Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I matched with a localish potential a few days ago and I can't work out if he is an impulsive idiot or a complete fantasist. He is thinking of quitting his job with nothing to go to. Allegedly was in a bad car accident when a friend drove into a post van at 85+ mph and he has had to have surgeries. Bit then said that it was only nerve damage and nothing internal was wrong. He didn't even think to go for compensation. It's just not adding up. Maybe its me not being trusting as I have had so many lies told to me previously but it all just seems far too far fetched to have actually happened.

This one has a few red flags I'd say. Toss him back into the sea 🌊

@BelladiMamma he has been thrown back into the sea of twits.

The one good thing that has come out of today is my AL finally being approved.
Bad thing that came out of today is me wanting to quit on the spot in the morning meeting being told that I'm expected to be on call 24/7 after being told last week that no one was to send out of hours emails as it sets unrealistic expectations to clients. Holding my nerve until something else comes along. Hopefully it will hurry up but it's a tough job market and even tougher in events.

@Shayelle2009 i had that too with the girly group from work who eventually ended up excluding me from any events they were going to anyway. One would always say so 'how are you (with the head tilt), has it happened yet have you met him?' 'Oh don't worry it'll happen for you i am so sure...' needless to say i'm far better off with having been excluded. It does feel like people seem to look down on you or feel sorry for you if you are single. Like life can only be wonderful if you're coupled up. Another thing i noticed about this group was that they ALL chatted behind each others backs about each others relationships, no one had anything good to say about the others bfs. Yet they were all happily coupled up and 'best friends' when looking in from the outside.
@Dancerinthemoonlight i'd totally meet him ( in a crowded public place) he sounds crazy but i like crazy. If he hasn't come on too strong or sent you any other dodgy red-flag signals or been creepy. He may be one of those people and the most random things happen to him that sound so made up but happen to be true. Go find out!

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@BelladiMamma he has been thrown back into the sea of twits.

The one good thing that has come out of today is my AL finally being approved.
Bad thing that came out of today is me wanting to quit on the spot in the morning meeting being told that I'm expected to be on call 24/7 after being told last week that no one was to send out of hours emails as it sets unrealistic expectations to clients. Holding my nerve until something else comes along. Hopefully it will hurry up but it's a tough job market and even tougher in events.[/quote]
God that would piss me off (the work thing!)

I do try to rise above work stuff at the moment because there isn't a lot out there, but it can be such an energy drain when nlt going right

Urgh I can just imagine that @Naimee87. It sounds horrendous.
I have just found I’ve gone right into my shell lately and I have a select bunch of pals I tell my business to, as they understand, and loads I don't.. as they just don’t. Just have to keep nodding and smiling, like Colonel Gaddafi’s psychoanalyst (sorry.. Peep Show quote) at the ignorant crap that gets spouted…. ha.

@Dancerinthemoonlight if you felt brave and reckless you could calmly tell them that your working hours are between hrs and hrs, and unfortunately you’re unavailable outside of those hours…
Do you think they’d sack you though? I’d maybe cite a medical condition to back it up in case things get nasty?

Well, MrManager just sent me a text to say he has met someone else . Just 2 days ago he was excitedly texting me potential ideas for our next date, I feel so disappointed and sad right now. We had even had a conversation about coming off the apps, this has completely blindsided me to be honest. I think I need to take some time out of dating and just spend some time alone.

@Shayelle2009 I'm just not going to be checking my work phone outside of my contracted hours. My line manager has my personal number if it's important.
I could cite my medical condition but I'd sooner just keep my head down until I can leave. It was the head of accounts who said the expected to be on call 24/7. Hopefully there will be something soon but I know I can always fall back on the I can only work core hours because my medical condition

Ahh im sorry @Dirtyduck that is harsh at least he didn’t just ghost you so it will be easier to move on, though must sting.

@Dancerinthemoonlight too right, takes the piss them even saying that, expected to be on call 24/7.. dicks!!

