Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote MingeofDeath]**@VanGoghsDog

He seems to have fulfilled her criteria and she's happy with him, so good luck. I just wanted to put up a postive dating story for and wanted to wish everyone well.[/quote]
Hi, it just didn't sound like a dating story, more a 'hook up by accident' story.

The tendency on this thread is to be thoughtful about who we are interacting with, and to keep healthy boundaries and self esteem.

Maybe your friend has managed all that - and if so more power to her :-) and I'm sure we'd love to hear directly from her.

It's just very hard to tell from your post what's going on. Is she happy? Are they in the same place relationship wise? Does he mind being treated a sex object? Although to be fair as an equestrian stallions aren't always the type you want as they break fencing, cause injury to owner and field mates, and generally prance around acting like total prats whilst tossing their manes. (They really do that. It looks cool on Instagram but makes bringing them in from the field a nightmare).

I could now insert a crap middle aged joke about knackered old workhorses vs stallions, or something along those lines, but I'm fairly sure it would fall flat.

Best of luck to your friend 💜

@VanGoghsDog

Thanks for that I agree.

I’m now gingerly avoiding him whilst being online looking at handsome 26 year olds

I thought “casual” was meant to be f**g easy!

I’m drawn to my usual types on there - guys who work away a lot tend to be a bit more relaxed about things?

@Naimee87

Fab is short for Fabswingers. I’m not that experienced at the app but it’s geared a bit more to casual dating - as I’m moving reasonably soon I’m seeing if there is anything there for me?

@LuckyLinda3 I'm really pleased you're going to talk to your iron soon about your relationship, I think you've been seeing each other long enough to be able to have the conversation.
I know it can feel awkward but needs must.

@RamonaLark The difficulty is that the majority of people are keeping their options open at this early stage and even on this thread we recommend not putting all your eggs in one basket.
We don't know whether he was logging in to check up on you and not actually looking for dates.

I think you should see how it goes and then you can always ask the apps question which I posted along with all other questions a few days ago.
You don't have to have the exclusive chat just yet (unless you want to sleep with him now) but the apps chat is definitely the right thing to do.

@Naimee87 I think making plans to see each other while out with friends is ripe for problems, ultimately his (and your) plans were with your friends and meeting up with each other was a side possibility.
If you're out with friends anything can happen, if everyone wants to go to a different town then he has no choice but to go with them and has to let you down.
Equally if your friends decided on a different venue then you might let him down.

I would accept it as part and parcel of having tentative plans in amongst already firm plans and let it go and not agree to see him when he (and you) already have plans with friends.

Can you hold off on sleeping together until you've seen him a few more times?

I think everyone has the worry that a man might go off them once they've had sex but there is nothing we can do to prevent it.
Dating/relationships end all the time for lots of reasons, some men walk away after years together - you just never know.

All I can suggest is you only have sex when you are ready and a willing participant and that if he goes off after you've had sex you chalk it up to experience and hopefully you had good sex from it😁

Ooh I’ve just discovered WhatsApp has a thing where you can send really creepy gifs with teddies blowing kisses etc.

Next time someone wants a photo exchange I’ll swamp them with fluffy creatures, bears and chicks and rabbits.

Personally, unless I was on fab looking for casual only then good sex alone would not be enough for me to consider a relationship with someone - especially if i didn't really find them attractive but each to their own I guess 🤷‍♀️

Had a bonus free day yesterday as fathers day so had a date with MrHair 😁 we went for lunch and then did our first cinema visit together. We had a spare hour when I dropped him home so we had fun then too 😃 really enjoying his company

@Slothmomma

I’m not looking for a relationship (not sure what I do want tbh just going to get out there a bit with no expectations whilst I have time)

I do find guys who automatically project the attitude of “you woman you must want relationship so I need to repeatedly reinforce its casual” to be annoying and patronising?

