Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Had a date with Mr Surf, it was ok. He was nice enough and I had a good time but he's too introverted for me and I didn't fancy him 😞

He messaged me when I got home and asked if I wanted to see him again so I was honest and said that I would but only as a friend.

Funnily enough I've had messages from all my irons tonight! It's like they know I was out with someone else lol 😂

Apparently I'm anxious/avoidant attachment style, at least I think that's what it's called?

Sorry I meant Anxious/preoccupied attachment style. Actually reading it, it does sound exactly like me! 😂

Morning all...just had a funny instance. I swapped numbers with a guy ( no idea of surname ) then he automatically appeared on FB as people you may know. There he was in his profile pic with wife / girlfriend. Unbelievable - you just assume people on these sites are single, don't assume anything.

@bangheadhere40 that poor wife/girlfriend 😕

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Thanks for posting the name of the book in case Misty didn't post again.
I've finished Mr Unavailable now and I've discovered a lot about myself🤯

@Isitreallyme77 I'm so pleased to read you're at a really good stage in your life. I have often posted to say that a man should enhance your life and not be your life - everyone should realise this.
How lovely that you are involved with Brownies, if it wasn't for the volunteers a lot would fold.

@Misty9 Thanks for reposting, its a really good post, of course not everyone will agree with you but some will and we all need posts like this on the thread where we can think a bit deeper.
I'm going to order the book although I'm not single.
I think we have a similar background,my childhood was emotionally void and all my siblings are the same - its sad really because I wish I was different and could actually show emotion and I wished I brought my kids up differently.

Good luck in finding happiness from within. I hope you'll still stick around.

@troobleflooble

Had a date with Mr Surf, it was ok. He was nice enough and I had a good time but he's too introverted for me and I didn't fancy him 😞

He messaged me when I got home and asked if I wanted to see him again so I was honest and said that I would but only as a friend.

Funnily enough I've had messages from all my irons tonight! It's like they know I was out with someone else lol 😂

Apparently I'm anxious/avoidant attachment style, at least I think that's what it's called?

That's good you had a positive experience even if he's not for you

Yeah I know shayelle...

I think it was cat who gave the percentage of people not actually single on these sites - it was really high.

@bangheadhere40 My first question on dating sites was always are you definitely single/do you have a wife or partner/does anyone think they're in a relationship with you.....that tends to weed out some of the cheaters.

I hope you'll be letting him know🤣

That's a good one sorting, I might ask "is anyone under the impression they are in a relationship with you".

I can’t keep up with this thread!

I’m seeing someone I met on bumble for the 4th time tomorrow, first time was a proper first date, the next two were more relaxed (we live near each other so a quick walk in a break whilst working) and tonight is a proper date.

I noticed over the weekend whilst he was away that he was moving around on bumble and now I feel less keen. We talk briefly by text maybe once a day but largely have chatted whilst in person.

I understand that this is normal OLD behaviour but I don’t think I’m wired like that. As soon as I know I’m being treated as an option or anything lower than my worth I detach a bit.

I’m not talking to anyone else (because I can’t be bothered and it doesn’t appeal to me not because I think we owe each other anything) and don’t know whether I would want to progress things as a result. Maybe I just need to take it really slowly? Or come back off apps 😂

I’m not the jealous sort and he’s a relative stranger so I don’t mind in that sense, it’s more how the person I’m dating views me. Not sure if that makes sense.

@SpringlikeBunk i really hope you are saving these posts somewhere because your book on apps/dating would seriously be a huge best seller. Happy to hear you had a nice date, proof it can happen.
@LuckyLinda3 i think i'd be a little weary too, perhaps you mentioned it already earlier but had you had the discussion about coming off the apps together. I think it's quite scary how people can 'track' you on these. I actually haven't been back on the app i met MrElf on. I feel really no need to. He's super cute an i'm keen to see where it goes.

Although definitely need a little advice from everyone. I've seen a lot of MrElf recently. He is so chatty and i love his face and his accent. BUT we made plans for saturday afternoon or so i thought. To be fair we didn't set a time and i was going out with friends and said i'd meet him when he got to town but this was 10pm. He called me twice that evening letting me know where he was and they'd had car trouble. They'd gone to another city together with a friend as he wants to buy a car. It was nice when he finally got there and he was super apologetic. He treated me to a few drinks down by the river. I think i'd have preferred though if he'd just cancelled saturday and we made plans for another day. I'm weary about buying excuses, taking them at face value as i have done this in the past. And I am actually really wanting to sleep with him. No clue when given my son is here 90% of the time so he can't really come here just yet and i can't leave my son overnight he's still too young. But what if i do this and then he starts to do the shady stuff again...

I'm seeing Mr Cricket later, I'm hoping it stops raining otherwise my hair just goes into a frizzy mess (downside of having curly hair) and it's not even pouring rain which just makes me look like a drowned rat. I'm not sure why I'm worried as we are just meeting as friends I think and it's not a date (I don't think it is anyway).

@Naimee87 thank you for your reply. So you havent been back on the apps? Would you mind if he still was? I have come off mine for now. He was in contact all the time during his break away so in just going to see how things are for a while.

