Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Chatting to Mr Normal who actually seems, well, Normal. He's a couple of years older and the one that lives 3 hrs away 😒 why oh why does this always happen to me 😥

He's a couple of years older and the one that lives 3 hrs away 😒 why oh why does this always happen to me

Well - it happens because some people choose to communicate with people further away because there is less chance of them actually having to make a decision about acting on the contact, and if they do act on it then it's easier for them to disappear/blame the distance when it doesn't work out.
In the same way some people go for married people because it's 'safe', they can always blame the married part for the inevitable failure of the relationship.

It happens to you because you don't think "that's too far" and delete their messages.

:)

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Yes reliability is so important isn't it?

I'm definitely making a stance against overfunctioning/overchasing/feeling my schedule is being put out by someone.

I've got a few younger "want to hang" types who basically seem to be suggesting I have WhatsApp on red alert for a few days and "kind of plan to intercept".

I had one Bumble chat where the guy asked what I was doing this weekend, I'd said maybe the cinema, and then he replied with "cinema is too much for a first meet, let's do coffee".

So I unmatched him as that seemed very arrogant and not actually that funny.

Last night was textbook good timing good planning - not too many messages apart from confirming train times etc, my date checked the time to ensure we left the bar to get to the restaurant and I kind of just zoned out on drinks and nice food and chilled a bit.

The guy I'm chatting to seems quite polite and measured and ...normal....so we shall see, but I won't "hugely chase for the date."[/quote]
The balance of punctuality, a bit of organising and some things left to spontaneity - in messaging and in meets - is hugely attractive. Possibly because it's so rare?

I had a younger guy pursue me on hinge then when I sent him some times and dates he said 'I don't want to see you every weekend'. I was like - you won't. But these are the weekends I'm free. So book me in or you'll miss out. Which he did as I then had to go to France for family emergency and quarantined on my return. He then sends me message along the lines of 'playing hard to get aren't you?'

Actually no, you just need to read the effing message and agree to a date / time.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Yes reliability is so important isn't it?

I'm definitely making a stance against overfunctioning/overchasing/feeling my schedule is being put out by someone.

I've got a few younger "want to hang" types who basically seem to be suggesting I have WhatsApp on red alert for a few days and "kind of plan to intercept".

I had one Bumble chat where the guy asked what I was doing this weekend, I'd said maybe the cinema, and then he replied with "cinema is too much for a first meet, let's do coffee".

So I unmatched him as that seemed very arrogant and not actually that funny.

Last night was textbook good timing good planning - not too many messages apart from confirming train times etc, my date checked the time to ensure we left the bar to get to the restaurant and I kind of just zoned out on drinks and nice food and chilled a bit.

The guy I'm chatting to seems quite polite and measured and ...normal....so we shall see, but I won't "hugely chase for the date."[/quote]
I like the sound of this guy 😀

Quick post date update:
Met MrManager this morning for a walk and coffee, which turned into lunch and visit to a local visitor attraction, we talked constantly we were out together for 6 hours (didn't intend on doing that, but the time just whizzed by!). He walked me to my bus and gave me a hug and I gave him a peck on the cheek, he made it very clear he'd like to have a second date and I'd love to see him again too.

@SpringlikeBunk When I was on Fab to find FB/FWB I initially went for looks and conversation skills, once we met for sex I would decide whether they were good enough for round 2.
If the sex was bad I didnt see them again, if it was good I would see them again.

If we had a mental connection I would convert them to an FWB, I like a man who has good chat and is good at sex.

On Fab I rarely hunted out men, I waited for them to come to me, I like a man to take the lead and be interested.
Occasionally I used 'people near me' and would wink them to see if they responded.

I had some sexy photos on my profile and face shots were sent if I like the look of someone.
I made it clear in my profile that a first message should include a face photo if they didn't have one on their profile and if they didn't send one within 2 messages then the message would be deleted and I always stick to it.

