Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

And no, I didn't ask about the apps. I thought he wasn't talking to anyone through choice, not because he couldn't find anyone.

[quote Naimee87]@LuckyLinda3 last time i was on it was two weeks ago to show my sister his photo. She completely rolled her eyes and said ugh! he's so your type! I've no other chats on the go. So probably doing the worst thing and putting all my eggs in one basket with him. I am super curious to see if he's been back on the one i matched with him on. He tells me he hasn't but who know's the truth. Thanks for the other comment, i'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how things play out then. Given i've got my son full time my free time is precious and he knows this so next time i think i'll have to confirm a fixed plan/time. It's so much easier said than done being calm in the beginning! Well do let me know how things pan out! Fingers crossed.
@bangheadhere40 funnily enough MrElf asked me if i was single and i thought well 'obviously' otherwise i wouldn't be here? I guess this isn't the case then. Good to know.
@VanGoghsDog i used to call MrS italianstalian actually... was just the best from the very first time to the very last time.
@troobleflooble i can relate to this on/off behaviour and you suddenly find yourself settling into a situation you know you aren't happy with. Referring to MrS last iron who ghosted about 6/7 weeks ago after a 8/9month 'relationship.' Takes a ton of time to really get over it too.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards a house date for the first one that's really a little intense, don't think i'd be going. Better to meet out somewhere public/busy surely this is obvious common sense. Also want to echo your words in having this thread and being able to share stories. Really love it!
@SpringlikeBunk so who was your date with did you give him a name? whats Fab, i never heard of that app before.[/quote]
@Naimee87 don't worry. I've unmatched him now ❤️

To be fair, it's not only men who do it - men probably find me pretty annoying.

I've just told MrTall that I don't think we're a good match, and he has chosen to interpret that as the fact he has a 7yo DC being the problem because we do get on well.
I don't feel we "get on well", I feel we get on the same way I get on with most people - making polite conversation, telling a few anecdotes etc, me carrying the load, but not a lot of real connection. He doesn't have much to say, probably because he spends most of his spare time with a 7yo (who, I might add, sleeps in his bed!). The rest of his time, he watches football.

I don't really know whether to reply. On the one hand I don't want him to think his DC stops him finding a relationship, on the other I'm not sure I need to tell him he's just dull!

@VanGoghsDog oh this is an awkward one! I have a "friend" (we don't know each other that well but message sometime for a chat) who's also doing OLD but he's struggling to get further than a couple days of messaging. He asked me how I've managed to get dates. And I've tried saying, just make conversation, light conversation, funny conversation, listen to what theyre saying and be interested in them. I don't know how to say to him, that to be quite honest, his conversation is quite dull and he's quite confrontational.

What did Mr Tall reply? Did he get confrontational?

Mr Coach is freaking me out a little bit. My instincts are telling me something is off. He will send me about 8 messages. One after the other. When ever I go online to what's app he will be on there but as soon as a go on he will

Posted to soon..
He will go straight back off. Like he's watching me???
I admit I don't message him often as he's just too much for me. Just constant messaging.

@FluffyFluffMonsterarw the one line messages or not paragraphs? Is there a long time between each one or are they all immediately after one another?

I ask because my texting style is a little weird in that I'll reply, send it then think of something else j wanted to say so can sometimes send a few messages one after the other. But if they're all spread out with periods of time between then that is a little odd

Not confrontational. At first he said it was the longest "you're dumped" message he's ever seen - I was typing about something else when his "be nice to see you again" message came up, so I tagged it on the end.
I said "dumped" is a bit heavy!

He said: "Apologies, "dumped" not the right terminology!
If my house was finished and I didn't have a 7 yr old daughter, things would be a lot different? That, I think, is the main issue because we do seem to get on well? X"

I admit, the 50% time with DC is a challenge and I really don't want to be in a child's life at my age. But it's not why I didn't want to see him. He barely speaks. When he talks about stuff with his DC I don't really know what he's talking about because I don't have DC, he's also a teacher so he's far more used to kids than I am.
His house was a problem but my house (disregarding current plumbing issues) is fine and better if I never have to do the traveling anyway!
He did seem to need to drink at every meet, even though for two he was driving, I'm not keen on that.

