Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Rose is cute. 100 roses would be weird and creepy!

Haven't posted for a while and been so busy, unable to even keep up with the thread...however I have come for some advice and signposting please. Trying not to be sickly TMI I'm looking for where to look for bedroom antics inspiration. Having been firmly put inside a box in our previous relationships, we're keen to try to open up to new (or old!) things. In my early adulthood I was fortune to have a very open minded bf but I've forgotten most of what we got up to and have tried looking online for inspo but I must be looking in the wrong places. Can anyone give any good websites - have ordered a karma sutra poster but that's about all I could think of/find 🤷‍♀️ hope everyone's having good times in this beautiful weather with irons! 🔥

@frankiefirstyear

Haven't posted for a while and been so busy, unable to even keep up with the thread...however I have come for some advice and signposting please. Trying not to be sickly TMI I'm looking for where to look for bedroom antics inspiration. Having been firmly put inside a box in our previous relationships, we're keen to try to open up to new (or old!) things. In my early adulthood I was fortune to have a very open minded bf but I've forgotten most of what we got up to and have tried looking online for inspo but I must be looking in the wrong places. Can anyone give any good websites - have ordered a karma sutra poster but that's about all I could think of/find 🤷‍♀️ hope everyone's having good times in this beautiful weather with irons! 🔥

I still look at Cosmo 😇😈

@LuckyLinda3

Small update. My iron got back yesterday and messaged asking to meet up for drinks. We had a lovely evening talking about his time away and he repeatedly said he'd missed me and as we are both off today wants to meet again this evening. He was interested, gentle and kind and we do have great chemistry. He never let's pay for a thing despite my protesting. He talked about hopefully meeting my kids soon and that hes nervous but so hopes they like him. I subtly talked about basic expectations of mine but never got into it too much as hes only back and it seemed too heavy to put it all out there last night. I sense he is a bit insecure about how comfortable things are between me and my exh as he doesnt have that with his ex. He seems totally into what we have right now so I will tease my issues out gently I think as suggested. I realise this is at odds with him checking pof from time to time so I may he reading this all wrong.

Sounds like you're not 100% about some of his questions or his approach? Also, with the 'don't want to come on heavy' - never feel that simple questions about where you are now, where you're headed are 'coming on heavy'. They're just checking in questions and also if the iron is serious he'll want the answers to those questions too.

Thanks @BelladiMamma. Yeah you're right, its early days yet and I'm not 100% but I wouldn't expect to be at this stage with anyone really. I'm not afraid to broach anything with him and he knows I will as I have asked questions in the past. It's more that the whole thing is so new to me, dating after a very long marriage and wanting to enjoy the experience and deal with things as they come up without overcooking things x

@frankiefirstyear

Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire. There's loads on YouTube (incognito browser....).
And, if you're that way inclined - FetLife.

Also, the Sex topic on here is pretty good. Sort of depends what you want to know I guess.

@LuckyLinda3

Thanks *@BelladiMamma*. Yeah you're right, its early days yet and I'm not 100% but I wouldn't expect to be at this stage with anyone really. I'm not afraid to broach anything with him and he knows I will as I have asked questions in the past. It's more that the whole thing is so new to me, dating after a very long marriage and wanting to enjoy the experience and deal with things as they come up without overcooking things x

Deffo enjoy every date! When you're out of a long relationship it's really refreshing to have a new person in your life without any of the shared responsibilities. Getting grumpy about the loo seat or the bins can wait 🤪

@BelladiMamma exactly 🤣🤣

I found I didn’t care about the moving around on bumble thing at our date last night and am happy seeing where it goes.

I DTD with him today, he came over whilst I was working for a coffee break. Totally my bad for not having a sexually exclusive chat first so I’ll have to see how that goes as well now 😬.

I was going to say that I need to learn to be more sensible but I had a good time and I don’t mind how it pans out.

@BelladiMamma @VanGoghsDog
Thanks so much... had completely forgotten that Cosmo and Marie Claire existed!! I used to get them both on subscription but stopped when I got married years ago, possibly didn't help the marriage cutting my subscription 🙊. For YouTube I'm not sure what I need to search for - I've been given 'do whatever you want with me' as a guide so a bit lost as to where to start - hence the karma sutra! Will have a look at the old reliables and see how I get on, thanks ladies ☺️

@RamonaLark - you have better coffee breaks than I do!

@frankiefirstyear.

'do whatever you want with me' as a guide - are we talking dominance here? This is what MrWG wants, I've been researching. FetLife forums are good but it can be extreme, but you can select your threads carefully to read.

@frankiefirstyear Layla Martin is great laylamartin.com/women/

Plus there is a book called 100 Kama Sutra positions although its quite tame.

The poster you've got is quite good as it has various positions on which are easily incorporated.

Lovehoney do a Sex position Saturday which is on their website or if you are signed up to emails it drops into your inbox every Saturday 😁

Hey everyone

I've been talking to a guy for a while, we're meeting for the first time on Saturday.

We're messaging daily. Sometimes though, not all the time, I run out of inspiration on what to say/ask! I often find this just before meeting someone.

