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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I just unmatch this guy or what?

135 replies

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 10:49

Hey everyone, so I posted on this thread already about this guy that messaged me first on tinder, and he seemed nice asking me a lot of questions, and then 2 days later he asked me out on a date, so we went for the date which consisted of a walk that was 3 hours long and then at the end he asked me did I want to get a tea or ice cream in the cafe, but it was closed, so we both walked over to my car, his was parked near mine, now bear in mind I made absolutely no attempt to try get a hug or kiss off him and I was actually backing away from him so it might have seemed that I was not interested, so we both said we had a nice time and he said he would message again, which he did that night, but he didn't ask me out on a second date, he said he had a nice time alright, he messaged me again the next day asking asking how I was, of I had any plans for the week etc, I was vague but did say that I was going for walks and meeting my friend, he still didn't ask me out, so that was Monday night , and I had thought was it but he messaged me again on Thursday evening, asking how I was and how my week was, I was a bit pissed off so I didn't text him again until yesterday evening and answered him and asked him how he was, he said work was manic and he was home late Tuesday and Wednesday night and he was wrecked (he is a manager of a couple of museums in out city) and he again asked if I had any plans so I said I didn't really just cleaning in the morning and and walk, BUT he still didn't ask me out on a date, we texted a bit after that, I was a bit short and didn't asked him anything but he still asks me things that he remembered I've said to him over the past 2 weeks, so sorry for the essay but my room mates are telling me he's not interested, he is just stringing me along, he should have asked for my number already etc or is it just that he wants me to ask him for a second date because he did it first or am I just being hopeful and just need to unmatcg him on tinder so he doesn't keep wrecking my head? Just for the clarification the date did go quite well, he did laugh a lot at funny things I said, he did seem quite nervous but I probably looked at him more than he did, but he make eye contact a handful of times, he didn't pay much compliments only that I'm fit out because I told him I do a lot of walking

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 12/06/2021 10:52

I wouldn't ask you either. You sound totally disinterested in him, he's not asking because he knows you'll knock him back. Would it kill you to ask him if he fancies going for lunch or something?

cocoloco987 · 12/06/2021 10:56

I think you're the one not interested and stringing him along tbh. He sounds like he likes you but is probably too scared to ask as you are being pretty stroppy.

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 11:01

OK thanks for that answer, but my roommates who have been on a lot of dates ( I haven't, not long out of a 8 year relationship) keep telling me that if a guy doesn't ask you out on a second date right away or if he doesn't ask you for your number right away then he's not interested!! So yeah I would like to ask him out for lunch but it's just a case of that I'm not sure he's not too interested

OP posts:
RainbowRaine · 12/06/2021 11:05

You won't know, if you don't ask, he might be waiting for you to make the first move this time.

Just ask

sunnyblackwidow · 12/06/2021 11:08

It sounds as if you agreed to go out again in person, you've been a bit cold and distant and now he's lost the confidence to actually ask you. If you want to see him again suggest it....why all the game playing?

I'd stop listening to your roommates advice and just be yourself.

cocoloco987 · 12/06/2021 11:09

That tends to apply if you've been pleasant and warm and shown interest though. Sounds like you've tried your hardest to come across disinterested both during the meeting and the subsequent messages. In this circumstance the bloke is pretty unsure it's what you want.

MustardRose · 12/06/2021 11:13

I agree with what everyone else is saying.

Aprilx · 12/06/2021 11:17

If I were him I would not ask you out and I would stop texting you too. You seem very unapproachable, you have had the hump and been sulking twice since one date a week ago.

If he hadn’t had any interest he wouldn’t have got in touch at all, but he is not receiving positive vibes back from you.

cupoftea2021 · 12/06/2021 11:18

Perhaps he is keeping in contact and asking you how your day is for conversation and to see what you are like.
He is busy.
Your room mate is filling you with expectations when you shouldn't have to many after a first date.
In these modern times you are able to ask him out, better that being pissy.
I think checking in and your lack of interesting conversation will not help you.
Let him be

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 11:26

I totally agree with what you are saying but if it wasn't for my room mates I probably would have asked him on the second date🙈 oh have I blown it, should I message him and ask him to meet tomorrow for a coffee or what?