I've often had the issue that men think we get on well just because I'm polite and reasonably good company. But I am to everyone!

It's a bit of both really. Multi messaging I get as my sister does it but it's literally 8 messages. If don't don't message then he'll message me again. I'm not paranoid promise but something just isn't right.

@FluffyFluffMonster

Mr Coach is freaking me out a little bit. My instincts are telling me something is off. He will send me about 8 messages. One after the other. When ever I go online to what's app he will be on there but as soon as a go on he will

Sounds like he's high!

@VanGoghsDog your clearly not feeling it so maybe sleep on it and see what you want to do regarding the message. I personally would say it has nothing to do with dd/house and just that you feel no chemistry between you both. And if he's a dick about it block him

@VanGoghsDog as in drugs? I need to tell him I'm not interested as it's getting to much for me.

@FluffyFluffMonster I don't know the back story of how long youve been speaking or if you've met, but I think sometimes we need to trust our gut feeling?

The "friend" I mentioned used to message again if I didn't reply and it just felt weird. Well that's because I've now found out he's a bit desperate and needy and bitter. That makes me sound horrible, which I'm not trying to be, but if I'd been looking at him as a potential date it would have put me off

Talking about 6 weeks. Meet on tinder. He wasn't like this to start with. It's all got a bit much the last week. Have meet up twice.
Before he would go a day without messaging which was fine.
Any advice on how to end it nicely?

@VanGoghsDog it sounds like there's a lot of negative points/bits that don't sit right with you.

I have children so if someone's felt like they didn't want to be around them (and that's fine, personal choice) I'd much rather them tell me their not feeling it (maybe not admit the kids are any sort of issue though because that may not go down well) than they to 'flog a dead horse' and carry on regardless.

I am the same with being chatty and friendly and polite with everyone.

@FluffyFluffMonster

Talking about 6 weeks. Meet on tinder. He wasn't like this to start with. It's all got a bit much the last week. Have meet up twice. Before he would go a day without messaging which was fine. Any advice on how to end it nicely?

I've had some luck with simply "don't feel we're compatible".

I don't think Tall will be arsey. I just don't know how much I need to go into it.

I tend to think if you're really into someone you'll make it work, if you're not making it work then you're simply not really into them.

@FluffyFluffMonster I don't have any advice on how to end things I'm afraid, as I haven't been OLD for long myself so am still learning from everyone on here.
I'm sure some of the others will have advice for you though

@VanGoghsDog I agree, I don't think you really need to go into it, if you're not feeling it, that's that isn't it.

@FluffyFluffMonster

I could definitely take some of my own advice but if he's putting you off I'd just get rid of him?

That rule about "early red flags not going away" definitely applies.

I'd say I'm cautious, but the psycho date I had a few days ago was a multiple messager, sending TMI, checking I was online etc.

And I thought as he did sound good on paper/things in common to overlook it as he might just be bright/eccentric/enthusiastic/quirky (and I know I'm introverted so might be a bit too particular about pacing messages).

I agreed to an impulsive last-minute walking meet.

The meet was as eventful as his messaging - his bank card didn't work and he couldn't establish where to park his car and his car (allegedly) had an issue.

I suspect all the "chaos" was carefully constructed as a control mechanism to dominate my emotions, put me off-balance and get me to do what he wanted and offer him back to mine to stay over.

Avoid.

@FluffyFluffMonster

Oh, I didn't see you'd met - I think the multiple messages are still pushy and overwhelming and a way of dominating emotionally - it's like he's being controlling.

I'd just send one unambiguous one saying:

"Hi X - after our two meets I don't feel we are compatible going forward so do not want to meet again or stay in contact.

All the best for the future.

Fluff."

I wouldn't be vague or offer to stay in touch as friends or you'll never hear the last of him.

Anyone got any words of wisdom about this....

My iron who unblocked me a few days never made contact , neither have I. I took it that he's kind of no hard feelings with the unblocking. He's now blocked me again?!?! I've not been in touch, why do this ? This sounds like a boy of 13 not a man of nearly 50.

He's the 3 month wonder ex iron.

How do you know when he's blocked you?

His photo keeps disappearing on WA.

Deffo blocked