and justify all the sifting through the SoT

Matched with the same man on Tinder and Bumble, same ago and some of the same pictures but 2 different names. Had a little chat on Bumble but not Tinder.
I'm trying to remember that I'm amazing and it's their loss if they don't want to talk to me or meet me. It's a few busy sporting weeks aswell so there might not be many chats happening

[quote GaraMedouar]@BelladiMamma - 👋🏼 I’m SE - a bit of a trek - but a nice train journey away

I haven’t been on the thread much , I’ve been reading but lurking - but just popped on to say going really well with MrJ - we are now officially ‘going out’ , exclusive , both off the apps. And making plans for summer. Never thought I’d get here …. Very happy [/quote]
Wonderful. Congratulations!

Likewise when I get on the desktop I'll DM you ☺️

@bangheadhere40 hope you’re ok and having a nice time. Don’t worry about being nervous I always do too 🙂 hopefully that will have long disappeared!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards i thought hinge did have a nicer selection of men on it. I did meet with one man and we went for a country walk but he was very ‚businessy‘ nice enough but wasn‘t too keen to see him again. The chats on there were also more flowy i found too. But my type doesn‘t seem to be on there, i‘m more tradesman/labourer like this thread says I hope there‘s a date on the cards 🃏 soon! Also good luck with the new course!
@troobleflooble our experiences are super similar. I think you really did the best thing. I had the same previous experience as you too and its crushing to feel just not good enough to be ‚girlfriend‘ enough. I always shyed away from that conversation because deep down i knew the answer I got wasn’t what i’d want to hear. He manipulated me into thinking we were together and when i look back i was such an idiot. Have you been on Badoo? its the only one i ever really enjoyed being on, the men seemed to be really chatty and some (definitely not all) are quite good looking.
@Heartbeats0708 oh thats great to hear, hopefully you can relax a little now. I‘m really hoping to spend next weekend with MrElf and see how he‘s feeling about everything. Our dates have gone really well i‘m just a little nervous to take the next step but at the same time really want to. Just not sure i can have the ‚exclusive‘ chat with him
given its only been three weeks but we‘ve squeezed in 5 dates and i‘m not chatting to anyone else!

Safely back from my second fab meet - was so different to yesterday. I went prepared but decided in the first few minutes that it wasn't going to happen - conversation was strained and awkward - no flow at all - so I spent the time learning more about the site!! To be honest, he was boring and didn't ask any questions and he has great verifications on there. He has texted asking to meet tonight but I've said no. From a safety point of view, I always ask for a photo of their driving licence - you see their face and address - and pass it on to a friend.

@Letthefunandgamesstart

That’s very helpful!

I’m glad you posted that, as I’m quite keen on “putting boundaries and ring fencing on the first social meet”

so it’s kept small and there’s a mutual acceptance that both of us are “considering and can say no” after meeting?

Well, MrWG stayed up north, I don't blame him, he was working there yesterday and is again tomorrow, and his accommodation is only £30, it would cost more than that in petrol to get home and go back, plus he said he was really too tried to drive last night and very little point coming down today - as he's a driving safety instructor (among literally hundreds of other things) he knows not to drive.

He texted me today, and I called him for a chat after my walk. He was off to the cinema and said he'd call me later (remains to be seen if he does!). He's busy all next week but looks like he might be home for a week the week after - he had better be spending his time thinking up how and when he's going to see me that week!

Meanwhile, I got bored and contacted my ex FB (from 2018) and he is up for a meet up soon.

Even if MrWG and I dtd (ugh that expression!) we're not exclusive so......meh!

I have to isolate next week ready for my hospital procedure anyway. Though it is times like this that it would be nice to have someone who was caring enough to want to be around for that, but I don't so hey ho!

I kind of get the Fab dynamic is a bit like other dating sites - I’m wary of the guys who are trying to extract promises/do the hard sell before meeting

as I suspect they can’t live up to those IRL or are used to rejection after meeting which is why they get too attached/desperate/pushy before meeting ?

There’s a few guys I’m chatting to who are fairly strong on “social meet and normal non sex talk first” so I’m going to stick with those

and of course be prepared not to meet anyone this year - eliminating so many more men than I used to and feel a lot better for it!

MrDinner is locating us a music venue though not sure I’ll have time to travel up next week and MrC is kind of coyly flirting.

So I may have a sausage fest as the Rule for multiple-dating seems to be “all your irons get interested in meeting on the same night and then you’re wandering from date to date with stubble rash looking stunned”

@VanGoghsDog

That sounds a bit frustrating - I guess with MrWG it’s the trade-off between the chemistry when you’re together

and the fact that he seems to have a schedule full of activities and projects - I think you mentioned he’s ex military and my experience is great date/very attractive but also very used to (or just wired up) to be independent and do their own thing and not know how to do the whole balance of communication/assertiveness/compromise ?

Have you got some nice food/projects for isolation?

I guess you could also set up a chat profile and see if anything/anyone connects.

@SpringlikeBunk how are you finding fab? Is there any decent chats going on?

Sorry just seen your last post above!

@Shayelle2009

So far I’ve not had any meets (I do think as with any dating apps there’s pushy “types” who are on the site 24/7 and target newbies and I think I’ve hopefully got through that stage so see how it goes !)

Impressions so far for anyone thinking of giving it a shot :

1. Really need bullet proof boundaries - obviously it’s marketed as a casual sex site but also that doesn’t mean you’ve consented to anything at all?

I don’t like sex chat in advance and want to meet FTF before any decisions but a few guys have mentioned using kik etc and I’ve just ignored them.

I’d say I’m ok on it now (touch wood) but even a year ago I wouldn’t be strong enough to be on it. I cancelled my first two social meets as they seemed “too pushy” and was happy doing so even if the guys were annoyed.