[quote Isitreallyme77]@Shayelle2009 thank you, it does. I mean life isn't all wonderful but I can deal with the shit it throws at me without having a breakdown (in January a cracked windscreen would have made me have a meltdown for example). I don't know if anything will progress beyond friends with Mr Cricket, after all he said he wanted to stay friends as he is in a difficult position right now (being a pilot and his house sale means life is up in the air for him) and unlike Computer Geek who said the same thing then turned into a twat, he has been true to his word. He has actually been interested in getting to know me and me him(we talk non-stop when we see each other and message daily), I mean he remembered I've had tennis elbow on Monday! I got a brief lowdown on what a trader does (he was mid trade on Monday when we met up). Maybe that has helped me.

I do think the apps are quiet at the moment, I think people are busy post lockdown meeting friends and the football is on. I deleted Bumble completely and Tinder off my phone on Tuesday.[/quote]
Being a pilot, life is up in the air for him... 🤣

So I did hear from Mr Finance. We had a little back and forth. Brief message this morning, brief message after work. Maybe I'm being over sensitive but I can't shake the feeling that comms have tapered off since we spoke on the phone. Which we did non-stop for over an hour, including about how we would manage to meet up despite not having child free weekends at the same time and him saying 'leave it with me'.

I'm going to have to ask because if he's not interested any longer I need to move on. I'll see if he wants a chat at the weekend.

Argh! I don't know what's worse - liking someone or not liking anyone!

Having dumped 2 irons (OK, wasn't feeling it anyway) MrWG has now told me he's away working until mid Sept - not working the whole time but in the gaps probably not bothering to go home, and I guess if he does he'd need to see his family - grrr...

I do know his work is like that, but I was really cross about it last night. Also, he's away currently, work ends Sat, then back away Monday, and he had said he would be around Sunday and might see me after walking (I was going to suggest I don't go on the walk and spend time with him instead as he's around, though I know he'll have lifemin to do) but he's now saying he might not bother to come back and will just stay away.
Can't decide what to do - if I ask him to see me Sunday and he's already decided not to come back then I'll be annoyed, if I don't then I'll wonder if he would have done if I had asked him.....

@Shayelle2009

Ahh im sorry *@Dirtyduck* that is harsh at least he didn’t just ghost you so it will be easier to move on, though must sting.

@Dancerinthemoonlight too right, takes the piss them even saying that, expected to be on call 24/7.. dicks!!

I do prefer it than ghosting I'll admit. But he was so eager to make plans with me and told me specifically that he only spoke to one person at a time which was an obvious lie.
Not sure whether to block him or not? He wants to stay friends, but he's lied through his teeth about several things, so might just block him?

[quote Naimee87]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you do seem to attract the ones that want to jump into bed really quickly. So annoying. I'm guessing this must work on some girls though as otherwise they wouldn't keep trying their luck... good to shut him down. I only did this once a long time ago where i'd been messaging/calling one iron who because of work couldn't get out for the night and i was child free. He was a complete gentleman but there was NO spark so i never saw him again. But he never creeped me out or anything...
@RamonaLark i'm thinking i'll give it a try with MrElf then next week as he's away this weekend. Just invite him over for a coffee and see what happens then while he's here and we've the place to ourselves.
@WeWantTheFinestWines i know this feeling, so annoying, wondering/waiting. Best thing you can do is keep busy and not stay staring at your phone. Perhaps he is waiting so he can properly answer if you've sent him something to check out he maybe needs time to read it before he replies?[/quote]
@Naimee87 I know. I wish I didn't attract those kind of people. It makes me feel really dirty and weird, to be honest! ❤️

@Dirtyduck

Well, MrManager just sent me a text to say he has met someone else . Just 2 days ago he was excitedly texting me potential ideas for our next date, I feel so disappointed and sad right now. We had even had a conversation about coming off the apps, this has completely blindsided me to be honest. I think I need to take some time out of dating and just spend some time alone.

@Dirtyduck ❤️❤️❤️

@VanGoghsDog, I know you don’t necessarily feel you need to stick a label on what you have with Mr WG but I think you have every right to feel peeved that he’s going to be pretty much off the scene until September. You’ve said he’s the front runner when it comes to who you want to spend time with but where does his absence leave you? If this is how his life is run, is that okay with you ? Has he said he’s disappointed that he won’t be able to to see much of you over the summer? I think ask to see him on Sunday but if he’s not around it’s pretty clear that some of the momentum you have built up will be lost and may be in a bit of limbo with him, waiting for a gap in his work schedule.

