Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I just unmatch this guy or what?

135 replies

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 10:49

Hey everyone, so I posted on this thread already about this guy that messaged me first on tinder, and he seemed nice asking me a lot of questions, and then 2 days later he asked me out on a date, so we went for the date which consisted of a walk that was 3 hours long and then at the end he asked me did I want to get a tea or ice cream in the cafe, but it was closed, so we both walked over to my car, his was parked near mine, now bear in mind I made absolutely no attempt to try get a hug or kiss off him and I was actually backing away from him so it might have seemed that I was not interested, so we both said we had a nice time and he said he would message again, which he did that night, but he didn't ask me out on a second date, he said he had a nice time alright, he messaged me again the next day asking asking how I was, of I had any plans for the week etc, I was vague but did say that I was going for walks and meeting my friend, he still didn't ask me out, so that was Monday night , and I had thought was it but he messaged me again on Thursday evening, asking how I was and how my week was, I was a bit pissed off so I didn't text him again until yesterday evening and answered him and asked him how he was, he said work was manic and he was home late Tuesday and Wednesday night and he was wrecked (he is a manager of a couple of museums in out city) and he again asked if I had any plans so I said I didn't really just cleaning in the morning and and walk, BUT he still didn't ask me out on a date, we texted a bit after that, I was a bit short and didn't asked him anything but he still asks me things that he remembered I've said to him over the past 2 weeks, so sorry for the essay but my room mates are telling me he's not interested, he is just stringing me along, he should have asked for my number already etc or is it just that he wants me to ask him for a second date because he did it first or am I just being hopeful and just need to unmatcg him on tinder so he doesn't keep wrecking my head? Just for the clarification the date did go quite well, he did laugh a lot at funny things I said, he did seem quite nervous but I probably looked at him more than he did, but he make eye contact a handful of times, he didn't pay much compliments only that I'm fit out because I told him I do a lot of walking

OP posts:
NeepNeepNeep · 12/06/2021 16:17

This is very easy. You're a grown adult. Send a message "Are you free for lunch this week?" End of story.

Have some full stops 》..........

OldWomanSaysThis · 12/06/2021 16:17

If you want to go out with him, you have to show a little bit of interest. You sound totally uninterested in him. You need to give him a clue.

Him: Do you have any plans this weekend?

You: Some, but do you want to meet up sometime?

Iceybirb · 12/06/2021 16:20

Fucking hell woman, it's not 1921!

Why aren't you capable of asking him on a date?

Whatthefucculent · 12/06/2021 16:27

Dear me, you are way over thinking this. Did it not occur to you he is asking what your plans are hoping it will prompt you to suggest a meet-up?. I would stop taking your roommate's advice & use your own common sense.

Opentooffers · 12/06/2021 17:32

You need to see that those 2 times he asked if you were doing anything at the weekend, were the moments to say " I've got some free time if you are up for something?" Not the moments to tell him you would rather fill it with mundane houseworkConfused. Get with the program, because they were 2 big hints from him that you didn't run with.

Opentooffers · 12/06/2021 17:37

If a guy asks you if you've got plans, he's actually asking to find out if you are free in a roundabout way - but like you, he fears rejection. If you both pussyfoot around, you'll get nowhere.

Domoresteps · 12/06/2021 17:39

He was sounding you out by asking if you were free and you were giving off very cool vibes. Now the guy is scared to ask.

Guzzlingguzz · 12/06/2021 17:57

Lol. You sound so stroppy and your room mates are crazy lol

Embracelife · 12/06/2021 18:06

He asks your plans.
This is your cue to say
"I m free weds do you want to meet?"
You keep saying you are cleaning washing your hair etc no wonder he doesn't think you interested

SarahDarah · 12/06/2021 18:27

The OP sounds about 15 years old!

2bazookas · 12/06/2021 18:43

since the date he's contacted you 4 timers, three of which were obvious overtures to see if you would like to meet him again. He repeatedly asked if you had any plans.

That was your cue to say " I'm free on Saturday," or "No plans, shall we meet up? " Instead you gave him the brush off.

CutieBear · 12/06/2021 19:02

I’m surprised he’s still talking to you and making the effort. You’re saying he’s stringing you along? No, you’re stringing HIM along. You avoid his hug and you reply with blunt, disinterested texts. Why would he ask you on a second date when you’re giving him the cold shoulder?