1. Still got some chats going with some nice looking respectful guys - haven’t met yet but they seem ok? Seems to be same stream guys of guys I’d date as on other apps really - I’ve explained I’m moving soon so it’s obviously “casual by default” but that hasn’t made them turn all sleazy chat.

1. Dick pics everywhere. If you’re an artist collecting a selection of penis portraits from 2021 (like the Duchess of Cambridge’s photography book, only seedier) then it’s the place to go

1. On that note, I’ve seen quite a few profiles with disclaimers saying not for people to take their details off the site? Obviously it’s 2021 and I’m a single woman on a site for other consenting people to engage in intimate activity but being mindful of privacy as I gather the site has been targeted by journalists and so-called “researchers” in the past using people’s details

and the fact that he seems to have a schedule full of activities and projects - I think you mentioned he’s ex military and my experience is great date/very attractive but also very used to (or just wired up) to be independent and do their own thing and not know how to do the whole balance of communication/assertiveness/compromise?

Yes, it's that balance - he has a massive 'service' personality so he's also always doing things for other people, volunteering etc. Most of his jobs are 'service' related. He does very little for himself (other than that he enjoys the jobs and the volunteering etc).

Have you got some nice food/projects for isolation?

I'll still be working as have been working at home for over a year, so no projects other than TV catch up after work each day.
As for food - no, I have to eat a beige diet for the week, well, from Tuesday. I have ordered Waitrose beige food so it's slightly better maybe! But it's basically meat and potatoes, meat and chips, crisps, cake, pasta and very smooth sauce. Etc.

I guess you could also set up a chat profile and see if anything/anyone connects.

What is a chat profile? I've paused Tinder but have two chats on Bumble currently.
MrDecorator texts me most days (he finished the last of the kitchen today, after the Great Plumbing Disaster) and now the historic FB will be texting a bit until we can arrange a date. Then my friend will pick me up from hospital and spend the night and hopefully we'll have a nice evening.

@Letthefunandgamesstart I don't think the verifications mean anything really because you get to decide which you show so if he had bad ones he just wouldn't show those.

I try to read between the lines and see what they don't say.

I met a guy who was really bad at sex (PIV) but ok with fingers so the verifications I gave him said he was skilled with his hands and made no mention of actual sex - I hope women who read it would realise why there was no mention of PIV.

@SpringlikeBunk Loads of people have those disclaimers and there is no point to them, I think there are journalists on every dating site.
Personally I avoided men with the disclaimers- they are probably the same people who are covid deniers or anti vaxxers, all a bit paranoid if you ask me.

Haha I love my inane verbal short-cuts @VanGoghsDog .

“chat-profile” = when you only set up a profile to see who is out there and chat and don’t really plan on meeting anyone IRL

Bland diet sounds but hopefully you can get back to normal food and enjoy it afterwards!

@SortingItOut

None of the guys I’m chatting to have verifications but the pushy guy I cancelled on yesterday did.

Like you say I’m not sure they mean anything - people have different sexual preferences and for some it might be “technical skills” for others it might be the whole meet experience.

MrC has suggested meeting this week so would be nice to catch up.

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk always love your astute and very funny insights on things. Point 3… 🤣🤣🤣

I quite like the idea of a site being so up front and it does sound like some folk on the thread are having decent experiences on there.

Yeh I haven’t met anyone yet so it could all go wrong!

But I think I’m at a life stage this summer where I’m ok meeting nobody and not in a “very vulnerable and people-pleasing” mood?

Like the first two contacts looked good, but were clearly trying to “game the system” a bit and lead to/imply/hint I should be comfortable sending extra photos /first meet at theirs? (as in bringing this up repeatedly?)

And I was happy just saying no and moving away even if they didn’t respond well without justifying myself.

I guess it’s just like any other forum for dating/meeting few people - have to be very aware of ones own comfort zones, some pests and predatory types trying to override consent and convince you do stuff you’re not comfortable with , and if you’re not feeling it just detach?

Yay for happy news from Garamedouar!

Good luck with your surgery VanGogh - that diet sounds like a recipe for constipation...

springlike and everyone else who gets sent dick pics - I've never seen any, must not have that vibe about me (can't work out if that's good or bad), but was just wondering if they're erect? Or is it more like on Naked Attraction? I'm intrigued...

I've now got a date with Mr Finance on Wednesday. Having been concerned about comms tapering off after we had spoken on the phone, he now seems keen. Which of course puts me off immediately - one of the traits I detest about myself is that the less interested they seem to be, the more keen I am, and vice versa. Like I'm 15.

He's leaving himself two hours to get to the town where we're meeting. I'm less than an hour away. So we'll have dinner, see if there's chemistry. But he's still live several counties away, with opposite child free weekends to mine. But there's so much about him I like. Intelligent, intellectually challenging, funny, successful, respectful, communicative, doesn't look like a potato... so how can I not meet him?

Ho hum. How exciting that people off the thread are meeting IRL - I'm on the South Coast! 👋

*that diet sounds like a recipe for constipation..."

Yes, I have to drink two litres of laxative too!

A brief text exchange with MrWG and I was telling him about both the gardener and the decorator asking me out - and suddenly he's suggested he comes round tomorrow if he finishes early up north....hmmm.....

Is it me.....or is he feeling insecure.....?

(He can't stay over because my isolation starts Tuesday)

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Set up a blank fab profile and you’ll see!

Tbf it’s just penises, it’s worse when it’s like chatting on tinder about your life and ambitions and interests and thinking it’s a normal chat

then they start trying to “lead into” photo exchange

Ime, they are erect. Not many men are as proud of their flaccid member as they are of their tumescence.

Samantha from SATC has a lot to answer for - a penis in the right context is fine but by itself..... 🤷‍♀️