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, I know you don’t necessarily feel you need to stick a label on what you have with Mr WG but I think you have every right to feel peeved that he’s going to be pretty much off the scene until September. You’ve said he’s the front runner when it comes to who you want to spend time with but where does his absence leave you? If this is how his life is run, is that okay with you ? Has he said he’s disappointed that he won’t be able to to see much of you over the summer? I think ask to see him on Sunday but if he’s not around it’s pretty clear that some of the momentum you have built up will be lost and may be in a bit of limbo with him, waiting for a gap in his work schedule.[/quote]
All thoughts I've had, yes!

I'll ask him tomorrow. I know I'm not his priority, but actively choosing not to see me when he could, due to convenience, well, that's different. By the time I ask him he may have already decided and booked his room.

He's not great at talking about feelings at all so no, no comment about not being able to see me.

Anyway, I'm off to a spa hotel on my own tomorrow, in Wales so essentially abroad! And meeting up with two friends as well, swimming, hiking etc. So a bit of headspace to think.

@Dirtyduck would you feel better having that closure of blocking him? Doesn’t sound like it will be nice to be friends if he’s just got a new g/f. Take care of yourself!

I’ve deleted pof… too awful. Going completely app free for a while.
I feel better already! 💛

@VanGoghsDog sounds like an amazing weekend!

@Dirtyduck

Well, MrManager just sent me a text to say he has met someone else . Just 2 days ago he was excitedly texting me potential ideas for our next date, I feel so disappointed and sad right now. We had even had a conversation about coming off the apps, this has completely blindsided me to be honest. I think I need to take some time out of dating and just spend some time alone.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. At least you have some information now, you're not left hanging on. However it hurts like hell and to you

@WeWantTheFinestWines 🤣🤣 although he hasn't flown since December so his life is firmly grounded right now.😬😐

@Shayelle2009 I'm app free, it's really nice actually. No more am I good enough feelings (a friend told me to stop thinking like that as he said I was).

@VanGoghsDog, your trip sounds fantastic. Have a great time.
@Dirtyduck, not what you wanted to hear from Mr Manager but in my opinion always better to have some closure. As frustrating as it is he just clearly wasn’t the one for you. But it is absolutely what makes OLD so much of a pain at times, the highs and lows, driven by hope and expectations but shaped by the unpredictability of who crosses your path.

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, your trip sounds fantastic. Have a great time.
@Dirtyduck, not what you wanted to hear from Mr Manager but in my opinion always better to have some closure. As frustrating as it is he just clearly wasn’t the one for you. But it is absolutely what makes OLD so much of a pain at times, the highs and lows, driven by hope and expectations but shaped by the unpredictability of who crosses your path.[/quote]
Yep, you're right of course, closure is the best thing and his message was very nicely worded and polite.

It feels a little less painful this morning and I think maybe it was for the best, there were a couple of reservations I had about him (he couldn't drive for example) Not massively big deals in themselves, but might have become a problem further down the line.

So much for staying off the Apps, I had a little late night swiping session last night and have a match

@VanGoghsDog sorry to hear this! It feels really rubbish being so low on someone's 'priority' list especially when you are prepared to make time for them. I think like OneSmallStep said it is worth asking because the wondering will drive you crazy. If you don't really get the answer you want then this may help to move on? With MrElf i'm also being cautious because he has a house abroad and i'm wondering how often he plans to spend time there. I've told him i'm not interested in a long-distance thing if he's splitting his time equally. I get so little time for me that when i do i don't want to just be on my phone messaging him i'd like to see him.
@Dirtyduck It's always tough to hear this but like the others said at least he did message and not keep stringing you along...also the no driving thing would definitely bug me as any trip, even the little ones would always fall to you. Hope you've a few potentials on the horizon
@WeWantTheFinestWines i really wonder why this seems to happen with chats, where you get to a point that you feel comfortable and things are headed in the right direction only for it to suddenly change from their side. I had this from MrS went from daily texts/video calls etc to wondering why he hadn't even opened a text. Never once did he give a legitimate reason and i stupidly bought all his excuses. I guess the best thing to do is to go quiet as well but this then falls into game-playing which i also really hate. Such a catch 22 and emotional rollercoaster ride...

I wouldn't like it if a guy couldn’t drive either. Glad you feel a bit better already @Dirtyduck 👍👍