I set boundaries and always stuck to them (even when it was hard). My boundaries were,:
Not under 30 (I was 38 but my son was early 20's and it just felt wrong going lower),
Had to be able to accomodate,
Had to have a decent profile write up that didnt say 'fill in later' or 'ask me anything',
Had to have actually selected options so if the age range was 18 to 99 I deleted their message (sometimes I would ask them would they really sleep with a 99yr old - they soon changed it😂) - its just laziness not to complete properly,
If they were straight but had ticked to sleep with TV/TS,
If they were straight but had verifications from men🤷‍♀️

I used to enjoy the chats and you can weed out so many, definitely ask about being single because there is Fab single and normal single, some openly admit to cheating, personally its not my thing, but others hide it.

God I miss Fab, if Mr K and I end it will be my site of choice as I won't be looking for a relationship again.

Good luck with your search.

@bangheadhere40 pop’s 😂🤣
sounds like your hurt is healing after being emotionally used, it’s exhausting. Sounds very promising with the non potatoes.
@SpringlikeBunk - I admire your bravery on Fab. Have done the profile bit on Fab, never taken it further, understand the intrigue. I have the flood of attachment hormones after sex, now I’ve had a hysterectomy maybe that could change 😀. Good luck with the social meet and will be interested in update.
@BelladiMamma MrBear wow, glad you have renewal vibe.
@Dirtyduck hope it went well with Mr Manager. Good look @VanGoghsDog and @HeReWeGoAgAiN1112.

@BelladiMamma

Love and laughter to everyone else including *@Shayelle2009* *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* *@Isitreallyme77* *@Onesmallstep67* *@FluffyFluffMonster* *@Eesha* (has your job started yet?) & all the other fabulous wise women on here who've helped me enormously with making sense of what happened to me over the last year with the message only relationships, the weirdos pushing boundaries, the lazy 'I'm such a great catch' blokes plus the women that I wanted to meet never wanting to commit to a meet up.

My update, using my best Bridget Jones voice, is that MrBear and I have been on a mini break to the seaside. I was supposed to be travelling to France to see my Dad who's been in hospital but the constant changes to travel restrictions meant that I have postponed the trip til July. We went away with my two dogs, met some friends of mine and also had a couple of lovely romantic days at the beach 🏖

What can I say, I'm totally besotted not in love it's not allowed at my age although words may have been exchanged. But genuinely the lovely last minute trip to the seaside, lots of laughs and light hearted fun is exactly what this jaded old bird needed. I feel quite renewed.

Same to you @BelladiMamma ❤❤ so glad it's going well with Bear.

This thread has been an amazing help to me too.

This is a bit depressing. On the guardian website today ...thank goodness we have this thread!!

@Dirtyduck

Quick post date update: Met MrManager this morning for a walk and coffee, which turned into lunch and visit to a local visitor attraction, we talked constantly we were out together for 6 hours (didn't intend on doing that, but the time just whizzed by!). He walked me to my bus and gave me a hug and I gave him a peck on the cheek, he made it very clear he'd like to have a second date and I'd love to see him again too.

Yay 😁

Had date with Mr Blue yesterday, previous 4 irons have disappeared. The date extended from coffee to lunch then pot of tea for two. Felt extremely relaxed, he is interesting we covered lots of topics. Both grew up in same town. He asked me on second date, having to keep myself in check. Lots of texts and long phone call after date and today the same. We have both agreed we have a connection, feeling hopeful 😀

Just to say that I've always found these threads helpful. They've given me an supportive outlet and I've been a lot calmer and better in myself since I joined back in January (even though there has been times that I've felt angry when certain people have let me down dating wise)

I've found it really lovely to be part of an online crowd too ❤️

@SingaporeFlamingo

Had date with Mr Blue yesterday, previous 4 irons have disappeared. The date extended from coffee to lunch then pot of tea for two. Felt extremely relaxed, he is interesting we covered lots of topics. Both grew up in same town. He asked me on second date, having to keep myself in check. Lots of texts and long phone call after date and today the same. We have both agreed we have a connection, feeling hopeful 😀

@SingaporeFlamingo 👍🏻

@SingaporeFlamingo

Had date with Mr Blue yesterday, previous 4 irons have disappeared. The date extended from coffee to lunch then pot of tea for two. Felt extremely relaxed, he is interesting we covered lots of topics. Both grew up in same town. He asked me on second date, having to keep myself in check. Lots of texts and long phone call after date and today the same. We have both agreed we have a connection, feeling hopeful 😀