What kind of thing do you ask people about when you get to this stage?

So I had a great date day with Mr Geek Chic today. We played crazy golf, had coffee, wandered around the shops, went for lunch then sat outside in the sun.
I’m child free tomorrow night so we are going for dinner. He wouldn’t let me pay for anything today so I have told him I’ll only have a second date if he lets me pay 😂

Okay so more of an update, my walking date with Mr Near was good. He got there early, looked better than his pictures (not that this is hugely important) which means that I can now say that yes I do fancy him.
We share the same sense of humour and some hobbies. We share the same views on several things. He was polite, didn't try to touch me or invade my personal space at all.
On initial greeting, he gave me my rose and asked me if I feel comfortable with a quick hug or not.... I said yes so we had a quick hug.
The conversation flowed well, nothing too heavy. I came away smiling and with a good feeling.

I now have date zeros set with Mr Rugby and Mr Medical on the weekend. I feel bad that I will have to make Mr Near wait.
We've since spoken via voice notes and both said we're interested in meeting again. So all good so far x

@HeReWeGoAgAiN1112 sounds like a lovely first date!!!

@OutingMyself I think this can happen sometimes when you're messaging a lot. I'm a big chatter/texter.
One that seems to go down well with people is.... So if we had a movie night, what snacks would you bring?? It's light hearted and can lead off to other conversation about what foods you like/what movies you like. Hopefully that's not crap advice, it's worked for me so far x

Thanks so much @VanGoghsDog and @SortingItOut I knew I'd get answers here 😃 I'm not sure if it means dominance but he certainly has instantly done as he's told on a couple of occasions when I've given him 'in the moment' demands 😆 so perhaps, possibly thrill seeking in some way too so hopefully come up with some ideas there. I will look at the suggestions ASAP and see what takes my fancy. Thanks to all, I'm so busy I'm missing the thread atm 🤦‍♀️

@frankiefirstyear

Just make sure it doesn't mean it's you doing all the work!

I'm not having any luck on the apps at the moment. Any potential I like the look of is miles away and they are few and far between. I am keeping my standards and boundaries high.
I am off to Wimbledon next week on my own so that's something to look forward to. I have decided that this summer it will be about putting myself first and doing things I want to do instead of waiting around to have someone to do them with. It all started next week with going to Wimbledon and probably dinner out that evening.
Planning to take a break from the apps in September

I need some advice, it is partly about OLD.

My ex rang me this evening to tell me he is dating someone (I don't have a problem). The thing is he has been on one date with her, but they have been messaging for a couple of weeks. But it's serious apparently as she has added him to Facebook. He met her on Tinder. The thing is he suffers from depression and is currently on one of his high stages after 6 weeks of a low stage. We all know only too well what OLD is like and one date and messaging mean nothing. But in his eyes they're serious enough to tell me. It's one date, and I'll be the one picking up the pieces if it goes tits up. I tried telling him dating and messaging are not the same, I tried telling him its just been one date and a shag right now but he won't listen to me. What else can I do without coming across as a jealous ex which I'm not. I leant him money to get his car fixed and just asked when I was getting it back and he responded with I should have known that would happen (I mean I need to replace my windscreen as it cracked badly yesterday). Anything I say or do he is twisting to make me out to be jealous (I'm quite happy chatting to and meeting Mr Cricket for coffee right now).🤷‍♀️

placemarking again!

@Isitreallyme77 - I really don't think you can do anything other than gently remind him to look after himself. And be there when it falls apart, though I suppose it might not.

But he should repay your money regardless of that. Doesn't matter if he twists it, fact is he owes you money, he needs to pay you back.

This thread moves at the speed of light!

Thinking about the discussion about how much to tell an iron about your life...I had a realisation during my second date with someone I can't remember if I've named - maybe Mr Vision - when I realised that I'd much rather hear about him than tell him about myself. But when I've been in a proper relationship it's been really important to me that my partner show an interest in me and my life.

So I think if I really like someone, I want them to be interested in me, but if I know there's no chemistry with someone, I'd rather keep my life story and experiences to myself, even if I like them as a friend (which is what Mr Vision now is). So if I'm ever unsure how I feel about someone, I'll ask myself if I'm feeling guarded or wanting to share my story with them. Which leads me to Mr Finance, who I've chatted to for a couple of days and who I'm looking forward to speaking to on the phone tomorrow. I fear he may be a bit dull, but there's something about him I like. He lives 2 hours away though, and I think our weekends with kids may be opposite, so it's probably hopeless. There's something about him though...

I've just ordered The Unexpected Joy of Being Single, though, in case he doesn't work out. Thank you for the suggestion - can't remember who it was from - but definitely some wise owl on here .

@VanGoghsDog thank you. The money thing annoys me ( I wasnt happy lending it to him in the first place and he knows it) but now if I ask for it he throws the jealous comment in my face. I also think he told me to boast that he had spent the night with her as that is what he kept repeating. I never told him all the gory details of what happened with Computer Geek, I don't need the ins and outs of his sex life either. 🤷‍♀️

Oh well I suppose you live and learn.