It’s like “get over yourself love”

(And also often they’re “ok but there’s definitely more eligible blokes to date” so not even sure why they think they’re catch of the day? )

@SpringlikeBunk I was referring to the "stallion" story posted earlier but yes I would find that attitude off putting too on a casual site

Dinner guy has invited me to his city for another formal dinner date. I’ve delayed a bit as I was there recently so don’t want to go again, but might feel different in a week.

Might suggest a dance club or music something to see if chemistry arises.

@Slothmomma

I’ve noticed there’s quite a few self titled “well-hung stallions” on there!

It’s all very 90’s and 80’s mills and boon in some aspects.

@SortingItOut thanks for the message yea suppose you are right and its way too early to be meeting friends as well. We've agreed to Wednesday evening after i finish work (have to text him the time as i never really know) depending on the weather he'll either come here or i'll meet him in town. As for sleeping together i think its a case of i don't when we will be able to which is making me want to more. I've always rushed into a bit soon so this could be a good thing. I kind of want to get the first time over/done with though does that sound weird? I'm trying not to build my hopes up and put pressure on us let it happen as naturally as possible with MrElf. Perhaps i need to change his name not sure having sex with elves has a good ring to it. It's so annoying that men seem to be able to run off after having sex and it can be a one night stand and their off or they vanish after months of really good sex.? you know and it can even be ones that have put in effort, you've gotten to know them built up a bit of trust too!
@SpringlikeBunk have you got them creepy creatures with hearts/stars for eyes? Giant octopus, unicorns and giraffes? Sometimes when i txt too fast on whatsapp i hit one randomly by mistake and in the middle of txt send a weird unicorn blowing kisses. My friends tend to appreciate them though. Oh it's a swingers app so just for casual flings before you move. Are you moving far? A whole new sea of fugly potatoes to sift through or perhaps somone like Mr smooth&silky Onion will be wating for you eager to have his layers peeled
@Slothmomma so i mistakenly was thinking really good sex was the sign of a good relationship, i know how thick am i! Its taken me a while to realise that men can really be good in bed and the chemistry can be amazing but it can actually still JUST be sex to them.

Thanks @SortingItOut, I agree. He's just off the boat there now and looking to meet tonight so the signs are good but I'll have to talk to him regardless as its bugging me now.

@Naimee87

Very far so realistically if I had a local boyfriend this summer it wouldn’t work - and I may want to date/make new connections like you say.

So I’m sort of striking a balance between wanting to not just “write off this summer for dating” and also have a bit of romantic interest?

On apps of course there’s quite a few guys with transient lifestyles who might - say - be based nearer to where I’m moving to or happy to commute. But I’m certainly not banking on that.

Realistically I have no expectations beyond just wanting some dates after lockdown - I’m childfree by choice and don’t want marriage etc which makes things a bit more relaxed for timing.

@LuckyLinda3

Thanks *@SortingItOut*, I agree. He's just off the boat there now and looking to meet tonight so the signs are good but I'll have to talk to him regardless as its bugging me now.

Yes, you need to - how about "I just wanted to check in about where we're at now in terms of our relationship. I've come off the apps, I'd feel more comfortable if you did too". etc

I sort of think that if a little, totally predictable, conversation like this scares them off you're probably better off without them as they're going to bail soon anyway.

@SpringlikeBunk ‘Mills and Boon stallions’ 😂😂

Good luck @LuckyLinda3 hope your chat goes well and you get the outcome you’re wanting x

I swiped for an hour earlier, not one right swipe, is it me or is it just dire on the apps at the minute?

Well I had a lovely afternoon with Mr Cricket, we chatted non-stop for two hours again. We greeted with a hug and said goodbye with a hug (well two hugs as we ended up chatting in the car park for another 15 minutes) and a kiss on the cheek. He still won't let me pay for anything, think I might have to offer to make him dinner in return as I'm not used to someone paying for me.