A hopeful update 😃 ... good luck 🤞🏽 with the next meet

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Just to say that I've always found these threads helpful. They've given me an supportive outlet and I've been a lot calmer and better in myself since I joined back in January (even though there has been times that I've felt angry when certain people have let me down dating wise)

I've found it really lovely to be part of an online crowd too ❤️

That's great to hear & I definitely feel the same way 😎

@BelladiMamma 🙂❤️😘

@BelladiMamma that Guardian clip made me remember an iron messaged telling me that he ‘hoped I’d die alone’ when I rejected him after we met up for a drink then tried calling me 30+ times. Scary 😱 That was maybe 10 or more years ago it’s depressing how I remember that!

I generally go for younger guys I find around 3/4 years younger is an age gap that works well for me.

@SpringlikeBunk I also like the sound of your dinner and cocktails man! Have you given him a name at all??

@Dirtyduck glad your date went well and it’s always encouraging when they make it clear there and then they would like another meet 😊 Kind of lets you know they’re interested which is lovely!

Can I join in? 😁

Been OLD a few months now and it's a bit of a minefield to say the least 🙄 Getting a bit frustrated!

@Shayelle2009 and that reminds me of this ...

Update from me. Met mr coach yesterday and we had no common ground, conversation was hard. That was date 2 so won't be date 3.

With mr coffee things are going well. We video call most evenings. Meeting for a coffee tonight then he's taking me for lunch Wednesday after I paid for the drinks on the first date.

@BelladiMamma a year back someone said he wished I got aids. Lovely that was.

More recently, old and a man had one photo in the distance with two people. He messaged first so I messaged back saying his photo wasn't great. He then said I looked like I had been smacked in the face.

@troobleflooble

Can I join in? 😁

Been OLD a few months now and it's a bit of a minefield to say the least 🙄 Getting a bit frustrated!

Welcome!

This thread is an excellent place to chart a careful course between pitfalls, minefields, possible drowning in seas of twats and other general rookie mistakes that can occur in the field of broken dreams, ghosts, zombies and 3 month wonders that is OLD.

It's basically like a cross between an AA meeting / free group therapy / drinks with your besties and group hugs.

Spill, and someone sensible like @SortingItOut and @SpringlikeBunk and many others wise heads with their screenshot-able wisdom will be along shortly.

Somehow I just end up talking about myself when dispensing advice and I end up self referencing. But others have been super helpful!

Welcome @troobleflooble, on line dating is massive work. Not easy at all 🙈

On another note I joined fab last night. Someone said about the men being respectful on there can't remember who it was?

But yeah the op was right. I get far more shit using OLD and I wouldn't mind a fwb. I'm talking to one man and bloody hell he is beautiful. Meant to meeting for a coffee tomorrow.

Of course you get the men who push their chances but that's to be expected but easy to ignore them. A lot of respectful men on fab I must say.

The more I’m hearing about fab the more interesting it sounds. Might have a look later.

@Shayelle2009

MrDate was attractive but it’s the “next city along” thing - I’m not sure I want to commute out just for another meet

and if I’m inviting someone to come to my city twice for two meets I need to be serious my end and 100% sure I’m interested! He’s messaged to say just call him if I want a chat any time so might do that at some point.

Like with MrPM and MrSaw it’s a case of “would be open to catching up again but don’t want to go out of my way to organise”

Plenty of other chats going on!

Getting used to the fab format it reminds me of the old pof inbox - realistically as a woman I’m deleting most of what I get without even reading!

Have just gone very specific in my contact requirements and will try not to stay on the site too long. Will try to get my social meet guy in then I’m away for a few days so good chance to think about stuff a bit - will leave phone at home

The first guy I met off hinge, the “let me know if you want anything” guy has messaged me about organising tennis. After discussing with the thread though am a bit wary - the whole commenting on my attractiveness thing after meeting means I might be worrying about him making a random pass at me? (And not of the tennis kind) So might leave staying in touch to avoid a “situation”