OP posts:
cocoloco987 · 12/06/2021 11:28

Have you blown it? Possibly. Only one way to find out. And be a bit more approachable in future 😆

TabithaTiger · 12/06/2021 11:29

Well, do you fancy him? From what you've said, it sounds like you don't, so I would just forget about him. However, if you were attracted to him when you met, then yeah, ask him out. If he says no, then you'll know he's not interested and can move on. I don't get all the angst?!

Purpleblock · 12/06/2021 11:32

I just don’t get this “waiting for him to ask” thing? Do you like him? If so, why wouldn’t you ask him out? If he says no at least you’ll know where you stand and you can move on.

Bluntness100 · 12/06/2021 11:33

I honestly can’t believe you’re acting so disinterested and then blaming him. And your housemates, he’s clearly made it obvious he’s keen and you’re being quite horrible. It’s not the 1950s.

Getafuckinggripman · 12/06/2021 11:35

Forget about your bloody room mates

Floofsquidge · 12/06/2021 11:49

Your room mates have been on "lots of dates", apparently refuse to ask men out on a second (or any) date, and are I assume still single.

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 11:49

Yup I do, I wouldn't be posting this otherwise lol but thanks for your reply, my room mates keep telling me that he should have asked for my phone number abd arranged a second date right away if he was interested in me so that's why I have been holding off and waiting for him to ask me, he did ask first time round but they keep telling that the guy will usually ask for the next date!

OP posts:
SamW98 · 12/06/2021 12:00

Sorry but your room mate isn't the oracle on dating. Theres no solid rules about who asks for a number. second date etc.

Fro what you've said he's trying to gauge if you're interested and you are coming across like you couldn't care less

Maybe just message him and ask if he fancies meeting up again? Nothing heavy just a question - at least you'll know

Lovelydiscusfish · 12/06/2021 12:20

Ask him out woman! Even reading the thread did my head in - God knows what living the situation must be doing to yours!

He can either say yes or no. Then you either get to see him again, or cut your losses and start looking for other guys to date. Simple!

It’s not the 1930s, even if your roommates seem to think it is - women can ask men out too!

Good luck. X

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 15:59

I do want to ask him out but I forgot to add the last few times he's messaged me, he starts off quite quick texting, within half an hour but yesterday and today he has taken nearly 2 hours to reply to a message, am I still overanalysing or is this a red flag?

OP posts:
JackieeWeaver · 12/06/2021 16:00

Ask him out! It's 2021!

ThursdayWeld · 12/06/2021 16:09

@Sarz1991

OK thanks for that answer, but my roommates who have been on a lot of dates ( I haven't, not long out of a 8 year relationship) keep telling me that if a guy doesn't ask you out on a second date right away or if he doesn't ask you for your number right away then he's not interested!! So yeah I would like to ask him out for lunch but it's just a case of that I'm not sure he's not too interested
And how is that going for them?

You're playing games, waiting to reply to him. What have you actually got to lose by asking him if he wants to meet up for a coffee?

ThursdayWeld · 12/06/2021 16:11

Listen, you've been on one date with this guy. Lighten up. Nobody is wrecking anybody's head.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 12/06/2021 16:14

It shouldn’t be this hard!

He’s asking you if you have any plans. That’s your cue to say I’ve got a few things on this week but I’m free on Friday if you fancy meeting up? Instead you’re telling him how busy you are. Being a bit short with him. Being pissed off etc Read the room! If he wasn’t interested he wouldn’t be messaging you at all.

He’s being respectful enough to give you the space to show an interest, but you’re so busy being offended that you’re going to alienate him. If you like him let him know. Mention that you had a nice time the other day and would like to do it again some time if he’s free on xx day.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 12/06/2021 16:16

Men who are “not too interested” don’t message, don’t reply to your messages, don’t say what a great date they had, the ghost you and move on. Your friends don’t know what they’re talking about.

Nobody is saying this could be the one. It’s your big chance. But don’t blow the opportunity of a 2nd date to at least get to know a bit more about each other. He hasn’t done anything to “wreck your head” - you and your friends are doing that all by yourselves!