Leodot · 12/06/2021 19:26

@NeepNeepNeep “Have some full stops”. Thank god you said it! I struggled to read the op!

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/06/2021 19:26

Oh god. You are a grown up, you would like to see him again - stop game playing and ask him out!! Poor guy clearly likes you as he is still talking, but tbh you are coming across as completely disinterested. Text him now!!

User0ne · 12/06/2021 19:38

Jesus Christ!

I often go from replying immediately to it being a 2hr gap till my next message. Because I'm halfway through doing something and aren't glued to my phone.

Perhaps he's on his lunch break and then back to work. Perhaps he's cooking. Perhaps he has a life which doesn't involve playing stupid dating games.

You sound like really hard work. Stop listening to the "dating advice" you're being given and be yourself. If you want to ask something, care or don't care about something etc do/say it. Otherwise you'll end up with the person your room mate wants not the one You want

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 19:58

I am going to ignore the rude comments but thanks for all the nice replies, I honestly didn't think I was brushing him off, I actually thought I was showing interest when I said I wasn't doing anything in the afternoon, evening, if I thought I was, I would have back tracked, and to conclude I asked him and we're going on a date tonight, he is picking me up in a few mins, I honestly listened too much to my room mates abd should have went with my gut, thanks to all the nice constructive replies

OP posts:
ThursdayWeld · 12/06/2021 19:59

@Sarz1991

I am going to ignore the rude comments but thanks for all the nice replies, I honestly didn't think I was brushing him off, I actually thought I was showing interest when I said I wasn't doing anything in the afternoon, evening, if I thought I was, I would have back tracked, and to conclude I asked him and we're going on a date tonight, he is picking me up in a few mins, I honestly listened too much to my room mates abd should have went with my gut, thanks to all the nice constructive replies
Oooooh, have fun!! And please report back Grin
OldWomanSaysThis · 12/06/2021 20:58

Nice! Have fun.

CoopsMalloops · 12/06/2021 21:04

Hurrah! You did it!
Hope you have a good evening, stop listening to them they have no clue, clearly.

JustAnotherOldMan · 12/06/2021 22:25

Glad you have got another date lined up.
I read your original post and the guy must really like you to keep in contact as you seemed to be a pretty good job to brush him off !

HeadFullofRandom · 12/06/2021 22:40

Don't get annoyed and act cold towards him if he doesn't behave the way you think he should, that is a red flag behaviour.

In future just communicate, talk, ask questions, state what your needs are.

Stop listening to your friends for relationship advice and watch your own behaviours.

Sarz1991 · 13/06/2021 09:15

Thank you for your support- So it went well, we got a bite to eat even though I wasn't that hungry, he made it clear that it was whatever I wanted to do that mattered like get another glass of wine if I wanted to, when we would finish up and leave at the restaurant; I would say will we go for a quick stroll now and he would say yeah if you want to now, and he paid for it all without a second thought, the conversation was flowing, he would initiate conversation and I would too, but he does still seem to be nervous which I have to admit does put me off a little but I definitely do fancy him because he is good looking, he also did a lot of laughing at funny things too, however he didn't really pay much compliments, neither did I then, so he picked me up at 8 after I asked him to which he had no problem with and after our little stroll we headed off back to where I'm living at 11:30, now this was where it got a bit awkward, I have to sayI wouldn't have minded him kissing me but boy was I nervous about it and I suppose again I didn't make it clear I wanted him to, so after faffing about in my bag with my keys , I kind of just said we might do this again and he said I'll be talking to you anyway and that was it really! He might have wanted to kiss me but I was way too nervous to know if he did, I do think he's into but I'm not sure when he's not paying me compliments and he didn't ask for my phone number, we are still messaging through tinder, what do you think? It was almost 12 by the time he dropped me and it would have been after by the time he got home, it takes him 45 mins or more, I forgot to say on the way back from our stroll he did ask if I had any plans next weekend which I said I didn't really, so I suppose that's a good sign?

OP posts:
Hen2018 · 13/06/2021 09:26

Please use full stops instead of commas. That last message was unreadable.

countbackfromten · 13/06/2021 09:41

Stop overanalysing. If you like him just go with it and see what happens! You can give him your number rather than waiting to be asked for it.

Your roommate sounds jaded with dating (easily happens) so maybe just trust yourself if you like this guy and you feel it is going well when you meet.

Sakurami · 13/06/2021 09:44

Sounds good and ge sounds very keen but a bit insecure. Keep enjoying it.