I'd be inclined to let this one go eith MrElf as he could be genuine and was nice when he eventually arrived. I think you sound clued in and will work it out yourself.

@RamonaLark I definitely understand what you are saying. So glad to have this forum to vent and have got some very good advice here. I plan to chat to my iron shortly about where we are at. Any ideas as to how you can have that conversation without coming across too heavy?

I'm not dating but just wanted to rell you a tale about my friend. Met up with a bloke from Tindr, not her type looks wise but they got on well. Eventually they DTD and he's has ended up being an absolute stallion in bed so she's absolutely beaming. I suppose the moral of this is don't judge a book by it's cover. Good luck chaps and keep your tales coming.

What is "an absolute stallion" in bed then?

@VanGoghsDog

She says he is a superb lover, the best she has ever had and my friend knows what she wants. Lucky lass!

@VanGoghsDog

He hasn't been much of a swordsman though, he's just a naturally gifted lover.

@LuckyLinda3 I’m not going to discuss it yet. Just keep seeing him as long as I want to and doing as I please with regard to progressing things or not.

It sounds as though you have been seeing your iron a bit longer and have got a lot further than I have. In your circumstance, I would discuss it.

I’m such a dating novice that I wouldn’t know what to advise, haha. I do think the current societal dating attitude is a bit weird. Why does it sound serious and heavy to say that you respect yourself, them, and your sexual health, and so would like to be exclusive as long as you choose to continue seeing each other. If you are both people who would choose a monogamous relationship, why is that akin to proposing marriage, haha.

It is a shame though because I was excited about my iron and I’m not really any more 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m 32 by the way but new to dating at the age of 30 so relatively inexperienced.

I find it challenging because I’m divorced, have 2 DC, a career, my own house, etc. At 32 I find I am an odd age for it — I’m either dating slightly younger and yet to have many of those life experiences, or much older and at my life stage.

This iron is 29 and although we seem to like each other might be searching for someone at the same life stage. I totally get that so I am trying to give it more time than I would usually. I can imagine how I would feel/ view things in their shoes.

@LuckyLinda3 last time i was on it was two weeks ago to show my sister his photo. She completely rolled her eyes and said ugh! he's so your type! I've no other chats on the go. So probably doing the worst thing and putting all my eggs in one basket with him. I am super curious to see if he's been back on the one i matched with him on. He tells me he hasn't but who know's the truth. Thanks for the other comment, i'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how things play out then. Given i've got my son full time my free time is precious and he knows this so next time i think i'll have to confirm a fixed plan/time. It's so much easier said than done being calm in the beginning! Well do let me know how things pan out! Fingers crossed.
@bangheadhere40 funnily enough MrElf asked me if i was single and i thought well 'obviously' otherwise i wouldn't be here? I guess this isn't the case then. Good to know.
@VanGoghsDog i used to call MrS italianstalian actually... was just the best from the very first time to the very last time.
@troobleflooble i can relate to this on/off behaviour and you suddenly find yourself settling into a situation you know you aren't happy with. Referring to MrS last iron who ghosted about 6/7 weeks ago after a 8/9month 'relationship.' Takes a ton of time to really get over it too.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards a house date for the first one that's really a little intense, don't think i'd be going. Better to meet out somewhere public/busy surely this is obvious common sense. Also want to echo your words in having this thread and being able to share stories. Really love it!
@SpringlikeBunk so who was your date with did you give him a name? whats Fab, i never heard of that app before.

My Fab adventures continue!

The guy I was having the social meet annoyed me by asking to delay the time by 30 min (sounds uptight but frequent early time changes wind me up and often 30min becomes an hour....).

Then said that as he was WFH the whole day so the option was there to come to his for the social meet...

Plus he has repeated a couple of times that he isn’t looking for dating - it just seems quite strange and arrogant and sexist I mean as if he’s thinking I’m secretly going to be in love with him from a few shirtless photos?

So I’ve pulled back on that one as there seem plenty of other interesting ones to chat to and I have a deadline anyway.

Stallion to me means big cock, not necessarily good in bed - and the two don't automatically follow.

It was an odd post, to drop onto a dating thread to tell a tale of how someone met someone she wasn't initially attracted to but it's OK because he turned out that be good in bed. As if that's the most important aspect of dating.....

When I told MrDecorator I didn't think we were a good match he said "I'm a big boy, I'll get over it". I cropped the " I'm a big boy" and sent it back with "well, why didn't you say!", which made him laugh.

@SpringlikeBunk

My Fab adventures continue!

The guy I was having the social meet annoyed me by asking to delay the time by 30 min (sounds uptight but frequent early time changes wind me up and often 30min becomes an hour....).

Then said that as he was WFH the whole day so the option was there to come to his for the social meet...

Plus he has repeated a couple of times that he isn’t looking for dating - it just seems quite strange and arrogant and sexist I mean as if he’s thinking I’m secretly going to be in love with him from a few shirtless photos?

So I’ve pulled back on that one as there seem plenty of other interesting ones to chat to and I have a deadline anyway.

They all know the first meet has to be public. So he's a no.

@VanGoghsDog

He seems to have fulfilled her criteria and she's happy with him, so good luck. I just wanted to put up a postive dating story for and wanted to wish everyone well.