Hi guys, checking in again, I have three dates lined up now.
Mr Near tomorrow for coffee and a walk
Mr Rugby on Saturday but not confirmed a time yet
Mr Medical, we have time but not place confirmed yet lol

@Naimee87 I have those weird stickers and have occasionally sent them when typing too fast 😂

Can I ask how open you are with new irons if they ask about previous relationships?
Mine ended 8 months ago, and while I'm definitely over him, things aren't too settled with us with regards to childcare yet, and we are also still in th process of selling our house.(that's putting it mildly tbh, he's being horrific and throws his toys out of the pram when he doesn't get his own way. But of course I don't want to say that because I come across as a bitter ex then)

@WingingItAtLife I would just say that you split 8 months ago, most people realise that if you have children/property it can take longer than that to sort everything.

Keep it light and don't go into details, if they want to know why you split you can say you grew apart or you stopped getting on....no need for more detail. And if the relationship was in anyway abusive do not even hint towards that.

[quote SortingItOut]@WingingItAtLife I would just say that you split 8 months ago, most people realise that if you have children/property it can take longer than that to sort everything.

Keep it light and don't go into details, if they want to know why you split you can say you grew apart or you stopped getting on....no need for more detail. And if the relationship was in anyway abusive do not even hint towards that.[/quote]
This point about abuse is so important. I wish I wish I wish I'd read this thread months ago 💜

Hello - I've posted before and I read the thread avidly!

So been walking dogs a couple of times a week with a guy from Tinder for four months. Two proper dates, nothing physical.

After the last one - which went really well, or so I thought, we arranged another one. I thought I'd just check in re talking to others - I'm not - and he said no, not talking to or seeing anyone else. So all good I thought.

Then this evening a friend sends me a screenshot of his recently updated Tinder profile...

Why do they do it? I might not be perfect, but I keep fit, I'm not unattractive, good job, financially stable, grown up sons - if anyone is punching it's him.

So why keep looking? Why am I not good enough? I don't mean that negatively - I mean literally why are you still looking to see what's out there? Why not take a chance on me? Why can men never stick, they've always got to twist and gamble in case someone younger or fitter or hotter is out there.

You're 5'4 mate, bald, bad teeth and you drone on about your job all the time. Good luck finding someone else.

I've been OLD for ten years now and men have got worse. They always think they can do so much better and all these wonderful women - as evidenced by this thread - are just left reeling at how we are being treated.

I just don't understand it. My bar was set so low and the balding twat still can't reach it.

I'm not even upset - I'm resigned to being single now. There are going to be a lot of lonely, miserable men in their sixties in a few years time wondering where all the women went.

News for you all - they were there for you, you were just too bloody full of the sweet shop mentality to notice.

@SortingItOut and @BelladiMamma thank you both.
Was it abusive.... There was some elements of abuse yes and even now he still tries to throw his weight around and intimidate me.

Okay so I'll keep it light and say we split 8 months ago, as we just weren't right for each other. We're still going through the house sale and obviously we split the children's time between us.

Any other hints and tips for my walking date tomorrow??

@WingingItAtLife I wouldn't mention the house sale in case he gets $$ signs in his eyes.
Don't mention the kids contact with their dad - its not relevant.

If he asks when you're free you can say 'some weekends' or 'some Thursday's'
Do not offer up all your free time to him,you still need to fit in friends, family and hobbies.

If this is your first meet then its date zero so for now you're checking if you fancy him and whether you get on - you dont need to think much further that that right now.

@SortingItOut thank you! I will definitely be keeping an eye on this thread for more advice and support

@thegreenestbear Maybe he isn't talking to or seeing anyone else?
You can be on dating sites and not have any luck so he might have been telling the truth.

Did you specifically ask about the apps?

I posted at the weekend a list of questions to ask potential boyfriends so there is no ambiguity.

You say you're not upset but you certainly sound pissed off, if he was so terrible why were you still dating?
Why is your bar so low? Raise it up and get what you deserve.

Had you had a conversation about dating or did he think you were going on dog walks as friends?

@SortingItOut you are right - I am massively pissed off. He might not be talking to or seeing anyone else now, but he's clearly still looking.

And saying my bar was low was probably the wrong phrase - I meant my expectations.

We have kissed a few times so I thought it was more than just friends.