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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I just unmatch this guy or what?

135 replies

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 10:49

Hey everyone, so I posted on this thread already about this guy that messaged me first on tinder, and he seemed nice asking me a lot of questions, and then 2 days later he asked me out on a date, so we went for the date which consisted of a walk that was 3 hours long and then at the end he asked me did I want to get a tea or ice cream in the cafe, but it was closed, so we both walked over to my car, his was parked near mine, now bear in mind I made absolutely no attempt to try get a hug or kiss off him and I was actually backing away from him so it might have seemed that I was not interested, so we both said we had a nice time and he said he would message again, which he did that night, but he didn't ask me out on a second date, he said he had a nice time alright, he messaged me again the next day asking asking how I was, of I had any plans for the week etc, I was vague but did say that I was going for walks and meeting my friend, he still didn't ask me out, so that was Monday night , and I had thought was it but he messaged me again on Thursday evening, asking how I was and how my week was, I was a bit pissed off so I didn't text him again until yesterday evening and answered him and asked him how he was, he said work was manic and he was home late Tuesday and Wednesday night and he was wrecked (he is a manager of a couple of museums in out city) and he again asked if I had any plans so I said I didn't really just cleaning in the morning and and walk, BUT he still didn't ask me out on a date, we texted a bit after that, I was a bit short and didn't asked him anything but he still asks me things that he remembered I've said to him over the past 2 weeks, so sorry for the essay but my room mates are telling me he's not interested, he is just stringing me along, he should have asked for my number already etc or is it just that he wants me to ask him for a second date because he did it first or am I just being hopeful and just need to unmatcg him on tinder so he doesn't keep wrecking my head? Just for the clarification the date did go quite well, he did laugh a lot at funny things I said, he did seem quite nervous but I probably looked at him more than he did, but he make eye contact a handful of times, he didn't pay much compliments only that I'm fit out because I told him I do a lot of walking

OP posts:
Lex634412 · 19/06/2021 18:18

Message him and ask for his number and see if he replies. If he doesn't after a few days then you can move on. If he does then great

Jigglywobbly · 19/06/2021 19:42

Stop chasing him. If he can’t get it together to ask you out he’s too exhausting. You can’t spend your whole dating time in angst wondering what’s going on. If you ever get into a relationship you’ll be making all the decisions - shall we move in, chasing him to get engaged, married , have kids. Too much hard work. If a guy really likes you ( even the super shy ones I dated!) they ask you out. I’ve had plenty of time waster pen pals on OLD.

Sarz1991 · 19/06/2021 20:29

@Jigglywobbly

Stop chasing him. If he can’t get it together to ask you out he’s too exhausting. You can’t spend your whole dating time in angst wondering what’s going on. If you ever get into a relationship you’ll be making all the decisions - shall we move in, chasing him to get engaged, married , have kids. Too much hard work. If a guy really likes you ( even the super shy ones I dated!) they ask you out. I’ve had plenty of time waster pen pals on OLD.
I am in agreement with you! He still hasn't messaged me - the last time was Thursday night - he said he would talk to me the following day and has not yet! Now I did give off cold vibes without meaning to on our last date ie rushing out of the car when he parked up at my house at the end of the date because I just got so nervous. However I am starting to think now that maybe he's just not that interested, purely because he has not been in contact since Thursday night. So maybe its time to unmatch him I'm thinking or maybe I should message him one last time just in case he thinks that I'm the one not that interested? Oh if he doesn't contact me tomorrow night, he is getting unmatched! And please don't reply back with that I'm childish, obsessed etc, I am not at all, I am quite newly single after 8 long years and I am just looking for sound advice is all, no bitchiness please!
OP posts:
Peach01 · 19/06/2021 21:29

It's highly unlikely you've put him off by rushing out of his car. I'd focus more on what he hasn't done, rather than what you believe you've done wrong (which is nothing).
He won't think you're not interested.

Sarz1991 · 19/06/2021 23:12

OK guys thanks so much for your support. I'm going to take it that he's just not that interested, and if by tomorrow he has not messaged me AND he has not suggested a date then he is going to be unmatched because I need to enjoy dating not find it frustrating. It's not that I thought he was the one but I just thought that we had a third date in us if that makes sense! Thanks again!

OP posts:
BeeCool · 19/06/2021 23:48

I need to enjoy dating not find it frustrating

Exactly! Unmatch and look again! Grin

Peach01 · 19/06/2021 23:53

It's good to set boundaries

GentlemanJay · 21/06/2021 15:43

@cocoloco987

I think you're the one not interested and stringing him along tbh. He sounds like he likes you but is probably too scared to ask as you are being pretty stroppy.
Bingo this.
GentlemanJay · 21/06/2021 15:44

@sunnyblackwidow

It sounds as if you agreed to go out again in person, you've been a bit cold and distant and now he's lost the confidence to actually ask you. If you want to see him again suggest it....why all the game playing?

I'd stop listening to your roommates advice and just be yourself.

Like listening to a 15 year old school girl.
wewereliars · 21/06/2021 20:09

This whol thread reminds me of Cathy and Claire circa 1981

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